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Picking up and dropping off kids

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Ex Is Nuts

Guest
What is the name of your state? Oklahoma Question concerning divorce decree:

Originally when my fiancée divorced her husband (4 years ago) there was a great deal of tension between them, and for various reasons, she had to put a VPO against him. Due to this, the judge ordered that she and he should exchange the children at the police station, and this order was made part of the divorce decree.

Since that time, things have gotten better, the VPO has been dropped, and for the last 2 years they have been dropping the children off at each other’s houses instead of at the police station. (This was an oral agreement, made over the phone, which we have on tape).

My fiancée and I have now moved, and no longer live close her ex, versus he and she only living a couple of blocks from each other (we now live about 15 miles from him). Naturally, he is refusing to drop off the kids at the new house since it is now “inconvenient” for him. He is also stating that the decree specifically states that they “have to exchange the kids at the police station” (which he lives one block from) and that he has no responsibility to bring them out to our house(and naturally wants to return to picking up and dropping off at the police station). I assume, that since the divorce decree has not been changed, despite the fact she has an oral agreement with him, that he is correct in stating that if he chooses to still pick up and drop off the kids at the police station, then that is what we have to do(until the decree is modified). Is that correct?

Obviously, this is a matter that we are probably going to have to resolve in court, unfortunately. Therefore, if we have to go to court to change it, what is the “typical” arrangement? My fiancée has Full Custody of her two children. Most of the people I know who are divorced, and have full custody of the children, have stated that, in their case, the divorce decree orders that the non custodial parent is the parent responsible for both picking up and dropping off the children for their allotted visitations. I myself think it would be more fair for it to be 50/50, but would like to know my fiancée’s rights none the less.

Thanks for your help.
 


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hexeliebe

Guest
Since that time, things have gotten better, the VPO has been dropped, and for the last 2 years they have been dropping the children off at each other’s houses instead of at the police station. (This was an oral agreement, made over the phone, which we have on tape).
Which translates to "for the last 2 years both parties have been violating a valid court order."

Naturally, he is refusing to drop off the kids at the new house since it is now “inconvenient” for him. He is also stating that the decree specifically states that they “have to exchange the kids at the police station” (which he lives one block from) and that he has no responsibility to bring them out to our house(and naturally wants to return to picking up and dropping off at the police station). I assume, that since the divorce decree has not been changed, despite the fact she has an oral agreement with him, that he is correct in stating that if he chooses to still pick up and drop off the kids at the police station, then that is what we have to do(until the decree is modified). Is that correct?
That is correct.

Obviously, this is a matter that we are probably going to have to resolve in court, unfortunately. Therefore, if we have to go to court to change it, what is the “typical” arrangement? My fiancée has Full Custody of her two children. Most of the people I know who are divorced, and have full custody of the children, have stated that, in their case, the divorce decree orders that the non custodial parent is the parent responsible for both picking up and dropping off the children for their allotted visitations. I myself think it would be more fair for it to be 50/50, but would like to know my fiancée’s rights none the less.
No two cases are the same. And remember, you moved, he didn't. now for my PERSONAL observation.

we now live about 15 miles from him
Are you serious? You're going back to court to argue about 15 miles? And you wonder why judges and lawyers roll their eyes and get damn tired of dealing with divorced parents and custody issues.

This is ridiculous. And that's all I'm going to say about your post. It doesn't deserve to be argued any further.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Until there is a modification, he is absolutely correct that the original order rules.

What I have seen MOST often is that the parent getting the kids does the drive. So he would pick up from Mom at the start of visitation, and Mom would pick up from him at the end. However, it is also often ordered that the parent who created the distance provides all the transportation.

And I agree with Hex. That y'all would even THINK of taking this to court over a 15 mile distance is absurd. Under the worst of circumstances - a 30 minute drive? Even if it were an hour - to tie up the courts on this is..... idiotic.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
hehe Well, you'd see my less cute side if I could get my hands on my ex anytime soon. Of course, they'd probably be firmly attached to his neck and through a wall in that event.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
LOL If the distance between us was 15 miles, I'd volunteer to drive them both ways. And then make an extra trip w/o them to do it. During rush hour, even.

p.s. don't spread that cute thing around, okay? I have a reputation to uphold.
 
