Pick up......late

[CJane]

If you are running that tight a schedule, why not have a competent adult wait at the house until they arrive? You aren't late for your event and child gets picked up.

That's why I asked how old the child is. Over the age of 10 or 11? Perfectly capable of waiting for SMom or Dad all by his lonesome. Otherwise? Ask a neighbor to hang out for 20 or 30 minutes once in awhile if you have somewhere to be.

Because really? While coming up with a hard and fast 'rule' that allows you to leave w/kiddo or whatever after a certain amount of time might, in theory, protect you legally. But it will fo' sho' create issues elsewhere in your life.

 

[Halls]

The age of my son is irrelevant. He would have to have a key and take it with him to his dads. And also set our alarm on the house. I do not want SM to take our key and make copy, as I don't trust her. She has tried multiple times to get in our house uninvited and no way will I make it easy for her.

And no, a neighbor can't come stay with my son. I only know one neighbor well enough to ask and she or her family are very busy people. I wouldn't even consider asking such a thing.

In Texas it really is what is acceptable to the judge in our court. I wasn't asking what's the moral or coparenting thing to do. I'm asking the legal. Since I found out yesterday it's all dependent upon the judge over my case I will be trying to find that out today.

I've never denied visitation when they've arrived late if I was home. Course, the picking up at 6pm court ordered time is ex's idea. I use to let him come early at 4:30 to pick up since he works nearby and can pick up our son on way home since he gets off early on Fridays.

He started telling me what to do or what he will do about pick up times. He would demand(not ask) for me to have son ready to pick up when he wanted. I told him I don't work well with demands and told him if he wants to pick our son early I don't mind but that he needs to ask me. He said forget it then. Got mad and said then we will go by the court order perfectly and since I wont comply with his demands coparenting is void and he will no longer coparent with me. Ok. So the court order is 6pm and doesn't say how long I have to wait.

Im not trying to play tit for tat. I'm trying to stay consistent to how he wants it.

I'll let y'all know when I find out what most judges in my county view as reasonable wait time.

 

[mistoffolees]

The age of my son is irrelevant. He would have to have a key and take it with him to his dads. And also set our alarm on the house. I do not want SM to take our key and make copy, as I don't trust her. She has tried multiple times to get in our house uninvited and no way will I make it easy for her.

And no, a neighbor can't come stay with my son. I only know one neighbor well enough to ask and she or her family are very busy people. I wouldn't even consider asking such a thing.

In Texas it really is what is acceptable to the judge in our court. I wasn't asking what's the moral or coparenting thing to do. I'm asking the legal. Since I found out yesterday it's all dependent upon the judge over my case I will be trying to find that out today.

Or you could simply stop being a pain in the rear and don't schedule anything within 15 minutes of when he's supposed to pick up the child. There are all sorts of legitimate reasons for a delay. You are being completely unreasonable by fighting over a 15 minute delay.

The standard for something like this is 'what is reasonable?'. And 15 minutes is certainly more than reasonable. If he was an hour late, you might have a complaint, but even that isn't horribly unreasonable in most cases.

Please do your child a favor and grow up.

I've never denied visitation when they've arrived late if I was home. Course, the picking up at 6pm court ordered time is ex's idea. I use to let him come early at 4:30 to pick up since he works nearby and can pick up our son on way home since he gets off early on Fridays.

He started telling me what to do or what he will do about pick up times. He would demand(not ask) for me to have son ready to pick up when he wanted. I told him I don't work well with demands and told him if he wants to pick our son early I don't mind but that he needs to ask me. He said forget it then. Got mad and said then we will go by the court order perfectly and since I wont comply with his demands coparenting is void and he will no longer coparent with me. Ok. So the court order is 6pm and doesn't say how long I have to wait.

Im not trying to play tit for tat.

Yes, you are.

 

[momofrose]

The age of my son is irrelevant. He would have to have a key and take it with him to his dads. And also set our alarm on the house. I do not want SM to take our key and make copy, as I don't trust her. She has tried multiple times to get in our house uninvited and no way will I make it easy for her.

And no, a neighbor can't come stay with my son. I only know one neighbor well enough to ask and she or her family are very busy people. I wouldn't even consider asking such a thing.

In Texas it really is what is acceptable to the judge in our court. I wasn't asking what's the moral or coparenting thing to do. I'm asking the legal. Since I found out yesterday it's all dependent upon the judge over my case I will be trying to find that out today.

