Question about divorce, alimony, and child custody.

[krlitz]

I am from Michigan and this question is for my friend who is going through a divorce right now.

She (lets call her Mia) originally filled about 1 and a half years ago and the courts were dragging it out for awhile due their child. Both of them missed a court date, thinking it was the following day, and the court made them refile. Anyway, her husband (let's call him Caleb) is filing this time.

Question about Alimony: Mia put aside school and stayed home fulltime to take care of their daughter and allow Caleb to go to school while working. She read somewhere that since she did she might be eligible for alimony until she gets on her feet. When they first filed it was when the marriage was only 3.5 years but now it will be about 5 years, which is apparently when alimony becomes an option in Michigan. Is that actually something she would be able to qualify for or is it not an option due to her first filing after only 3.5 years? (They were together 3 years before getting married and she was dependent on him the whole time.)

Question about Divorce: Caleb left his wife for someone else. Does adultery weigh in on divorce proceedings? He is currently living with this woman and they are apparently trying to have a baby. I know that personal choices usually aren't a legal matter but it seems kind of odd to have a child while still legally married and not paying child support on your first baby.


Very important Questions about Child Custody: Caleb has told Mia many times that he will take their daughter, Jessi, away from her. He has a really good, high paying job, and at the moment, as a former fulltime mom, Mia is struggling with a minimum wage job. Most of this is just talk to get her to do what he wants, specifically, not have to pay any child support. He didn't pay child support at all for a several months, even after the courts told him that he had to and an amount was agreed upon. It wasn't until he was informed that this would make his custody battle look terrible that he finally paid. (Mia has proof he didn't pay but she did not report him because she had been hoping for a smooth divorce and amicable split.)

He also does not take care of his daughter. He works nights and when he isn't working he is out drinking and leaves his girlfriend (the woman he was cheating with) to take care of Jessi. This is every weekend and usually the entire time. He has also just skipped weekends while still only paying child support for the original agreed upon amount (their current custody is he gets every weekend with her and she gets the week).

Finally, yesterday Mia was on Facebook when she saw a picture of her daughter (who is three) kissing a strange man on the lips (the man had his shirt off). This picture was not on Caleb's page, it was on the girlfriend's brother's page, (who it turned out was the stranger with his shirt off) When Mia confronted Caleb about it he said "Get over it." Either the brother had been spending the night at their apartment or Jessi was being babysat by him. Either way, it was an odd picture which she did screencap.

Now I know that the father has a right to his child and Caleb was one of my closest friends so I am not saying his child should be taken from him, but his blatant disregard for his child's safety is disconcerting. Also, it is known that his girlfriend was molested and possibly raped by a member of her family (she told Mia when they were still friends, before she was cheating with Caleb) but she's never said who, or if there is more then one, and she would never admit this in court.


I just want to know if she has a case? She didn't want to get a lawyer because she is really struggling right now but is seriously considering it. (although it would sap all her cash) should she get a lawyer? Does she have a case for full custody or at least one weekend a month?

 

[LdiJ]

I am from Michigan and this question is for my friend who is going through a divorce right now.

She (lets call her Mia) originally filled about 1 and a half years ago and the courts were dragging it out for awhile due their child. Both of them missed a court date, thinking it was the following day, and the court made them refile. Anyway, her husband (let's call him Caleb) is filing this time.

Question about Alimony: Mia put aside school and stayed home fulltime to take care of their daughter and allow Caleb to go to school while working. She read somewhere that since she did she might be eligible for alimony until she gets on her feet. When they first filed it was when the marriage was only 3.5 years but now it will be about 5 years, which is apparently when alimony becomes an option in Michigan. Is that actually something she would be able to qualify for or is it not an option due to her first filing after only 3.5 years? (They were together 3 years before getting married and she was dependent on him the whole time.)

Question about Divorce: Caleb left his wife for someone else. Does adultery weigh in on divorce proceedings? He is currently living with this woman and they are apparently trying to have a baby. I know that personal choices usually aren't a legal matter but it seems kind of odd to have a child while still legally married and not paying child support on your first baby.


Very important Questions about Child Custody: Caleb has told Mia many times that he will take their daughter, Jessi, away from her. He has a really good, high paying job, and at the moment, as a former fulltime mom, Mia is struggling with a minimum wage job. Most of this is just talk to get her to do what he wants, specifically, not have to pay any child support. He didn't pay child support at all for a several months, even after the courts told him that he had to and an amount was agreed upon. It wasn't until he was informed that this would make his custody battle look terrible that he finally paid. (Mia has proof he didn't pay but she did not report him because she had been hoping for a smooth divorce and amicable split.)

