Response filed to paternity complaint

[Aescal1068]

Dad, have you considered the logistics of getting the child back and forth from school during your weekday time with him? Is that going to be workable for you with a 30 mile distance?

I only ask because I have seen parents do this and then find that it just cannot be managed.

Currently live about 10 miles from his school and getting him to and from school is no problem and very workable. Have done this already on several occassions when his mom was unable to watch him during her time.

 

[Aescal1068]

Question regarding time for funeral

Thanks again for your time and input.

Custody and Support are now finalized via the courts and our order states that I have every other Thursday - Monday visitation until November 1; increasing to every other Wednesday - Monday until Feb 1, 2015increasing to a 50/50 split, every other week Monday - Monday. We also have joint legal decision making.

My question is concerning time for our son to attend a funeral of a very close family friend. Starting this morning our child is with his Mother per the agreement until Thursday after Labor Day. The funeral is scheduled for this Wednesday, 27 August during school hours. I have discussed the situation with my ex and she has stated she does not want the child to miss school.

Am I within my legal rights to take my child out of school for a couple of hours to attend this funeral? I understand that the funeral is not during my parenting time but our plan does not speak to events such as funerals/emergencies, etc so I am unsure of what is ok.

 

[Zigner]

Thanks again for your time and input.

Custody and Support are now finalized via the courts and our order states that I have every other Thursday - Monday visitation until November 1; increasing to every other Wednesday - Monday until Feb 1, 2015increasing to a 50/50 split, every other week Monday - Monday. We also have joint legal decision making.

My question is concerning time for our son to attend a funeral of a very close family friend. Starting this morning our child is with his Mother per the agreement until Thursday after Labor Day. The funeral is scheduled for this Wednesday, 27 August during school hours. I have discussed the situation with my ex and she has stated she does not want the child to miss school.

Am I within my legal rights to take my child out of school for a couple of hours to attend this funeral? I understand that the funeral is not during my parenting time but our plan does not speak to events such as funerals/emergencies, etc so I am unsure of what is ok.

This Wednesday is not a part of your parenting time. You would be violating the court order if you took the child out of school as you propose.

ETA: I would like to thank you for keeping this question in the same thread as your prior questions. I allows us to all know the history of the matter without having to dig through prior posts.

 

[Aescal1068]

I was afraid that was the case. Thank you for the response.

Out of curiosity, is there a way to account for this in a visitation order? I would like to say that my ex and I would be able to reach workable solutions in these types of circumstances but, unfortunately, that is too often not the case.

 

[Zigner]

I was afraid that was the case. Thank you for the response.

Out of curiosity, is there a way to account for this in a visitation order? I would like to say that my ex and I would be able to reach workable solutions in these types of circumstances but, unfortunately, that is too often not the case.

This sort of thing is not something you can schedule for. I don't see any way of getting a court to order the other party to drop everything just because someone dies.

 

[Silverplum]

This sort of thing is not something you can schedule for. I don't see any way of getting a court to order the other party to drop everything just because someone dies.

I agree. I can imagine 50 different scenarios, all of which would cause more trouble. Then there's the whole "does my child need to attend a funeral at X age" question. More trouble.

 

[Isis1]

OP, my gawd.

this is the most awesome thread i have seen this year. you were levelheaded, you were precise in your questions. and you didn't once come out swinging at the ex in an unreasonable manner.

seriously. i just caught this thread. i wanna hug you.

and yes, a double thank you for keeping all of your questions in one thread.

and i have to say though...a funeral for a friend of yours...not a high priority. (but i don't like funerals so i'm biased. i don't plan on attending my own.)

 

[Aescal1068]

Thank you both for your responses and compliments, I read here often try hard to learn from the mistakes made here.

I'll admit, I'm taking the death hard. He was 39 and my best friend for 30+ years. Our son sees me hurting and expressed his desire to go to the funeral, in my opinion, to be there for me. My friend was like a second godfather to our son and a large part of his life. I'm sad my ex and I couldn't work it out amicably but such is life.

I want to abide by the court order so thank you for setting me straight.

 

[Indiana Filer]

Thank you both for your responses and compliments, I read here often try hard to learn from the mistakes made here.

I'll admit, I'm taking the death hard. He was 39 and my best friend for 30+ years. Our son sees me hurting and expressed his desire to go to the funeral, in my opinion, to be there for me. My friend was like a second godfather to our son and a large part of his life. I'm sad my ex and I couldn't work it out amicably but such is life.

I want to abide by the court order so thank you for setting me straight.

I understand how you feel about losing your best friend. I lost my best friend of 34 years, friends from infancy, from a car wreck, and it was one of the hardest things ever. I still miss her 15 years later.

Perhaps you could see if mom would let you take your son to the visitation hours at the funeral home on the night prior to the funeral, if there are any hours set, rather than to the actual funeral.

 

[stealth2]

Thank you both for your responses and compliments, I read here often try hard to learn from the mistakes made here.

I'll admit, I'm taking the death hard. He was 39 and my best friend for 30+ years. Our son sees me hurting and expressed his desire to go to the funeral, in my opinion, to be there for me. My friend was like a second godfather to our son and a large part of his life. I'm sad my ex and I couldn't work it out amicably but such is life.

I want to abide by the court order so thank you for setting me straight.

Honestly? This should not be your child's role. If he was close to the deceased? It is YOUR role to be there for him. If he was not close to the deceased? He really does not need to be involved to the level of being your support through your grief. I agree with perhaps taking him to the viewing, if the other parent will allow you the time. But I'm not convinced that your son should miss school so he can be at the funeral for you.

 

[Aescal1068]

New Question

Our visitation plan grants me every other weekend from Thursday 1700 until Monday 0800. My weekend will fall on Oct 2nd through Oct 5th.

In addition, our plan stipulates which school breaks go to which parent and this year our son is with me for Fall Break, which is Oct 6-10. Plan states that time associated with Fall Break is Friday before the break (Oct 3) after school through return to school on Monday (Oct 12).

This provides me me with two weekends in a row visitation. Then, if resume the regular every other weekend schedule as it was prior to Fall Break, Oct 16-Oct 20 would be my weekend as well, therefore granting me three weekends in a row. The plan is silent on how to "revert" to the standard visitation schedule after breaks.

Seeing as my ex's weekend falls during the school break, does this "reset" the every other weekend schedule?

I apologize if the above is confusing I was struggling with how to write it where it makes sense.

 

[CJane]

Unless the order outlines a "reset" (and most don't), you just continue following the order. Eventually, there will be a month in which Mom gets three weekends in a row, and it evens out.

That said, in an every other week plan such as what you're working towards, ALSO allocating breaks / long weekends that aren't really holidays can get quite unwieldy. It's much easier, IMO, to worry about the "big" holidays - whatever those might be for your family - and let the visitation fall where it may on the "small" ones.

 

[LdiJ]

Unless the order outlines a "reset" (and most don't), you just continue following the order. Eventually, there will be a month in which Mom gets three weekends in a row, and it evens out.

That said, in an every other week plan such as what you're working towards, ALSO allocating breaks / long weekends that aren't really holidays can get quite unwieldy. It's much easier, IMO, to worry about the "big" holidays - whatever those might be for your family - and let the visitation fall where it may on the "small" ones.

I agree. When on an every other week schedule those small holidays even out in the end.