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  1. #1
    dlsnyd1 is offline Junior Member
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    Question refuse a drug test

    What is the name of your state? Maryland

    My son's ex-girlfriend has tried to keep him away from her doctor for months. She kept inviting him, and then at the last minute she would cancel. She is 16, living with a 26 yr old man who also has a drug problem. I told my son to write a registered letter to the doctor. Another parent had already called the doctors office concerned that the girl was doing drugs (ectasy, marijuana). My son did end up going to the doctors visit with his ex-girfriend. The doctor did not mention the letter my son wrote in front of the girl, but pulled him aside and thanked him for writing it. The doctor insisted that she get a drug test. She started crying and refused, then she got mad and said she is getting a new doctor. She is 7 months pregnant. She is on state medical assistance. If we go to court, by her refusing to get the drug test, is that the same as admitting to guilt?
  2. #2
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by dlsnyd1
    What is the name of your state? Maryland

    My son's ex-girlfriend has tried to keep him away from her doctor for months. She kept inviting him, and then at the last minute she would cancel. She is 16, living with a 26 yr old man who also has a drug problem. I told my son to write a registered letter to the doctor. Another parent had already called the doctors office concerned that the girl was doing drugs (ectasy, marijuana). My son did end up going to the doctors visit with his ex-girfriend. The doctor did not mention the letter my son wrote in front of the girl, but pulled him aside and thanked him for writing it. The doctor insisted that she get a drug test. She started crying and refused, then she got mad and said she is getting a new doctor. She is 7 months pregnant. She is on state medical assistance. If we go to court, by her refusing to get the drug test, is that the same as admitting to guilt?
    No, its not the same as admitting doing drugs. She wasn't court ordered to get a drug test.

    However, it is now possible that CPS will take the baby as soon as its born....because odds are the doctor is going to report this to CPS. Therefore it is IMPERATIVE that you hire a strong attorney for your son immediately.

    It is harder than heck to get a newborn back from CPS. Your son will absolutely need a strong attorney. Don't play games with this one or you are likely to regret it mightily.
  3. #3
    dlsnyd1 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you, we have an appointment with a good lawyer on Friday morning. My son wanted to go through the free legal system and I refused. I told him that I would mortgage the house to get the child away from drugs.
  4. #4
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by dlsnyd1
    Thank you, we have an appointment with a good lawyer on Friday morning. My son wanted to go through the free legal system and I refused. I told him that I would mortgage the house to get the child away from drugs.
    I need to clarify something. I should have explained better that CPS will be likely to get the mother tested in the hospital when she gives birth, and if she tests dirty they will take the child.

    There is a chance that mom will change her ways from now until the time of the birth, which might be enough time for her to test clean.

    I am glad you are getting the attorney. Its imperative. You have to be prepared to handle things quickly if CPS gets involved.
  5. #5
    dlsnyd1 is offline Junior Member
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    We were discussing that today, and we thought that maybe we made a mistake by drawing this to the attention of the doctor so early. She is due August 12. The doctor said the baby is very small for 7 months, it is 2 inches too small, and its weight is not good. I'm sure she will clean herself up by the delivery, if she goes to term.

    We are filing for custody based on the best interest of the child. I am a single parent, and my son is in college. I feel we have a good chance given her family background and reputation. Her mother is a single parent also, but the situation is not good. We are hoping to get at least joint/shared physical custody.
  6. #6
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by dlsnyd1
    We were discussing that today, and we thought that maybe we made a mistake by drawing this to the attention of the doctor so early. She is due August 12. The doctor said the baby is very small for 7 months, it is 2 inches too small, and its weight is not good. I'm sure she will clean herself up by the delivery, if she goes to term.

    We are filing for custody based on the best interest of the child. I am a single parent, and my son is in college. I feel we have a good chance given her family background and reputation. Her mother is a single parent also, but the situation is not good. We are hoping to get at least joint/shared physical custody.
    It may have been a mistake. This isn't something that I like to say, but its reality.

    CPS gets "credit" for the children that get adopted. Babies and toddlers, even ones that might be born with addictions, are very adoptable. The foster parents also become very attached, and are often the ones wanting to adopt. Because the kids are so little their primary bond is usually with the foster parents...so that increases the complication. The reality of things is that CPS makes it much much harder to get back an infant or toddler once they have been taken. That is why its so important to get a good attorney ASAP....and why sometimes its not always a good idea to get the CPS or a mandated reporter involved if there are other options.

    Its often difficult for an ncp who already has joint legal or even joint legal and physical custody of their child to get the child back from CPS....they often have to go through months of effort.

