Please help me with establishing legal rights for my daughters biological father.

[MyKidsMyHeart]

I live in Michigan. I have a unique situation that involves my daughter. I think it would be easier to explain this from the very beginning. I was a Military wife of about 8 years and stationed in Germany with my husband and our 2 children. My husband and I had a legal separation drawn up around February 1997. I proceeded to move back to the United States a few weeks later on March 10, 1997. I eventually moved back to Germany in June of 1997. Due to financial hardships. During this time of being away, I learned I was pregnant. My husband moved into the Military Barracks a few months later. He was present at the birth, since he was my sponsor and being overseas I needed a sponsor, also; we were legally married still. My daughter was born in November 1997. I moved back to the United States on June 1, 1998. I immediately moved in with my daughters biological father on June 9th, 1998. My divorce was final in July 2001 due to my ex husband still being overseas and other various reasons. I still kept up residence with my child and her biological father all this time. The biological father and I married 2 months later in Sept. 2001. My ex husband would see my daughter a few times when he had visitation with my older 2 children that belong to him. We tried the blended family things so she wouldnt feel left out. He sometimes took her when he took the older 2 children. He never paid child support for her even though legally he was shown as her father. In August of 2004 my current husband and biological father of my daughter and I wanted to finally give him the legal rights to our daughter. We wanted to amend her birth certificate and to change her last name. We had a legal paternity test done through a company recommended by the Friend of the Court. Now, my exhusband says he will not let the biological father gain his legal rights without a fight. He says he will hire a big lawyer to stop him from taking his legal right. He said he got attached to her and he wanted to keep his legal rights to guarantee that he gets vistation. But he has also said that he wants to keep that biological father from gaining his rights because of spite. Does anyone have any idea if he can stop the process of my daughters biological father from getting any legal rights even though he was in her home with her and her mother since she was 6 months old?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I live in Michigan. I have a unique situation that involves my daughter. I think it would be easier to explain this from the very beginning. I was a Military wife of about 8 years and stationed in Germany with my husband and our 2 children. My husband and I had a legal separation drawn up around February 1997. I proceeded to move back to the United States a few weeks later on March 10, 1997. I eventually moved back to Germany in June of 1997. Due to financial hardships. During this time of being away, I learned I was pregnant. My husband moved into the Military Barracks a few months later. He was present at the birth, since he was my sponsor and being overseas I needed a sponsor, also; we were legally married still. My daughter was born in November 1997. I moved back to the United States on June 1, 1998. I immediately moved in with my daughters biological father on June 9th, 1998. My divorce was final in July 2001 due to my ex husband still being overseas and other various reasons. I still kept up residence with my child and her biological father all this time. The biological father and I married 2 months later in Sept. 2001. My ex husband would see my daughter a few times when he had visitation with my older 2 children that belong to him. We tried the blended family things so she wouldnt feel left out. He sometimes took her when he took the older 2 children. He never paid child support for her even though legally he was shown as her father. In August of 2004 my current husband and biological father of my daughter and I wanted to finally give him the legal rights to our daughter. We wanted to amend her birth certificate and to change her last name. We had a legal paternity test done through a company recommended by the Friend of the Court. Now, my exhusband says he will not let the biological father gain his legal rights without a fight. He says he will hire a big lawyer to stop him from taking his legal right. He said he got attached to her and he wanted to keep his legal rights to guarantee that he gets vistation. But he has also said that he wants to keep that biological father from gaining his rights because of spite. Does anyone have any idea if he can stop the process of my daughters biological father from getting any legal rights even though he was in her home with her and her mother since she was 6 months old?

Your ex is the legal father of this child and has a relationship with that child. Even though you may have established paternity, do you have any court orders related to paternity or just the test? Your ex has rights, also your children have rights. This is why it is best not to comit adultry, going with your dates you seemed to get into another relationship pretty quickly or was your relationship the reason for your separation? Then you apparently moved back with your husband as soon as possible after you discovered you were pregnant because the dates were so close, rather than get a divorce. Did your ex know it wasn't his child at that time or were you comitting paternity fraud? Yes, your ex can take action and does have rights.

 

[MyKidsMyHeart]

My ex husband did know that the child was not his. My separation was because of many factors. Our marriage was in trouble many months prior to our separation. He was deployed for a year and just before he left for his deployment I found him with another woman (our neighbor). That issue never was resolved before him leaving. So during the year separation, our relationship pretty much crumbled. I realize that he may have rights but my concern is does he have a good chance at keeping the legal rights from her biological father? I know he can be allowed visitation, but the legal rights is what is my main concern here.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

The child, as a product of the marriage, HAS a legal father.

Nothing in your post suggests otherwise, regardless of DNA. At this point, your current husband would be required to file a disestablishment of paternity action to establish legal rights and it's not going to be easy.

In fact, most of the decisions that have been ruled upon at this juncture in history, have favored NOT reversing the determination of marital child rights based on the 'best interest' of the child.

I guess that's what you get when you have a child by one man while being married to another.

 

[nextwife]

My ex husband did know that the child was not his.

Lovely. And you chose to have him believe at that time that the child was his.

