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Phone calls excessive -what is best way to handle

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mamadi

Member
What is the name of your state? North Carolina

Mom usually called the kids every other day, sometimes it was 2-3 days before she called them. Now that husband has filed for perm. custody (has temp. custody now) and now that a new order was filed for her summer visitation she has gone bonkers.
The new order states that "both parties shall have responsible telephone communications with the children yada yada yada"

She is really taking that to heart. She has been calling 3-4 times a day. Today she called this morning and talked with them, then she called tonight and talked with them again.. We all were outside in the pool (well I was just watching --with my broken foot !!)after she called tonight and in the 45 minutes we were outside, she left 3 messages !!!! We didn't realize it until after the kids were aleady in bed. She called again after they were in bed and husband answers. She tells him "I didn't get a reply to my messages". I believe she is just digging to get him on contempt or something or to say he's not letting her talk to the kids. Or she is trying to prove that she calls her kids 50 times a day therefore, she should have custody ?????????????????

What is the best way to handle this ? Talking to her about it is pretty much out of the question - she is most unreasonable. I mean husband can talk to her but it wouldn't do any good. She would yell and cuss him out. We can leave the ringer off but then she would say no one is returning her messages. Any one have any ideas on the best way to handle this ?? It is getting ridiculous.
 


I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
My response:

Here's what your husband should say to her - -

"You get one phone call per day. You may speak to each child for up to 5 minutes. After that, the phone gets cut off. I cannot have my telephone, that I pay for, occupied for longer than that.

If you wish to pay for a second telephone, I'll be glad to have it installed. Then, you can talk to your heart's content, if the children are available, and it's not within 1 hour of their bedtime, or it's not interrupting homework, or other family matters."


That's "reasonable."

IAAL
 
D

DChristian112

Guest
Mom usually called the kids every other day, sometimes it was 2-3 days before she called them. Now that husband has filed for perm. custody (has temp. custody now) and now that a new order was filed for her summer visitation she has gone bonkers.
The new order states that "both parties shall have responsible telephone communications with the children yada yada yada.
She is really taking that to heart. She has been calling 3-4 times a day. Today she called this morning and talked with them, then she called tonight and talked with them again.. We all were outside in the pool (well I was just watching --with my broken foot !!)after she called tonight and in the 45 minutes we were outside, she left 3 messages !!!! We didn't realize it until after the kids were aleady in bed. She called again after they were in bed and husband answers. She tells him "I didn't get a reply to my messages". I believe she is just digging to get him on contempt or something or to say he's not letting her talk to the kids. Or she is trying to prove that she calls her kids 50 times a day therefore, she should have custody ?????????????????
What is the best way to handle this ? Talking to her about it is pretty much out of the question - she is most unreasonable. I mean husband can talk to her but it wouldn't do any good. She would yell and cuss him out. We can leave the ringer off but then she would say no one is returning her messages. Any one have any ideas on the best way to handle this ?? It is getting ridicu
I would not go with only allowing exactly five minutes. That is a little extreme. Yes, sometimes kids only want to talk for 3 minutes. But sometimes kids have a lot to say to their parents. My kids have talked to their Dad for up to 20 minutes on some occasions.
Just give her a time line. Ask her to call between, say 9 am and 6 pm. Tell her if no one answers, leave a message, and the kids will call her back as soon as they are available. Ask her to not continually call over and over if no one answers. Explain to her no one is trying to deny her the right to her calls, but at the same time, they are not there waiting by the phone for her call.
I have noticed that if I do not answer my phone, say if I am at work, or we are out, my ex will call like three times in a row (I have caller ID). But, he usually gets the picture. Like he knows I work 9-5. So it is obvious the kids are not at home. He can not call daycare, as my child care provider does not have call waiting, and she can not be occupying the phone while watching 7 kids.
Don't play her games, and have her look in Webster's to see what "reasonable" means.
Some people do not understand at first, but they usually get the picture after their persistance does not win over.
Good Luck to you!
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
A friend of mine had this issue. When Dad called he wouldn't even call to really see how the child was he was always digging about mom and step-dad. In the end we found out he was trying to keep the childs attention for he was dealing drugs and the kid knew.. which I'm sure isn't the case here. My friend called her lawyer and told her that "reasonable" is considered every other day and if she went to court over that the judge would tell her the same. Even though none of us know for SURE what the judge will say I would say that's a fairly a good answer. Do be on the safe side I would accept one phone call a day. Tell mom that's all your taking and if she would like to do it a hour before bed to see how their day was and to say goodnight... cool.. If not let her be ticked off. Turn your ringer off and turned down the machine if necessary to avoid the distraction.

