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Rights of Stepparent

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Madie3

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WI

I am not the stepparent, I am Mom. The stepmom is interfering with my daughter, actively trying to replace me, and I want to make sure I know the legal rights correctly.

Dad enrolled our daughter in school and listed stepmom on the student information sheet under female parent/guardian relationship. On the enrollment form he put my name as mom but none of my contact information or asked to make sure I received all of her report cards. When I talked to the school I corrected all the forms, asked to have stepmom removed as the guardian on the form and made sure I received all communication. The school seemed to know stepmom was not legally entitled to any information and had already told her so. They told me that the only way she could get information on our daughter was if "I" gave permission, I told them I did not give that permission. My Ex is trying to tell me stepmom has guardianship because she lives with my daughter and the school only needs his permission. First question is who is right on this?

The next day stepmom tries to set up the lunch account to have both her son and my daughter on the same account. The school told me they could not do that as stepmom cannot be listed as responsible for her bill if it's behind, but she's of course allowed to pay anything she wants to the account. Ex's lawyer is telling him they can set it up as a joint account with his permission. The school has sent the matter to their attorneys, and they checked with DPI and it's allowed that I apply for the free lunch program eventho I don't live in the district. Again, who's right?

Stepmom has called my daughter's eye dr. for her prescription, taken her to her dentist when she already had an appt with the dentist we used for 18yrs, etc. I have had to flag all her files to not release any information except to her father or me. The court order says a 3rd party can only take daughter to medical appointments if a parent isn't available. I'm wondering what are stepmom's rights in medical appointments, even if she takes her she can't give authorization for any treatments can she?

And before anyone says why can't I just get along with stepmom...she has told my daughter my home isn't a good environment for her because I am not Christian, convinced her to write a letter to the court saying stepmom is a good role model and if she lived with Dad she'd live with both a mom and dad, and too many other things to put here but show that as soon as they got married they decided I was not a good mom and she needed to replace me.

I am a great mom and am just fighting to not let them alienate me from my child who is very impressionable and believes everything they say, even when I tell her the truth.

Thank you for any help you can give.
 


mistoffolees

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WI

I am not the stepparent, I am Mom. The stepmom is interfering with my daughter, actively trying to replace me, and I want to make sure I know the legal rights correctly.
Let's start with the basics. In general, stepparents have no rights to the kids.

Dad enrolled our daughter in school and listed stepmom on the student information sheet under female parent/guardian relationship. On the enrollment form he put my name as mom but none of my contact information or asked to make sure I received all of her report cards. When I talked to the school I corrected all the forms, asked to have stepmom removed as the guardian on the form and made sure I received all communication. The school seemed to know stepmom was not legally entitled to any information and had already told her so. They told me that the only way she could get information on our daughter was if "I" gave permission, I told them I did not give that permission. My Ex is trying to tell me stepmom has guardianship because she lives with my daughter and the school only needs his permission. First question is who is right on this?
Parents have legal rights to information about their kids. Stepparents do not.

Stepmom is entitled to any information that your ex wants to give her - but the school doesn't have to give her anything. If the school has already told her that, you don't have a problem.

The next day stepmom tries to set up the lunch account to have both her son and my daughter on the same account. The school told me they could not do that as stepmom cannot be listed as responsible for her bill if it's behind, but she's of course allowed to pay anything she wants to the account. Ex's lawyer is telling him they can set it up as a joint account with his permission. The school has sent the matter to their attorneys, and they checked with DPI and it's allowed that I apply for the free lunch program eventho I don't live in the district. Again, who's right?
I'll pick 'what the school attorneys say' for 100, Alex.

However, I'm not sure why it matters. If your ex wants to set up an account and pay for the kids, how does it hurt you? Let him pay. If they refuse to set up the account, then you can deal with it.

Stepmom has called my daughter's eye dr. for her prescription, taken her to her dentist when she already had an appt with the dentist we used for 18yrs, etc. I have had to flag all her files to not release any information except to her father or me. The court order says a 3rd party can only take daughter to medical appointments if a parent isn't available. I'm wondering what are stepmom's rights in medical appointments, even if she takes her she can't give authorization for any treatments can she?
She doesn't have any rights. If the order says that a 3rd party can only take the child to an appointment when the parents aren't available, then you could file for contempt against your ex. And only the parents can change the child's medical providers. If it's joint legal custody, it should be discussed between you and Dad. SM should not be involved. Of course, Dad will say the the agreed with the change and it's a little harder to win that battle.

And before anyone says why can't I just get along with stepmom...she has told my daughter my home isn't a good environment for her because I am not Christian, convinced her to write a letter to the court saying stepmom is a good role model and if she lived with Dad she'd live with both a mom and dad, and too many other things to put here but show that as soon as they got married they decided I was not a good mom and she needed to replace me.
Does your decree have a non-disparagement clause? If so, you could file for contempt.

Although, frankly, I wouldn't bother. Kids learn pretty soon who they can ignore. It's probably not a hill to die on.

I am a great mom and am just fighting to not let them alienate me from my child who is very impressionable and believes everything they say, even when I tell her the truth.
If ex's new wife interferes with your parenting time, then you can file for a change in custody and/or visitation and/or supervised visitation. But you really have to be able to prove that new wife is trying to cut you out of the kids' lives.
 

CJane

Senior Member
Wow. Your ex could very well be married to my ex's wife's twin.

What I've learned over the past 5 years or so of dealing with HisLovelyWife is to ignore her every chance I get.

