Honestly, I feel there are certain things that should be handled by mom; it's not step mom's place, especially if mom is an active part in the daughter's life.
It wasn't something that needed immediate handling, more of let's say a grooming issue. Something certainly I don't need his permission for, I would assume. If were other issues, of course stepmom should be there for her, but still I think it should be encouraged that our daughter discuss things with mom.
I think you still need to grow up some and I do mean that in a nice way.
Ask yourself, is the "grooming" thing a hill to die on? No
Is your rights as Mom with joint custody a hill to die on? Yes
Is your daughter's right to be a kid and not dragged in the middle, a hill to die on? YES
See the difference in significance?
Let the small stuff go, when you do, you save your DAUGHTER the backlash from Dad and Step. Don't argue with him when he sends those emails, just be a parent and eventually he will get the idea that control isn't happening. When it comes to the major decisions, then discuss. In a sec I'll teach you something I learned that helps me get through the emails like you received.
Clarification is when the parties ask the judge to specify exactly what the order means so there is no more confusion and no more of one party trying to rule the other, you don't present your case again per say, you present the items that need clarified.
Now as for the email....
I believe it is you who are mistaken in your understanding of visitation. You do not have the same rights for day-to-day decisions and while you do have say in what goes on while daughter is in your care - to an extent, you need to realize that I need to be informed in what and where Daughter is doing. If she is spending the night or leaving the state I am to be aware of it. Visitation is simply the time the parent who does not have "Physical and Legal custody" spends with the child. It does not give you the vast overreaching decision making power you claim to have. I do not know where you are getting your information but it is simply not accurate. I have discussed this in detail with my attorney and he agrees.
As I started by saying, I in no way want to be confrontational about any of this but I think it is time that you abide and respect the ruling made well over a year ago. My concern is for Daughter's care and best interest and the excuse that you " are Daughter's mother" is simply not good enough. Visitation does not
allow you to blanket parent "as you see fit". Legal custody allows for me to make the major decisions in her life and that include but is not limited to school, healthcare, religious upbringing, and discipline. I feel that if I come to you with a concern about who and where she spends the night, how homework is to be done or if she should or shouldn't have a cell phone then you should respect that and realize it comes from a place of care and concern. Rather than simply refuting the concern because you are her mother, lets try the Co-parenting attitude you strive for.
I have recently come to find out that due to your new work schedule you have been unable to pick Daughter up from school and incidentally she has been left at school with Your friend. I do not feel this is in Daughter's best interest and would like to see an alternative that provides for Daughter to have stable and consistent after school routine. Daughter has expressed concern that she doesn't know where she is going from one day to the next. This is causing her anxiety that is completely avoidable if she had a stable routine while in your care.
Finally, as I have mentioned before, there are to be no disparaging remarks made to or around Daughter about the other parent. Daughter came home today and mentioned that you told her you were "mad at" me. While she did not go in to further detail I find the fact that you are open enough to tell her and express that you are mad (at me) to be disparaging and this is violation of the agreement. Let this serve as the final warning, I am trying to work with you and come to understanding of what is expected and time and time again you fight me every step of the way. I ask one last and final time that moving forward you abide by the order; respect it, myself and Stepmom and make decisions with Daughter's best interest in mind rather than what is easiest and best for you in the moment. If you cannot than I am prepared to file a Motion in the cause to address these issues.
Paragraph 1=
I see you are learning and I don't like it, I am losing control because you have apparently been speaking to someone who has told you your rights. I'd like to know who is telling you so I can slam their reputation and convince you again that you have no rights and I regain my power.
Paragraph 2= I don't want to be mean but I will if you don't remain under control.
Paragraph 3 = I am making a play for you to not have equal time even though you did find suitable arrangements for after school care. I'm trying to force you into something you don't need to agree to and I know it, but I want control. And you are forcing me to lose my control over you.
Paragraph 4= I and step have been questioning our daughter but I am going to blame you and make it look like you are a horrible person who speaks badly about us, when we are actually doing it (projection). I know I say I am concerned for daughter, but actually I'm just concerned with maintaining control. I'll threaten you with court and the fact I spoke with my attorney, because you'll never know what he actually said and I can make you believe anything. Now get back under control or I'll tell you we'll go back to court.
Do you see the theme when you read it a different way? See how much easier it is to get through it and pick out the fact that nothing needs to be responded to??
