RE: court psycologist

[jlc52904]

RE: court psycologist

What is the name of your state?UT. The court appointed psycologist says that my 7 year old is "severly over protective" of her mother. She wouldnt tell me what that means psycologially (we will find out at trial).I was told that this might mean shes afraid of her mother. My 7 year old has also told me that she wouldnt tell her mom she wanted to come home because it would make her mad.

Does anyone know if that means shes afraid of her? Could she have abused her in some way?? Any imput would be greatly appreciated.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?UT. The court appointed psycologist says that my 7 year old is "severly over protective" of her mother. She wouldnt tell me what that means psycologially (we will find out at trial).I was told that this might mean shes afraid of her mother. My 7 year old has also told me that she wouldnt tell her mom she wanted to come home because it would make her mad.

Does anyone know if that means shes afraid of her? Could she have abused her in some way?? Any imput would be greatly appreciated.

No, it doesn't mean that your child is afraid of her. It means that your child feels the need to protect her mother.....that she is overprotective of her mother's feelings. (I think the other poster misunderstood you to be saying that the mother was severly over protective of the child, rather than the reverse)....and feels overly responsible for making sure that her mother is happy. That is completely different than being afraid of her mother. Its more like being afraid FOR her mother. In other words, your child has taken on part of the adult role, from an emotional level.

 

[Mbarr77]

No, it doesn't mean that your child is afraid of her. It means that your child feels the need to protect her mother.....that she is overprotective of her mother's feelings. (I think the other poster misunderstood you to be saying that the mother was severly over protective of the child, rather than the reverse)....and feels overly responsible for making sure that her mother is happy. That is completely different than being afraid of her mother. Its more like being afraid FOR her mother. In other words, your child has taken on part of the adult role, from an emotional level.

You are right, when I first read it I read it incorrectly, that is why I deleted my response. Sorry!

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state?UT. The court appointed psycologist says that my 7 year old is "severly over protective" of her mother. She wouldnt tell me what that means psycologially (we will find out at trial).I was told that this might mean shes afraid of her mother. My 7 year old has also told me that she wouldnt tell her mom she wanted to come home because it would make her mad.

Does anyone know if that means shes afraid of her? Could she have abused her in some way?? Any imput would be greatly appreciated.

And is feeling her mother needs protection- from what I have no clue. This could go for or against your side...For; if it comes out that the reason is mother using child to get emotional needs met, or instilling fear in the child of you or things outside relationship with her Mom. Against; if she's being put in the position of defending her mother by actions of other adults via intimidation or pressure or threat, etc., or that she feels more aligned with her Mother emotionally in the custody issue. (remember she could be telling either one of you want you want to hear, and meanwhile feeling very anxious of the outcome either way)

 

[jlc52904]

Well my daughter doesnt know that her mother is trying to get custody back as of yet.

Like I said previously my daughter told me that she wanted to come home early this summer but didnt tell her mom because she would get mad. When she came home this summer she started asking me weird questions about "would we ever hurt her, and do we do drugs" I answered both No which is the truth. Then I asked her where she heard that and she told me her mom said that we were bad people and would hurt her, and that when she grows up she shouldnt do drugs like her daddy.

That was the answer I got when i asked her how her summer was! I was shocked.

 

[Mbarr77]

I have had some experience with circumstances such as these. My daughter lives with her father, and SMOM and my daughter became very overprotective of her SMOM. Was very afraid to hurt her feelings, and would often talk bad about me to make her Smom feel good! It took us going to a psychologist for it to actually be documented that this was actually what was occuring, because she was hearing bad things be said by the Smom about me. (in some cases is known as Parental Alienation Syndrome)

Now, I am not claiming to be a doctor, or saying that is the same thing in your case, but if you want to look at all possibilities that maybe the same type situation.

If you go to deltabravo.net, and look in the article guide it gives alot of great articles on PAS. Again, this is just a suggestion! It is also possible, as other posters have said, that she does just feel overly protective of her mother!!

