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  1. #1
    justjaime is offline Junior Member
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    revoking parental rights?

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I live in Ohio. My ex lives in Florida. Our custody arrangment is for Ohio only!

    My son is 7 years old. My ex has not seen him in 4 years, he hasn't spoken to him on the phone in over a year (my son refuses to speak to him and the ex doesn't try). He is over $5,000 behind in Child support. My son does not see him as a father, he calls his step-dad "daddy". My husband wants to adopt my son and we want to start proceedings to try to remove my ex's parental rights. How do we go about this? I know in Ohio you can claim abandoment as a reason for termination of rights, would this situation qualify as abandonment?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
  2. #2
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    Google "termination of parental rights ohio". You would be looking for state guidlines on involuntary termination of rights.

    For an adoption, get an attorney. One little mistake could overturn the adoption which would only cause turmoil for the child.
  3. #3
    sometwo is offline Senior Member
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    My son is 7 years old. My ex has not seen him in 4 years, he hasn't spoken to him on the phone in over a year (my son refuses to speak to him and the ex doesn't try)
    And how did you facilitate the relationship between child and dad? How did you help the situation? What did you do to make sure child spoke to his DAD?

    By your post it sounds like maybe you contributed to the father not seeing the child.

    Is there currently any custody orders?
  4. #4
    justjaime is offline Junior Member
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    First off, I can not force a 7 year old to talk on the phone if he doesnt want to. My ex moved from Ohio 4 years ago and has never tried to visit with my son, we have been to Florida and visited HIS family and he chose to go fishing that day instead of see our son.

    There is a standard visition order in OHIO only. No out of state visitation has even been discussed.

    When they did speak on the phone, my ex constantly spoke to my son like a baby "Hi little stinky man. how are you? are you being good?" and would ask the same questions 20 times. My son got to the point where he was mad and no matter how many times he would tell his father he isn't a baby, he doesn't like being called names etc. he wouldn't listen. So my son refused to talk when he would call. Am I supposed to hold a 7 year old down and force him to speak?? I think NOT! He is old enough to make that decision. I suggested to his father he write e-mails, try and build a relationship that way, send him letters etc. But no, he hasn't. (He hasnt sent a card or present for bday or christmas either). I have tried many other avenues for them to "build" a relationship if they wanted. But he makes no effort, doesnt follow any suggestions etc. Hell, when he DID have visits on weekends in Ohio, my son (then 2 1/2) would spend most of the day LOCKED in his bedroom cause the ex was too lazy to wake up with a toddler!
  5. #5
    sometwo is offline Senior Member
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    First off, I can not force a 7 year old to talk on the phone if he doesnt want to.
    So I guess your not going to make your child go to the dr either or to school or anything else your 7 yr old doesn't "want " to do. Nice parenting there.

    My ex moved from Ohio 4 years ago and has never tried to visit with my son, we have been to Florida and visited HIS family and he chose to go fishing that day instead of see our son.
    Visitation is a right not an obligation . He doesn't have to visit.

    There is a standard visition order in OHIO only. No out of state visitation has even been discussed.
    ok
    When they did speak on the phone, my ex constantly spoke to my son like a baby "Hi little stinky man. how are you? are you being good?" and would ask the same questions 20 times. My son got to the point where he was mad and no matter how many times he would tell his father he isn't a baby, he doesn't like being called names etc. he wouldn't listen. So my son refused to talk when he would call
    .

    My husband calls our 10 yr old "chicken butt " Not a big deal. Nothing you have said makes it any better for you to not facilitate a relationship with the dad
    Am I supposed to hold a 7 year old down and force him to speak?? I think NOT! He is old enough to make that decision.
    oh really? What other decisions are you allowing your 7 yr old? Just who is the parent ?

