Overnight guests

[TXDad08]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My ex and I have a cohabitation clause in our parenting plan. She is letting her new boyfriend move in. I do not want to allow this to happen. Below is exactly what our papers say.

Adult Overnight Guests. Neither party shall have adult overnight guests or be an overnight guest with a non relative member of the opposite sex while exercising physical custody of the child.

I don't want our daughter around some guys that may or may not be there for a long time. I don't want our daughter to grow some sort of attachment to this guy and then he leave she is only a year old.

What can I do to enforce this part of the papers?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My ex and I have a cohabitation clause in our parenting plan. She is letting her new boyfriend move in. I do not want to allow this to happen. Below is exactly what our papers say.

Adult Overnight Guests. Neither party shall have adult overnight guests or be an overnight guest with a non relative member of the opposite sex while exercising physical custody of the child.

I don't want our daughter around some guys that may or may not be there for a long time. I don't want our daughter to grow some sort of attachment to this guy and then he leave she is only a year old.

What can I do to enforce this part of the papers?

Mom could argue that if he lives there, then he is not a guest. Mom could also argue that he won't be there when the child is there.

If he actually moves in, then you could try to file for contempt. It will be up to the judge at that point.

However, do you also plan to keep your child completely away from anyone that you date? So that your child never gets attached to any woman that you don't end up staying with forever?

 

[TXDad08]

She will be there when the boyfriend is there because she is the CP. I only have our daughter on weekends, alternate holidays and summer visitation.

Yes I did shelter our daughter from the woman that I am with until we were engaged and I didn't let her stay the night until just this last visit after we were married. So I followed the papers and was looking out for my daughter as she is the world to me.

 

[wnbama]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My ex and I have a cohabitation clause in our parenting plan. She is letting her new boyfriend move in. I do not want to allow this to happen. Below is exactly what our papers say.

Adult Overnight Guests. Neither party shall have adult overnight guests or be an overnight guest with a non relative member of the opposite sex while exercising physical custody of the child.

I don't want our daughter around some guys that may or may not be there for a long time. I don't want our daughter to grow some sort of attachment to this guy and then he leave she is only a year old.

What can I do to enforce this part of the papers?

Do you realize that if you push this, it could cause a "rush" wedding? Is that what you want?

Who's to say that this guy will not be around AND if they do get married who's to say that he will NEVER leave, either way she COULD grow attached to this guy, where he is living there or married to the x or if they are just friends.

Kids get attached to adults all the time in this world and then the adult leaves their life for one reason or another.

 

[TXDad08]

I don't want a rush wedding. I understand that adults can come and go.

When I was cosidering letting my current wife move in before we were married my ex threw a fit and pointed all of these things out to me about her getting attached and if I was sure she was the one and to not bring her into our daughters life right away and I respected her and her wishes. After her explaining the reasons to me I thought they made sense. We didn't have a rush wedding either. My wife and I have known each other for years and it became more than friends after my ex and I broke it off.

I am just worried that she is moving this guy in as a revenge type thing because I just got married and she wasn't happy about that. I want to protect our daughter she meet this guy on the internet about a month ago and now she wants to move him in. I just fear what type of person he is and how he will treat our daughter.....

 

[tuffbrk]

Oh well...you can't control every aspect of your Ex's life. However, if your concern is related to the person you can always have them investigated, request to meet them, etc. If you remain uncomfortable with this party's influence then file contempt.

BTW - non relative member...It doesn't specify anything about a spouse. I don't think your new wife is a relative of your Ex's or yours, is she? I think she's just a legal stranger to your child so...where does she sleep on weekends?

 

[Isis1]

I don't want a rush wedding. I understand that adults can come and go.

When I was cosidering letting my current wife move in before we were married my ex threw a fit and pointed all of these things out to me about her getting attached and if I was sure she was the one and to not bring her into our daughters life right away and I respected her and her wishes. After her explaining the reasons to me I thought they made sense. We didn't have a rush wedding either. My wife and I have known each other for years and it became more than friends after my ex and I broke it off.

