Reasonable visitation schedule for 3yr old w/ out of state parent

[Rhonda22]

What is the name of your state? CA

I currently reside in CA with my 3 year old son and I have been re-married for just over a year. My ex-husband lives out of state and we share physical and legal custody. Our son has been having difficulties with the visitation. The visits have been about 6 times per year and my ex takes him somewhere different each time because he doesn't have a house. My son is suffering from severe anxiety and sleeping problems before and after visits. I want to put a plan in place that is easier on my son. Any advice on what is reasonable for this type of situation?

Also, how is CA regarding gaining sole legal custody? Unfortunately we disagree on everything and I would like to prevent conflict and make basic decision on a daily basis with out conflice.

Thanks,

Rhonda

Anaheim, CA

 

[stealth2]

The best solution to the visitation problems is, quite frankly, more frequent visitation of a shorter duration. Instead of a long visit every other month, a weekend or two each month will make it easier for your son to settle into a comfortable relationship with his father.

 

[kidoday]

Stealth.

Our poster doesn't really want to figure out a better vistation schedule, she wants to gain sole custody so she limit and control the amount of time he gets for visiation.

She is already trying to set the scenario saying

My son is suffering from severe anxiety and sleeping problems before and after visits

My children used to get upset going to daycare, and not always beheave properly when I got them home. I never tried to diagnose them with sever anxiety so they wouldn't have to go back.

Poster, you have to continue with the court ordered visitation from whatever state it was originally orderd.

 

[stealth2]

Oh, I realize that, kido. It doesn't surprise me that the kid may have some problems adjusting before/after time with Dad. If he only sees him every other month - it's new every time. And no doubt Mom is stressed and worried before visits - the kid picks up on that. The solution is not to decrease the time, but to make it more frequent. And for Mom to get over it.

 

[nextwife]

I'm with you both. My kid freaked out whenever I tried to leave her at daycare at 3 (of course, if I hung around and peaked in the room 10 minutes later, she was playing happily). Seperation anxiety goes along with being 3.

The MORE time with Dad, the more comfortable kiddo will be. Dads are very important people and kids need lots of their own time with them.

 

[Gracie3787]

I agree that more time with Dad is needed, and OP may be overeacting a bit. However, OP states that Dad lives out of state and apparently does not have home (in child's state?) to take child to, which could create problems.

OP needs to file for more specific visitation, and ask for a guardian ad litem who can look into Dad's ability to provide child with stable place for visitation.

OP, unless there is a very very good reason for trying to get sole custody (ie; abuse,etc.) you will be giving your child the best gift in life that you could ever give if you do everything you can to assist in Dad/child relationship.