He also does not take care of his daughter. He works nights and when he isn't working he is out drinking and leaves his girlfriend (the woman he was cheating with) to take care of Jessi. This is every weekend and usually the entire time. He has also just skipped weekends while still only paying child support for the original agreed upon amount (their current custody is he gets every weekend with her and she gets the week).

Finally, yesterday Mia was on Facebook when she saw a picture of her daughter (who is three) kissing a strange man on the lips (the man had his shirt off). This picture was not on Caleb's page, it was on the girlfriend's brother's page, (who it turned out was the stranger with his shirt off) When Mia confronted Caleb about it he said "Get over it." Either the brother had been spending the night at their apartment or Jessi was being babysat by him. Either way, it was an odd picture which she did screencap.

Now I know that the father has a right to his child and Caleb was one of my closest friends so I am not saying his child should be taken from him, but his blatant disregard for his child's safety is disconcerting. Also, it is known that his girlfriend was molested and possibly raped by a member of her family (she told Mia when they were still friends, before she was cheating with Caleb) but she's never said who, or if there is more then one, and she would never admit this in court.


I just want to know if she has a case? She didn't want to get a lawyer because she is really struggling right now but is seriously considering it. (although it would sap all her cash) should she get a lawyer? Does she have a case for full custody or at least one weekend a month?

She has a strong case for maintaining the status quo, and at least a shot at getting one weekend a month as well. However, if dad has an attorney, she may get steamrolled if she doesn't have one as well.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am from Michigan and this question is for my friend who is going through a divorce right now.

She (lets call her Mia) originally filled about 1 and a half years ago and the courts were dragging it out for awhile due their child. Both of them missed a court date, thinking it was the following day, and the court made them refile. Anyway, her husband (let's call him Caleb) is filing this time.

Question about Alimony: Mia put aside school and stayed home fulltime to take care of their daughter and allow Caleb to go to school while working. She read somewhere that since she did she might be eligible for alimony until she gets on her feet. When they first filed it was when the marriage was only 3.5 years but now it will be about 5 years, which is apparently when alimony becomes an option in Michigan. Is that actually something she would be able to qualify for or is it not an option due to her first filing after only 3.5 years? (They were together 3 years before getting married and she was dependent on him the whole time.)

Question about Divorce: Caleb left his wife for someone else. Does adultery weigh in on divorce proceedings? He is currently living with this woman and they are apparently trying to have a baby. I know that personal choices usually aren't a legal matter but it seems kind of odd to have a child while still legally married and not paying child support on your first baby.


Very important Questions about Child Custody: Caleb has told Mia many times that he will take their daughter, Jessi, away from her. He has a really good, high paying job, and at the moment, as a former fulltime mom, Mia is struggling with a minimum wage job. Most of this is just talk to get her to do what he wants, specifically, not have to pay any child support. He didn't pay child support at all for a several months, even after the courts told him that he had to and an amount was agreed upon. It wasn't until he was informed that this would make his custody battle look terrible that he finally paid. (Mia has proof he didn't pay but she did not report him because she had been hoping for a smooth divorce and amicable split.)

He also does not take care of his daughter. He works nights and when he isn't working he is out drinking and leaves his girlfriend (the woman he was cheating with) to take care of Jessi. This is every weekend and usually the entire time. He has also just skipped weekends while still only paying child support for the original agreed upon amount (their current custody is he gets every weekend with her and she gets the week).

Finally, yesterday Mia was on Facebook when she saw a picture of her daughter (who is three) kissing a strange man on the lips (the man had his shirt off). This picture was not on Caleb's page, it was on the girlfriend's brother's page, (who it turned out was the stranger with his shirt off) When Mia confronted Caleb about it he said "Get over it." Either the brother had been spending the night at their apartment or Jessi was being babysat by him. Either way, it was an odd picture which she did screencap.

Now I know that the father has a right to his child and Caleb was one of my closest friends so I am not saying his child should be taken from him, but his blatant disregard for his child's safety is disconcerting. Also, it is known that his girlfriend was molested and possibly raped by a member of her family (she told Mia when they were still friends, before she was cheating with Caleb) but she's never said who, or if there is more then one, and she would never admit this in court.


I just want to know if she has a case? She didn't want to get a lawyer because she is really struggling right now but is seriously considering it. (although it would sap all her cash) should she get a lawyer? Does she have a case for full custody or at least one weekend a month?

are you Mia's new boyfriend?

 

[stealth2]

Mia needs to either post for herself or speak with an attorney. Really.

 

[Proserpina]

For once, I agree.

Let's just call them "unrelated legal strangers", shall we?

