problems with stepmother and other stuff

[mommyto 2]

What is the name of your state? NJ
Ok - haven't been for a while but I have two questions and you all have been very helpful in the past so here goes:

1. Just found out about 20 minutes ago from my daughter's teacher that she (teacher) got a letter from stepmother. Tomorrow is parent - teacher conferences. SM wrote that she wants to attend via cell phone conference and has requested additional staff be present. Now I am primary parent, very involved. Father is attending the conference. Can I refuse to allow this to occur??? She wants the speech therapist to attend (who already evaluated my daughter and found her to be developing very normally, which I already said since I am a speech therapist of 22 years, but ex refuses to believe me) and a school counselor who has seen her once and found her to be delightful (her words). Please give me ideas on how to handle this!!!

2. Ex now is giving my daughter the child support checks to hand to me instead of mailing them. I have offered to provide envelopes and stamps but he is refusing stating that daughter should be aware that he pays for her!!! Does anyone know about the child support probation in NJ and how to get on it?? Stealth???

Thanks

 

[my life is mine]

I would refuse to have SM on phone during conference.

Since Ex wishes to play the game of handing child a check, maybe next step is having it set up through your child support office and then Ex will have to send it to them to send to you.

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state? NJ
Ok - haven't been for a while but I have two questions and you all have been very helpful in the past so here goes:

1. Just found out about 20 minutes ago from my daughter's teacher that she (teacher) got a letter from stepmother. Tomorrow is parent - teacher conferences. SM wrote that she wants to attend via cell phone conference and has requested additional staff be present. Now I am primary parent, very involved. Father is attending the conference. Can I refuse to allow this to occur??? She wants the speech therapist to attend (who already evaluated my daughter and found her to be developing very normally, which I already said since I am a speech therapist of 22 years, but ex refuses to believe me) and a school counselor who has seen her once and found her to be delightful (her words). Please give me ideas on how to handle this!!!

2. Ex now is giving my daughter the child support checks to hand to me instead of mailing them. I have offered to provide envelopes and stamps but he is refusing stating that daughter should be aware that he pays for her!!! Does anyone know about the child support probation in NJ and how to get on it?? Stealth???

Thanks

he pays for her?? she's not a movie!! or a carnival ride!!

 

[mommyto 2]

I know but if I had time I could write things that would make you sick about the way ex and SM treat her. And it is hard to prove so I must follow the court order.

 

[Humusluvr]

Can anyone say "wage garnishments?"

Children are not responsible. A few of those checks could get misplaced. And reported.

 

[jbowman]

Im an in CA but the exact situation was happening in my case. When I went back to court for modification, I told the judge. She ordered a wage assignment. I faxed the order to his employer (actually he is an independent contractor-so the company that pays him). Now they send me a check for child support every week. If I have any issue whatsoever, I call them directly.

 

[mommyto 2]

I am currently looking into ways to have child support taken directly out of his check and deposited into my account. I am trying to avoid court - the expense is over whelming.

Also I got a copy of the letter step mother (I have a hard time with the mother part). She really crossed the line. Now I am trying to figure out how to handle this situation. I refuse to be in educational and/or medical meetings involving the children with her present.

 

[stealth2]

2. Ex now is giving my daughter the child support checks to hand to me instead of mailing them. I have offered to provide envelopes and stamps but he is refusing stating that daughter should be aware that he pays for her!!! Does anyone know about the child support probation in NJ and how to get on it?? Stealth???

Thanks

I would normally remind you that Google is your friend, but since I want to get my daily good deed out of the way early today, http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/probchild/index.htm

As for stepmom - tell the teacher and any other school official that you do not give your consent for stepmom to be present for the conference. Dad can tell her whatever he feels the need to share when he gets home. I had a similar situation, and my kid's guidance counselor called me to ask if I was okay with her discussing the kid with stepmom - all it took was for me to say no, she should speak with me or Dad. Period. She was actually relieved.

 

[mommyto 2]

Thanks Stealth - I am glad I was your good deed of the job, well done!
I am calling the school today and get this all settled. Ex is no longer getting to me directly so he has decided to involve the school and the children. Keeps upping the ante. It may be time to give the friendly lawyer involved.
Thanks again

 

[mommyto 2]

Well the fun never stops. This afternoon I got a call from the Child study team CST) regarding the fact that my ex was planning on recording my son's upcoming IEP meeting without my knowledge. He told the CST but was not planning on telling me. Now we are having separate meetings. Can he say I'm interfering with him being part of the educational decision making by having two different meetings?

 

[stealth2]

Why is having a recording of the IEP meeting a big deal?

 

[Zephyr]

I am currently looking into ways to have child support taken directly out of his check and deposited into my account. I am trying to avoid court - the expense is over whelming.

Also I got a copy of the letter step mother (I have a hard time with the mother part). She really crossed the line. Now I am trying to figure out how to handle this situation. I refuse to be in educational and/or medical meetings involving the children with her present.

nooooo- you refuse to have her present while you are in these meetings....see the difference?

 

[Isis1]

so OP needs to state the stepmother has no business being present at ANY meetings?

 

[Zigner]

so OP needs to state the stepmother has no business being present at ANY meetings?

Barring a court order, the FATHER can bring his wife to the meetings if he so desires. Additionally, even if the father doesn't choose to bring his wife (or is somehow prohibited from doing so), he can STILL record the meeting and play the recording for anybody he wants.

 

[mommyto 2]

Stealth - your right, what is the big deal regarding the meeting being taped. Under normal circumstances, with a normal ex I would agree. But my ex has the ability to take things out of context and twist them around. Then on top of that the taping is being used for intimidation. When I'm at the IEP meeting I need to be focused on the process, not being fearful I may say something that could be view, out of context, as something other than what it is. I take these meetings very seriously, and do not need to be worried about the nonsense he may pull after the meeting. Does that make any sense??

IsabellaSoriano - I did state that today regarding the upcoming IEP meeting, they said they could not prevent him from bringing anyone he wanted. I then stated that makes no sense, if that was the case, could I bring my entire family?? My lawyer comes back from some bar meeting on Monday, hopefully I can get this resolved quickly.