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Revoking Visitation Rights???

  • Thread starter FrustratedinNYC
  • Start date

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FrustratedinNYC

Guest
I am a single mother of a 6 year old boy who was in a relationship with his father for almost 10 years. We were never married during that time and basically our relationship ended due to his long time infidelity.

As it goes, it will be almost 2 years since we seperated. About a year ago he took me to court and petitioned visitation rights. What the judge ordered for him at the time were visits every other weekend and every other Wednesday. We were to split holidays (in other words, he would have my son for half the day), he had to quit his weekend job because due to lack of trust with his family I told the judge I didn't feel comfortable leaving my son alone with anyone in his family. So the judge told him that if he was requesting the weekends it was his duty to be there with my son from the moment he picked him up to the moment he dropped him off. He agreed.

Things were going fine until last October. First of all, he used the excuse of having to work on a Sunday to drop my son off on a Saturday night to go to a party that very night. His excuse was that he has a right to live his life and that there will be times he will be enjoying his life. Mind you I am with my son all week and then some. That's when he told me that there would be weekends when he would not be able to take him because of commitments. I have taken my son to birthday parties for his friend's children and they have all disrespected me, by pulling out pictures of his current g/f or gossiping behind my back while my son was in the same room,laughing, etc... so I basically asked him not to bring my son around these people again. Then he goes on to tell my son he cannot go visit his friends because his mom will not allow it.

During the holidays he asked if he could spend x-mas eve with my son after I told him he could have him Christmas afternoon. I tried to explain that I had something special planned out for him, but he continued to push me for it. I finally gave in. Three days later as I am having dinner with my son he tells me he has a "new mommy". He spent Christmas Eve with his dad's family and g/f (who might I add happens to be a stripper...my other concern). Then I find out it was not the 1st time he met her. His father didn't have the mind to tell me. It hurt me, yes, it did, but not out of jealousy, but because he once again conned me into doing him a favor w/out telling me the truth.

Either way, here comes New Year's...as it turns out he goes away on "vacation" and forgets his obligations to his son. He does not tell me until the week before.

Now for the past couple of weeks he has not seen his son because he has had other compromises. I asked him to switch a weekend with me and he said he could not, fine. So it has been two weeks...then he tells me that he will just see his son this coming weekend. I told him no because I had prior plans and he cannot make me change my schedule for his comfort. So he in tun gets mad. Now he tells me he is taking my son snowboarding to Vermont the following weekend. I do not trust him or the people he is around. I don't mind him staying with my son here in the city, but taking him out makes me uncomfortable and nervous.

I really do not know what to do? I now he is going to take him, because as he tells me he has a right to do what he wants with him while he is in his custody.

My question finally is this..if he took me to court and petitioned for every other weekend and other Wednesday's, etc...should he not abide by that?

Do I have to make it comfortable for him when he is making my life impossible? How can I go about making him a little more responsible in living up to what he asked for in Court?

Also is it true that he can take me back to court and get more rights even after his lack of his responsibilty?

I am just very confused. There are more events which have taken place, but these are the recent ones.

He just makes me feel as though I would be dumb to go to court and petition against him.

What do I do?

Frustrated in NYC


 


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CBrister

Guest
I feel your pain. I too have a six year old little one that I had out of wedlock. Don't let this guy bully you. You have custody. He gets the right to pay you child support and visit his child. Just remember if you really want to, you can go strickly by the court ordered papers. He can't change them unless he takes you back to court. (Which I doubt he will do) Then if he does, let the judge know how irresponsible he is. If he is not exercising his visitation rights as they are NOW in the papers, the judge will surely not give him more. Just some thing to think about......


Christy :)
 
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FrustratedinNYC

Guest
Just bringing this one back up.

I would really appreciate anyone else's input.

Also, thanks CBrister for your thoughts. They were really appreciated. I just feel right now as though I am walking on eggshells though. It is vey hard to explain. My son is my life and I want to do right for him. I just get very upset when his father makes it seem like I am a nut and have nothing on him.

I honestly do feel he has been irresposible, but every time I speak to me it's almost like a slap in the face.

I know I have said it before, but I need to know if I actually have anything on him that can jeapordize his visitation or not? How can I make my life less stressful?? and get him to stop controlling me?
 
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cat2young

Guest
visits

The only thing I can say is tell him you will go by the court order, no more no less. Then try to relax and enjoy the quiet when he has the boy. I know it is hard when the children are gone but as he grows into a man there will only be more times he will be away, it is hard but a fact of life.
If you have any reason to think the boy might be in danger then call CPS. If you are just uncomfortable with your ex's choices of friends then there is really not much you can do. Try to realize that you are THE biggest influence in his life, but there will always be others, good and bad, and with your guidence he will learn to make the right choices.
Good Luck
 

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