 

[jlc52904]

Thank You. I know that my wife would never talk badly about my ex. (she was also a step child) And she knows the damage it does. Plus this has been going on for some time b4 my wife and I got together. I have never talked bad about her either, I refuse to play those games

 

[weenor]

A Thought

Children of drug and alcohol abusers are often overly protective of that parent. That was my first thought when I read your initial post. Then when you mentioned drugs in your second. . . well. I thinks some investigation may be in order.

 

[LdiJ]

Well my daughter doesnt know that her mother is trying to get custody back as of yet.

Like I said previously my daughter told me that she wanted to come home early this summer but didnt tell her mom because she would get mad. When she came home this summer she started asking me weird questions about "would we ever hurt her, and do we do drugs" I answered both No which is the truth. Then I asked her where she heard that and she told me her mom said that we were bad people and would hurt her, and that when she grows up she shouldnt do drugs like her daddy.

That was the answer I got when i asked her how her summer was! I was shocked.

If you honestly don't do any drugs then that isn't an issue that you need to worry about. However, if you do, even occasionally, I would recommend that you stop.

 

[jlc52904]

Like I said neither myself nor my wife use drugs at all. The point was my ex is telling my daughter this among other things. I was simply stating some of the things that my daughter told us her mother said.

 

[trustknow1]

Just tossing out another possibility. As with everything else, you are really the only one that can assess things...you are there...we are guessing.

Overcompensation is a frequent behavior exhibited by children when one parent leaves the household. They often wonder if the parent left as a result of something regarding them. They exhibit this "overprotective" behavior because they are afraid the other parent might also "leave them."

They may try to be a "little angel" so the remaining parent will not "leave".
They may "over-protect" the remaining parent in an attempt to portray themselves as an "asset" worthy of keeping.

It is a terrible thing for any kid to feel this way. The constant reassurance of "I love you, always will, and will never leave you" concept helps alot. Being careful to shield kids from Parents' conversations, and avoid interrogating them about the other parent's activities, or choosing between parents in any way, or using them as messengers goes a long way in preventing this....and is also helpful in repairing damage.

 

[LdiJ]

Just tossing out another possibility. As with everything else, you are really the only one that can assess things...you are there...we are guessing.

Overcompensation is a frequent behavior exhibited by children when one parent leaves the household. They often wonder if the parent left as a result of something regarding them. They exhibit this "overprotective" behavior because they are afraid the other parent might also "leave them."

They may try to be a "little angel" so the remaining parent will not "leave".
They may "over-protect" the remaining parent in an attempt to portray themselves as an "asset" worthy of keeping.

It is a terrible thing for any kid to feel this way. The constant reassurance of "I love you, always will, and will never leave you" concept helps alot. Being careful to shield kids from Parents' conversations, and avoid interrogating them about the other parent's activities, or choosing between parents in any way, or using them as messengers goes a long way in preventing this....and is also helpful in repairing damage.

Along those lines I will add a personal experience.

When my ex and I split up (he left...another woman....however we managed to remain friends) our then three year old daughter constantly asked me..."can we get daddy a really good present so he will come home?"

For a long time, no matter how carefully I explained things to her, she honestly believed that if we got dad a really good present that he would come home. Our daughter went back and forth between being overly protective of her dad....and being furiously angry with her dad.

What helped her the most was the fact that her dad and I continued to be good friends (wasn't easy...BELIEVE me, for either of us...but we made it happen) So, today he and I have a "sibling/best friend like" relationship...and she is an almost 18 year old happy camper.

In fact....our relationship is so comfortable that he calls me asking for tax/accounting advice for his girlfriend's family (yeah, the same one he left me for all those years ago, they never married) and I give them the advice for free...LOL......and when he comes to visit (lives out of state and stays at my house when he visits) I get him to do all those "manly" chores like fixing plumbing etc... In fact, I have done his taxes for him every year since we split up.

So....everybody decides how things are going to be....and has equal control/responsibility.