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  1. #1
    cameeo is offline Junior Member
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    Parent trying to dissolve guardianship

    Oklahoma

    I am a nineteen year old mother. I gave temporary guardianship over to my mother because of a domestic violence situation I was in with the father. I have since left the father, taken domestic violence classes, and parenting classes. I regained custody of my one year old daughter from my friend. But my son has been living with my mother for approx two years now and I don't know where to go or how to start getting him back. I have no and never received any papers of when she went to court to get official guardianship.

    Right now I am not working. So I have no money to hire an attorney. I'm being forced to pay child support when I don't have the money. Furthermore I don't think I should be paying child support in the first place when I see him, I have provided food for him when she could not, and I completely disagree with her having him. I am in a good steady environment. But I live with my father. She refuses to give him back.

    Where do I go from here?
  2. #2
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cameeo View Post
    Oklahoma

    I am a nineteen year old mother. I gave temporary guardianship over to my mother because of a domestic violence situation I was in with the father. I have since left the father, taken domestic violence classes, and parenting classes. I regained custody of my one year old daughter from my friend. But my son has been living with my mother for approx two years now and I don't know where to go or how to start getting him back. I have no and never received any papers of when she went to court to get official guardianship.

    Right now I am not working. So I have no money to hire an attorney. I'm being forced to pay child support when I don't have the money. Furthermore I don't think I should be paying child support in the first place when I see him, I have provided food for him when she could not, and I completely disagree with her having him. I am in a good steady environment. But I live with my father. She refuses to give him back.

    Where do I go from here?

    You are being forced to pay child support? That is your responsibility quite frankly. YOU need to get a job and get money to support your child. If you can't pay child support then you can't afford to support your child.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  3. #3
    summerdawn is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cameeo View Post
    Oklahoma

    I am a nineteen year old mother. I gave temporary guardianship over to my mother because of a domestic violence situation I was in with the father. I have since left the father, taken domestic violence classes, and parenting classes. I regained custody of my one year old daughter from my friend. But my son has been living with my mother for approx two years now and I don't know where to go or how to start getting him back. I have no and never received any papers of when she went to court to get official guardianship.

    Right now I am not working. So I have no money to hire an attorney. I'm being forced to pay child support when I don't have the money. Furthermore I don't think I should be paying child support in the first place when I see him, I have provided food for him when she could not, and I completely disagree with her having him. I am in a good steady environment. But I live with my father. She refuses to give him back.

    Where do I go from here?

    Go to the courthouse where your mother petitioned for guardianship and request the file for your case. It will contain whatever the judge said regarding you getting custody back: i.e. in my case, the judge stated I had to attend a residential rehab, stay sober, and provide a safe residence for my child-when I did these things I was supposed to be able to go back and petition to reverse the guardianship. Make your copy of the case report and it should contain a court order. See what it says on the court order about getting your daughter back, about any type of visitation you may have, (Mine is "reasonable visitation" for example,) etc.

    After you get your file, look at it, and find out if you have met any requirements the judge may have set forth for getting your child back, you may be able to talk to someone at the courthouse and request what type of paperwork you need to file. They should also be able to tell you what type of fees are involved with filing.

    You state she refuses to "give" him back-and she can do that because she has a legal right, you forfeited your right to have your child when you "gave" her guardianship. Maybe you can work things out amicably with her like I did with my mom, but if you can't, and you really want to be part of your child's life again, you're going to have to go to court.

    The way it worked in my case was like this:
    My mom applied for temporary guardianship. I showed up to the first court date and the judge told me the requirements I had to fullfill to get my daughter back. I agreed and signed a paper stating my mother had temp guardianship-the judge THEN set up a court date a month later and he stated that if I didn't show up to that one my mom would get permanent guardianship-meaning she has to recertify every year but she doesn't have to keep going to court, she can enroll my daughter in school and seek medical care for her, etc. I didn't show and my mother got permanent custody. Since you didn't go to court it may have worked similarly in your situation.

