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PA Mom thinking of leaving

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samanthapamom

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

I have a 2 1/2 year old son with my boyfriend. We have been living together for 4 years. We live in a house across from his parents that his parents own. It is cluttered full of junk that we are not allowed to get rid of which makes the house so messy I fear CYS will take my son if they saw it. I work full time and provide the only income for our family. My boyfriend just recently went back to college but refuses to work, and since he does not work I cannot get assistance from the welfare office and therefore have to pay for day care on the days he is at college. The deal was I work and my boyfriend stays home and raises our son. I work but the minute I am home and all weekend our son is my responsibilty and my boyfriend goes out drinking. He drinks about 2 cases of beer a week and smokes pot all the time. He does not do anyhousework as promised. The only cleaning that gets done is when I do the dishes and take out the trash. When I don't do the dishes I get screamed at, called fat, lazy slob. I get doors slammed in my face and told he will cut me if I say anything. I have threatened to leave but he says I will not take his son and I fear if I do he will find me and physically hurt me. My mom lives 2 hours away and sees him when she can. His parents who live across the street see my son every day and love him very much, they pay all the bills on our house and cook us dinner every day. I have repeatedly said we don't have a lot of money because I pay some bills but he doesn't care and just spends overdrawing the account alot. He has taken 50 dollars out of my wallet and spent it in 2 nights drinking. I commute 1 hour to work and would like to move closer. My concern is i will not get custody of my son because I would need to put him in day care and if he stays with his dad he will watch him or his mother will watch him. If I do get custody I cannot afford daycare because he refuses to get a job and therefore cannot get welfare and won't get child support. He also says if I leave I will have to pay him allimony because I have supported him for 4 years. He also has a very long criminal record including possession, reckless endangerment, and numerous vehicle violations. I don't know what to do and I'm scared of what will happen if I leave but cannot take the mental abuse anymore.
 


PQN

Member
Contact your local domestic violence shelter. They can help you develop a safe exit plan.

Has he been determined by the courts to be the legal father?

You are not married - you will not have to pay alimony.
 

samanthapamom

Junior Member
He has been determined the legal father and he is a good father to our son and loves him very much he is just not a good boyfriend.
 

tornado88

Member
Are there any custody/court orders yet? Has he been legally declared the father? You say mom lives 2 hours away, is that where you are planning on going? Is that still in the same state?
 

samanthapamom

Junior Member
There was notary paper done when our son was born proclaiming him the legal father on the birth certificate. I plan to move 1 hour from my current home which would be 1 hour from my mom. There is no custody set up because I never officially said I was leaving. Still deciding what to do
 

tornado88

Member
Was the paper filed with the courts? If not that may not be enough to make him the legal father. Wait for a senior to come by and read and give you more info. There is not as much traffic here dudring the weekends as there is during the week so be patient they will get to you.
 

samanthapamom

Junior Member
paper was never filed in court just notarized by a social worker in West Virginia which was the state our son was born. I want him to see our son and be a part of his life I just don't want him to have sole custody and me get stuck with visitation
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
paper was never filed in court just notarized by a social worker in West Virginia which was the state our son was born. I want him to see our son and be a part of his life I just don't want him to have sole custody and me get stuck with visitation
He won't get sole custody. Sole custody is rarely awarded to either parent these days. Its generally joint legal custody (joint decision making) with some form of parenting time.

No one can guarantee that he wouldn't end up with primary custody, but the odds are not in his favor as much as some stay at home parents, since he appears to abandon parenting as soon as you are home.

Again, contact a domestic violence shelter to help you with a safe exit plan. Do not leave without your child.
 

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