Out of State Visitation Schedule Help

[Mamie]

What is the name of your state? CP Maryland, NCP Florida

Hello,

After four years, my sons father has decided he wants to see him. He sent me a visitation schedule that is unrealistic. Neither one of us would be able to afford the cost of travel, let alone the NCP is a complete stranger to our son. He wants a week every two months and every other holiday and 6 weeks in the summer. He wants me to pay half of all travel costs for our son, which I barely get any child support as it is and could not afford it. The NCP also wants to stop paying child support anytime he has our son. The NCP has so many children that anytime we go to court for child support, he gets exceptions so the child support for my son is already significantly lowered to begin with.

Along with all of this, the NCP is not the one who has been doing anything. His wife has been doing all the communicating and she is a nuisance. The first meeting between my son and the NCP is in early January. She wants to bring their kids and keeps wanting to know if my son understands about his father, her (his wife) and his kids with her. HE IS FOUR! She just doesn't get it. She keeps asking for pictures, I send them and then a week later she is asking for a 'better picture.' On top of all this, she runs a baby mama drama website on the internet. When I've never personally spoke to her or her husband in the four years since I've had our son and since they've gotten married.

With all that said, I have no problems with my son meeting and getting to know his father. Evidenced by the fact I didn't tell them to take me to court.

I just feel uneasy about this and think that maybe they are trying to do this for financial reasons.

Does anyone know where a typical out of state visitation schedule is and who pays for what? Any suggestions on any of this is appreciated! I'm so confused.

Thanks.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Who moved out-of-state?

 

[Mamie]

We lived overseas during our relationship. When I was five months pregnant he went to FL and married his wife. I moved back to MD at 7 months pregnant.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

In what state is the child support/ custody order out of? What is the current parenting time order?

 

[Mamie]

CS order is through Maryland.

There is no parenting time order. The NCP has not been interested up until this point.

 

[LdiJ]

CS order is through Maryland.

There is no parenting time order. The NCP has not been interested up until this point.

Tell him that the first visit needs to be just him. That its too soon to overwhelm the child with alot of other people. He needs to get to know his dad first.

However, in all reality this really does need to go through court for the best interest of everyone. What he is proposing is way to much until the child has had a chance to get to know him and bond with him, and also isn't workable once the child is in school, which isn't very far away.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

After four years, my sons father has decided he wants to see him. He sent me a visitation schedule that is unrealistic. Neither one of us would be able to afford the cost of travel, let alone the NCP is a complete stranger to our son.

Any parenting time schedule needs to have a 'getting to know you' period when dad makes visits up in Maryland. Until your child turns 5, he cannot fly unaccompanied, so, this schedule makes it extremely burdensome. Dad may very well have most of the burden on this.

He wants a week every two months and every other holiday and 6 weeks in the summer. He wants me to pay half of all travel costs for our son, which I barely get any child support as it is and could not afford it. The NCP also wants to stop paying child support anytime he has our son. The NCP has so many children that anytime we go to court for child support, he gets exceptions so the child support for my son is already significantly lowered to begin with.

Need help with someone from Maryland on this. (google was NOT my friend) on whether there is a break given for extended visits.

Along with all of this, the NCP is not the one who has been doing anything. His wife has been doing all the communicating and she is a nuisance. The first meeting between my son and the NCP is in early January. She wants to bring their kids and keeps wanting to know if my son understands about his father, her (his wife) and his kids with her. HE IS FOUR! She just doesn't get it. She keeps asking for pictures, I send them and then a week later she is asking for a 'better picture.' On top of all this, she runs a baby mama drama website on the internet. When I've never personally spoke to her or her husband in the four years since I've had our son and since they've gotten married.

Feel free to tell her that you will only communicate with DAD. You have no obligation to her.

 

[Mamie]

Tell him that the first visit needs to be just him. That its too soon to overwhelm the child with alot of other people. He needs to get to know his dad first.

However, in all reality this really does need to go through court for the best interest of everyone. What he is proposing is way to much until the child has had a chance to get to know him and bond with him, and also isn't workable once the child is in school, which isn't very far away.

Thanks. I was trying to avoid court, but it does seem to much to wrap around. Especially because we are coming from two totally different angles.

I've tried telling him through her that it will be overwhelming for our son with that many people. I think she is feeling very insecure and is including herself and her children to make sure that he isn't spending time alone with me.

I've been hesitant in telling her to stop communicating with me because apparently this is the only way that the NCP is allowed to have contact with my son...through her.

 

[Zephyr]

you are under NO obligation to communicate with his wife, he needs to grow a pair and deal with this, if it were me, I'd only be talking to dad and flat out ignoring anything from her

 

[Mamie]

"Need help with someone from Maryland on this. (google was NOT my friend) on whether there is a break given for extended visits."

Thanks, Ginny. I've tried googling too and am having a hard time coming up with anything.

I didn't really want to pay another retainer for a lawyer.

Since the NCP lives in FL, could I start a visitation court date in MD? Would he be required to come?

My gut feeling is that this is some way that he and his wife think might work in reducing the child support. Any real effort on his part probably won't happen and yet I'm stuck again picking up the pieces or putting them together...however you look at it! LOL.

 

[Mamie]

you are under NO obligation to communicate with his wife, he needs to grow a pair and deal with this, if it were me, I'd only be talking to dad and flat out ignoring anything from her

Well, I try to walk a fine line with them. Anything I do is considered bitchy. I'm just never right no matter how hard I try! You'd swear that they thought I woke up every morning thinking of ways to get at them. Like pay child support for his child. Bitchy, indeed.

I thought at first that communicating with her would be okay, but then it just escalated into daily nuisance emails and now she thinks she runs the show! But, if I say anything then *I* am preventing my son from seeing his father.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Need help with someone from Maryland on this. (google was NOT my friend) on whether there is a break given for extended visits.

No break is given. CS would be based solely on the # of overnights. That number would depend on how the order is worded about holidays, and whether the summer visits are classified as regular visitation or as vacation time, but I doubt there would be enough to make a difference in CS(128 would be needed to make a joint physical custody situation, but that would change the CS amount significantly).

 

[Zephyr]

Well, I try to walk a fine line with them. Anything I do is considered bitchy. I'm just never right no matter how hard I try! You'd swear that they thought I woke up every morning thinking of ways to get at them. Like pay child support for his child. Bitchy, indeed.

I thought at first that communicating with her would be okay, but then it just escalated into daily nuisance emails and now she thinks she runs the show! But, if I say anything then *I* am preventing my son from seeing his father.

keep all of your communications to a professional tone, and don't worry about what they think....both my ex's think I am an evil mastermind, and I am more than willing to let them

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

hey, I ride a broom daily!

 

[Mamie]

keep all of your communications to a professional tone, and don't worry about what they think....both my ex's think I am an evil mastermind, and I am more than willing to let them

I do keep all of my emails to a professional tone and don't even respond to all of them because they make me want to say bad things LOL.