Look, you created a situation that made your ex the legal father. Had you waited until you were divorced before having kids with someone else, you would not be facing the fact that the child was "born of the marriage". It matters NOT who the biodad is, your ex IS the child's legal father. And when it suited your needs, you chose to have him also believe the child was his biological child as well. Your ex would be entitled (unless he chooses to disestablish paternity or allow the biodad to "adopt") to all the legal rights that any parent is entitled to pursue, including possibly custody or joint custody.

WE parents who don't share genes with our kiddos are just as capable of parenting OUR child (that is not ours biologically). When one is the legal parent, they ARE the parent - with the exception of maybe being able to give a kidney or bone marrow, But not all bioparents can do that, either.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Oh, well that explains everything It is ok to sleep around because he did it first but you are the one who gets pregnant. Was you ex deployed to Bosnia, Huuummmm? Nice way to support him in a war zone? I'm afraid to even ask what any of the children know about any of this. Remember, it is the best interest of the children, not an endorcement of your adultery, that the courts consider and his case against you is easier to prove than any you might have against him. Was the biodad a service member at the time of your affair?

 

[MyKidsMyHeart]

I stated that my ex husband DID know that the child was not his at the time of my findings of being pregnant. I am not looking for anyone to critisize my affair. I was legally separated at the time of my daughters conception. My husband and I were not together for a full year and our marriage dissolved due to unresolved issues that stemmed from me finding out about that woman. I never said that made it right for me to find someone. I made a decision that was wrong. I am just trying to find some advice on how to make it right. The other man was not a service member, and I dont know if that question was asked because it could affect the outcome of my situation or if it was asked merely out of curiosity. I dont mean to sound rude, but I am looking for some real advice here about helping my current husband and biological father get his legal rights established. I had said before, he has lived with my daughter and I since she was 6 months of age. Shouldnt that count for something? Doesnt it show that he has been a constant in her life day in and day out for the last 7 years. I am just looking for some real help here, not to be picked apart for entertainment.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

If you were wanting legal advice, why in the hell did you not read my reply? THAT is the only thing that can be done at this point.

 

[MyKidsMyHeart]

Thank you BelizeBreeze. I think I will try that disestablishment of paternity route and see if that will help. We had a DNA test done. It is legal, and will hold up in courts. That is what the DNA center told me. Do you know what all a disestablishment of paternity entails?

(Im sorry BelizeBreeze, I wasnt referring to your post when I responded. I appreciate your post. Thank you.)

 

[nextwife]

he has lived with my daughter and I since she was 6 months of age. Shouldnt that count for something? Doesnt it show that he has been a constant in her life day in and day out for the last 7 years.

AS have many step parents. Yet, they have no LEGAL right.

The answers you were given are consistant with what the law states for paternity establishment. That is WHY doing things in the proper order makes sense LEGALLY. Because there are legal ramifications based upon whether a child is born during a marriage. It is not a judgement, but a statement of legal fact. A child "born of the marriage" is LEGALLY that of the spouse. However, that spouse may be able to file to disestablish paternity, however, they are not obligated to do so.

 

[MyKidsMyHeart]

Thank you NextWife. I do know that a child born of a marriage gives the husband the legal rights. I just wanted to know if he can stop the biological father from ever gaining his rights?

**The biological father and I have repeatedly told my exhusband that we have no problem him having visitations with her. The biological father just wants to be legally her father.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

First, I would strongly suggest you download and read the following:
http://www.clasp.org/publications/Paternity_Update2.pdf

Nest, this discussion:
http://www.kentlaw.edu/honorsscholars/2003students/writings/neff.html

Then get ready for a very expensive and nasty fight, especially if the legal father (your ex, remember) want's to keep his rights in place.

 

[MyKidsMyHeart]

Thank you BelizeBreeze. I will look over those links. I didnt think this would be easy and was hoping it wont get nasty. I have the money to fight, but my exhusband has more. Thanks again for pointing me in the right direction.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You can't only blame your ex for your actions.
You were separated, you failed to use birth control, but the moment you discovered your pregnancy you returend to the marriage, rather than establishing paternity in a forthright manner. Why didn't the biodad step up to the plate then and support you if you were having financial problems? Traveling back to Germany is pretty positive proof of your intent to some amount of paternity fraud and your intent to represent this as a child of the marriage, that at some point you knew and he didn't know who the biodad was. If the biodad was a service member there could have been consequences under UCMJ. Even if you and the biodad want to pursue his rights, the legal father cannot be compelled to give up the rights even if he wants to spite you. The biodad has still had the enjoyment of a relationship with his child all this time. If the legal father does not disestablish paternity, your child can upon reaching majority petition the court. While this legal battle might satisfy some personal vendetta it is likely to adversley affect all of your children in some way. Perhaps you might consider making the best out of this situation you created and allow your children the opportunity to experience the relationship with their father's. Just because your ex hurt you, doesn't mean that he doesn't have some feeling for all the children.

 

[audster]

First, I would strongly suggest you download and read the following:
http://www.clasp.org/publications/Paternity_Update2.pdf

Nest, this discussion:
http://www.kentlaw.edu/honorsschola...tings/neff.html

Then get ready for a very expensive and nasty fight, especially if the legal father (your ex, remember) want's to keep his rights in place.

Ok, I read 2 nd article (couldn't get the link to work on the first one......All I can say is "Dad's, you have no rights..Ladies, just pick whomever you want for a wallet for the next 18 years, we'll make sure he has no choice!" Big Brother is here.....Gotta Love our legal system!