Remove Non Biological Father from Birth Certificate

[DAN999]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia
The child's primary residence is in North Carolina and the Biological mother is in New York. I've only known for approximately 2-3 months about my son. I knew about 3 years ago that the girl I was with was pregnant but we got in an argument and the lady she was staying with told me that she was with a bunch of guys and this was while she was married. This was in VA and the husband was in NC. I found out from the lady she was staying with that she went back to her husband. I tried contacting through email, social network pages, and the phone numbers I was able to get from the phone I had been providing her on a family plan. I told her in these messages I was getting a lawyer but never did. After about 4 months of trying to reach people and my mother as well, I kind of gave up. My mom convinced me it couldn't really be my kid if she wouldn't let me be involved at all. I regret never getting legal help. About 2-3 months ago I got a message from her online apologizing. Then she told me she was sure I was the dad. Also that she had been with her husband who signed the birth certificate. I immediately made plans to go meet him and did within that month. Work gave me special allowances so I could go asap. I flew to New York and met him the first time. Spent 4 days up there and knew he was mine from seeing him. I have had dna testing done and was 99.999 percent chance the father with 15 out of 15 genetic markers matching. When the biological mother approached me she told me that her husband was trying to get full custody from her. What really happened is they are getting divorced and she was the filer. I've seen the paperwork. After my 4 days with my son he started calling me dad on his own and I did spend more time with him. I am trying to get into his life and not sure what to do. I understand that the non bio father has been there already and I wont be trying to get rid of him but more assert my place as the real dad and have his name changed to my last name. The bio mother is in agreement with this. I am not sure what to do and surely the three of us cannot pass him around and share him equally. My dad left when I was 5 and I want to be there and be everything that he wasn't. Any help or advice please would be greatly appreciated. This is a huge mess since the bio mother ran.

 

[Proserpina]

This child has a father, and it's not you. Legally, you don't have a son.

Unless the court disestablishes Dad's paternity and your paternity is established, you have no rights whatsoever to the child. Dad has the right to try and rebut any challenge to paternity, and nobody can predict which way any given judge would rule.

Consider this:

The ONLY reason Mom bothered to contact you, is because she is pissed at her ex. Otherwise she'd be fine not having you involved whatsoever.

 

[stealth2]

At this point, your only real option is to contact a lawyer in her state and see if there is any chance of disestablishing is paternity.

How old is the child?

And I agree with Pro - it's too bad that Mom is using the child as a pawn against his (legal) Dad.

 

[nextwife]

Mom is a piece of work. If dad had simply rolled over and been an ATM, and let her have full custody, mom would not have even bothered contacting you. The fact that she let the child meet you AND let them call you daddy while they have a legal father shows her to be a user and not at all interested in what she is doing to her kid's head.

You are lucky to not be legally entangled with her. The child has a legal father. She is just using you to try to guaranty physical custody goes to her. If she had truly cared about her child knowing and being parented by their biofather, she would have made an effort to correctly establish paternity at birth.

 

[stealth2]

You are lucky to not be legally entangled with her. The child has a legal father. She is just using you to try to guaranty physical custody goes to her. If she had truly cared about her child knowing and being parented by their biofather, she would have made an effort to correctly establish paternity at birth.

Of course, OP could also have followed through with his initial "threat" to get a lawyer.

 

[CJane]

Mom is a piece of work. If dad had simply rolled over and been an ATM, and let her have full custody, mom would not have even bothered contacting you. The fact that she let the child meet you AND let them call you daddy while they have a legal father shows her to be a user and not at all interested in what she is doing to her kid's head.

You are lucky to not be legally entangled with her. The child has a legal father. She is just using you to try to guaranty physical custody goes to her. If she had truly cared about her child knowing and being parented by their biofather, she would have made an effort to correctly establish paternity at birth.

Oh yes. Mom is he horrible Jezebel because she allowed the legal father of the child to BE the father of the child.

OP, however, is utterly innocent in all of this because he only provided the sperm, knew about the pregnancy, knew about the BIRTH and didn't care enough for YEARS to determine if it was his child or not.

Bad bad Mom!

 

[DAN999]

The child is 3. I do regret not getting legal help the whole time... Just did not want to anger the mother because trying to talk to her or even express feelings or emotions was an "argument" to her. I understand what you are saying about the mother but I do want to be in the childs life. I dont want him going through life thinking of his real dad the way I do about mine. Also I am not trying to keep the non bio out of the child's life at all... I just want to be in it also.

 

[mistoffolees]

Oh yes. Mom is he horrible Jezebel because she allowed the legal father of the child to BE the father of the child.

OP, however, is utterly innocent in all of this because he only provided the sperm, knew about the pregnancy, knew about the BIRTH and didn't care enough for YEARS to determine if it was his child or not.

Bad bad Mom!

I don't think that's fair. I can be an equal opportunity critic. I don't think EITHER of them has done right by the child.

 

[gr8rn]

I don't think that's fair. I can be an equal opportunity critic. I don't think EITHER of them has done right by the child.

Which, I believe, is CJanes point. If you re-read it in a sarcastic tone, you will see what I mean

 

[LdiJ]

All I can say is that OP needs to get an attorney NOW, and follow this through. Its his only hope of disestablishing legal dad's paternity and getting his own established.

 

[CJane]

The child is 3. I do regret not getting legal help the whole time... Just did not want to anger the mother because trying to talk to her or even express feelings or emotions was an "argument" to her. I understand what you are saying about the mother but I do want to be in the childs life. I dont want him going through life thinking of his real dad the way I do about mine. Also I am not trying to keep the non bio out of the child's life at all... I just want to be in it also.

What you're not understanding is that, legally speaking and emotionally speaking, this child HAS a 'real father'. And that 'real father' is not you.

Biology is largely irrelevant.

This is about your need to redeem yourself, not about the child.

 

[mistoffolees]

Biology is largely irrelevant.

Actually, biology would have been QUITE relevant - if OP had made an effort to do something years ago. The real issue here is that OP may have ruined his chances to establish paternity because he waited too long.

He should talk with a local attorney to see if it's too late to establish paternity.

 

[CJane]

Actually, biology would have been QUITE relevant - if OP had made an effort to do something years ago. The real issue here is that OP may have ruined his chances to establish paternity because he waited too long.

I don't know if it's true that it would have been relevant even then. There are still states that will not allow paternity to be disestablished while a marriage is intact, and without the presumed father's permission - VA could very well be one of those.

Regardless, biology is largely irrelevant NOW. Best interests plays. And frankly, I think he'll have a hard time articulating best interests when he KNEW about the child, KNEW there was a strong possibility that the child was his, and just didn't feel like coming forward until Mom tracked HIM down.

Poor kid.