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courtney21

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arkansas

I am a single mother. I currently live and plan to live with my parents until I finish college. I have not been to court to establish custody rights or child support.

The baby has lived with me since day one.

The father has no home. I stated legal residence in an earlier post, but he "stays" at his brothers, where he owns a mattress.

If the father and myself have not been to court, and no child support or custody has been decided. Do I have the right to say "no, you are not taking the baby overnight?"

If I can't, why? If I do take his father to court what do I have to bring as "proof" that he is not responsible enough to care for a baby overnight?

Please no moral advice. I am not looking for a thrashing about not "bedding" with someone or being smarter. However, I am asking for legal advice.
 


Isis1

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arkansas

I am a single mother. I currently live and plan to live with my parents until I finish college. I have not been to court to establish custody rights or child support.

The baby has lived with me since day one.

The father has no home. I stated legal residence in an earlier post, but he "stays" at his brothers, where he owns a mattress.

If the father and myself have not been to court, and no child support or custody has been decided. Do I have the right to say "no, you are not taking the baby overnight?"

If I can't, why? If I do take his father to court what do I have to bring as "proof" that he is not responsible enough to care for a baby overnight?

Please no moral advice. I am not looking for a thrashing about not "bedding" with someone or being smarter. However, I am asking for legal advice.
Dad has the legal right to file to establish paternity/custody/visitation/support.

it is quite possible dad will be granted overnights very soon.

proof for not being able to have a child overnight, would require dad deliberately hurting the child or serious neglect requiring supervised visits. and letting the baby cry locked in the carseat seated safely on the living room floor while daddy goes to the bathroom is not neglect.
 

>Charlotte<

Lurker
Do I have the right to say "no, you are not taking the baby overnight?"
If you weren't married to the man and he has not been legally declared the child's father yes, you do. However, he also has the right to initiate his own suit to protect his interests as the father.

And, you know, the part about having some discretion in who you have sex with is legal advice, it's not just moral preaching. Many people insist on solutions that just aren't possible because 99% of the time there's simply no getting around the fact that the other parent is and always will be a parent. So, yes, for now you're okay--but once this is resolved you'll probably have many other legal issues, so you need to prepare yourself to share your child with a loser for the next 18 years.
 

TheGeekess

Keeper of the Kraken
You should have sole physical and legal custody (by default) until such time these matters are taken up in a courtroom, especially if paternity has not been established (via AOP or court-ordered DNA testing).

Do not ever file for state aid, because they will go after Dad for payback.

Like Isabella said, he does have the right to file and establish Paternity/Custody & Visitation/Child Support. If you file for CS, he may very well file for Custody & Visitation.

As long as there are no court orders, you can't violate them by not allowing him access.
 

courtney21

Junior Member
legally what is serious neglect?

I understand that fathers are not "nuturing" like mothers by nature. I know the courts are not interested in someone being a "bad" or "good" parent, but rather the needs of a child being met. What is serious neglect? If we go to court I hope to get supervised visitation as a preventative measure against the potential for serious neglect. I don't want it to be hind sight. I mean does leaving with the baby for four hours without a diaper bag count? or leaving the baby in the car seat in the middle of a department store count? My mother walked into a department store and saw the baby sitting in the aisle with no dad around. Does something bad have to happen before the courts would issue supervised visits?
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I understand that fathers are not "nuturing" like mothers by nature. I know the courts are not interested in someone being a "bad" or "good" parent, but rather the needs of a child being met. What is serious neglect? If we go to court I hope to get supervised visitation as a preventative measure against the potential for serious neglect. I don't want it to be hind sight. I mean does leaving with the baby for four hours without a diaper bag count? or leaving the baby in the car seat in the middle of a department store count? My mother walked into a department store and saw the baby sitting in the aisle with no dad around. Does something bad have to happen before the courts would issue supervised visits?

Your first post stated this:

unmarried father has no legal residence and a gambling addiction

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am a single 21 year old mother. I am currently in college, and live at home with my parents. The father of my 8 month old, is 29, has no legal residence, and has a severe poker addiction. He has actually filed bankrupcy because of his addiction. He is also an emotional abuser. I believe the abuse is a direct cause of his gambling addiction. The first four months of my sons life he did not give a dime because after his birth he ran off to Vegas and lost ALL of the money that we had saved. My question is, Can I bring these things against him in a custody case, if I have documents of proof? Do I stand a chance in only having him get supervised visits? Can I make the courts issue a mandatory gambling rehab.? I just cannot subject my son to his lifestyle. Just what are my rights as a single mother?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Where is the child being left in a department store? Where is your mom finding the child all by his lonesome? NO WHERE.
I live in Arkansas and the father works in Texas, and stays with his brother in Louisiana. At the time that we met, he was in college, and I didn't realize that he even played poker. It wasn't until I was pregnant for 5 months that he told me about bankruptcy. I don't know what the papers state in the bankruptcy. His parents told me that they didn't help him out because they knew it was from poker. I do have print outs of every transaction made on all 12 of his poker accounts. How do you legally prove emotional abuse? Does constant broken promises and telling me that I am crazy count? what about leaving your newborn in the hospital to go to a casino? He himself has promised my family that he wouldn't play if it meant being with his family. Does that count?what about quitting your job to be a poker professional? I have researched gambling addictions and it is basically dealing with someone who is bipolar, except self induced. I have piece of paper he signed that he wouldn't gamble in any form or fashion again. I don't want revenge. I just want to protect my son from an unstable environment. I have tried to make it work for my son, but I can't. I am at wits end with constant drama. This is not a moral issue for me people. These are facts. What kind of documents do I have to have?
Then you posted the above -- again, no where did you mention leaving the baby in a car seat by herself in a department store. Should I continue?

