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Question about Step-Parent Rights

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djohnson said:
None of this matters if he custody order doesn't state that. We need to know what the custody order states if their isn't an agreement. Which parent has final say? If it's dad and he authorized the step mom, then the mom has no choice. Even if the dad agrees it might be over the top. It's something that should have been discussed yes, but who has final say?
With joint legal custody mom has a say in the medical care pertaining to her child even if she does not have final say. Even if she did not have final say and felt that the care her child was recieving/not recieving there could be avenues available to her to have the matter addressed if it is a matter of serious concern, such as a child being put on anti-psychotics without any diagnosis of mental illness.

Regardless of custody arrangments or issues - unless there is a court order to the contrary mom has every right to access to the doctor that prescribed this medication and any records pertaining to such diagnosis/treatment.

God only knows what SM could have told the doctor to get him to prescribe the medication if it is truly not needed, as mom seems to believe. If the information in the medical records, that SM gave the doctor, is not true then it may give mom something more to work with in regards to protecting her child from further incidents.

OR it could be that the medication can be used for purposes other than just the primary purpose of the medication. There are many medications available that have multiple purposes and uses or that even if they are made primarily for one condition they are known to be exceptionally effective in treating a different condition. The only way for mom to know is to talk to the doctor.

The first thing mom needs to do is find out WHY this doctor prescribed this medication to her child.
 


abstract99

Senior Member
lisa9786 said:
That's part of why I'm asking - he isn't caring for his own child, he's allowing his wife to take charge of them medically, claiming he's too busy to leave work, and I particularly object to a doctor that she took my oldest son to who prescribed him an anti-psychotic medication (he's normal, he's a teenager and she can't deal with that). She did not consult their father before picking this quack nor did she consult him when she filled the prescription.

Fortunately, I discovered this before my son took any pills. Once I discovered this and asked my ex-husband about it, he too, was upset about the prescription, but not about her choice of doctor.

We have a very amicable divorce, I'm just trying to find out what her legal rights are when it comes to my kids. Thanks again!
When my wife was in the military she took the children to the doctor all the time. Why? Because she did not lose pay to take time off of work whereas I did. I don't think it is too much for Step-Mom to take the child to the doctor. How do you know that she didn't talk to dad before she administered any medicine? Are you spying on them? You can't take the word of the child because we all know that parents don't talk about everthing with the children.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
djohnson said:
None of this matters if he custody order doesn't state that. We need to know what the custody order states if their isn't an agreement. Which parent has final say? If it's dad and he authorized the step mom, then the mom has no choice. Even if the dad agrees it might be over the top. It's something that should have been discussed yes, but who has final say?
I want to point out depending on the situation there may not be a FINAL SAY person. My husband has 50/50 custody and there NOT a primary with a final say and a judge has said what dad does is his business and what mom does is her business.
 

djohnson

Senior Member
tigger22472 said:
I want to point out depending on the situation there may not be a FINAL SAY person. My husband has 50/50 custody and there NOT a primary with a final say and a judge has said what dad does is his business and what mom does is her business.

Right, that is one of the things I was trying to say. Until we know what the order says. We can't really say that mom has the right to get stop what dad does. OP needs to comeback and say what her order really says, and what the medicine was actually given for. I have a feeling it makes a difference here.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
djohnson said:
Right, that is one of the things I was trying to say. Until we know what the order says. We can't really say that mom has the right to get stop what dad does. OP needs to comeback and say what her order really says, and what the medicine was actually given for. I have a feeling it makes a difference here.
Correct. People assume that joint custody means you have a say in everything and although I disagreed with what the judge told my husband .... that's what he said. But then of course everyone else in town would ask "who's the primary?" When stated there wasn't one my husband has literally been told by school officials and others he needed to go 'fix that'..
 
tigger22472 said:
Correct. People assume that joint custody means you have a say in everything and although I disagreed with what the judge told my husband .... that's what he said. But then of course everyone else in town would ask "who's the primary?" When stated there wasn't one my husband has literally been told by school officials and others he needed to go 'fix that'..
Was the Judge that said this to your husband talking about instances that could be threatening to the health and safety of a child, as medical concerns can be? I think not. :rolleyes:
 

djohnson

Senior Member
justlilolme said:
Was the Judge that said this to your husband talking about instances that could be threatening to the health and safety of a child, as medical concerns can be? I think not. :rolleyes:
They don't give instances. Just state whoever has physical custody at that time has final say at that time. That's why its not a great order, but I have heard of it several times. And if it is (as I suspect in this case) that the medicine is actually for ADD or ADHD and one parent agrees and the other doesn't, who wins? Unless there is a final say person the mom won't be giving the medicine on her time and dad might. That's not fair to the child. It's just to hard to give OP exact advice without knowing a few particulars.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
djohnson said:
They don't give instances. Just state whoever has physical custody at that time has final say at that time. That's why its not a great order, but I have heard of it several times. And if it is (as I suspect in this case) that the medicine is actually for ADD or ADHD and one parent agrees and the other doesn't, who wins? Unless there is a final say person the mom won't be giving the medicine on her time and dad might. That's not fair to the child. It's just to hard to give OP exact advice without knowing a few particulars.