I used to "follow" her around, getting copies of records she'd filled out as Mom, "proving" that ex was helping her try to get me out of the kids' lives. I'd explain to the kids that she was "confused" when she told them that she was the Mom God planned for them and I'm just the one that birthed them.

It. Made. Me. Crazy.

I discovered that I have better things to do. The school knows she's not Mom. The doctors/dentists know she's not Mom. The KIDS know she's not Mom.

She's made a beautiful little resentment filled nest for herself that SHE has to live in for the next 7 years (until my youngest w/the ex turns 18). I had nothing to do with the making of it, and I don't have anything to do with the furnishing of it.

Very few things are worth fighting over when the only person you're fighting is the ex's spouse. As long as the people who MATTER (school, doctors, etc) know that she doesn't count? She doesn't count.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Wow. Your ex could very well be married to my ex's wife's twin.

What I've learned over the past 5 years or so of dealing with HisLovelyWife is to ignore her every chance I get.

I used to "follow" her around, getting copies of records she'd filled out as Mom, "proving" that ex was helping her try to get me out of the kids' lives. I'd explain to the kids that she was "confused" when she told them that she was the Mom God planned for them and I'm just the one that birthed them.

It. Made. Me. Crazy.

I discovered that I have better things to do. The school knows she's not Mom. The doctors/dentists know she's not Mom. The KIDS know she's not Mom.

She's made a beautiful little resentment filled nest for herself that SHE has to live in for the next 7 years (until my youngest w/the ex turns 18). I had nothing to do with the making of it, and I don't have anything to do with the furnishing of it.

Very few things are worth fighting over when the only person you're fighting is the ex's spouse. As long as the people who MATTER (school, doctors, etc) know that she doesn't count? She doesn't count.
I love this post. :cool::):cool:
 

sftballplayer73

Junior Member
Wow. Your ex could very well be married to my ex's wife's twin.

What I've learned over the past 5 years or so of dealing with HisLovelyWife is to ignore her every chance I get.

I used to "follow" her around, getting copies of records she'd filled out as Mom, "proving" that ex was helping her try to get me out of the kids' lives. I'd explain to the kids that she was "confused" when she told them that she was the Mom God planned for them and I'm just the one that birthed them.

It. Made. Me. Crazy.

I discovered that I have better things to do. The school knows she's not Mom. The doctors/dentists know she's not Mom. The KIDS know she's not Mom.

She's made a beautiful little resentment filled nest for herself that SHE has to live in for the next 7 years (until my youngest w/the ex turns 18). I had nothing to do with the making of it, and I don't have anything to do with the furnishing of it.

Very few things are worth fighting over when the only person you're fighting is the ex's spouse. As long as the people who MATTER (school, doctors, etc) know that she doesn't count? She doesn't count.


This is a great post.....Honestly, you cant change whats already happening. All you can do is just live your life, take care of your child and move on. I have had to deal with my ex's new wives (he is on to #4 in about 2 weeks) and it will just make you crazy if you constantly think about it. Your child knows YOU are mom and that should be end of story. If stepmom thinks she is correct, let her THINK that.
 

OHRoadwarrior

Senior Member
All the comments you have received so far are absolutely correct. Now, I will give you the other side. As a step dad, I have been actively involved in doing all those things for my s-daughter, because her father has never been inclined to be bothered. He has only showed up once or twice for an activity or providing transport, when mom or I was not available. I have been the primary source of financial support and second emotionally. No matter what I do, I always remember regardless of the time, effort and resources I expend, I will only have what rights mom, dad and s-daughter choose to give me. It sounds like s-mom does not like her place, since you choose to be a proactive mom. I wish I could wave a magic wand and help the two of you find a balance you are happy with. Ultimately, the two of you working together will be in the kids best interest.
 

2MsWife

Member
It sounds like kiddo lives with dad and stepmom. If so, stepmom DOES have rights to school info under FERPA.
 

CSO286

Senior Member
Last edited:

2MsWife

Member
Please provide a citation for this statement.
For some reason my phone's browser won't let me copy and paste links at the moment, but a google search of FERPA shows what is considered a parent for FERPA purposes, and includes a custodial stepparent.

I believe it's also been posted numerous times on this forum as well.
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
Dad enrolled our daughter in school and listed stepmom on the student information sheet under female parent/guardian relationship. On the enrollment form he put my name as mom but none of my contact information or asked to make sure I received all of her report cards. When I talked to the school I corrected all the forms, asked to have stepmom removed as the guardian on the form and made sure I received all communication. The school seemed to know stepmom was not legally entitled to any information and had already told her so. They told me that the only way she could get information on our daughter was if "I" gave permission, I told them I did not give that permission. My Ex is trying to tell me stepmom has guardianship because she lives with my daughter and the school only needs his permission. First question is who is right on this?
It is incorrect that stepmom is in there as Parent on the forms; that can be taken as trying to eliminate mom. But, with FERPA, stepmom does have the right to get information on kiddo.

I would make sure that the school has a copy of the court order.
 

2MsWife

Member
It is incorrect that stepmom is in there as Parent on the forms; that can be taken as trying to eliminate mom. But, with FERPA, stepmom does have the right to get information on kiddo.

I would make sure that the school has a copy of the court order.
Agreed that stepmom shouldn't be listed anywhere as mom. But mom needs to be aware that under FERPA, stepmom is given the same rights as a parent in regards to access to school records if the child lives with dad and stepmom.
 

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