pregnant with second, separated for over 3yrs, don't want either man on BC!

[resa89]

I am in Indiana.

I'm am due to have my second and last child in December. I am legally married but haven't seen the man in 3yrs. My first born was by a different man and it was proven. I recently left the father of this one because he is a cheating liar and was emotionally and mentally abusive. I know that if legally married the father's name has to go on the birth certificate...I have never used my married name for anything and list myself as single for everything. We were not even physically together a month after marriage, before we seperated. What could happen legally if I don't mention being married at the hospital?

I do not want to list the father, or my husband. I don't want anything from the father, I really just want him out of our life forever!! He also has a record that I found out, and is on probation. If I did have to name him, how far would he get custody wise? I don't want him near my child after finding out everything I did...=/

 

[Zigner]

You have things backwards. The time to make the decision about who you want to be the father is BEFORE the clothes come off.

 

[resa89]

I am aware of that. Thanks for your insight, though

 

[Zigner]

I am aware of that. Thanks for your insight, though

You're quite welcome - one is glad to be of service.

Now, do the right thing by your child and stop thinking of yourself. This child has the right to know his/her father, no matter how bad your judgement is.

 

[resa89]

My child has the right to not be disappointed by a loser dad. No disrespect intended, I am just frustrated with the whole situation, AND my poor judgement that I am well aware of =/

 

[cyjeff]

My child has the right to not be disappointed by a loser dad. No disrespect intended, I am just frustrated with the whole situation, AND my poor judgement that I am well aware of =/

If the father of the child pursues custody - which will include a paternity test submitted to a court, the father can and should receive some level of visitation and/or custody.

The court will look at this man by taking your judgement into consideration - in other words, YOU picked him as a father so the court will assume you used good judgement.

You should also pursue him for child support. A child deserves to be supported by both parents.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am in Indiana.

I'm am due to have my second and last child in December. I am legally married but haven't seen the man in 3yrs. My first born was by a different man and it was proven. I recently left the father of this one because he is a cheating liar and was emotionally and mentally abusive.

Pot meet kettle. You are married and conceived a child with someone other than your husband.

I know that if legally married the father's name has to go on the birth certificate...I have never used my married name for anything and list myself as single for everything. We were not even physically together a month after marriage, before we seperated. What could happen legally if I don't mention being married at the hospital?

That would be lying quite frankly.

I do not want to list the father, or my husband. I don't want anything from the father, I really just want him out of our life forever!! He also has a record that I found out, and is on probation. If I did have to name him, how far would he get custody wise? I don't want him near my child after finding out everything I did...=/

He (the biological father) has a right to establish visitation/custody/support. You dont' get to get rid of him. If you wanted to get rid of him the time to decide to that was BEFORE you give birth -- you had the option of an abortion. If you give birth, you don't have control.

On the plus side: you don't get to list the father as he would have to sign the AOP. Most likely YOUR HUSBAND will appear on the birth certificate as he is the legal father -- that is the presumption and it must be rebutted.

 

[Ohiogal]

My child has the right to not be disappointed by a loser dad. No disrespect intended, I am just frustrated with the whole situation, AND my poor judgement that I am well aware of =/

What about the child's loser mom? Or is it only the man with whom you chose to sleep that is a loser? So your child is at least half loser is what you are saying.

Again, if you don't want to deal with dad or you want full control, your option is to not give birth -- which means terminating the pregnancy. If you give birth, you lose control of the situation.

 

[resa89]

So because I chose not to murder my child, that makes me a loser? It's a little difficult to judge a situation, considering I didn't find all of this out until AFTER we bought a house, until AFTER we concieved the child, and until AFTER making future plans. I will just say he is a very good, convincing liar. The judgements are nice, though.

Thanks for those who actually gave me advice, and didn't just attack.

 

[mistoffolees]

So because I chose not to murder my child, that makes me a loser? It's a little difficult to judge a situation, considering I didn't find all of this out until AFTER we bought a house, until AFTER we concieved the child, and until AFTER making future plans. I will just say he is a very good, convincing liar. The judgements are nice, though.

No. It's the fact that you are trying to deprive the child of a relationship with its father that makes you a loser.

