What is the name of your state? New York
Let me give you a little background to understand this situation.
I have been divorced for 4 and a half years. In 2006, I got into an argument with my ex husband, an argument that stemmed from my taking our son to London for his yearly vacation with my family. It was ordered by the court that I am entitled to 5 weeks of interrupted vacation time with my son. (The father was awarded with the same amount of time, of which he has not taken an extra minute outside of his regular visitation of 4 days a month - his choice). I usually take my son, stay for 2 wks, and he spends the following 3 wks with my mother, who then brings him back. My ex husband believed that I needed to inform him, with notice and ask for permission for these travels, when in fact the court order stated that he is to give me notice of when he wishes to exercise his vacation times with our son.
The argument got heated and resulted in my throwing my son's matchbox size plastic toy car at my ex husband. He called the police and lied stating that I attacked him, while he was holding our son, who was 7 at the time. Long story made shorter, it ended in my being arrested, spending 25 hours in police custody, my being reported to ACS because I apparently, according to my ex husband "endangered" our child's life, by scratching and hitting him (I did not touch the him), a Law Guardian was appointed to the case to represent the best interests of our child, then my being convicted with a temporary record (that was expunged after a year), and the father having his custodial rights being taken away.
There has been problems with our child in school where I have conference with the principal and teachers multiple times. I even suggested that my son meet with the school psychologist for assistance in helping to finding ways to get the best results out of my son in school. This all began last year October 2007. The father has not been involved in anything at the school, claiming that it is too inconvenient for him to go to the school (he works in Connecticut and my son's school being in the Manhattan.
My child's behaviour has not improved. The school suggested I have him son tested for ADHD as it seems he's having difficulty in completing his tasks at school. At their request, I went to a doctor, who provided the school with the Conner's Questionnaire to complete. From that questionnaire, the doctor determined my son having ADHD. I do not want to go the clinical root as there are too many side effects and the thought of my son being sedated, scares me. So I have chosen to have him on herbal remedies - which seems to have eliminated disruptive behavior in the class - but we are still experiencing his lack of focus. My personal determination is that he's not being challenged as well as emotional issues in terms of his limited access to his father - 4 days a month, when he wants more time.
Now, my ex husband has not been involved with the school and his limited communications with them have been hostile. My son has been at this particular school for almost two academic years. He had made arrangements with the school to speak with my son's teacher last year, and rather than attend the conference himself, he sent his wife. My son's teacher refused to speak to his wife, based on ACS being in contact with the school and knowing that the situation was sketchy (my son had just started the school at this time of the madness during 2006). She told the wife that she would need written confirmation from the parents to conference with her on the father's behalf. At this time, I was granted full-custody of our child and the father only with visitation rights. The principal was angry at the teacher for not conference with the father's wife, based on her personal bias of being a step parent (her step child lives with her).
I then met with the principal to provide her with documentation stating my custodial rights, and the father's lack of. But stressed in that conversation, that I am fine with the father meeting with the school in conference, and I do not approve of the his new wife meeting with the school. It would be good for our son to know that his father involved in his school life. The father was angry that the teacher did not conference with his wife and wrote an scathing email to the principal expressing his thoughts on the situation. The principal did not disclose what was said, but did state that the email was very hostile and could be used in court if needed.
Since then, the father has only called the school to find out when he would receive report cards - if they had been mailed out late, etc. Nothing further.
A couple of month's ago, the principal asked me to meet with her one morning when I dropped my son off at school and she informed me of the father calling about wanting the report card. The school rule is, if bills are not up to date, they do not mail out report cards. I was a little behind. So I told her that when I've paid, she can by all means send the report card, and I gave her a time frame of when arrears bills will be paid. (I was laid off from my job last year and finances haven't been too great.) In that conversation, I also informed her that there should be no further conferences with the father. He's not doing anything in support of our child's behavior or health (he refused to administer the herbal remedy for the ADHD). If she was providing this information and he actually did something to help his child, then I would not have taken this position. She agreed to respect my directive.
However, last week Friday, the father called the school wanting to speak to my son's teacher. The principal did not inform me of the call and insisted that the teacher conference with the father.
Am I right in my assessment that she has violated my rights as full custodial parent? Isn't she supposed to inform me of all communications with the non-custodial parent? I gave her a copy of the court order, so I am perplexed by how this could have happened.
Please advise on how to handle.What is the name of your state?