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amandasr

Guest
What is the name of your state? Louisiana

I have been told that there is no worry that I will lose custody of my 4 yr. old daughter if I let my boyfriend stay the night occasionally. Her father and I have never been married, and have been apart since her birth. This is the first man I have dated since she was born.

Do I need to worry about losing custody? My boyfriend and my daughter get along wonderfully. They play and build things together and do the father- kid stuff. Thanks for any help that will keep me from worrying and let me be happy.

Also, this past week is the first time in 4 yrs. that he has asked for or insisted on overnight visitation.
 
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craftymom

Guest
I'm no lawyer, but......

I've lived in many places, including Louisiana for a time. I can honestly say that Lousiana is the State that I would think would be MOST rigid about overnight stays. From what I saw, "live-in's" were not only looked down on, they were practically outcasts. And you want to do periodic overnights? I can't imagine that it would look good in a Louisiana court, if it were to come to that. Why would you even take the risk?

Mind you, this is just my opinion based on what I saw and experienced while living there.
 
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stealth2

Under the Radar Member
It *could* be a problem if he stays over while your child is there. If the child is with her father, and your bf stays over - it shouldn't be a problem. But your best bet might be simply asking a lawyer.

As craftymom said - LA can be pretty rigid, and has some pretty strange laws.
 
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frusteratedgf

Guest
momma_tiger said:
It *could* be a problem if he stays over while your child is there. If the child is with her father, and your bf stays over - it shouldn't be a problem. But your best bet might be simply asking a lawyer.

As craftymom said - LA can be pretty rigid, and has some pretty strange laws.
I don't know much about LA but I don't think you would lose custody or ur daughter since shes never even stayed at his house overnight...has ur ex threatened to take you to court for this? How long have you been with ur bf? I honestly don't think its a big deal as long as ur not bringing a new guy in the house every month...but then again LA is weird when it comes to that so I would ask a lawyer...Good Luck!
 

imxoz

Member
Think about what you are teaching your child about relationships thus far, you weren't married to the child's father but had a child, now you allow a man you are dating to stay the night while your child is there. What does this man's ability to be nice to your child have to do with whats the right thing to do. I think it is a matter of who's needs are more important.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
imxoz said:
Think about what you are teaching your child about relationships thus far, you weren't married to the child's father but had a child, now you allow a man you are dating to stay the night while your child is there. What does this man's ability to be nice to your child have to do with whats the right thing to do. I think it is a matter of who's needs are more important.
Oh imxoz..... How terribly old-fashioned of you! But guess what? I agree.
 

imxoz

Member
Why Thank You Momma Tiger. Along the same lines.... I just don't introduce my children to every man that I have a date with. I am very careful about that. That's all about my children having the possibility of getting attached to someone Im not sure I like that much. Get what I mean. We are not only responsibility for our children's health & safety but also their emotional health.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
imxoz said:
Why Thank You Momma Tiger. Along the same lines.... I just don't introduce my children to every man that I have a date with. I am very careful about that. That's all about my children having the possibility of getting attached to someone Im not sure I like that much. Get what I mean. We are not only responsibility for our children's health & safety but also their emotional health.
Yep. Same here. I haven't been serious enough with someone to introduce them to my kids - they've had enough of that with their Dad (and resent it). There is one guy who I used to date that I am just friends with now, and he's met my kids and spent time with them - but everyone knows we're just friends. I just don't see putting the kids through it over and over.
 

imxoz

Member
Bravo Momma Tiger. I am a psychologist and have seen over and over the effects of parents choices have on their children. It is way over due for some parents to remember that they are "parents" and thus should be the adults.
 
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KCMR

Guest
on the flip side

My current husband and I were "living together" the entire time I was going through my custody battle. It was never an issue with us at all.
I don't think you should go "trolloping" around or anything. But it sounds to me like this guy is probably a little more significant than your average date.
How long have you been dating?
 

imxoz

Member
You say it sounds like this guy is more signficiant than just a date. Her post was that this was the first guy she dated since living with her child's father. And you used "trolloping" which means loose. Isn't that the same thing as free, no committment equals free in my book.

We are getting away from the point. No one is arguing that this poster doesn't have the right to have sex without a marriage, that is her buisness. The point is that she can't think that doing it in front of her child won't harm her child. Thats my only point.
 
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KCMR

Guest
"trolloping" I used it meaning hoaring, slutting around...perhaps loose yes? I'm sorry perhaps you have never heard the term used this way.

I think she is fine...again it is my personal opinion.

Just the fact that the "poster" is posting here asking the question shows that she is obviouslsy concerned about her child.
She certainly doesn't sound like she is bringing in men every other day in front of her child.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Ummmm, I hate to bring this up...

Aricci said:
"trolloping" I used it meaning hoaring, slutting around...perhaps loose yes? I'm sorry perhaps you have never heard the term used this way.
But "trolloping" isn't actually a word.... "trollop" is, and yes, means "A stroller; a loiterer; esp., an idle, untidy woman; a slattern; a slut; a whore. "
 
A

amandasr

Guest
I guess I didn't put down enough information for some of you. I guess it does sound like I am just out to satisfy my own needs.

My daughter's father has not been a significant part of her life for the past 4 yrs. and didn't really want to be because of me. He has always thought that we would get back together someday. And because I never went out with anyone, it made it even more hopeful and true. I never thought thay way, I was just not ready to date. He and I were together for 4 yrs. before I had my daughter. We were suspposed to get married and I decided that I did not want to because, well he didn't beat me, but he was somewhat abusive and it took me a while (4 yrs.) to figure out that I did not have to settle for this. Anyway, I broke up with him and told him I didn't want to get married and found out 2 weeks later that I was pregnant. (Which, I had been told for 8 yrs. by two different doctors, that I could not have children because of previous problems. I found this out when I was married at 20 yrs. old and tried to have children and couldn't, so my husband divorced me) But, I was 29 when I had my daughter. Her father and I wanted to try to make things work, so I told him that by the time I had her, we should have a place for us. He never did. He wanted me to move into his sister's house with his sister, 2 boys, and his mother. (3 bedroom trailer) I was not going to live like that for any amount of time, especially since I told him 8 months ahead of time. Anyway, answers to some other questions. I have been dating this man for about 8 mo. and I introduced him to my daughter after about 3 mo. He has asked me to marry him, but we don't want to do it tomorrow, if that makes sense. I know I love this man and he loves me and that we do have a future. Maybe it will last forever and maybe not. Right now, all I know is that it will and I want it to be forever. I hope that makes people see my situation clearer. I had every intention of never dating again until my daughter outgrew me and decided that she would rather hang out with her friends than me. This relationship was just stumbled upon and now I realize that I am happy with both my daughter and him. But, I would never knowingly hurt my daughter or let anyone else do it.
Thanks for anymore opinions anyone would like to share with me.
 
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