Out of State Custody Issues/ 2 Different Scenarios ... Need Help Please

[fedup1982]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

1. My son is now 6 yrs old and I involuntarily moved from NY and his father when he was 2 months to live with my family in FL. There was a lot of possesive, domestic, and serious verbal fighting going on between my sons father and I. All of this went on prior to me being pregnant and after (yes i was stupid also naive and scared). Through the years up until last i have let him "play" father and in the long run all he wanted was to get back with me. I have made it clear to each and everytime that it was about him and his son; not me (unless it was in regards to my son) things would go ok for a little bit and then back to the same game and wouldn't hear from him for months at a time. I finally stuck to my words and put my foot down last year, as i am the one that would have to explain to my son why daddy is no longer around or calling, and have informed that he would have to take me to court if he chose to finally become a father and be apart of his sons life and his only.

Now, about a year later, I guess he has finally got a bug in him to find me on facebook and tell me that he would like to speak with his son and if not he would stop child support. Please keep in mind he has my current cell phone number, email address, and both my families phone number and address. Personally I could not care less about the money; I just want the best for my son and stability. He lives in NY and I live in FL along with my son for about 6 years.

Should I give him another try?
Can I cut the child support and just have him leave me alone since that seems to be his biggest concern that he mentioned in his notes to me on facebook?
Would he be able to obtain full custody?
Please advise.

2. I have a daughter from a different father whom ended up to be about the same as my sons father minus he domestic (except for one incident). We have had our definite share of hardships; moreso because he was a "moocher". Knowing I had another child, made little money, but was naive enough to put everything in my name and trust him with my all including my daughter. Now with him, due to my past scenario and everything going close to the same situation; when i was pregnant with her every time we fought i would say that I didn't want this baby, maybe I should get an abortion. Then once i had her things were ok for a little bit as we had broke up and got back together and when she was 3 wks old; moved to VA with his family. He was supposed to go back to becoming a merchant seaman. Yet again I made a stupid move and with all that went down in VA (which in month there was novel amount that went on) and left my daughter in va with her father and his family, which I did for him to understand about being a single parent as he always mocked me. He came back to FL eventually and we "worked" things out for a little bit and we went on and off for about another 2 yrs.

Finally I went for custody since he was playing around and decided to run off with my daughter on his turn through a private agreement we made. It turned into joint custody, which all the 50/50 turned into 100% on my side. He always held threats over me and pretty much did what he said from being nervous and scared. In 2008 on her 3rd birthday we got into a fight and canceled the party we were going to throw. I made a deal with him since he took the day off for it and said i would spend the day with her prior and drop her off the next day (which technically would have been my day per the mediation agreement) and since then i have not heard from him except for a text here and there.

I still try to write him via email, myspace, facbook, blackplanet, etc... Through my doctor I did find out someone was trying to obtain paperwork for her in NC. I called the sherriffs dept and they said I would have to go through court. I allowed the papers to get sent since it was for Doctor appointments, but still have not heard from him. Unfortunatly I am lack of funds to fully pursue this issue right now but am planning on doing so as soon as my taxes come in. Please Help!! I want my daughter back.

Would I be able to at least reopen the mediation agreement and file for custody out here or do i have to go through NC?
Is there a possibility I can still get full custody?
Can he get me for abandonment and if so what happens?

Please advise
I greatly appreciate your time and any advice you can provide.
Thank you and God BlessWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[ErinGoBragh]

1) Dad cannot just stop paying child support. The courts will come after him in some form or another. Dad also has visitation rights as set forth by the court, and if they are not set yet, then he can establish those rights. Dad cannot relinquish his child unless you have a hubby who wants to adopt. Dad has a financial obligation to the child as long as he is dad. Dad probably does not have a shot at full custody, but perhaps shared legal and maybe shared physical. Don't demean dad by saying he "Plays" father. He is dad. You chose him to be the father of your child. I'm not sure what you mean by "give him another try"? Go back with him? Or let him see the child?

2) Wait for a senior. I SINCERELY doubt you have any shot at full custody. I'm confused- so you just left the child with dad? If so, how long has it been since you've last seen your daughter?

Not to be critical, but it sounds like you REALLY need to start making some better decisions in life.

 

[fedup1982]

Hi ErinGoBragh,

yes you are absolute right I needed to make better decisions, but unfortunately I was young, naive, and didn't have a lot of guidance and made first instinct decisions.