I've never denied visitation when they've arrived late if I was home. Course, the picking up at 6pm court ordered time is ex's idea. I use to let him come early at 4:30 to pick up since he works nearby and can pick up our son on way home since he gets off early on Fridays.

He started telling me what to do or what he will do about pick up times. He would demand(not ask) for me to have son ready to pick up when he wanted. I told him I don't work well with demands and told him if he wants to pick our son early I don't mind but that he needs to ask me. He said forget it then. Got mad and said then we will go by the court order perfectly and since I wont comply with his demands coparenting is void and he will no longer coparent with me. Ok. So the court order is 6pm and doesn't say how long I have to wait.

Im not trying to play tit for tat. I'm trying to stay consistent to how he wants it.

I'll let y'all know when I find out what most judges in my county view as reasonable wait time.

15 minutes late two times??? EEEghad! My ex is consistently 30minutes to 45 minutes late everytime - who cares? I look at is extra time with my kid. Maybe you should tell your child that dad will be there between 6 and 6:30 that way there is a bit of wiggle room - seriously - grow up!

 

[Silverplum]

Halls, I like you. But you're being petty on this one.

 

[CJane]

Oh, I get it. You weren't really looking for advice. You were seeking justification.

You want to either deny visitation if the other parent has the unmitigated gall to be late, or you at least want them to Be Held Responsible.

It's not about the CHILD, it's about the PRINCIPAL.

I actually suspect that it's more about hubby being ticked about missing his concert, and he wants you to Do Something About It.

Also, in a pinch, kiddo COULD set the alarm w/out locking the door. They are redundant systems. Which is why, if the mastiff is in the house, I don't feel obligated to lock the door.

 

[mistoffolees]

That's why I asked how old the child is. Over the age of 10 or 11? Perfectly capable of waiting for SMom or Dad all by his lonesome.

That certainly seems reasonable on the surface, but I wouldn't do it. As you know, many times the ex simply doesn't show up for visitation - which means that the child could be left there wondering where Dad is and where Mom is- and left alone late at night with no one around. SOME kids could handle that at 10 or 11 (if that's truly the age), but some would have a hard time.

I think a better solution is for Mom to not schedule anything that requires her to leave within 15 minutes of the scheduled pickup time. It would be a lot less stressful if she doesn't have to scurry around at the last minute, too.

 

[CJane]

That certainly seems reasonable on the surface, but I wouldn't do it. As you know, many times the ex simply doesn't show up for visitation - which means that the child could be left there wondering where Dad is and where Mom is- and left alone late at night with no one around. SOME kids could handle that at 10 or 11 (if that's truly the age), but some would have a hard time.

I agree. But in this particular situation, it really does just appear that SMom was running late and Halls had somewhere to be. There doesn't appear to be any issue with the parent/parent's rep showing up, just a few minutes of wait time.

Seriously though. My ex tried to have me held in contempt for being... 4 minutes late for one drop off, 3 minutes late for another and 12 minutes late a 3rd time over the course of 6 months. He said it was a pattern of behavior that indicated that I do not find his time to be as valuable as mine. I'll let you guess whether or not he was successful.

 

[Lovingmom1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My court order says 6pm as pick up time on Fridays of dads weekend. He and I use to coparent better, but recently he made a decision that he wants to go by the court order perfectly. I said ok and have done my part faithfully.

The issue is my ex has step mom come pick up my son and the last two times she has been more then 15 minutes late. I've not received a phone call to let me know she would be late or anything else. The first time because she was late our plans were ruined as we couldn't get into an open concert my husband and I were going to.

What is a reasonable time to give ex to pick up son? I've been told 15 minutes is reasonable. I agree. After that ex is intruding on my time. What say anyone else?

My ex used to continually show up late without a call, but I'm talking 45 minutes to 2 hours late. So, I simply documented it each time he was late in my calendar, marked the time, smiled and after about 6 months of documenting, I gave the calendar to my attorney. We went to court several times, and I continued to document and update my attorney. After a year and a half, the judge applied some stricter rules for my ex's pick up and drop offs and gave him some consequences for not adhering to them. These are consequences that I can apply and now have a court order to enforce. (For example, if he is more than 2 hours late, he can pick my daughter up the next morning). If after 2 lates, you're truly serious about it, start documenting him being late and take it to your attorney.