Reason for a change in custody?

[CAMomto1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Hello,

I currently share joint physical and legal custody of my two and a half year old daughter with her father. The father and I were never married, but were in a 6 year relationship before we split up. We went to court, established custody, visitation and child support. He hasn't really missed any days of visitation and hasn't missed any child support payments.

Dad gets our daughter on his days off from work, and I have her the rest of the time. I work as a nurse and just finished my second masters degree as a NICU nurse. I am currently employed at a local hospital, but there isn't much room for advancement.

I was recently engaged and my fiance (who lives in another state) has put in for a job relocation so he can move to CA. He works for a government agency, and there is a location about 2 hours from here. There are also several other hospitals in that area that would allow me to advance my career in the future. I have started looking at houses in that area, and have also applied for a couple of positions in the area hospitals.

Here's my question...
If Dad is opposed to this move (which I know he will be), is it possible that he could retain sole physical custody of our daughter? I am sure this is going to have to go to court, I just want to have an idea what I am up against. Is this move enough of a change in circumstance for him to have the current order changed? Our daughter has never been in daycare, I am home with her during the day. I usually only work on the nights that he has her. She is going to start pre-school next year so I think if we are going to move, it should be before that happens.

Some more information:
- I do not have any family in this area, or the area which I am considering moving to. All of his family live here in the area (which I think gives him an advantage)

- He is married (married in August 2010) and has an older daughter (14) who my daughter is close to. My daughter is also close to his new step-daughter (not sure if this is relevant)


Does it work against me that I am only engaged? Does my fiance's possible relocation matter?

Any help that you can provide will be greatly appreciated.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Hello,

I currently share joint physical and legal custody of my two and a half year old daughter with her father. The father and I were never married, but were in a 6 year relationship before we split up. We went to court, established custody, visitation and child support. He hasn't really missed any days of visitation and hasn't missed any child support payments.

Dad gets our daughter on his days off from work, and I have her the rest of the time. I work as a nurse and just finished my second masters degree as a NICU nurse. I am currently employed at a local hospital, but there isn't much room for advancement.

I was recently engaged and my fiance (who lives in another state) has put in for a job relocation so he can move to CA. He works for a government agency, and there is a location about 2 hours from here. There are also several other hospitals in that area that would allow me to advance my career in the future. I have started looking at houses in that area, and have also applied for a couple of positions in the area hospitals.

Here's my question...
If Dad is opposed to this move (which I know he will be), is it possible that he could retain sole physical custody of our daughter? I am sure this is going to have to go to court, I just want to have an idea what I am up against. Is this move enough of a change in circumstance for him to have the current order changed? Our daughter has never been in daycare, I am home with her during the day. I usually only work on the nights that he has her. She is going to start pre-school next year so I think if we are going to move, it should be before that happens.

Some more information:
- I do not have any family in this area, or the area which I am considering moving to. All of his family live here in the area (which I think gives him an advantage)

- He is married (married in August 2010) and has an older daughter (14) who my daughter is close to. My daughter is also close to his new step-daughter (not sure if this is relevant)


Does it work against me that I am only engaged? Does my fiance's possible relocation matter?

Any help that you can provide will be greatly appreciated.

You will have an uphill battle. Dad is a regular part of the child's life. Relocating the child away from Dad will significantly harm their relationship - as well as pulling the child away from its friends, home, etc.

You will have to convince the court that it is in the CHILD'S BEST INTERESTS (not your career or new BF) to be yanked away from Dad and moved 4 hours away. You could ask a local judge how courts typically rule in your area, but you'd be far better off to find something local where you can have better opportunities. Even small towns often have multiple job opportunities for nurses.

 

[CAMomto1]

It's actually only two hours away, and I would be willing to meet him half way for exchanges. That will have to change once she starts school, which is why I am trying to do this before that happens.

Will the court think about what is going to happen once she starts school, or do they have to base their decision on how it is going to affect the current situation?

 

[Silverplum]

It's actually only two hours away, and I would be willing to meet him half way for exchanges. That will have to change once she starts school, which is why I am trying to do this before that happens.

Will the court think about what is going to happen once she starts school, or do they have to base their decision on how it is going to affect the current situation?

How about if you read a whole lot of CA posts on this very topic? There's a whole wealth of info here already posted.

 

[CAMomto1]

Will do, SilverPlum.

 

[Silverplum]

Will do, SilverPlum.

That's great! FA is a giant wealth of info.

Stick to posts from your state, only -- other states don't apply to your situation and will only confuse/upset you.

 

[stealth2]

It's actually only two hours away, and I would be willing to meet him half way for exchanges. That will have to change once she starts school, which is why I am trying to do this before that happens.

Why should he have to drive half way when you're the one creating the distance? And why should Dad and your child have to reduce the time they spend together so that you can get married? How is ANY of this better for the CHILD?

 

[CAMomto1]

I understand what you are saying. I just can't imagine having to face losing custody of my daughter in an attempt to better our lives. I understand that I am able to move, but she isn't. I am not willing to lose custody of her.

Thank you for your advice and input.

 

[challenges]

I am not a lawyer but I am a mom from CA who relocated to another state. The court allowed the relocation because it was for educational purposes leading to better career. I also had no family out here. The court ruled that it was a good faith move not designed to frustrate father. I made sure father would have the same percentage of visitation (30%) that he had been having all along. So our children return to CA for every single school break and the entire summer.

Father protested the move and hired a vocational evaluator to investigate the logic of my switching careers. The judge did not allow that information into the hearing.

Of course don't go by my case but it can happen.

 

[stealth2]

No one said it CAN'T happen - it can and does. But again - WHY is this better for the child? How does Mom intend to make sure Dad and the child maintain the same type of relationship they share now? Why should Dad be penalized by having to drive at least an hour to see his child, when he's not the one moving? Why should Dad not be permitted to participate as fully in his child's life as he has once she starts school?

None of these questions have been answered. And I'm speaking from the perspective of a custodial mother who DID move away (under completely different circumstances).

 

[Silverplum]

I understand what you are saying. I just can't imagine having to face losing custody of my daughter in an attempt to better our lives. I understand that I am able to move, but she isn't. I am not willing to lose custody of her.

Thank you for your advice and input.

But can Dad imagine losing his portion of physical custody of his daughter so you can better your life and be with your new love?

 

[CAMomto1]

But can Dad imagine losing his portion of physical custody of his daughter so you can better your life and be with your new love?

I understand.....

Thank you for putting it in a different perspective. I just feel stuck here and I am trying to figure out what the best thing to do is. I don't want my daughter to lose time with her dad, that is not at all my intention.

I tried to relocate to my home state at the same time custody was being determined, and that request was of course, denied. I thought that it might be easier to move within the state, but it doesn't sound like that is the case.

 

[stealth2]

I guess I'll ask for the THIRD time - WHY IS THIS BETTER FOR YOUR CHILD?!?!?!

And I wonder why you refuse to answer that question.

 

[Silverplum]

I understand.....

Thank you for putting it in a different perspective. I just feel stuck here and I am trying to figure out what the best thing to do is. I don't want my daughter to lose time with her dad, that is not at all my intention.

I tried to relocate to my home state at the same time custody was being determined, and that request was of course, denied. I thought that it might be easier to move within the state, but it doesn't sound like that is the case.

You're welcome. I'm glad you're thinking about it from other points of view.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Having done the relocation, you have to PROVE how the relocation is better for both YOU AND the CHILD, how it isn't to frustrate the parenting time of the other parent and how you are going to maintain a relationship of child with the NCP.

Research virtual parenting time also. Might not apply yet, but it will soon enough.