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Pack clothes?

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Tautog

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? NJ

My daughter goes to the ex's house every weekend. Am I supposed to pack clothes for her to go when she visits him? He's also asking me to take a portion of the child support to buy clothes for her at his house as another option. Am I supposed to pack clothes for her or is he supposed to have his own set of clothes for her?

Thanks!!
 


What is the name of your state? NJ

My daughter goes to the ex's house every weekend. Am I supposed to pack clothes for her to go when she visits him? He's also asking me to take a portion of the child support to buy clothes for her at his house as another option. Am I supposed to pack clothes for her or is he supposed to have his own set of clothes for her?

Thanks!!
I would pack a couple of sets of clothes for her. Your ex is paying child support which is supposed to be used for your daughter's clothes as well as other expenses and I would consider giving him a set or two to keep at his house as well. I don't really see what the problem is :confused:
 

jbowman

Senior Member
. I don't really see what the problem is :confused:
Blissful, she didnt state that there was a problem. She was asking a simple question.

My personal opinion is that he should purchase clothes for her for the 2 days a week he has her. The next thing you know he is going to ask you to send soap and shampoo and juice boxes. He DOES have financial responsibility for her also. The child support he sends to you is to reimburse you for keeping a roof over her head, to feed and clothe her. It is not provided to you so you can purchase a second wardrobe for her.

That being said, if he refuses to purchase clothing for her, to keep the peace, I would send over a couple outfits to keep at his house.
 

justalayman

Senior Member
tell the dad to get off his ass and take his daughter shopping for some clothes to keep at his house.

It will be a bonding experience.

It will also make the daughter feel more welcome and make it her home as well rather than simply "my dad's house" where she gets to stay once in a while.

Like jbowman posted, the money daddy sends is not intended to cover everything. It is simply what the court made him pay.
 

GrowUp!

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? NJ

My daughter goes to the ex's house every weekend. Am I supposed to pack clothes for her to go when she visits him? He's also asking me to take a portion of the child support to buy clothes for her at his house as another option. Am I supposed to pack clothes for her or is he supposed to have his own set of clothes for her?

Thanks!!
What does your order say? Usually, the CP is responsible for making sure the child(ren) have the proper clothing for the weekend. That does not mean that the NCP shouldn't have some clothes either.
 

justalayman

Senior Member
What does your order say? Usually, the CP is responsible for making sure the child(ren) have the proper clothing for the weekend. That does not mean that the NCP shouldn't have some clothes either.
and how do you suggest that this is even possible? The NCP has no duty to inform the CP of activities planned, or really anything else for that matter. How can the CP send "proper" clothing? If dad wants clothes at the house (wich, if he is any sort of dad, he will) then he needs to go out and buy some clothes for HIS daughter.
 

haiku

Senior Member
is there a reason you don't want to pack clothes for your child? Do you pack clothes for her when she goes to grandma's? Is this really any different?

Has she not come back with clothes you have packed before? Is there enough left behind so your kiddo won't be naked, if the clothes on her back get dirty? Would the kiddo be embarrassed by a lack of extra clothing?

If there are left behind things at dads, tell dad thats why you didn't pack any extra as there are already clothes at his house.

I took my step kids to salvation army and they had a shopping spree for clothes they could leave at our house.

have you considered giving the kiddo a packing list so they remember the things they brought, and may need in the time they are back home?

Some state parenting plans address these issues does yours?
 

haiku

Senior Member
and how do you suggest that this is even possible? The NCP has no duty to inform the CP of activities planned, or really anything else for that matter. How can the CP send "proper" clothing? If dad wants clothes at the house (wich, if he is any sort of dad, he will) then he needs to go out and buy some clothes for HIS daughter.
I think if dad needs the kids in a tuxedo he should go out and buy one, but I don't think its too much for a kid to pack clean undies, PJ's and thier teddy bear when they go to thier daddys house.
 

justalayman

Senior Member
It is hard for me to understand why a father (or somebody that wants to be considered a father) would not simply supply his child, flesh of his flesh, bone of his bones, with clothing at his house.

I have experienced the situation of my children living in another house. They had a full wardrobe at my house as well as whatever they had at mom's house. I wanted my children to feel that my house was just as much their home as their mothers house and that was part of it.

I believe this goes beyond legal requirements and delves into the mental health and psyche of the chilren.

A father who fights over such items is simply causing problems and the children are the ones who end up getting hurt. The dad is not doing this for any reason other than causing friction.

Tell the dad if he wants to be a dad, then take care of the children like they are his own. Don;t use them as pawns in his fight with their mother.
 

haiku

Senior Member
It is hard for me to understand why a father (or somebody that wants to be considered a father) would not simply supply his child, flesh of his flesh, bone of his bones, with clothing at his house.maybe because by paying support he IS already providing what he can for his beloved child. Support is his half of the childs total needs. honestly I can't imagine why a kid would need more than one change of clothes for a weekend, so I am not seeing what the really BIG deal is here, in the scheme of the bigger picture. We don't expect anyone else the kids sleeps over with to provide thier clothes.....

I have experienced the situation of my children living in another house. They had a full wardrobe at my house as well as whatever they had at mom's house. I wanted my children to feel that my house was just as much their home as their mothers house and that was part of it.thats great. I agree its great IF people can do that, but I think there are other ways to do that too.