Exactly dj.. thank you. The judge simply said what mom does is her business and what dad does is his. AND continually said that if they couldn't agree someone should file for full custody. My husband had educational concerns because mom had child in several activities and her grades were suffering and she was having other problems in school (no it wasn't medical but it was still something that could 'harm' the child) and as dj stated was told that if dad didn't do it when daughter was at his house it was none of his concern. The point is as dj stated no one had a final say and could do as they wanted.
 
tigger22472 said:
Exactly dj.. thank you. The judge simply said what mom does is her business and what dad does is his. AND continually said that if they couldn't agree someone should file for full custody. My husband had educational concerns because mom had child in several activities and her grades were suffering and she was having other problems in school (no it wasn't medical but it was still something that could 'harm' the child) and as dj stated was told that if dad didn't do it when daughter was at his house it was none of his concern. The point is as dj stated no one had a final say and could do as they wanted.
My guess would be that your husband was unable to prove any 'harm' (educational or otherwise) to the child by her involvement in the extracurricular activities. So it seems to me that the judge did address the matter that the father felt may be an area of concern and made a ruling on that particular matter. Although, I am only speculating since I obviously was not there and do not know the details. ;)
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
justlilolme said:
My guess would be that your husband was unable to prove any 'harm' (educational or otherwise) to the child by her involvement in the extracurricular activities. So it seems to me that the judge did address the matter that the father felt may be an area of concern and made a ruling on that particular matter. Although, I am only speculating since I obviously was not there and do not know the details. ;)
Quite the contrary. He had statements from teachers stating the problems that had occurred not only with behavior but also with sleeping in class.. etc.He had behavior reports... all of that. In fact when mother's lawyer went on and on about how the child was thriving in school (about another issue) the judge in fact stated that it was obvious that wasn't true. My husband had also stated to the judge he did not have a problem with activities as long as it was too much (mom had her in 3 at one time) and it didn't affect the school work and that his issue was that mom had said she was going to do what she wanted on her time. However, you put a child in for instance basketball and she goes to practice and games for two weeks then stop for two weeks, not only does the child not understand but it also lets a team down. As I said, the judge just repeated (as he did throughout) what each parent did on their own time was their business.
 
tigger22472 said:
Quite the contrary. He had statements from teachers stating the problems that had occurred not only with behavior but also with sleeping in class.. etc.He had behavior reports... all of that. In fact when mother's lawyer went on and on about how the child was thriving in school (about another issue) the judge in fact stated that it was obvious that wasn't true. My husband had also stated to the judge he did not have a problem with activities as long as it was too much (mom had her in 3 at one time) and it didn't affect the school work and that his issue was that mom had said she was going to do what she wanted on her time. However, you put a child in for instance basketball and she goes to practice and games for two weeks then stop for two weeks, not only does the child not understand but it also lets a team down. As I said, the judge just repeated (as he did throughout) what each parent did on their own time was their business.
Look Tigger, you already stated that the Judge didn't just say tough cookies if the parents cannot agree when you stated "The judge simply said what mom does is her business and what dad does is his. AND continually said that if they couldn't agree someone should file for full custody."

If a parent feels that there is a danger to their child, medically, educationally, or whatever, the Courts do have the power to address the matter and make a change if it is necessary to make a change. Apparently the Judge on your husband's case didn't feel there was enough of a threat or harm being caused to the child to warrant a change. Final say authority or not does not prevent a parent from protecting their child from imminent danger.
 
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tigger22472

Senior Member
Look I'm done arguing with you. I know what the judge said.. and I know what powers the judge has.. yes he had the power to make it where both parents agreed but he did not have the power to grant full custody to either parent without someone petitioning it HENCE his statement, just as even though my husband would be entitled to CS he couldn't grant it because it wasn't petitioned for (just for the record my husband didn't ask for it... the judge brought it up and told him if he petitioned for it he would be granted it but it was not petitioned for so it could not be addressed). The POINT of this ENTIRE thread is that the OP hasn't stated what the court order says and if there is someone with final say or not.. THAT IS THE POINT.
 

casa

Senior Member
djohnson said:
They don't give instances. Just state whoever has physical custody at that time has final say at that time. That's why its not a great order, but I have heard of it several times. And if it is (as I suspect in this case) that the medicine is actually for ADD or ADHD and one parent agrees and the other doesn't, who wins? Unless there is a final say person the mom won't be giving the medicine on her time and dad might. That's not fair to the child. It's just to hard to give OP exact advice without knowing a few particulars.
Except they don't prescribe anti-psychotic medication for ADD & ADHD- they provide stimulant medication or some such similar medication without stimulants.
 

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