And for some reason, that first post just left a really bad taste in my mouth. OP is clearly, deliberately painting "Mia" as the poor hapless victim, while "Caleb" is obviously cast as the Anti-Christ. I know many (most?) posters insist on stretching the truth just a tad, but c'mon now.
So let's just touch on this bit.

He also does not take care of his daughter. He works nights and when he isn't working he is out drinking and leaves his girlfriend (the woman he was cheating with) to take care of Jessi. This is every weekend and usually the entire time. He has also just skipped weekends while still only paying child support for the original agreed upon amount (their current custody is he gets every weekend with her and she gets the week).

I can only assume from this that Mia would be just fine with Girlfriend doing the child-raising so long as Caleb is within yelling distance. Would Mia prefer that Jessi is put to bed very early so Dad and Girlfriend can finish off a bottle of vodka together and watch a Ron Jeremy biopic?

Finally, yesterday Mia was on Facebook when she saw a picture of her daughter (who is three) kissing a strange man on the lips (the man had his shirt off). This picture was not on Caleb's page, it was on the girlfriend's brother's page, (who it turned out was the stranger with his shirt off) When Mia confronted Caleb about it he said "Get over it." Either the brother had been spending the night at their apartment or Jessi was being babysat by him. Either way, it was an odd picture which she did screencap.

Now I know that the father has a right to his child and Caleb was one of my closest friends so I am not saying his child should be taken from him, but his blatant disregard for his child's safety is disconcerting. Also, it is known that his girlfriend was molested and possibly raped by a member of her family (she told Mia when they were still friends, before she was cheating with Caleb) but she's never said who, or if there is more then one, and she would never admit this in court.

I'm sorry, but this is just absurd to the point where the word "absurd" just isn't doing it. "Blatant disregard" ? The child is affectionate (I better tell my husband to stop kissing our granddaughter) with someone else and suddenly she's now at risk of...something? Caleb is correct in telling her to get over it.

I do have some advice for Mia.

Mia, I understand that you're very hurt (which is natural) and that you're afraid. But if this is what you're going to put in front of a judge, you will get totaled in court. I'm deadly serious. If you start this as a battle you better be equipped to fight because your (over-involved) friend is making you sound markedly less than stable.

Wrt alimony, Dad should really fight like hell to get that thrown out of the window - Mom is obviously capable of supporting herself (they've been separated for a substantial amount of time).

 

[LdiJ]

For once, I agree.

Let's just call them "unrelated legal strangers", shall we?

And for some reason, that first post just left a really bad taste in my mouth. OP is clearly, deliberately painting "Mia" as the poor hapless victim, while "Caleb" is obviously cast as the Anti-Christ. I know many (most?) posters insist on stretching the truth just a tad, but c'mon now.
So let's just touch on this bit.



I can only assume from this that Mia would be just fine with Girlfriend doing the child-raising so long as Caleb is within yelling distance. Would Mia prefer that Jessi is put to bed very early so Dad and Girlfriend can finish off a bottle of vodka together and watch a Ron Jeremy biopic?



I'm sorry, but this is just absurd to the point where the word "absurd" just isn't doing it. "Blatant disregard" ? The child is affectionate (I better tell my husband to stop kissing our granddaughter) with someone else and suddenly she's now at risk of...something? Caleb is correct in telling her to get over it.

I do have some advice for Mia.

Mia, I understand that you're very hurt (which is natural) and that you're afraid. But if this is what you're going to put in front of a judge, you will get totaled in court. I'm deadly serious. If you start this as a battle you better be equipped to fight because your (over-involved) friend is making you sound markedly less than stable.

Wrt alimony, Dad should really fight like hell to get that thrown out of the window - Mom is obviously capable of supporting herself (they've been separated for a substantial amount of time).

There were two things in there that make me view it a tiny bit differently. First, the OP described Caleb as one of his/her best friends. Second, the shirtless picture of a man, on facebook, kissing the three year old on the mouth made me just a tad uncomfortable. I would probably have thought nothing of it had he been fully clothed, but the picture was on the shirtless man's own facebook page and I cannot think of many people who wouldn't be cautious about how a picture like that might look. I cannot see them posting it themselves on their own facebook page.

I think that maybe this might be a mutual friend of both of them that is actually worried about Caleb messing things up.

 

[Ohiogal]

There were two things in there that make me view it a tiny bit differently. First, the OP described Caleb as one of his/her best friends. Second, the shirtless picture of a man, on facebook, kissing the three year old on the mouth made me just a tad uncomfortable. I would probably have thought nothing of it had he been fully clothed, but the picture was on the shirtless man's own facebook page and I cannot think of many people who wouldn't be cautious about how a picture like that might look. I cannot see them posting it themselves on their own facebook page.

