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  1. #1
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    Reasonable notice for visitation

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
    Yesterday my daughter received a text from her dad saying, "Tell your mom to check her email."
    In the email sent at 3:00pm he asks for a visitation around 7ish. the same night.
    #1 I didn't respond immediately as I was frustrated that he had texted our daughter which is against the court order. The kiddos are to initiate all phone contact.
    #2 Even if he was allowed to contact I don't feel that he should be using her to get to me.
    #3 I don't feel that 4 hours is a reasonable time to request a visitation.
    As it turns out....at 3:30pm I received another email from him stating,
    "Never mind friend is flaking am done with this will wait till courtdate
    will not look good for u limiting our options"

    Dad is responsible for finding a supervisor all agree upon. He has two friends that fit that criteria. He has suggested two others, one was a man that the kiddos and I do not know, the other an old friend of mine that I am no longer friends with. Neither of which are an option in my opinion.
    Unfortunately due to past circumstances, none of my family would be willing to supervise.
    Ultimately I have two questions.
    -Reasonable time is not specified on the new orders.
    Am I being unreasonable to expect more than 4 hours notice for a visitation request? Our next hearing is in September. Can I or should I ask for orders from that hearing to be more specific?
    -Can I possibly be reprimanded for saying "No" to dads two other supervisor suggestions?
    Dad was awarded once a week for one hour visitation.
    He has exercised 3 out of the 8 available weeks.
    The last visitation was for two hours as he took kiddos to breakfast. (I'm ok with that, he was providing a meal and the kiddos wanted more time)
    He provided kiddos with a cell phone so that they may call him, now he's texting it.
    He and I are to email about visitation, yet my mailbox is filled with rantings on other topics that have nothing to do with the kiddos.
    He has no concept of following the court orders. It seems that if I give an inch he takes 10 miles.
    Yet, if I don't give an inch, I am considered unreasonable.
  2. #2
    Humusluvr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by californiamom3 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
    Yesterday my daughter received a text from her dad saying, "Tell your mom to check her email."
    In the email sent at 3:00pm he asks for a visitation around 7ish. the same night.
    #1 I didn't respond immediately as I was frustrated that he had texted our daughter which is against the court order. The kiddos are to initiate all phone contact.
    #2 Even if he was allowed to contact I don't feel that he should be using her to get to me.
    #3 I don't feel that 4 hours is a reasonable time to request a visitation.
    As it turns out....at 3:30pm I received another email from him stating,
    "Never mind friend is flaking am done with this will wait till courtdate
    will not look good for u limiting our options"

    Dad is responsible for finding a supervisor all agree upon. He has two friends that fit that criteria. He has suggested two others, one was a man that the kiddos and I do not know, the other an old friend of mine that I am no longer friends with. Neither of which are an option in my opinion.
    Unfortunately due to past circumstances, none of my family would be willing to supervise.
    Ultimately I have two questions.
    -Reasonable time is not specified on the new orders.
    Am I being unreasonable to expect more than 4 hours notice for a visitation request? Our next hearing is in September. Can I or should I ask for orders from that hearing to be more specific?
    -Can I possibly be reprimanded for saying "No" to dads two other supervisor suggestions?
    Dad was awarded once a week for one hour visitation.
    He has exercised 3 out of the 8 available weeks.
    The last visitation was for two hours as he took kiddos to breakfast. (I'm ok with that, he was providing a meal and the kiddos wanted more time)
    He provided kiddos with a cell phone so that they may call him, now he's texting it.
    He and I are to email about visitation, yet my mailbox is filled with rantings on other topics that have nothing to do with the kiddos.
    He has no concept of following the court orders. It seems that if I give an inch he takes 10 miles.
    Yet, if I don't give an inch, I am considered unreasonable.
    I know how it feels when you give someone an inch and they take a mile.

    Is there some reason kiddo can't text with dad?

    What are the specifics of the order?

    While I don't think you could be dinged for denying a visit in less than four hours (which apparently he could not keep anyways because his friend flaked) ask him politely, in an email -

    Dear Ex,

    I will make every effort to honor your visitation requests if you give me at least 24 hours notice, and inform me of the supervisor.

    Thanks
    Me


    and then try to do that, unless you modify the court order, and then ask for that. No drama, just try to get dad his one visitation a week.

    Ignore the other drama. Pretend like you don't even see it, and don't respond to it, or you'll fuel the fire. If it gets so bad that it is making you nuts, have a friend open his emails, and then have her tell you the pertinent child information, and leave the other stuff out.