I believe this goes beyond legal requirements and delves into the mental health and psyche of the chilren.sure and by NOT making it a big deal on either side it WON'T be

A father who fights over such items is simply causing problems and the children are the ones who end up getting hurt. The dad is not doing this for any reason other than causing friction.ANd it goes the same for mom, the op wanted to know if SHE had to pack a bag. She stated one of dads solutions to her NOT packing a bag, was HER providing him with some clothes. I think BOTH of them need to stop fighting about something as small as a change of clothing, for a weekend

Tell the dad if he wants to be a dad, then take care of the children like they are his own. Don't use them as pawns in his fight with their mother.And mother needs to follow the same advice ;)
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What is the name of your state? NJ

My daughter goes to the ex's house every weekend. Am I supposed to pack clothes for her to go when she visits him? He's also asking me to take a portion of the child support to buy clothes for her at his house as another option. Am I supposed to pack clothes for her or is he supposed to have his own set of clothes for her?

Thanks!!
I would pack what you would normally pack.. if your child was to stay at a friends, cousin's, uncle's, aunt's, house....no matter how many times they were removed!

The point is....make sure the child is provided for.

You can fight about 'who provided what' later.
 

justalayman

Senior Member
Support is his half of the childs total needs.
support payments are rarely 1/2 of the cost of raising a child. Support is generally a simple mathmatically determined amount based on the NCP's income.

honestly I can't imagine why a kid would need more than one change of clothes for a weekend,
Can;t you imagin a child getting caught in the rain, playing in the mud, spilling food on themselves? I can;t imagine limiting my child to one change of clothes over a weekend.

We don't expect anyone else the kids sleeps over with to provide thier clothes.....
True, but they are not the OP's children when they are visitors and there is absolutley no legal or moral obligation to provide support to them, as it is with their own children.

I'm sorry but unless OP or dad comes back and states dad is impoverished, I see this as dad attempting to manipulate mom.

Having the child pack clothes, to me, would make the children feel as if they are visiting somebody rather than getting to be with their father, in their second home. It is simply a matter of bringing everything with them makes them feel as if they do not belong there. Maybe that is what dad wants them to feel.
 

JBMD

Member
What is the name of your state? NJ

My daughter goes to the ex's house every weekend. Am I supposed to pack clothes for her to go when she visits him? He's also asking me to take a portion of the child support to buy clothes for her at his house as another option. Am I supposed to pack clothes for her or is he supposed to have his own set of clothes for her?

Thanks!!
I understand that this situation can be frustrating! It really is up to you what you decide to do. Obviously this is a new situation for all of you. The only advice I can offer you is ... pick which hill you want to die on!! Meaning, is this really an argument worth having!! It will get worse and there will be bigger issues that you are going to want to have some say in .... you want to keep things somewhat civil with dad, so that when you have an opinion on something that he is doing, ie watching R rated movies too young, etc., then he will take into consideration your opinion vs. telling you to eat dirt!! You can't tell him what to do on his parenting time, but if you keep things civil it will be easier on all, most definitly your DAUGHTER!!!

Just my opinion, do with it as you wish!!

P.S. When daughter gets older and has more expensive clothes and "toys" you can bet that she will do with them what she wants. In theory things are supposed to move freely between households, as these "things" don't technically belong to you or your ex, they belong to your daughter!!!
 

haiku

Senior Member
support payments are rarely 1/2 of the cost of raising a child. Support is generally a simple mathmatically determined amount based on the NCP's income. and do we not raise our children based on our INCOME? so yes, between dad AND mom, the childs needs in thier income bracket should be being met.

Can;t you imagin a child getting caught in the rain, playing in the mud, spilling food on themselves? I can;t imagine limiting my child to one change of clothes over a weekend.than mom should pack some clothes and/or dad can use his washing machine ;)

True, but they are not the OP's children when they are visitors and there is absolutley no legal or moral obligation to provide support to them, as it is with their own children.you make absolutely NO sense, what do you mean they are not the op's children?. The NCP provides for his kids by paying support, you are infering alot here by the OP's question of whether or not she is legally obligated to provide a change of clothes when her kids visit thier dads house...

I'm sorry but unless OP or dad comes back and states dad is impoverished, I see this as dad attempting to manipulate mom. How? it is MOM who wants to know if she has to give dad clothes for a weekend.

Having the child pack clothes, to me, would make the children feel as if they are visiting somebody rather than getting to be with their father, in their second home. It is simply a matter of bringing everything with them makes them feel as if they do not belong there. Maybe that is what dad wants them to feel.again mom did NOT state that dad started this one, she asked if she had to pack a bag. If dad was sending the kids stuff BACK, then you might have a case, but dad requested, at her thought that she didn't pack clothes that she provide some for him to KEEP. So that kind of blows your argument out of the water.
Bottom line is, OP needs to follow whatever her court order says. If the order does not address this, the OP needs to decide if a pair of undies is a hill worth dying on.
 
Having the child pack clothes, to me, would make the children feel as if they are visiting somebody rather than getting to be with their father, in their second home. It is simply a matter of bringing everything with them makes them feel as if they do not belong there. Maybe that is what dad wants them to feel.
Sorry, but I have to respectfully disagree.:eek:

In my case ....no matter who my children visit...they take quite a bit of excitement and accomplishment in packing their own bag with clothes and other things that they want to show off to whom-ever they are visiting.

It is an energy that I love...and that I encourage

It shows some independence on the kids part.

They are great kids....and should be proud of themselves!

Sorry....But, I don't see a negative in kids packing a bag to visit someone.

And just to add...They have much more enthusiasism(sp?) when they think 'Dad' is coming!
 
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