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Ex Is Nuts

Guest
Are you serious? You're going back to court to argue about 15 miles? And you wonder why judges and lawyers roll their eyes and get damn tired of dealing with divorced parents and custody issues.

This is ridiculous. And that's all I'm going to say about your post. It doesn't deserve to be argued any further.
Actually.... it is not THE reason we are taking him back to court.... The MAIN reason is because he is $12K behind in child support, but somehow has managed to buy a new house, new car, cell phones, and many numerous other luxuries (all of which he put in his mother's name to avoid any form of liens etc etc). However, since we are going to be there, no need NOT to go ahead and modify something else that is causing a problem. And yes, I am sure it IS ridiculous when YOU are not the one having to deal constantly with it, which is usually the case.... Thank you very much!

What I have seen MOST often is that the parent getting the kids does the drive. So he would pick up from Mom at the start of visitation, and Mom would pick up from him at the end.
Well, this is exactly what I was referring to about the 50/50. I don't believe it should be the sole responsibility of one parent or the other. In my own case, when it is my ex's turn to have the kids... she comes and gets them. When it's my turn, I go and get them... seems fair enough to me.

And I agree with Hex. That y'all would even THINK of taking this to court over a 15 mile distance is absurd. Under the worst of circumstances - a 30 minute drive? Even if it were an hour - to tie up the courts on this is..... idiotic
Despite the fact that NO ONE wants a book in here detailing the ENTIRE circumstances of a situation, it's very tough to be brief with you people. Otherwise, enevitably, one (or more) of you run as fast as you can to jump off the cliff and turn this into something it isn't. I dunno why you can't simply answer a question, without being an ass about it.

As I already stated, there is much more here going on then simple transportation. Again, I'm being brief which I'm sure once again someone will misconstrue into something it is not. But in my briefness, I will let you know that there are about 5 other issues, the main one, and truely important one, being the situation regarding CS. But again, as already stated, the "petty" problems might as well be cleared up at the same time.

And for your knowledge, the reason this has become an issue is because of how he does things.... Such as this past weekend. It was my fiancee's time with the kids (for holiday visitation), but her ex was going to Tx to see his family. He asked if we would be kind enough to let the kids go with him, despite the fact it was HER time to have them. In the interests of the kids, we said YES. So, about 7:00 yesterday eve, while making supper, the oldest daughter called and said they were about 1/2 hour south of us, and would be home soon. We asked if her ex could drop them at our house on his way, since he HAD to pass right by it on the way to his. But, of course not. He wanted us to go to HIS house (15 miles north of us) to pick up the kids, although dropping them off at our house wasn't out of the way.

Now then, for other "ridiculous" reasons we are taking him back to court......

1) He refuses to pay any of the medical for the kids. (he is to pay 60% per the decree)
2) He refuses to carry insurance for the kids (again, part of the decree, unless he loses his job, in which case we spilt the costs with him). Well, he WAS employed with the government and had full insurance at NO COST to him, be he decided to change jobs, and got one with NO insurance... so now WE are footing the entire bill.
3) He refuses to pay for any of the kids schooling needs (again, part of the decree... 50%)
4) He refuses to pay for any of the kids recreational fees (again, part of the decree)

Awwww heck... why am I even bothering???? It's just MORE ridiculous stuff..... and hell, they're just kids.... dad should just do whatever HE wants.... to hell with the kids.... why bother the court about any of this????? sorry for wasting your "god-like" time.
 
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hexeliebe

Guest
Actually.... it is not THE reason we are taking him back to court.... The MAIN reason is because he is $12K behind in child support, but somehow has managed to buy a new house, new car, cell phones, and many numerous other luxuries (all of which he put in his mother's name to avoid any form of liens etc etc). However, since we are going to be there, no need NOT to go ahead and modify something else that is causing a problem. And yes, I am sure it IS ridiculous when YOU are not the one having to deal constantly with it, which is usually the case.... Thank you very much!
You're welcome VERY MUCH. And if you don't know by now, support or the lack of it, has absolutely NO BEARING on visitation. But you'll learn that soon enough.

