Picking kids up from school problems

[kahlan2000]

I am in New Mexico. I am the mother and I have primary custody. I have custody orders saying that my ex, the dad, can pick my kids up from school as long as he texts/calls to let me know and I cannot pick up the children if he is planning on picking them up, he is to drop them off with me by 5:30, after I get off work. I recently went back to court to fight this order because on many occasions he was not notifying me as court ordered. In court, he told the judge it was all by accident and he would start notifying me so there was nothing done to change the order and he was not held in contempt of court. He has since been informing me when he is picking up the children. My problem/question is this. He is not required to give me any advance notice that he is picking up the children and if he doesn't pick them up I must pick them up from school. This causes alot of problems since I never know ahead of time if I need to pick up the children, I can never make any plans. I am also worried that my children will end up being left at school because of this arrangement. I am wondering if there is any kind of law that states that one parent must be responsible for picking up the children. Another complication to this is that my ex is a police officer. He cannot be the one responsible for picking up the children all the time as he may be on an emergency call. I am also worried that since he is a police officer he will be quick to call CPS on me if something happens and the children are left at school. This is a terrible custody order and it puts me in a bad situation where I feel like I am at the mercy of my ex-husband.

Thanks in advance, Stacey.

 

[Isis1]

I am in New Mexico. I am the mother and I have primary custody. I have custody orders saying that my ex, the dad, can pick my kids up from school as long as he texts/calls to let me know and I cannot pick up the children if he is planning on picking them up, he is to drop them off with me by 5:30, after I get off work. I recently went back to court to fight this order because on many occasions he was not notifying me as court ordered. In court, he told the judge it was all by accident and he would start notifying me so there was nothing done to change the order and he was not held in contempt of court. He has since been informing me when he is picking up the children. My problem/question is this. He is not required to give me any advance notice that he is picking up the children and if he doesn't pick them up I must pick them up from school. This causes alot of problems since I never know ahead of time if I need to pick up the children, I can never make any plans. I am also worried that my children will end up being left at school because of this arrangement. I am wondering if there is any kind of law that states that one parent must be responsible for picking up the children. Another complication to this is that my ex is a police officer. He cannot be the one responsible for picking up the children all the time as he may be on an emergency call. I am also worried that since he is a police officer he will be quick to call CPS on me if something happens and the children are left at school. This is a terrible custody order and it puts me in a bad situation where I feel like I am at the mercy of my ex-husband.

Thanks in advance, Stacey.

can you please access your court order and type word for word the portion regarding picking up the children from school?


normally the parent with the physical custody is ALWAYS responsible for picking up the children. how old are the children? is there an afterschool care program within the school? another parent of a child your child/ren goes to school with that might be able to take the kids when dad doesn't show up?

you have to start conducting yourself as if he will never show up and have a daily back up plan.

side hint....my kids dad used to pull this nonsense. once it came out his stunts were not inconvenient any longer....he stopped.

 

[Zigner]

Yeah, my plans fell through a lot when my kids were younger too...

 

[kahlan2000]

court documents

The actual wording is this. "Father may pick up the children from school and keep them until Mother gets off work conditioned upon Father calling or texting Mother that he will be picking up the children."

I went back to court to fight this order and was told in court that this time was given to the Father and I could not pick up the children if he is picking them up. The second set of orders has this wording; "The Father shall strive to communicate with the Mother as early as possible to inform the Mother if he is picking up the children from school; Mothers request for a 24 hour advance notice shall be denied as that is not always feasible due to Fathers employment. Father shall drop off the children at 5:30 pm after his visit."

The children attend an after school daycare at the school until I get off work or until the father picks them up. The children are 11 and 7. The oldest will be attending a different school this year and will be riding the bus home, which I think will cause more confusion and possible problems.

 

[I'mTheFather]

I don't really understand the problem. Do you personally pick up the children when the father doesn't?

 

[kahlan2000]

Yes, I personally pick up the children when the father doesn't. The problem is that I never know if/when he is going to pick them up until the last minute. I have to always be ready to pick them up no matter what. I believe he uses this as a way to control me and upset me. My children ask me almost every morning who is going to be picking them up from school. I can never give them an answer because I never know. It is not only upsetting, but it is difficult to always make sure I am able to pick the children up even though I may not need to.

 

[I'mTheFather]

But you said they attend daycare at the school, and next year one will be taking the bus.

Do you mean you pick them up after work?

 

[kahlan2000]

Yes, I pick the children up from the daycare after work if he does not pick them up. Basically, if he hasn't told me that he has picked them up then I pick them up. He does not always tell me, though he normally does now. I have to go out of my way to the daycare to pick them up and they sometimes aren't there.

My main question is this. I have primary custody, but I have basically been told in court that I cannot pick my children up from school, unless I have permission from the father. While that is not the wording in the court orders, it is what was said in court. That this is the father's visitation period and I cannot interfere. Is this something that the judge can legally do? It is only his visitation period if he says he wants them, otherwise it is mine. That is the problem that I am having. It needs to be set as either his time or my time, but the judge won't do this.