1) In the case with my sons father; he was the first physically abusive person i was with and I had no family around and we did not get along at that time. Due to a lot of threats made I stayed with him and was scared and scared to make any police reports. His own family and friends knew what was going on and denied it. When I say "play" father I don't mean to demean him, but when I have given him more than several chances to be a father to his son he would take it as and "in" just to get back with me. I have a lot of email proof to all this information. The one time I had even finally agreed to let him take my son to NY as he was showing good faith for a little bit; we had a letter signed and notarized stating the time that he would stay with his father and that he would be brought back home to me. I played as nice as can be helping him out with a ride to and from the airport and a place to stay for the night at my families even through all the prior stuff he had done and in the end because he was flirting with me and I couldn't take it no more and emphasized the fact that it is about him and his child not me he got mad and started coming up with excuses of not being able to bring him back. I had to take an emergency trip and scrounge, borrow any and all money i could to get out there and come back asap. Only because his girlfriend at the time was involved is the only way I was to get my son back. He then stopped calling again. He will do this every 5 to 6 mths; decide he wants to be a father then leaves him alone. This has been going on since day one and I promise on both my children I have Never denied him visitation nor help. I just remind him that me and him are no longer and never will be.

When I say give him another try; I mean "taking care of his son", which i have proof that he doesn't do that either. He has 3 girls when me and him were together and he would say he is sending her money for the kids and buying something for them. Later on I come to find out his sister or his mother was the one who provided the money from there own pocket same with there needs. The same thing happened when my son was in NY with him. Everyone else took care of him instead of him.

2) I am not sure what you mean by "Wait for a senior".

No, I did not leave my daughter on purpose. I brought her to him so that they can spend time for her birthday since he took the day off and her party was cancelled. Once I did that and went to call him up to pick her up I rec'd no answer and didn't know his exact location. he was at a friends house and everytime I went there to see if she was home; no answer.

It has been over a year now.

 

[Proserpina]

At this point you have virtually no chance of obtaining full custody of your daughter.

Unless you can prove that Dad is unfit, or that there has been a change in your daughter's circumstances.

 

[fedup1982]

Thank you proserpina,

Of course not what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to know. I kind of figured but hoped otherwise.

With him possibly being in NC for 6mths and all court papers originally completed and filed in FL; would i be able to ope the case again in Florida or would I have to go to NC?

What is technically / legally considered unfit?

All responses are appreciated
Thank you in advance

 

[Proserpina]

Thank you proserpina,

Of course not what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to know. I kind of figured but hoped otherwise.

With him possibly being in NC for 6mths and all court papers originally completed and filed in FL; would i be able to ope the case again in Florida or would I have to go to NC?

What is technically / legally considered unfit?

All responses are appreciated
Thank you in advance

You have a major issue here - you haven't seen your daughter in over a year, and frankly that alone may preclude you from even trying to claim that Dad is unfit, y'know? Simply because you haven't been there - you don't know what's going on.

The other problem is that you decided he was a fit parent, and fit enough to remain her primary custodian. To now prove him unfit, you'll generally need something like abuse, neglect, etc.

And you'll need PROOF. Not allegations, not "what ifs", not maybes.

(We're talking only about your daughter's father here, right? The guy in NC?)

 

[fedup1982]

Correct

I didn't just let him be primary custodian. I tried looking for him and still have been trying to contact him. I went to the police station with my mediation paperwork and they said I would need to take it back to court. I was starting to pursue the situation last year but another legal issue arose and I had to handle that or I would not be able to pursue with my daughter at all (bankruptcy)

It's not that I have not wanted to pursue I just need / want lawyers involved as I don't trust him and he is a habitual liar. Plus, my finances are a day to day struggle and a lot of these "legal help" clinics don't calculate all expenses that are necessary payments; so everything is costly and I don't make enough to pay as much as they want even on a payment plan

 

[Proserpina]

Correct

I didn't just let him be primary custodian. I tried looking for him and still have been trying to contact him. I went to the police station with my mediation paperwork and they said I would need to take it back to court. I was starting to pursue the situation last year but another legal issue arose and I had to handle that or I would not be able to pursue with my daughter at all (bankruptcy)

It's not that I have not wanted to pursue I just need / want lawyers involved as I don't trust him and he is a habitual liar. Plus, my finances are a day to day struggle and a lot of these "legal help" clinics don't calculate all expenses that are necessary payments; so everything is costly and I don't make enough to pay as much as they want even on a payment plan

The result is the same - you allowed your daughter to remain with him as primary custodian.

 

[fedup1982]

Thank you for your advice / information; it is appreciated