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  1. #1
    BarelySurviving is offline Junior Member
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    Response to Order to Show Cause

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

    I recently received divorce papers in the mail and also an Order to Show Cause. My stbx is asking for more time to spend with our 2-month old. In his statements he pictured me as someone who's not giving him enough time with his son. I was a bit upset about this because it's not true at all. I guess this is how it is to go through divorce .

    Anyway, my question is, what do I do now? I read somewhere that I need to respond to this Order to Show Cause paperwork among other things. Is there a due date for this? We also have a 'date' with Family Custody Services next month.

    My next question, if I may ask, is...What happens during the meeting with Family Custody Services? Who am I meeting with and who will be there? Is it scary? What do I do to prepare for this?

    I'm meeting with a lawyer after the holidays and I can't wait to find out what is in store for me. My husband has been uncooperative and I'm so worried that this can get ugly and long and dragging and expensive.

    Thank you.
  2. #2
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by BarelySurviving View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

    I recently received divorce papers in the mail and also an Order to Show Cause. My stbx is asking for more time to spend with our 2-month old. In his statements he pictured me as someone who's not giving him enough time with his son. I was a bit upset about this because it's not true at all. I guess this is how it is to go through divorce .

    Anyway, my question is, what do I do now? I read somewhere that I need to respond to this Order to Show Cause paperwork among other things. Is there a due date for this? We also have a 'date' with Family Custody Services next month.

    My next question, if I may ask, is...What happens during the meeting with Family Custody Services? Who am I meeting with and who will be there? Is it scary? What do I do to prepare for this?

    I'm meeting with a lawyer after the holidays and I can't wait to find out what is in store for me. My husband has been uncooperative and I'm so worried that this can get ugly and long and dragging and expensive.

    Thank you.

    Your husband has been uncooperative? How have you been cooperative? How often has he been able to pick up his child? It will get ugly if you are not willing to CO-PARENT.

    The other thing is there are deadlines for EVERYTHING. You need to be prepared to meet all those deadlines -- which means reading the local rules and rules of civil procedure among other things. Or you NEED to hire counsel.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  3. #3
    BarelySurviving is offline Junior Member
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    He has not been answering or returning phone calls from me to talk about what's best for all of us, especially the baby. He said no when I brought up co-parenting classes (or is it co-parenting counseling?) a few times. I have requested for him to let me know what time he's coming over to see our baby every time because we have appointments and errands to run, I can't keep changing plans because I don't know when he's going to show up, I guess just out of courtesy and respect for my time and situation. He never does and he usually comes by late - when its almost his visitation end time. He has been asking me to agree to him giving up his parental rights as long as he doesn't pay child support.

    We're going thru divorce because we have communication problems. I don't want divorce but he just doesn't want to talk, he's already checked out

    I was asking those questions so I have an idea and can prepare myself. I will know from the lawyer soon but I guess I can't wait. Maybe I'm just torturing myself for wanting to know now.
  4. #4
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    He has not been answering or returning phone calls from me to talk about what's best for all of us, especially the baby. He said no when I brought up co-parenting classes (or is it co-parenting counseling?) a few times. I have requested for him to let me know what time he's coming over to see our baby every time because we have appointments and errands to run, I can't keep changing plans because I don't know when he's going to show up, I guess just out of courtesy and respect for my time and situation. He never does and he usually comes by late - when its almost his visitation end time. He has been asking me to agree to him giving up his parental rights as long as he doesn't pay child support.
    Is there a court order for visitation? Why does he have to visit the baby around you? Why can't you drop the baby at his place? He cannot give up his parental rights. That has been asked and answered several hundreds of times on here.

    We're going thru divorce because we have communication problems. I don't want divorce but he just doesn't want to talk, he's already checked out

    I was asking those questions so I have an idea and can prepare myself. I will know from the lawyer soon but I guess I can't wait. Maybe I'm just torturing myself for wanting to know now.
    You need to wait quite frankly because there is a lot more to this than what you have stated. If there is no court order then you cannot be held in contempt. If there is a court order then you need to make the baby available during those times for him to see his child. And that doesn't mean he has to come to your house to spend time with HIS child. Unless the court order specifies he is allowed to leave the house with HIS child.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  5. #5
    BarelySurviving is offline Junior Member
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    No, there are no court orders yet.

    I'm new here, I'll go search for topics concerning giving up parental rights just to know more about it. I have been told that the court won't let him and I even told him that but he kept insisting that it's possible as long as I agree and put it on a settlement agreement.
  6. #6
    SIN EATER is offline Member
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    Barely,
    There are several excellent self-help divorce books published in CA (Nolo Press does some excellent ones). Don't let the title 'Do Your Own Divorce' scare you off - it gives excellent advice about the process, questions to ask your lawyer, etc. Educate yourself on the legal process, whether or not you will use a lawyer.

    There are also excellent books about parenting/custody plans - how to divide the time and tips on making it easier for Mom and Dad. Unless one of you is on drugs or worse, you each have a right to possession of the baby at your own premises, for a certain period - the period may be every other week-end or it may be 50% or more.

    Depending on your county in CA, the pre-court mediation process (Family Custody Services) will vary in its impact on your case. It is an effort to have Mom and Dad to come to an agreement about sharing the child, instead of having a Judge decide. In some counties/courts, the 'mediator' may make a recommendation to the court for a particular parenting plan. If the parents come to a shared-time agreement in mediation, the mediator will commit it to writing and that will usually become the court order.

    'Meeting with a lawyer after the holidays' is too late. Read the book immediately (some local libraries carry them). The OSC requires a response. It should have a court date on the front of the OSC. Pay strict attention to the paperwork, and have someone close to you check it for anything you may be missing. A blank Response should have been served with the OSC.

    CA has a very helpful court website, with Judicial Council Forms. If one were able to keep their emotions in control, and read enough before-hand, and the parties are working together for the best interest of their child, they might be able to represent themselves:
    [url=http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/courts/trial/]California Courts: Courts: Superior Courts[/url]

    Most lawyers will charge you about $300. an hour. Remember that this translates into $5. per minute. Get your questions (and facts) listed beforehand, and don't waste time with a lot of chit-chat or explanations about why you are right on some point ($5 a hour turns out to cost more than the $200 piece of furniture you're arguing about), or efforts on making sure the lawyer likes you.

    Good luck, and remember - you'll be sharing grandchildren together.

    P.S. This wrenching process brings out the best and the worst in people. Hofefully, with you both, it will be the best.

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