Pre Court Order - Custody

[Mom_3_cali]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I have 2 children from a man we were never married but he is on birth certificates.

We broke up about 6 months ago. He picked kids up whenever he wanted (or lack thereof). I finally got him to agree to certain days. It's been a few months yet he fights me for every petty little thing. I finally file with the court and have him served. Papers state he can have reasonable visitation but with certain restrictions such as he can't drive as he has multiple DUIs, he can't have overnights as kids were on floor, and he wasn't watching them (they got in trouble under his care).

He says nothing is official yet until the judge signs off so he is now stating he will see kids from our agreement (which was an email it was never filed with a court). He has someone else driving kids so he can't be caught driving.

It's a double edge sword because I can say no as we have no order but if I say no I look like i'm alienating him as a parent.

I have no problem with him being a parent if he were but he is not acting in the best interest of the children.

What can I do between now and the actual court date which at least 6 weeks away?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I have 2 children from a man we were never married but he is on birth certificates.

We broke up about 6 months ago. He picked kids up whenever he wanted (or lack thereof). I finally got him to agree to certain days. It's been a few months yet he fights me for every petty little thing. I finally file with the court and have him served. Papers state he can't drive as he has multiple DUIs, he can't have overnights as kids were on floor, and he wasn't watching them (they got in trouble under his care).

He says nothing is official yet until the judge signs off so he is now stating he will see kids from our agreement (which was an email it was never filed with a court). He has someone else driving kids so he can't be caught driving.

It's a double edge sword because I can say no as we have no order but if I say no I look like i'm alienating him as a parent.

I have no problem with him being a parent if he were but he is not acting in the best interest of the children.

What can I do between now and the actual court date which at least 6 weeks away?

He had those DUIs before you broke up, didn't he?

I can see Dad fighting tooth and nail to get your "requirements" tossed out or at the very least, heavily modified.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I have 2 children from a man we were never married but he is on birth certificates.

We broke up about 6 months ago. He picked kids up whenever he wanted (or lack thereof). I finally got him to agree to certain days. It's been a few months yet he fights me for every petty little thing. I finally file with the court and have him served. Papers state he can have reasonable visitation but with certain restrictions such as he can't drive as he has multiple DUIs, he can't have overnights as kids were on floor, and he wasn't watching them (they got in trouble under his care).

He says nothing is official yet until the judge signs off so he is now stating he will see kids from our agreement (which was an email it was never filed with a court). He has someone else driving kids so he can't be caught driving.

It's a double edge sword because I can say no as we have no order but if I say no I look like i'm alienating him as a parent.

I have no problem with him being a parent if he were but he is not acting in the best interest of the children.

What can I do between now and the actual court date which at least 6 weeks away?

You seem to know the answer to your question. You don't HAVE to let him have any visitation, but you're going to look bad in court if you don't.

What do you mean that the kids "...got in trouble under his care."? Kids get in trouble - it's what they do. Heck, it's in the job description, right after eat and sleep...

 

[Mom_3_cali]

He had those DUIs before you broke up, didn't he?

I can see Dad fighting tooth and nail to get your "requirements" tossed out or at the very least, heavily modified.

He got 2 DUIs while were as couple and 2 prior to us being together (4 all together that I know of). One was this year. I have no legal actions against me (never have) nor do I drink.

I forgot to mention he has also stated he refuses to pay for child care so as of today I am paying for shelter, food, any school necessities and 100% child care. I wanted to scream at him you refuse to pay for child care I refuse for you to see kids, but I do understand kids need to see their father so I did not say such a thing.

 

[Just Blue]

You seem to know the answer to your question. You don't HAVE to let him have any visitation, but you're going to look bad in court if you don't.

What do you mean that the kids "...got in trouble under his care."? Kids get in trouble - it's what they do. Heck, it's in the job description, right after eat and sleep...

Xtra like!!^

 

[Mom_3_cali]

You seem to know the answer to your question. You don't HAVE to let him have any visitation, but you're going to look bad in court if you don't.

What do you mean that the kids "...got in trouble under his care."? Kids get in trouble - it's what they do. Heck, it's in the job description, right after eat and sleep...

They got in trouble with a neighbor, he was not watching them while they were playing outside, he sat in the apartment. They are both under 7 years of age. They were running around the apartment complex with other kids and no adults.