    Just some advice.
  3. #3
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    In the order it states, "Children are to initiate contact."
    Otherwise, I don't care if they text vs speak on the phone.
    I do not respond to any of his emails unless it pertains to visitation.
    I have already requested that he give me at least a days notice to arrange visitation.
    I find his most recent email disheartening. What parent would ever give up on trying to arrange visits?
  4. #4
    Humusluvr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by californiamom3 View Post
    In the order it states, "Children are to initiate contact."
    Otherwise, I don't care if they text vs speak on the phone.
    I do not respond to any of his emails unless it pertains to visitation.
    I have already requested that he give me at least a days notice to arrange visitation.
    I find his most recent email disheartening. What parent would ever give up on trying to arrange visits?
    When is court date?

    Any chance you are not making EVERY EFFORT to get dad his time?
  5. #5
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    Court date is September 23rd.
    There was one time he requested visitation...
    all 3 kids were at the county fair with their animals, so we couldn't make it.
    Otherwise, the three other requests have been arranged and followed through without a hitch.
  6. #6
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by californiamom3 View Post
    Court date is September 23rd.
    There was one time he requested visitation...
    all 3 kids were at the county fair with their animals, so we couldn't make it.
    Otherwise, the three other requests have been arranged and followed through without a hitch.
    Why is your former friend not an option? Because you no longer are friends with her? Because she does illegal things? Because she is sleeping with dad? What is the reason she is not an option?
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    Why is your former friend not an option? Because you no longer are friends with her? Because she does illegal things? Because she is sleeping with dad? What is the reason she is not an option?
    She is a dishonest person that I can not trust to be with my children. (an unrelated issue)
    She never really was the friend I thought she was.
  8. #8
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    Why is your former friend not an option? Because you no longer are friends with her? Because she does illegal things? Because she is sleeping with dad? What is the reason she is not an option?
    They have two different supervisors agreed upon...why do you feel that more are required?
  9. #9
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    They have two different supervisors agreed upon...why do you feel that more are required?
    It depends on how limited the schedules are of the supervisors agreed upon. Are they very limited in scheduling? Or are they more open? The more supervisors possible the more it looks like mom is willing to work. It was just a fleeting thought. Not saying it is the crux of dad's argument but rather it could be a consideration so i was curious.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  10. #10
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    supervisors

    If dad can came up with more supervisors that would be great. No problem here. As long as they were somebody that my girls know and feel comfortable with. (thats the whole idea right?)
    In our situation it's a bit difficult.
    Most that were friends with the two of us while married do not ever want to see him again.
    Only two of his previous friends are still his friends.
    One of them seems to be a bit wary.
    The court agreed to not go to Terra Firma. (official supervised visitation spot)
    The girls have had previous harassment issues by other men visiting their children. Not a good spot to be in.
    As far as the supervisor schedules.....I have no idea. I generally don't speak to them outside of dropping kids off on a visitation day.
  11. #11
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    If dad can came up with more supervisors that would be great. No problem here. As long as they were somebody that my girls know and feel comfortable with. (thats the whole idea right?)
    They know your former friend. Why are you sure that THEY are uncomfortable with her? All we know is that YOU are uncomfortable with her.
    In our situation it's a bit difficult.
    Most that were friends with the two of us while married do not ever want to see him again.
    Only two of his previous friends are still his friends.
    One of them seems to be a bit wary.
    The court agreed to not go to Terra Firma. (official supervised visitation spot)
    Okay.
    The girls have had previous harassment issues by other men visiting their children. Not a good spot to be in.
    What? Oh at the visitation center? Were complaints made to Terra Firma regarding that situation?

    As far as the supervisor schedules.....I have no idea. I generally don't speak to them outside of dropping kids off on a visitation day.
    \

    Why not?
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    They know your former friend. Why are you sure that THEY are uncomfortable with her? All we know is that YOU are uncomfortable with her.


    Okay.

    What? Oh at the visitation center? Were complaints made to Terra Firma regarding that situation?

    \

    Why not?
    The issue of distrust involves my children.
    The supervisor at Terra Firma was informed of the problem.
    When this issue was mentioned to the judge she did not seem surprised.
    Two supervisors are originally dads friends from the past. We were all friends during the marriage, then when dad left the country, friends and I did not keep much contact.
    One was a roommate with dad before he left the country. He is the one who informed me of some illegal activity and some other issues concerning dad.
    Friend had childrens best interest in mind. I feel I can trust him. He is also the one who has recently "flaked" on dad. Does make me wonder where friends mind is on all of this. Since I'm not sure I've been holding back on calling him. I don't necessarily want it getting back to dad that I'm checking up on him. Don't know if it would....just not sure.

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