As for your cute little reply regarding "...when YOU are not the one having to deal constantly with it," mister, I have to deal with 600 miles and before that , 7,000 miles, so don't preach to this choir.

Despite the fact that NO ONE wants a book in here detailing the ENTIRE circumstances of a situation, it's very tough to be brief with you people. Otherwise, enevitably, one (or more) of you run as fast as you can to jump off the cliff and turn this into something it isn't. I dunno why you can't simply answer a question, without being an ass about it.
Because the ONLY question you asked is about 15 minutes of driving. And being an ass is relative. You go before a judge with the ONLY issue you presented here and I'll buy the saddle, because you'll be the ass.

And for your knowledge, the reason this has become an issue is because of how he does things.... Such as this past weekend. It was my fiancee's time with the kids (for holiday visitation), but her ex was going to Tx to see his family. He asked if we would be kind enough to let the kids go with him, despite the fact it was HER time to have them. In the interests of the kids, we said YES.
So? That is completely irrelevant and since you gave your permission, a non-issue.

So, about 7:00 yesterday eve, while making supper, the oldest daughter called and said they were about 1/2 hour south of us, and would be home soon. We asked if her ex could drop them at our house on his way, since he HAD to pass right by it on the way to his. But, of course not. He wanted us to go to HIS house (15 miles north of us) to pick up the kids, although dropping them off at our house wasn't out of the way.
Too damn bad. What part of "VALID COURT ORDER" don't you understand. Just because you allowed something to happen doesn't mean he has to. Welcome to L.I.F.E.

Awwww heck... why am I even bothering???? It's just MORE ridiculous stuff..... and hell, they're just kids.... dad should just do whatever HE wants.... to hell with the kids.... why bother the court about any of this????? sorry for wasting your "god-like" time.
I now see your problem very clearly. You want someone to pat you on the head and tell you it's going to be alright.

SORRY! Ain't going to happen. Your only issue when you came to this board was 15 minutes of driving time. Nowhere did you mention other issues...

So quit the bull**** pitty trip. It won't get you anywhere here or in court.

As for the 'other issues' you have no one to blame but your fiance for not enforcing the court order. Or is she too perfect for you to see that half her problem is trying to find blame instead of responsibility.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Actually, all you had to do was say something along the lines of "this is but one of a myriad of other issues my fiancee is taking to court to be clarified." Not so difficult, was it? Didn't even require a book. And for the record - it's your fiancee who is taking him to court. There is no "we" in the action.
 
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hexeliebe

Guest
This jerk is all your stealth. I'm done with him and his poor pitiful finance.
 
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Ex Is Nuts

Guest
You know hex... I didn't even bother reading through all your crap. You make these forums as useless as they are useful because you are an arrogant, pompous, self righteous ass who has nothing better to say than a loadful of sarcastic crap. But, as long as you are hiding behind a computer, I am sure you are comfortable with such. Most people, such as yourself, who have "little man syndrome", tend to lash out in this way, because it is the ONLY way they can ever be the "bully". By no doubt, judging by your comments, my fiancee could would have an easy time of whoopin ya! I feel for people like you who have such pent up anger because they have spent their whole life being a total wuss......

Well, back to work for me... and back to putting lotion on those tender little sarcastic hands of yours....

Good day!
 
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hexeliebe

Guest
:D

I guess all my useless crap just went over your head. O.k. that's fine. have fun in court.:D
 
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fryziuk

Guest
This is to Hex and Stealth:
I have been reading these threads for the past few days, thinking I might be able to learn something about the legal system to help me in my own situaion (post divorce-custody stuff), but I have to tell you I have read alot of "attitude" towards people writing to you. I understand w/any job you get burn out and synical. However, if you are then dont participate. I dont mean to be short, but whrn people come here and ask a question, I am sure they have alot of stress and alot on their minds. They do not know the legal jargon, terms, or rules...that is why they are asking. A nice direct answer, without attitude would be nice. I am a nurse (which I am sure u remember from the other night) but if I spoke to my pt's the way u have responded i would be out of a job, and certaily would not have been doing my job well by any means. It seems like you are here to vent your own opinions re: people u deal w/all day. We all do not have the same situations or backgrounds, so we should not be judged accordingly. I personally came here to learn, not to get sarcastic answers.
 

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