Question about divorce, alimony, and child custody.

[ecmst12]

Yes, 100% she needs a lawyer.

 

[Silverplum]

If you're going to lie, do make the effort to keep your lying pronouns straight.

I am actually Mia's friend. Me, Mia, and Caleb were all really good friends for years and I am still on friendly terms with him but some of the stuff he does is really disturbing. Mia was staying with me about a year ago while I was going through my own legal issues. I guess she used my account to ask questions about her case. I didn't realize that.

Anyway. The reason the picture is disturbing is because the guy in the picture is in his 20's. It's not like it's a little kid. Also, Caleb has been on a really bad downward self destructive spiral. He was going to school to be cop and then got up in the middle of class, screamed at his professor that he was done, and left. He quit a good job, got into really bad habits. He was drinking before but it has gotten really bad. Before he left my friend there was an incident where he wanted to drive drunk to go pick up his daughter (there had been a drunk driving incident previously where he stole the keys from Mia and shoved her against the wall before taking off in the car).

Now Caleb was my friend but it's like he going through a quarter life crisis. I'm as concerned for him as I am for Mia, but most of all, I'm concerned for their daughter.

And Mia isn't perfect. Their relationship wasn't perfect at all but just because something seems incredibly one sided doesn't mean it is actually biased. My friend is still hopelessly in love with Caleb and nine times out of ten, she does what he wants to make him happy. She really wants a smooth divorce and can't let that go even though it's clearly not smooth anymore.

Anyway, my only question was, does she have a case? Should she get a lawyer (he does not have one)? The only reason she was asking about alimony is because her husband had her put everything they bought in her name because he was planning on leaving her. The house, the car, and when he left everything was foreclosed on and repossessed so her credit is bad now and she's in debt. If she doesn't have a case that's fine, I was just wondering.

 

[Proserpina]

I am actually Mia's friend. Me, Mia, and Caleb were all really good friends for years and I am still on friendly terms with him but some of the stuff he does is really disturbing. Mia was staying with me about a year ago while I was going through my own legal issues. I guess she used my account to ask questions about her case. I didn't realize that.

Anyway. The reason the picture is disturbing is because the guy in the picture is in his 20's. It's not like it's a little kid.

Mia - I'm again addressing you here, okay? If your friend is telling the truth, s/he will show you these responses.

The photo guy. I'm still not sure why y'all have rushed to judgment over that photo. It actually confuses me. The notion that "Guy without shirt holding child is obviously up to something", is disturbing. Why was that the first reaction? There are going to be girlfriends-in-hardly-any-bikini holding your child, there are going to be fat hairy guys (and probably fat hairy women, too, for that matter) holding your child, and none of that means there's anything suspicious going on. Gawd, you should have seen what it was like being raised in England. When it's 75 degrees out (because 75 is Unreasonably Hot to us Brits), Uncle Tom isn't going to run inside to grab a shirt when Aunty Mildred wants to take photos at their annual garden party.

Now, if Uncle Tom is a child molester, it would be quite, quite different. But your Uncle Tom in this situation isn't a child molester here, right?

Also, Caleb has been on a really bad downward self destructive spiral. He was going to school to be cop and then got up in the middle of class, screamed at his professor that he was done, and left. He quit a good job, got into really bad habits. He was drinking before but it has gotten really bad. Before he left my friend there was an incident where he wanted to drive drunk to go pick up his daughter (there had been a drunk driving incident previously where he stole the keys from Mia and shoved her against the wall before taking off in the car).

Oddly, this was never mentioned in the first post. Why is that? There was more concern about a photograph and about Caleb's girlfriend babysitting?

Now Caleb was my friend but it's like he going through a quarter life crisis. I'm as concerned for him as I am for Mia, but most of all, I'm concerned for their daughter.

Mia, expect Dad to find your friend's interference as inappropriate as the guy in the photo. You should probably fix that sooner than later.

And Mia isn't perfect. Their relationship wasn't perfect at all but just because something seems incredibly one sided doesn't mean it is actually biased. My friend is still hopelessly in love with Caleb and nine times out of ten, she does what he wants to make him happy. She really wants a smooth divorce and can't let that go even though it's clearly not smooth anymore.

Again, I do think you should get some counseling.

Anyway, my only question was, does she have a case? Should she get a lawyer (he does not have one)? The only reason she was asking about alimony is because her husband had her put everything they bought in her name because he was planning on leaving her. The house, the car, and when he left everything was foreclosed on and repossessed so her credit is bad now and she's in debt. If she doesn't have a case that's fine, I was just wondering.

Mia, you of course can get divorced. You will likely not get alimony, and if you do, it will be very very short term. Again, Dad's attorney is going to fight that one tooth and nail.

It's threads like this which make me feel very, very old and jaded (I am in fact only one of these things).

I think you need to get some counseling, because you're still holding a candle for Caleb and that's hurting you. As far as custody goes, I also think you need an attorney. I don't know how much of this thread is actually your stance versus your "friend"'s stance - but clearly, your friend is about 2 steps away (even though s/he doesn't intend to be) from sabotaging you. What you need to realize is that Caleb trusts Guy In Shirt, obviously - so the court will trust his judgment. The same goes for his girlfriend babysitting. There are going to be people who you see as complete strangers coming and going from your child's life, and you can't torture yourself each and every time because that will also ruin you.

A divorce means that the marriage is over. It doesn't mean that the parents have become unfit, and it doesn't mean that they're going to start endangering their children. It's the end of a marriage. That's it. You and Dad are going to be dealing with each other for a long, long time to come. You're not going to agree on everything and you're both going to be pissed at each other from time to time. That's just how it is.

Same page now hopefully?

Edit: If I've gotten pronouns mixed up when referring to the child, please excuse me. The whole "he, she, it" nature of your friend's words made it an easy confuse.

 

[stealth2]

Honestly, this whole cluster-bubble of a thread/s is why I tend not to deal with third parties. Kudos to Pro.