 

[Just Blue]

He got 2 DUIs while were as couple and 2 prior to us being together (4 all together that I know of). One was this year. I have no legal actions against me (never have) nor do I drink.

I forgot to mention he has also stated he refuses to pay for child care so as of today I am paying for shelter, food, any school necessities and 100% child care. I wanted to scream at him you refuse to pay for child care I refuse for you to see kids, but I do understand kids need to see their father so I did not say such a thing.

Sooo. If dad paid you would be okay with dad sees the kiddos?

 

[Silverplum]

He got 2 DUIs while were as couple and 2 prior to us being together (4 all together that I know of). One was this year. I have no legal actions against me (never have) nor do I drink.

I forgot to mention he has also stated he refuses to pay for child care so as of today I am paying for shelter, food, any school necessities and 100% child care. I wanted to scream at him you refuse to pay for child care I refuse for you to see kids, but I do understand kids need to see their father so I did not say such a thing.

Money/support is NOT tied to seeing one's children. Ever. Never, ever. Get that straight, if nothing else. He does not have to PAY to see his kids.

 

[Silverplum]

They got in trouble with a neighbor, he was not watching them while they were playing outside, he sat in the apartment. They are both under 7 years of age. They were running around the apartment complex with other kids and no adults.

Good grief. He let them play outside with other kids?

The HORROR! The awful, horrible, dreadful horror of it all!!

 

[Zigner]

They got in trouble with a neighbor, he was not watching them while they were playing outside, he sat in the apartment. They are both under 7 years of age. They were running around the apartment complex with other kids and no adults.

You mean...they were PLAYING???? Call the cops! Get child services out there. How DARE a parent let their child play outside!!!!!!

Boy...I could tell you stories of what I did as a kid...most of it didn't get me in "trouble", some did (Sorry Mr. Bigelow, we shouldn't have broken your porch light.)

 

[Zigner]

Good grief. He let them play outside with other kids?

The HORROR! The awful, horrible, dreadful horror of it all!!

Yeah, that!

 

[Mom_3_cali]

Sooo. If dad paid you would be okay with dad sees the kiddos?

No, my point being you want your cake and eat it too type of thing. Being a parent is not just about seeing and spending time with kids. He does not give me any money. Paying daycare went directly into their pocket he didn't pay me and I pay them, he paid them directly. The money never went in my bank account. So if he wanted to be decent he could say i'll pay half, no he did not he out right refused and now demands he gets to see kids when he wants.

Because I am a decent parent I had worked out multiple arrangements that work out for him but i've also felt bullied into it as he gets them on his time, drops them whenever he wants with no consideration for our agreed upon drop off time and when kids are sick on his days he tells me just keep them therefore I take days off from work rather than him.

 

[Silverplum]

No, my point being you want your cake and eat it too type of thing. Being a parent is not just about seeing and spending time with kids. He does not give me any money. Paying daycare went directly into their pocket he didn't pay me and I pay them, he paid them directly. The money never went in my bank account. So if he wanted to be decent he could say i'll pay half, no he did not he out right refused and now demands he gets to see kids when he wants.

Because I am a decent parent I had worked out multiple arrangements that work out for him but i've also felt bullied into it as he gets them on his time, drops them whenever he wants with no consideration for our agreed upon drop off time and when kids are sick on his days he tells me just keep them therefore I take days off from work rather than him.

Here's your halo.

 

[Mom_3_cali]

Yeah, that!

Those that are all for children at the age of 5 out by themselves really with no adult supervision, this is not 1970, this is 2015. Really that is scary.

 

[Just Blue]

No, my point being you want your cake and eat it too type of thing. Being a parent is not just about seeing and spending time with kids. He does not give me any money. Paying daycare went directly into their pocket he didn't pay me and I pay them, he paid them directly. The money never went in my bank account. So if he wanted to be decent he could say i'll pay half, no he did not he out right refused and now demands he gets to see kids when he wants.

Because I am a decent parent I had worked out multiple arrangements that work out for him but i've also felt bullied into it as he gets them on his time, drops them whenever he wants with no consideration for our agreed upon drop off time and when kids are sick on his days he tells me just keep them therefore I take days off from work rather than him.

It's called being a parent Mom.