I think that maybe this might be a mutual friend of both of them that is actually worried about Caleb messing things up.

Actually OP didn't describe Caleb as currently one of his/her best friends -- it was past tense:

Caleb was one of my closest friends

And then the rest of it follows with what Proserpina was saying. Every line bashes Caleb while making Mia a princess. I believe there is bias going on here completely to the side of Mia and things may very well be exaggerated.

 

[LdiJ]

Actually OP didn't describe Caleb as currently one of his/her best friends -- it was past tense:



And then the rest of it follows with what Proserpina was saying. Every line bashes Caleb while making Mia a princess. I believe there is bias going on here completely to the side of Mia and things may very well be exaggerated.

Oh, I do not disagree that things could be exaggerated. That is a given in every story we hear. I also missed the past tense. However, I am still a bit disturbed by the facebook picture.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm not understanding why a photo should be disturbing.

"This is my brother, who just got here from Amsterdam and met my daughter for the first time - they bonded!"

"This is Girlfriend's bro and Little One posing while they're soaking up the son"

Particularly on a hot day, you're going to find top-naked men, and sometimes those men have young nieces and nephews, or friends with kids, or kids of their own, or anything else.

What am I missing, because I'd guess a whole bunch of posters would be asking the same, y'know?

 

[LdiJ]

I'm not understanding why a photo should be disturbing.

"This is my brother, who just got here from Amsterdam and met my daughter for the first time - they bonded!"

"This is Girlfriend's bro and Little One posing while they're soaking up the son"

Particularly on a hot day, you're going to find top-naked men, and sometimes those men have young nieces and nephews, or friends with kids, or kids of their own, or anything else.

What am I missing, because I'd guess a whole bunch of posters would be asking the same, y'know?

I agree...without the context of the photo, it could be disturbing or it could be completely innocent. We don't know the context.

 

[Silverplum]

What is missing is OP's response/s to HER OWN thread last June.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/custody-battle-husband-turning-ugly-606407.html

 

[Zigner]

What is missing is OP's response/s to HER OWN thread last June.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/custody-battle-husband-turning-ugly-606407.html

At least we now know she's from MI

 

[LdiJ]

What is missing is OP's response/s to HER OWN thread last June.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/custody-battle-husband-turning-ugly-606407.html

And her own thread sounds eerily similar to this one.

 

[Proserpina]

Oh my goodness gracious me.

I get that divorce is inherently difficult and stressful - but do we have to have all of the melodrama? Maybe turn the frown upside down and make it mellow-drama?

The simple facts are these:

Mom & Dad separated.

Mom & Dad have child.

It looks like child lives with Mom.

Mom is, naturally, hurt and in this case that might actually be the killer - unless she can separate the legalities from the emotional aspects, Dad's attorney is going to eat her for breakfast.

Mom also needs to perhaps distance herself from those who are enabling her and creating a less-than-favorable picture (even though that's clearly not the intent). The court won't buy that for a nanosecond and her attitude and presentation are critical in court.

Finally, Mom should spend some time reading these and other forums. She'll get a free education and she'll learn what does and doesn't matter in court.

 

[krlitz]

I am actually Mia's friend. Me, Mia, and Caleb were all really good friends for years and I am still on friendly terms with him but some of the stuff he does is really disturbing. Mia was staying with me about a year ago while I was going through my own legal issues. I guess she used my account to ask questions about her case. I didn't realize that.

Anyway. The reason the picture is disturbing is because the guy in the picture is in his 20's. It's not like it's a little kid. Also, Caleb has been on a really bad downward self destructive spiral. He was going to school to be cop and then got up in the middle of class, screamed at his professor that he was done, and left. He quit a good job, got into really bad habits. He was drinking before but it has gotten really bad. Before he left my friend there was an incident where he wanted to drive drunk to go pick up his daughter (there had been a drunk driving incident previously where he stole the keys from Mia and shoved her against the wall before taking off in the car).

Now Caleb was my friend but it's like he going through a quarter life crisis. I'm as concerned for him as I am for Mia, but most of all, I'm concerned for their daughter.

And Mia isn't perfect. Their relationship wasn't perfect at all but just because something seems incredibly one sided doesn't mean it is actually biased. My friend is still hopelessly in love with Caleb and nine times out of ten, she does what he wants to make him happy. She really wants a smooth divorce and can't let that go even though it's clearly not smooth anymore.

Anyway, my only question was, does she have a case? Should she get a lawyer (he does not have one)? The only reason she was asking about alimony is because her husband had her put everything they bought in her name because he was planning on leaving her. The house, the car, and when he left everything was foreclosed on and repossessed so her credit is bad now and she's in debt. If she doesn't have a case that's fine, I was just wondering.