I am just worried that she is moving this guy in as a revenge type thing because I just got married and she wasn't happy about that. I want to protect our daughter she meet this guy on the internet about a month ago and now she wants to move him in. I just fear what type of person he is and how he will treat our daughter.....

how do you actually know she met him only on the internet? do you know for a fact that she hasn't met him before and is rekindling a relationship with him via the internet? do you know for an absolute fact that she hasn't married him yet?

as for the bolded part, i could see her thinking something was going on before you two divorced and THAT'S what ticked her off and caused all the hulabaloo.

 

[penelope10]

And this is exactly why I dislike cohabitation clauses. In principle they look great on paper, in the real world I don't really think that they work.

I tend to agree that if you push the issue, Mom may end up having a rush wedding. And if he's spending the night, how do you know that he's sleeping with Mom? Maybe he's sleeping on the sofa while the kiddo is there.

I looked up the definition of cohabitation in Black's:

The fact or state of living together, esp. as partners in life, usually with the suggestion of sexual relations.

Living together and visiting may be two different "animals" according to this definition. Does the person in question still retain his own separate address?

You have moved on with your own life. Sounds like Mom is doing the same as is her right as a divorced person. From what you have thus described, Mom does not have a revolving door with a constant flow of various and sundry men coming in and out of the kiddo's life.

If this man ends up being a permanent fixture,and is a decent and kind individual, there is not a whole lot you can do. Now you could attempt to be the "morality police." However, it's probably going to put additional strain on the chances of successful co parenting in the future. Think about this---You, Mom, your new partner, and whomever ends up being her new partner will have to deal with one another for a very long time. There can be an attempt to work towards civility, or there can be at least 18 years of battle. This would not be a battle I'd choose, however, it's up to you.

 

[TXDad08]

I will consider the contempt thing when this occurs.

I don't want to control my ex's life. She can do as she pleases. I don't care what happens to her. I care about what happens to our daughter and the influences on our daughter.

My wife is now my relative since we are legally married. Already had that clarified when it was put in the papers. Thanks!!!

 

[TXDad08]

how do you actually know she met him only on the internet? do you know for a fact that she hasn't met him before and is rekindling a relationship with him via the internet? do you know for an absolute fact that she hasn't married him yet?

as for the bolded part, i could see her thinking something was going on before you two divorced and THAT'S what ticked her off and caused all the hulabaloo.

She told me she met him on the internet and he seems to be a great guy!

The divorce happened because she cheated and left me. But it didn't work out with that guy so she is on to the next!

 

[penelope10]

I don't want a rush wedding. I understand that adults can come and go.

When I was cosidering letting my current wife move in before we were married my ex threw a fit and pointed all of these things out to me about her getting attached and if I was sure she was the one and to not bring her into our daughters life right away and I respected her and her wishes. After her explaining the reasons to me I thought they made sense. We didn't have a rush wedding either. My wife and I have known each other for years and it became more than friends after my ex and I broke it off.

I am just worried that she is moving this guy in as a revenge type thing because I just got married and she wasn't happy about that. I want to protect our daughter she meet this guy on the internet about a month ago and now she wants to move him in. I just fear what type of person he is and how he will treat our daughter.....

Well now I understand, this is a tit for tat situation. It is not unheard of in a divorce situation for one ex to have a problem when they see the other partner moving on with their life first.(Even if they were unfaitful during the marriage) IMO this may have been the situation with your ex. So you can be "right" and take her back to court on contempt. Don't know if bf staying over is going to meet the true legal definition of cohabitation though---that will be up to the court to decide. All I can tell you is if this ends up being a permanent relationship for the ex, and you take her back to court over this, there's going to be many, many years of "fun" of which your child will end up being stuck in the middle.