    I suggested to his father he write e-mails, try and build a relationship that way, send him letters etc. But no, he hasn't. (He hasnt sent a card or present for bday or christmas either). I have tried many other avenues for them to "build" a relationship if they wanted. But he makes no effort, doesnt follow any suggestions etc. Hell, when he DID have visits on weekends in Ohio, my son (then 2 1/2) would spend most of the day LOCKED in his bedroom cause the ex was too lazy to wake up with a toddler!
    He doesn't have to do any of those things. You say you tried to help them build a relationship yet your allowing your 7 yr old decide if they want to talk to their own parent.

    And when your child was locked in the room all day long , and you call CPS what did they say?


    Quit making excuses for your behavior.

    I can see how dad can turn around and say you won't let him talk to his child.
  6. #6
    milspecgirl is offline Senior Member
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    you can force the child to the phone, but you cannot force them to talk. We used to physically hold ours down and hold the phone to her ear. she would sit there stone silent. When we told her she was grounded if she didn't speak, she said "I don't want to talk to you" and then sang to herself.

    Your child may be fine with nick names, but not everyone is. especially if the child has TOLD dad he doesn't like it.

    She has tried to give dad other ways to communicate- emails, letters, etc. She can't MAKE dad do them. Doesn't seem dad has ASKED to see the child. It's not like she's telling him no when he asks.
  7. #7
    sometwo is offline Senior Member
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    you can force the child to the phone, but you cannot force them to talk. We used to physically hold ours down and hold the phone to her ear. she would sit there stone silent. When we told her she was grounded if she didn't speak, she said "I don't want to talk to you" and then sang to herself.
    Seriously? You couldn't find a better way than that to handle it?

    How bout you make it about the child? Like how important it is to talk to them , how they want to know about their day like you do because you get to see them all the time. There are so many more effective ways . Your supposed to help the situation not hinder it.

    ETA:
    our child may be fine with nick names, but not everyone is. especially if the child has TOLD dad he doesn't like it.
    Nah she doesn't particularly like it when he says that. Or the other name (I can't remember it ) In fact she didn't find it funny the other day when I used daddy's label thingy to make her a chicken butt sticker for her shirt. That pouty look was priceless.
    Last edited by sometwo; 07-28-2010 at 02:00 PM.
  8. #8
    Beavis.Jones is offline Junior Member
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    I just have to ask, milespec, why you let a 7 year old sit through such proceedings in a court room...
  9. #9
    milspecgirl is offline Senior Member
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    no, we couldn't. we tried all of those things. But, bio mom (her rights have been terminated so I can call her that) made so many promises about when she would call, write, etc that she broke, the child just stopped trying.

    There is only so much you can compensate for and sugar coat. When mom doesn't show up for supervised visitations (3x in a row) and then when she does show up she brings one of the people who abused the child...
    There is no chance in Hades that child is going to believe us when we tell her how much mom wants to see her and how she learned from her mistakes and will never put her in harms way again.

    Eventually the child is going to know you are flat out lying to them cause mom didn't care. She was asking her about stuff that the child hadn't done or been interested in for over 3 years.

    We would have never physically restrained her that way but the judge ordered that she be on that phone if mom called (were trying a reintegration plan which flopped since mom made no effort) and I was not going to get on that judge's bad side.
  10. #10
    milspecgirl is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beavis.Jones View Post
    I just have to ask, milespec, why you let a 7 year old sit through such proceedings in a court room...
    she was 12-13 and she was ordered by the judge to be there.
  11. #11
    sometwo is offline Senior Member
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    no, we couldn't. we tried all of those things. But, bio mom (her rights have been terminated so I can call her that) made so many promises about when she would call, write, etc that she broke, the child just stopped trying.

    There is only so much you can compensate for and sugar coat. When mom doesn't show up for supervised visitations (3x in a row) and then when she does show up she brings one of the people who abused the child...
    There is no chance in Hades that child is going to believe us when we tell her how much mom wants to see her and how she learned from her mistakes and will never put her in harms way again.

