Phone Visitation

[Dyann]

Divorced almost 4 yrs. - in state of GA. No where in the divorce papers does it state anything about phone visitation. - Problem: Ex calls everyday (various times) - mostly on his cell phone - if I or my child is not there to answer his calls he alledges that he is not being allowed to talk to our son. Our son will be 12 yrs. old in August. He knows that his father calls him - Our son has infact told his dad on numerous occasions that he knows he has called (caller I.D.). I know this is not an important issue as some of the other postings.. but this has gotten to the point of being ridiculous. I feel as though I can't leave my home or have a normal life. What can I do or say to put a stop to his harrassment.

 

[hound dog]

Why don't you calmly ask him to call on every other day at certain times. Make it where you and your son wil be home to answer the phone. Tell him that you appreiate him callin everyday but you and him are not home everyday to catch the call. Try to be very nice about it b/c you will get alot more done with sugar . However i do know it does not always work out that way but give it a try ,you sound like a reasonable woman.

 

[Ambr]

let him make his accusations and bring them in front of the judge. when he details out that he has tried to call this day at this time, and this day at this time - and you calmly explain that you were at basketball practice or the grocery store, doing all of the "normal" day-to-day events that come with life, i think you could explain it to a judge okay.

you might try an answering machine. let him leave messages. especially if he is bitter and hostile and demanding. tapes from answering machines could be used to show how unreasonable he is being with his demands.

also, when you get in, have your son call his dad. he can tell dad how his game went. what was happening in his life. and dad gets to talk with his son.

it shows that you are being cooperative and that the ex is being demanding and unreasonable.

then why you are in court, you request it to be an established time. on this date at this time and you make your son available during those times. of course, this can always backfire. what is good this year, may have problems with next years schedule of events. you are basically restricting yourself to that scheduled day until the child turns 18 or until the order is modified. then, if you are not there when he calls, you are interferring with his phone visitation.

just to let you know that there are plus and minus's to a court established phone visitation.

 

[freeride]

just to let you know that there are plus and minus's to a [court established] phone visitation.

AMBR,
would you list a few [you know] of the [+'s & -'s]

 

[Ambr]

well, right now they are not court ordered times. why it is great for the NCP to be able to call when he wants to talk with the child, the CP still has some availability to a flexible schedule.

let it get court ordered and the CP will be at that house, on that date, at that specific time - waiting on the phone ring. no matter if there is a ballgame, vacation plans, etc. that is the NCPs time. she has to make the child available.

now if the NCP is flexible and willing to work with the CP (oh yeah, that happens often - NOT) then the NCP will adjust around that schedule. new contact numbers, etc. when on trips or vacations, calling after the game instead of the scheduled time. etc.

but if that were available to the CP - they wouldn't have the problems with the phone conversations now.

just to realize that once it is formally court ordered - that is it. you are setting a rigid schedule to abide by for XX amount of time, until it is modified. if you aren't there - you are in contempt for interferring with the phone visitation.

the CP opens themself up to a set schedule with small amounts of flexibility, basically at the mercy of the NCP.

not to mention, that as a child gets older and gets more involved in extra cirricular activities, they could start to resent the schedule - if it starts to interfer with weekend plans, games, etc.

[Edited by Ambr on 06-26-2001 at 09:12 AM]

 

[Dyann]

Thanks for all your replys...I can certainly see both sides of the situation. Actually I don't want court ordered phone visitation. My son's father talks with his son numerous times a week. My point is that I can't get across to his dad that we are not always sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. And everytime he calls I am subjected to his allegations if we've missed a call (this has gotten old). I just don't know what to say to him to get him to stop. Again, I want you to know that our son has complete freedom to call his dad (which he does, sometimes even at his work). But his dad acts as though I have the phone locked up. Thanks for all your input.

 

[morning_angel]

...Again, I want you to know that our son has complete freedom to call his dad (which he does, sometimes even at his work). But his dad acts as though I have the phone locked up. Thanks for all your input.

Well, I'm not one to believe that KIDS should have cell phones, but this might be one instance that you should tell the dad if he wants to be able to talk to the kid anytime, he should get him a cell phone!!

Wonder how long the kid is going to tolerate being under Dad's thumb all the time... LOL