Plus the fact that you're having a child with one guy while you're married to someone else - and you think they're both worthless.

 

[Ohiogal]

So because I chose not to murder my child, that makes me a loser? It's a little difficult to judge a situation, considering I didn't find all of this out until AFTER we bought a house, until AFTER we concieved the child, and until AFTER making future plans. I will just say he is a very good, convincing liar. The judgements are nice, though.

Thanks for those who actually gave me advice, and didn't just attack.

No one said that you were a loser because you did not choose to abort. What was stated was that YOU had a choice as to whether or not to make this man a father. By giving birth you are choosing to make this man a father.
Until the child is born YOU have full control. The last decision you get to make without risking input from the FATHER is giving birth. If you don't want to risk sharing the parenting of this child then you need to abort. Plain and simple. Any other decision risks input from the father.

The fact that in your judgment you would sleep with a loser by your words -- well, you are not a fabulous person quite frankly. You say he is a cheater and a liar but you are cheating as well -- on your husband. You were in an adulterous relationship. You need to realize that. He is a loser but you are not as fabulous as you seem to want to think.

The father of this child will have a right to be involved. Regardless of your personal feelings towards him.

 

[momofrose]

I am in Indiana.

I'm am due to have my second and last child in December. I am legally married but haven't seen the man in 3yrs. My first born was by a different man and it was proven. I recently left the father of this one because he is a cheating liar and was emotionally and mentally abusive. I know that if legally married the father's name has to go on the birth certificate...I have never used my married name for anything and list myself as single for everything. We were not even physically together a month after marriage, before we seperated. What could happen legally if I don't mention being married at the hospital?

I do not want to list the father, or my husband. I don't want anything from the father, I really just want him out of our life forever!! He also has a record that I found out, and is on probation. If I did have to name him, how far would he get custody wise? I don't want him near my child after finding out everything I did...=/

This is one of the most selfish posts I have ever read!!! Listen lady - YOU chose this person to lay down with..You were married, but will now have two children with two different fathers - neither or which are with the man you married..and YOU are passing judgement??

I tell you what - you go ahead and play the "immaculate conception" idea for the birth certificate - and when your child is old enough to ask about his/her dad and you spew your nastiness about him - let's see where that leads the child - into a world of trouble..I guarantee it!!

My advise is to chill out and realie that this child WILL have a father - as mich as you would like him erased - you will stare into his eyes everytime you look at your child - GROW UP!!!

 

[Eekamouse]

Oh what's the big deal? So he lied and cheated on you. He's just following your own stellar example. Now that you know he's no better than you, you want to punish him by excluding him from his child's life? Maybe you ought to consider adoption. I don't think your kid is going to be able to live up to your high standards on morality and you'll just be disappointed.

 

[Silverplum]

It's only Tuesday, and someone may yet come blow this entry away...but I'd like to nominate this thread for this week's Klassy Award.

I am in Indiana.

I'm am due to have my second and last child in December. I am legally married but haven't seen the man in 3yrs. My first born was by a different man and it was proven. I recently left the father of this one because he is a cheating liar and was emotionally and mentally abusive. I know that if legally married the father's name has to go on the birth certificate...I have never used my married name for anything and list myself as single for everything. We were not even physically together a month after marriage, before we seperated. What could happen legally if I don't mention being married at the hospital?

I do not want to list the father, or my husband. I don't want anything from the father, I really just want him out of our life forever!! He also has a record that I found out, and is on probation. If I did have to name him, how far would he get custody wise? I don't want him near my child after finding out everything I did...=/

 

[Ohiogal]

It's only Tuesday, and someone may yet come blow this entry away...but I'd like to nominate this thread for this week's Klassy Award.

I like how her ex is a cheating liar but SHE is the one who is married and never bothered with a divorce.She is the one who can't figure out how to get around dealing with the father (if adoption -- the issue is any and all putative fathers have to be served; if abortion, no one needs notified so no daddy interaction -- yes the mighty ones will probably come and lambast me for that suggestion but it is legally correct, accurate and true )but yet she apparently slept with someone she barely knew. Hence why she is only now finding out about his criminal history. He is a liar but she is sainted?