    I have a friend here. His daughter is 4, and his daughter has a half sister who is 2. The half sister's father beat his two year old to a "pulp". Multiple broken bones, massive brusing etc. He tried to claim that it happened because she fell down the stairs...but there was no possibility that it was that. Mom believed him however. He didn't even seek medical treatment for the child and mom didn't until the next day when the child was on the verge of dying. CPS took both children and put them into foster care.....even though my friend was right on the spot (had come to pick up his daughter at the hospital, at mom's request so she could concentrate on the 2 year old)

    It was at least 4-5 months before he could get his daughter out of foster care and into his custody...and he HAD a good attorney. Luckily he did get regular visits during the 4-5 months...but it was heartbreaking. Mom will never get the 2 year old back either...because she is STILL in denial.....so the 4 year old has lost her baby sister. For a while there CPS was leaning towards placing the 2 year old with my friend too, to keep the kids together, but that didn't pan out....I think the foster parent wants to adopt.

    This story isn't an unusual one. I have heard variations of the same theme over and over again over the years.

    Therefore, I tend to advise getting CPS involved as a "last resort"...rather than a primary line of action.....or, if you must get CPS involved, get do it when the child is going to be in your physical custody for a period of time....so that CPS can't really take the child from you without investigating you first.
  7. #7
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    One thing you may want to bear in mind..... was Mom 16 when your son fathered the child? If not.... he may find himself in legal hot water.
  8. #8
    dlsnyd1 is offline Junior Member
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    We checked on the statutory rape laws with a lawyer already. She was 16, he was 19. So it is not statutory rape in the state of Maryland. Even her living with a 26 yr old at the age of 16 is not considered statutory rape! In Maryland the age is under 16. We checked on that also. She moved in with him in January, and turned 17, 5 weeks later. He is now 27.

    We have also been working with CPS all along. We have had 2 cases open with them concerning the family. There is violence on the girls mothers side, and there is drugs. Unfortunately the caseworker for CPS tipped the family off to the police investigation that was going on, and they are now aware they are being watched by the police for drug activity. CPS is aware that my son has an acknowledgment of paternity, and so is her doctor.

    When you go to court for custody, are you allowed to take witnesses? Does it help to have letters of recommendation? My son has done volunteer work for the church, and he is a volunteer camp counselor, two weeks a year. He is lifegaurd certified, and he has an outstanding record in school.

    Thanks for your advice. You don't realize how much you help people. Sometimes I don't get the answer I want! But at least I get helpful advice.

    I hate to hear about the child abuse. It is so sad. I have a hard time accepting our judicial system. We are being told by CPS that they can not force her to get a drug test because the child is not born yet. It is not considered a child. Why if you kill a pregnant women are you blamed for two homicides? Doesn't make sense!
  9. #9
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    If the girl is small for dates there are several possibilities and the doctor should report even if it is early as this child could be born at anytime. Even though your son believes he is the father, it is important to get a DNA test anyway since she has not been cooporative regarding the doctor's appointments. The 27 yo man can be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor even if they cannot be charged with statutory rape.
  10. #10
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by dlsnyd1
    We checked on the statutory rape laws with a lawyer already. She was 16, he was 19. So it is not statutory rape in the state of Maryland. Even her living with a 26 yr old at the age of 16 is not considered statutory rape! In Maryland the age is under 16. We checked on that also. She moved in with him in January, and turned 17, 5 weeks later. He is now 27.

    We have also been working with CPS all along. We have had 2 cases open with them concerning the family. There is violence on the girls mothers side, and there is drugs. Unfortunately the caseworker for CPS tipped the family off to the police investigation that was going on, and they are now aware they are being watched by the police for drug activity. CPS is aware that my son has an acknowledgment of paternity, and so is her doctor.

    When you go to court for custody, are you allowed to take witnesses? Does it help to have letters of recommendation? My son has done volunteer work for the church, and he is a volunteer camp counselor, two weeks a year. He is lifegaurd certified, and he has an outstanding record in school.

    Thanks for your advice. You don't realize how much you help people. Sometimes I don't get the answer I want! But at least I get helpful advice.

    I hate to hear about the child abuse. It is so sad. I have a hard time accepting our judicial system. We are being told by CPS that they can not force her to get a drug test because the child is not born yet. It is not considered a child. Why if you kill a pregnant women are you blamed for two homicides? Doesn't make sense!
    Witnesses can certainly be used in a custody case. Letters of recommendation probably wouldn't be useful. Certainly your son's background is important because it demonstrates his stability....so you need to present evidence of his background.

    However, he is not without bad judgement as well. It does not demonstrate good judgement that he got involved with this particular girl, particularly to the level of getting her pregnant. Therefore don't be surprized if the judge does not view him the same way that you view him....and don't be surprized if he is required to be drug tested as well.
  11. #11
    dlsnyd1 is offline Junior Member
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    I agree and I have mentioned that to my son. My son's only defense is that he has made great strides in leaving that kind of environment. It has been over a yr since he has stopped smoking pot. He broke up with her last spring, and that is when he started to excel. His grades are terrific, and his goals are high. He went back with her in October because he felt sorry for her, and he wanted to 'help' her. We are just hoping since he has done so much better and made an effort, it will make a difference. He has had several jobs that required drug testing, to include teaching ADD children. He can take a drug test in a moments notice, and is willing to, on the spot.

    I found out from CPS that they don't care in Maryland if she has THC in her system. It is only hard drugs. They will not report THC to CPS in Maryland. I am frustrated.

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