Courtney you don't get to decide that dad doesn't get a relationship because you no longer are sleeping with him. Doesn't work that way. You are being extremely transparent and your credibility will be destroyed if you keep this up.

Are you going to come back and state how he has beaten the child now? Or beaten you? And quit starting threads with the hopes you will get a different answer. And DO NOT delete your thread because you don't like the answers. We have long memories.
 
Last edited:

nextwife

Senior Member
I understand that fathers are not "nuturing" like mothers by nature.
OH? a great many of the men out there are very nurturing.

While you may have picked a guy who is not, the courts cannot just deny men, as group, their constitutional RIGHT to parent their child simply because some men are not. Anymore than they can deny all women because some are not nurturing.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I understand that fathers are not "nuturing" like mothers by nature.
Wow - talk about head-exploding. I'm going to guess that you're very, very young. I know several men whose wives walked away from them and their children, leaving Dad to raise the child(ren). One of them had four, ranging from 2-12 (three girls, btw). He's one of the most nurturing people I know. Another had his wife walk away from them - her two children were not his biologically. He ended up adopting them after the fact (of her leaving).

You understand very little.
 

truebluemd

Senior Member
I understand that fathers are not "nuturing" like mothers by nature. I know the courts are not interested in someone being a "bad" or "good" parent, but rather the needs of a child being met. What is serious neglect? If we go to court I hope to get supervised visitation as a preventative measure against the potential for serious neglect. I don't want it to be hind sight. I mean does leaving with the baby for four hours without a diaper bag count? or leaving the baby in the car seat in the middle of a department store count? My mother walked into a department store and saw the baby sitting in the aisle with no dad around. Does something bad have to happen before the courts would issue supervised visits?


That first statement is very bias. There are many nurturing fathers out there, some of whom are single parents with custody.

Nothing in your statements warrants supervised visitation. Being homeless doesnt mean he cant have visitation, and if he can prove that he does have a residence, temporary or otherwise, he will get overnights. Remember, he lives with his relative like you plan to live with your relative. If you or he take this matter in to court, once paternity is established he will ultimately be awarded unsupervised visits, and overnights. Only physical proof of violence, drugs, untreated mental disease, neglect, may warrant limited or supervised visitation.
 

wnbama

Member
I understand that fathers are not "nuturing" like mothers by nature. I know the courts are not interested in someone being a "bad" or "good" parent, but rather the needs of a child being met. What is serious neglect? If we go to court I hope to get supervised visitation as a preventative measure against the potential for serious neglect. I don't want it to be hind sight. I mean does leaving with the baby for four hours without a diaper bag count? or leaving the baby in the car seat in the middle of a department store count? My mother walked into a department store and saw the baby sitting in the aisle with no dad around. Does something bad have to happen before the courts would issue supervised visits?

Helpful reading on neglect:
Definitions of Child Abuse and Neglect

Arkansas Child Abuse and Neglect:
http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/state/index.cfm?event=stateStatutes.processSearch
 

courtney21

Junior Member
I realize that many men are better parents than women out there. I was not saying that mean aren't nuturing. I was simply stating that in general women are more nuturing than men. Women in life are motivated by love. Men in life are motivated by respect.

I posted again because no one answered my question earlier. I only got "rude" answers on how "junior's dad is unsuitable after the baby is here". The truth is I am not posting on here for any advice other than legal. I have a child to rear and the last thing on my agenda is to lie on the internet. I have better things to do with my time.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I realize that many men are better parents than women out there. I was not saying that mean aren't nuturing. I was simply stating that in general women are more nuturing than men. Women in life are motivated by love. Men in life are motivated by respect.
Bull. Back this up with some fact. I am a woman -- do I strike you as motivated by love? I mean this all about your opinion, right?

I posted again because no one answered my question earlier.
Bull. Silver and I BOTH answered your questions. Now you are on this thread embellishing and ranting. Nice.
I only got "rude" answers on how "junior's dad is unsuitable after the baby is here".
Well here is the thing -- you chose junior's dad. If you didn't think he was suitable you should not have caused him to become a father. You had that choice and opportunity. Now that he is a father he can file to establish paternity/custody/visitation -- as you were told -- and his bankruptcy and gambling quite frankly is irrelevant. PROVE how that endangers junior. PROVE that dad needs supervised visitation because he is an immediate danger. Oh yeah. You can't. At least not in the first thread and this one strikes me as not credible due to now you are bringing up dad leaving junior in a department store. What was your mom doing there by the way at the same time that her grandchild was allegedly left in a car seat with dad no where in sight?

The truth is I am not posting on here for any advice other than legal. I have a child to rear and the last thing on my agenda is to lie on the internet. I have better things to do with my time.

No but lying in court -- or embellishing -- or preparing your story so that you can force dad out of junior's life seems to be pretty high on your list. Or at least trying to make sure that you control whenever and however dad sees his child. Don't start another thread.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I realize that many men are better parents than women out there. I was not saying that mean aren't nuturing. I was simply stating that in general women are more nuturing than men. Women in life are motivated by love. Men in life are motivated by respect.
I posted again because no one answered my question earlier. I only got "rude" answers on how "junior's dad is unsuitable after the baby is here". The truth is I am not posting on here for any advice other than legal. I have a child to rear and the last thing on my agenda is to lie on the internet. I have better things to do with my time.
Courtney, part of your problem is that you keep making dumb/inflamatory statements that rile people up. The bolded portion above was another one of those statements.

Just stop making statements like that and ask your questions.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
So, let me see if I have this straight:

OP lives in a home with her parents.
The purported father stays at his brothers house.

I'm sorry, but I'm really not seeing the distinction...
 

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