trustknow1 said:
Just tossing out another possibility. As with everything else, you are really the only one that can assess things...you are there...we are guessing.
Overcompensation is a frequent behavior exhibited by children when one parent leaves the household. They often wonder if the parent left as a result of something regarding them. They exhibit this "overprotective" behavior because they are afraid the other parent might also "leave them."
They may try to be a "little angel" so the remaining parent will not "leave".
They may "over-protect" the remaining parent in an attempt to portray themselves as an "asset" worthy of keeping.
It is a terrible thing for any kid to feel this way. The constant reassurance of "I love you, always will, and will never leave you" concept helps alot. Being careful to shield kids from Parents' conversations, and avoid interrogating them about the other parent's activities, or choosing between parents in any way, or using them as messengers goes a long way in preventing this....and is also helpful in repairing damage.
Along those lines I will add a personal experience.
When my ex and I split up (he left...another woman....however we managed to remain friends) our then three year old daughter constantly asked me..."can we get daddy a really good present so he will come home?"
For a long time, no matter how carefully I explained things to her, she honestly believed that if we got dad a really good present that he would come home. Our daughter went back and forth between being overly protective of her dad....and being furiously angry with her dad.
What helped her the most was the fact that her dad and I continued to be good friends (wasn't easy...BELIEVE me, for either of us...but we made it happen) So, today he and I have a "sibling/best friend like" relationship...and she is an almost 18 year old happy camper.
In fact....our relationship is so comfortable that he calls me asking for tax/accounting advice for his girlfriend's family (yeah, the same one he left me for all those years ago, they never married) and I give them the advice for free...LOL......and when he comes to visit (lives out of state and stays at my house when he visits) I get him to do all those "manly" chores like fixing plumbing etc... In fact, I have done
his taxes for him every year since we split up.
So....everybody decides how things are going to be....and has equal control/responsibility.