    I would not act indignant about the child support thing in court if I were you. You want to be responsible for your child right? and you want to convey that to the judge. It will NOT send the right message if you go in there thinking you don't have to pay child support. I don't understand why you WOULDN'T want to support your child. If you do actually see him often and help your mom when needs it, make sure to let the judge know this, not in a rude way, but in a way that shows that you are actively participating and trying to help with your child's life.
  4. #4
    summerdawn is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mwarren1980 View Post
    so if you dont have the money your child doesnt eat?

    how do you expect to support this child if you do get this child? our tax dollars? Who is supporting you now? Our tax dollars?

    Mom will have to explain all that in court too if she wants to "dissovle the guardianship".
  5. #5
    summerdawn is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mwarren1980 View Post
    It just always amazes me how people think they should have custody of their child when they cannot even support their child. How do they justify not paying child support but that the child needs to live with them? I will never understand that.

    Well, it WOULD be kind of funny if OP went into court complaining she has no money for child support but asking for custody of the child-obvious question, how will she support said child?
  6. #6
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by summerdawn View Post
    Well, it WOULD be kind of funny if OP went into court complaining she has no money for child support but asking for custody of the child-obvious question, how will she support said child?
    OP's attitude about the child support is actually very typical for a young parent whose child is in the custody of a third party...if the parent is unwilling for the third party to have custody. Its kind of a "this person has take my child away from me and now I have to give them money too?" sort of attitude. Its particularly prevalent when the parent perceives that the taking of the child was underhanded in any way.

    I am not expressing an opinion on the validity of that attitude, merely pointing out that it is pretty typical.
  7. #7
    summerdawn is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    OP's attitude about the child support is actually very typical for a young parent whose child is in the custody of a third party...if the parent is unwilling for the third party to have custody. Its kind of a "this person has take my child away from me and now I have to give them money too?" sort of attitude. Its particularly prevalent when the parent perceives that the taking of the child was underhanded in any way.

    I am not expressing an opinion on the validity of that attitude, merely pointing out that it is pretty typical.
    I agree LdiJ-my mom and dad made EXCELLENT money when my mom got guardianship of my daughter, and she decided to get welfare for her too. I was FUMING. I wasn't the only one though-my dad was mad and my whole family was mad as well, saying that she just wanted my girl for the money (mom loved to go shopping). The child support has followed me through the years and when I get behind (yes, sometimes it happens when i'm not bringing enough in) it SUCKS. They have taken my driver's license twice before, and when I first got out of college I hardly had any money at all, trained for real estate and passed my license exam only to find out I couldn't get a real estate license when I was behind on child support (which I truly don't understand that one because at the time the real estate license would have helped me make more money to PAY the child support.) Like OP, I have provided on my own as well, clothes and food and such, but I feel that if I were noncustodial parent with dad I would be paying child support and providing things on top of that anyways, she's my daughter, of course I want to buy her fun stuff/necessities too...my daughter's father has to split the child support with me though so compared to most parents who have a thrid party guardianship case I guess I get off a little easier in the child support area.

    OP, if the courts established child support according to a job you had back then and now you are making less money, you can file to have your child support reduced according to your income to help you get caught up and on your feet. You will still have to pay your support, though, and you will still have to pay arrears as well.

    I didn't know about how to get my child support fixed when I was younger, I was sued in two different counties for the same support by accident and at one point in my early twenties the record showed I owed several thousand in each county-what happened was they had sued me twice-once for each county my mom applied for support in (not at the same time, she had moved.) I had to call and go into a zillion different places to get it worked out that I only owed in ONE county. If you don't have a copy of your child support court order I would go to the CS office/local courthouse and get one and start from there to budget how much you can get caught up, if they haven't garnished your wages yet. Request the records for how much you owe in arrears and how much you owe per month (if they don't send you a bill for this already). Tax time is actually a blessing because it can really catch up your support if you don't owe too much in arrears.
  8. #8
    cameeo is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks those of you that actually DID help. I am living on my own with my own income, and payed the child support I could not afford. Now it is quite imparitive I get my child back due to the fact my mother took my son and put him back in the same situation I wrongly had him in in the first place. Now as for those that pointed fingers and mocked me, glad you are not my lawyer. People struggle, especially when our parents dont pamper and put us through college, does not mean I incapable of caring for my children. Because people are poor they should have their children taken away? Wow that is a lot of children looking at state custody.

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