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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Relocation of non-custodial parent

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania/New York

    I have a couple questions, which are related. It's hard to separate them.

    My ex husband won primary custody. Even though the order says "shared", he has more. The original distance between us was 53 miles. Before anyone asks me what I did to lose custody, he works weekends and I work weekdays. With this arrangement, the children have a parent at all times. No daycare or babysitters are needed. This was his plan and how he set himself up to win in court. I fought to retain primary custody, but would have needed child care during the week.

    I think he regrets this plan because now he says he cannot support himself even with me paying child support. That said, I can't support myself either. I rely on others to put a roof over my head. At least he can afford his own home.

    As non-custodial parent, having weekends only and two weeks vacation and 1/2 holidays, I chose to relocate. I saw nothing in the court order prohibiting it, but now he says he can file action against me for not getting permission from him or the court.

    I moved from PA to NY, where the majority of my work is as an independent contractor. I retained a residence in PA with my parents. I was living there before I moved to NY because after being ordered to pay CS, I could no longer afford my rent. I pay all of my own travel expenses and visit the children on the weekends as ordered, staying mostly at my parents' house. I live with my fiance when in NY.

    Once in a while, if I have the money and time (longer than two days) I will bring the children to my home in NY in order to experience my new life and be a part of it. This never fails to cause a problem with my ex. Even though I always bring them back at the scheduled time and pay all expenses, he complains.

    He interrogates the children about what we did while here. He takes what they say, twists it around and makes accusations against me threatening to take me to court. For example, a barbecue the other week went fine. The kids had a good time. It was a normal barbecue with maybe the same amount of people and far less alcohol there than at a typical party thrown on my ex's side of the family. I know this from experience.

    The following week, ex accused me of throwing wild parties and being drunk. Said the kids were scared and our 7 year old daughter slept with him for two nights and said she's glad she only has to be at my NY home once a year. Odd enough she's been here several times... so this is an inaccurate statement. Also she was not scared while here, so why would she claim to be so now? How did she know to tell him about alcohol and jello shots if he didn't interrogate her? Yes there was alcohol, but as hostess, I did not drink. I had to take people to the train station. I never was a heavy drinker. Oddly enough my ex was, but managed to convince the court that I was lying. He's a good liar.

    Can he prevent me from bringing the kids to my new home? I'm trying to establish a new life here. I'm not trying to kidnap them or disrupt the current schedule. But I do want them to be part of my new life. He says he never gave me permission to move and neither did the court. I wasn't aware that the non-custodial parent needed permission to move. After all, I never asked him to split my travel costs. I think he's using bogus accusations to try to show that I put the kids in danger and they're scared to be with me in NY. That's not true. He somehow caused her to say these things because she did not show even an ounce of fear while with me. It doesn't make sense.

    I can't take her to a counselor to get to the bottom of it without his permission.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Your time with the children is yours to spend if you see fit, as long as you keep bringing the children back at the specified time, he can't do anything.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Seriously, you did not need the court's or his permission to move, because your move didn't change the children's primary residence. And, as Z said, you are free to do what you like on your weekends and take the children where you like on your weekends or other parenting time.

    Let what he says go in one ear and out the other....or come back here and double check if there is anything you are uncertain about.

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