Someone suggested making the attempt to be nice and trying to get to know this guy. (Now I realize your ex may not have acted this way regarding your current wife). Ever heard of taking the high road, and looking at the big picture? You expressed concern as to doing what is best for your child. As I said, file contempt, and there's probably going to be years of additional fighting IMO which in the long run will NOT be good for the kiddo.

 

[TXDad08]

And this is exactly why I dislike cohabitation clauses. In principle they look great on paper, in the real world I don't really think that they work.

I tend to agree that if you push the issue, Mom may end up having a rush wedding. And if he's spending the night, how do you know that he's sleeping with Mom? Maybe he's sleeping on the sofa while the kiddo is there.

I looked up the definition of cohabitation in Black's:

The fact or state of living together, esp. as partners in life, usually with the suggestion of sexual relations.

Living together and visiting may be two different "animals" according to this definition. Does the person in question still retain his own separate address?

You have moved on with your own life. Sounds like Mom is doing the same as is her right as a divorced person. From what you have thus described, Mom does not have a revolving door with a constant flow of various and sundry men coming in and out of the kiddo's life.

If this man ends up being a permanent fixture,and is a decent and kind individual, there is not a whole lot you can do. Now you could attempt to be the "morality police." However, it's probably going to put additional strain on the chances of successful co parenting in the future. Think about this---You, Mom, your new partner, and whomever ends up being her new partner will have to deal with one another for a very long time. There can be an attempt to work towards civility, or there can be at least 18 years of battle. This would not be a battle I'd choose, however, it's up to you.

Thank you for your insight on this.

I guess you couldn't call it a revolving door yet but this is guy #2 this year.... So we will see. If she decides that this current guy will be a permanent fixture I am okay with him being around. I won't act petty as she does. She throws a tantrum in front of our daughter if my wife is in the car for some reason when pick up and drop off occurs. I try to avoid that scenrio at all costs because it is just more hassel than it is worth. But it does happen some times.

Thanks for the advice!

 

[TXDad08]

Well now I understand, this is a tit for tat situation. It is not unheard of in a divorce situation for one ex to have a problem when they see the other partner moving on with their life first.(Even if they were unfaitful during the marriage) IMO this may have been the situation with your ex. So you can be "right" and take her back to court on contempt. Don't know if bf staying over is going to meet the true legal definition of cohabitation though---that will be up to the court to decide. All I can tell you is if this ends up being a permanent relationship for the ex, and you take her back to court over this, there's going to be many, many years of "fun" of which your child will end up being stuck in the middle.

Someone suggested making the attempt to be nice and trying to get to know this guy. (Now I realize your ex may not have acted this way regarding your current wife). Ever heard of taking the high road, and looking at the big picture? You expressed concern as to doing what is best for your child. As I said, file contempt, and there's probably going to be years of additional fighting IMO which in the long run will NOT be good for the kiddo.

I will take the high road and suggest meeting him before he moves in. That's a great idea. I just worry about who is around our daughter and what influences they will have. If I can at least met the guy I guess it will help ease the worries I have. Thanks very much!

Oh and it isn't a true cohabitation clause it just says overnight guests. I am not sure if this makes a difference....

 

[Isis1]

but you still only know what she tells you. not for an absolute fact. i never told my ex about alot of stuff. shoot, he didn't know i was married until a whole year and a half later. he even thinks i met my husband on the internet. he only knows what i tell him.

 

[penelope10]

I will take the high road and suggest meeting him before he moves in. That's a great idea. I just worry about who is around our daughter and what influences they will have. If I can at least met the guy I guess it will help ease the worries I have. Thanks very much!

Oh and it isn't a true cohabitation clause it just says overnight guests. I am not sure if this makes a difference....

I think that is a very good idea. And if he's a decent fellow, and likes you, he may end up being a very good influence on the ex. (To stop the pettiness that you have thus described exhibited towards your current spouse).