    Eventually the child is going to know you are flat out lying to them cause mom didn't care. She was asking her about stuff that the child hadn't done or been interested in for over 3 years.

    We would have never physically restrained her that way but the judge ordered that she be on that phone if mom called (were trying a reintegration plan which flopped since mom made no effort) and I was not going to get on that judge's bad side.
    I'm not going to argue with you over your case.

    OP 's case is not yours.
  12. #12
    milspecgirl is offline Senior Member
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    no, it's not. But, dannyt just jumped on mom for not facilitating. He didn't bother to ask mom what she had done. He immediately assumed the worst. He does that on every post and I was trying to make him see that sometimes the other parent really does try.

    In this case, mom has tried to come up with alternative ways for them to have contact and build a relationship. Dad doesn't do them. I saw no where that she said dad asked for visits and she came up with some reason for not allowing it. We tell posters all the time that visitation is a right that doesn't have to be exercised. Then, when someone tells us it isn't being execised we jump on them for not facilitating. She can't MAKE dad be a real man.
  13. #13
    sometwo is offline Senior Member
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    She can't MAKE dad be a real man.
    No but she also admits she lets her 7 yr old decide and can't make her 7 yr old talk on the phone. Which makes you wonder what else her 7 yr old controls.

    I tell you what, my 10 and 12 yr old don't tell me NO . If they do well lets just say that doesn't go over well and its immediately corrected.

    Obviously OP isn't doing her job somewhere if her 7 yr old is running things.
  14. #14
    dannyt is offline Member
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    youre not encouraging relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by justjaime View Post
    First off, I can not force a 7 year old to talk on the phone if he doesnt want to. My ex moved from Ohio 4 years ago and has never tried to visit with my son, we have been to Florida and visited HIS family and he chose to go fishing that day instead of see our son.

    There is a standard visition order in OHIO only. No out of state visitation has even been discussed.

    When they did speak on the phone, my ex constantly spoke to my son like a baby "Hi little stinky man. how are you? are you being good?" and would ask the same questions 20 times. My son got to the point where he was mad and no matter how many times he would tell his father he isn't a baby, he doesn't like being called names etc. he wouldn't listen. So my son refused to talk when he would call. Am I supposed to hold a 7 year old down and force him to speak?? I think NOT! He is old enough to make that decision. I suggested to his father he write e-mails, try and build a relationship that way, send him letters etc. But no, he hasn't. (He hasnt sent a card or present for bday or christmas either). I have tried many other avenues for them to "build" a relationship if they wanted. But he makes no effort, doesnt follow any suggestions etc. Hell, when he DID have visits on weekends in Ohio, my son (then 2 1/2) would spend most of the day LOCKED in his bedroom cause the ex was too lazy to wake up with a toddler!
    aRE you also supposed to let a 7 yr old decide wether or not they go to school or what time they go to bed? start being a parent and stop letting your child call the shots, before you end up in serious trouble with the judge.not only are you allowing your son to refuse to talk to his father, but your also alienating him from his father by allowing him to call your husband( whos a legal stranger) daddy. and its going to cause you to be stripped of custody
  15. #15
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    This is directed mostly at Danny but somewhat at sometwo as well. This is NOT a boilerplate situation. The son has not seen his father in 4 years (dad moved away) and has not spoken to his father in over a year, and dad isn't trying either.

    Mom has encouraged dad to find other ways to communicate with the child and rebuild a relationship. Dad DOES NOT CARE.

    Slamming this mother, this bad, because she isn't going to force the child to talk to dad is a bit out of line.

    Danny, she is NOT alienating dad and she is NOT going to lose custody. Dad did his alienating all by himself when he moved away and has made no effort to see his child in 4 years.

    Sometwo, if you are supermom and can make a child talk on the phone if the child doesn't want to talk, and is determined not to talk, then hooray for you, most of the rest of us couldn't do that.

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