On this issue, another friend was telling to me tonight that she was in her sd e-mail(not sure why) and found where she was telling her friends she didn't have a dad, refered to him as another name and how much she hated it at my friend's house. The SD and her sister are taking their 3 week vacation with dad. SM told BD and he confronted his daughter about it lying and saying he was the one who checked so sd wasn't mad at sm. At any rate the child (I believe she's 13) said it didn't matter that she wouldn't have to come soon anyways because her mom was taking care of everything.. BM is brainwashing the children and pulls this same crap all the time.
 
V

VeeGee

Guest
Hey mamadi...how's it going? How's the foot, is it healing? Hope things are good with you.

I see the ex is still up to her old tricks huh? lol. Don't worry, everything will work out in the end. Tell her she can call the kids in the day time, every other day and only once on those days. If she keeps calling...let the answering machine do it's job. She cannot do anything legally about it either...it's not like your husband is stopping her from calling...he's just limiting how often she calls. Hope your foot is getting better, and your not in any pain. Talk to u soon...take care!
:)
 

mamadi

Member
hey VeeGee - The foot is healing I guess!! I just would like someone to tell me how to stay off of it when I"m trying to take care of 4 kids !! LOL I go back to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully get this splint off. I go back to work in two weeks so I'm hoping I"ll be able to walk well enough and stand on it in order to get my classroom ready ! Thanks for your well wishes.

Yes, as you can see mom is at it again ! I must say it keeps life amusing :D But as I said - enough is enough. I don't know if she thinks this will make a judge want to give her custody or if she's going to try to say husband doesn't answer the phone ??
Who knows ???

I"m not sure if I've told you what the kids came back from Buffalo saying this last time (they went for two weeks). I'll keep it short. Stepson told about mom and Eric (boyfriend) fighting at night in the bedroom (same bedroom where kids were sleeping on the floor). "They were yelling at each other. Mom was calling Eric a baby killer and Eric was pushing mom's head into the wall". The other incident "Mom and Eric kept stopping to get beer on the way back to North Carolina. They were both drinking it. Eric was hiding his under the seat since he was driving. Mom said it was okay for her to be drinking because she wasn't driving" Anyway, this wasn't the first time we heard stories like this so husband had kids talk to CPS counselor. They documented everything and said if husband needed them at custody trial they would be glad to help. They can't do anything about kids going back to Buffalo (Saturday) for another two weeks because it's court ordered.

Please continue to wish us luck. We are still hoping we will avoid an emotional trial but it seems like mom is hell-bent to fight husband for custody. Thanks again VeeGee
 
V

VeeGee

Guest
I have no doubt in my mind that everything will go your way in court...especially if CPS counselor said they would help in custody trial ;) . So stop worrying about it...I have a sixth sense about things like this lol. You will be fine. I don't know how you do it with 4 kids girl...you must be superwoman lol. But I'm glad to hear your foot is getting better. I wish you all good things...and all good things will come your way...:) take care of yourself.
 

mamadi

Member
Thanks for the good ideas everyone ! There hasn't been excessive calls YET today (knock on wood) maybe mom got the message last night when husband asked her "didn't you already talk to the kids twice today ?" This is when she called for the 50th (yes a little exageration) time.

The kids were already in bed and she wanted to know "Are they sleeping or just laying in bed?"
I believe she wanted husband to go in there and check and if they were awake she should have been able to talk to them AGAIN !

They go for their second two-week visitation this Saturday. When they get back from Buffalo we are hoping the excessive calls don't continue (school will be starting, homework, etc) or something else will have to be done. Thanks again for the ideas !
 

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