 

[Zigner]

Yes, I personally pick up the children when the father doesn't. The problem is that I never know if/when he is going to pick them up until the last minute. I have to always be ready to pick them up no matter what. I believe he uses this as a way to control me and upset me. My children ask me almost every morning who is going to be picking them up from school. I can never give them an answer because I never know. It is not only upsetting, but it is difficult to always make sure I am able to pick the children up even though I may not need to.

You should always plan to pick up the kids. Then, when you don't have to, you've got a bit of unexpected free time.

As for what to tell the kids, try this: "I don't know who's going to be picking you up so we'll have to play it by ear."

 

[I'mTheFather]

Well, if he's letting you know now, before you leave work, then he's abiding by the order. When the children want to know if he's picking them up, the best you can do is explain that he will unless his job prevents it. Surely, they're old enough to understand that.

If he doesn't call, and you want to be sure, you could call the school daycare before you leave work to ask if the kids are there. Save yourself a trip.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Yes, I pick the children up from the daycare after work if he does not pick them up. Basically, if he hasn't told me that he has picked them up then I pick them up. He does not always tell me, though he normally does now. I have to go out of my way to the daycare to pick them up and they sometimes aren't there.

My main question is this. I have primary custody, but I have basically been told in court that I cannot pick my children up from school, unless I have permission from the father. While that is not the wording in the court orders, it is what was said in court. That this is the father's visitation period and I cannot interfere. Is this something that the judge can legally do? It is only his visitation period if he says he wants them, otherwise it is mine. That is the problem that I am having. It needs to be set as either his time or my time, but the judge won't do this.

Yes, that's called primary custody. Perfectly legal.

 

[kahlan2000]

Yes, that's called primary custody. Perfectly legal.

Thank you for the help. It is just a terrible set of orders. I have another question, this one about medical bills.

I have court orders stating that my children's father "shall be liable for 71 percent of all reasonable medical (and dental) expenses not paid by insurance and shall pay said expenses directly to the custodial parent or to the provider of medical, dental or optical service." He is refusing to pay. Actually, he simple won't respond to my requests for him to pay. I have paid all the medical bills for the past year and his portion comes to almost $400 now that he owes me. I have had to cancel doctor appointments because I cannot keep paying the entire bill. My son has hearing problems and I have been trying to get him evaluated for possible hearing aids and after the last bill I had to stop taking him, he was supposed to have a follow up appointment a few weeks ago. I have been told that all I can do is go back to court, which would cost me at least $1000, so obviously this isn't an option for me. Is there anything else that I can do? Can I file in small claims court and make him pay the costs for filing? Also, how long do I have to try to get him to pay the bills? Is there a statute of limitations that I need to be aware of?

I am certain this will be an ongoing problem. In the past he allowed a $40.00 medical bill to go to collections and then told all the collection company my work and home phone numbers and told them to call me and not him. In the past he also stopped paying for their medical insurance (which he was court ordered to pay). The kids were left uninsured for about 5 months because of this. I insured them under my work as soon as I found out, but it took time to go into effect. He was also not held in contempt for that. He told the judge that was also a mistake. The child support was adjusted to reflect that I had them on my insurance. He will do anything to save money, even risking the health of the children.

 

[kahlan2000]

Yes, that's called primary custody. Perfectly legal.

One more question on this subject. Is there ANYTHING that I can do when he violates the orders? He has done this in the past and he will continue to do it. I am sure that he will pick the kids without giving me notice. He will also pick up the kids during my time (such as on Mother's Day or my holidays). He will also probably cause problems when dropping the kids off. In the past he has refused to drop them off or refused to release them to me. I've had to call the police, but since he is a policeman himself they won't get involved. They pretty much told me that they wouldn't get involved unless he kidnapped them for at least two weeks. I believe he has had a great deal of preferential treatment because he is a policeman and I'm honestly afraid of what he will try to do and get away with. He has even acted threateningly to my current husband. I believe he wants to provoke a fight so he can get one or both of us arrested. I've been looking at video camera's to place at my house so if there is an incident then it wouldn't be my word against the word of a policeman. He is a very good liar.

Thank you. I need all the help I can get.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do other than go back to court. You can ask to have him ordered to pay your legal fees. Hopefully, you have documented all your requests for payment over the past year. It will be difficult to argue 'mistake' if you have that documentation.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do other than go back to court. You can ask to have him ordered to pay your legal fees. Hopefully, you have documented all your requests for payment over the past year. It will be difficult to argue 'mistake' if you have that documentation.

Quoting, hoping you'll get the message: document, document, document.

When you go to court, be as clear and direct as possible. I say this because you kinda aren't in your posts.

Judges are used to hearing people complain just to get back at each other. Facts... speak louder.

Short term, assume you have to be ready to pick them up each time.

Long term, keep a record of when he contacts you about picking them up. And perhaps ask for less notice than 24 hours - say you'd like to know by lunchtime each day. Or more than 15 minutes.