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School Denies Non-Custodial Parent Access to Records

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What is the name of your state? NJ

I recently requested copies of my son's school records because he was pushed during recess, fell on the concrete and required the school nurse's attention. This is the fourth incident of bullying that I am aware of. It would be neglectful of me not to request these incident reports and keep informed on what happens to him at school.

However, the assistant principal reported my request to the principal who left a message on my phone. When I returned the call, the principal was VERY nasty. He degraded me as a parent simply because the other parent has TEMPORARY legal and physical custody. This temporary custody arrangement does not mean the other parent is more fit to help my son in school. In fact, I am more fit than the other parent because the other parent only completed a GED program and I am submitting grad school applications and pursuing the CFA charter, a professional designation based on merit and ethics.

Isn't access to records a parental right? Can the other parent deny access to my son's records? The fact that the principal refused to send me a written version of the policy he apparently was enforcing - that I cannot have access because the other parent makes the decisions (I do not believe this, this is just what he said) - causes me to seriously doubt the validity of his claim. His iron fist puts my son at a serious disadvantage.
 


Perky

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? NJ

I recently requested copies of my son's school records because he was pushed during recess, fell on the concrete and required the school nurse's attention. This is the fourth incident of bullying that I am aware of. It would be neglectful of me not to request these incident reports and keep informed on what happens to him at school.
Have you spoken with his teacher about the incidents?
However, the assistant principal reported my request to the principal who left a message on my phone. When I returned the call, the principal was VERY nasty. He degraded me as a parent simply because the other parent has TEMPORARY legal and physical custody. This temporary custody arrangement does not mean the other parent is more fit to help my son in school. In fact, I am more fit than the other parent because the other parent only completed a GED program and I am submitting grad school applications and pursuing the CFA charter, a professional designation based on merit and ethics.
If you had this attitude with the principal, then I'm not surprised that he got nasty. Education does not make a fit parent, nor does it necessarily instill the qualities of a good parent. In fact, your attitude seems condescending and judgmental, neither of which are good qualities in a parent.
Isn't access to records a parental right? Can the other parent deny access to my son's records? The fact that the principal refused to send me a written version of the policy he apparently was enforcing - that I cannot have access because the other parent makes the decisions (I do not believe this, this is just what he said) - causes me to seriously doubt the validity of his claim. His iron fist puts my son at a serious disadvantage.
Although I cannot find the NJ statutes, these links may help:
http://njlaw924.com/id15.html
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/access2.php

edit: Well I just browsed through your other posts. If there is a restraining order against you, then it appears the school is not required to provide documents to you.
 
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No, I can't pee farther.

Education does make better parents. Education is positively linked with decreased poverty, better healthcare, higher wages and can be passed on to my son and future generations.

Why would the Principal of the school feel intellectually inferior and/or offended? My view was that the principal upheld high educational standards, supported the pursuit of education and encouraged learning.

Yes, I did speak with the teachers and a counselor. What does that mean? I am the parent, I am responsible for ensuring my son is safe in school. School teachers and counselors do not replace responsible parents. With so many children to supervise, wouldn't the school staff feel relieved by an involved parent compared to a parent who leaves child rearing to the school? If I don't investigate my son's complaints, who will? By then it could be too late; and again, I believe it is my job/duty/responsibility as a parent to immediately respond to my son's repeated bullying incidents. If the school has nothing to hide, then no insecurities or problems producing the records should exist.

"If you had this attitude with the principal, then I'm not surprised that he got nasty...In fact, your attitude seems condescending and judgmental, neither of which are good qualities in a parent."

Nor in principals nor in forum posters. I just need to know whether the principal had a legal basis for his statements, and if not how do I formally access my son's records. I will check the links below; thanks.

Regardless of how I came across in the conversation, I expected the principal to respond in a calm, professional manner that conveyed experience dealing with a common request for school records and with parents in general. The fact that the principal could not produce a written policy or cite the legal basis for his claim raises questions and doubt.

As a parent, I believe I do have complete access to my son's records because it is a parental right which has nothing to do with legal and physical custody. Furthermore, the parent with legal custody is not entitled to restrict the parental rights of the non-custodial parent, right? I will need to research the meaning of legal custody and what decisions the parent who has legal custody can make. It seems like the principal construed things.
 

Perky

Senior Member
Education does make better parents. Education is positively linked with decreased poverty, better healthcare, higher wages and can be passed on to my son and future generations.
Wrong. Education provides the advantages and opportunities you cited, but does not produce better parents. Good parenting results from love and family values. You don't learn those in graduate school or in the workplace.
Why would the Principal of the school feel intellectually inferior and/or offended? My view was that the principal upheld high educational standards, supported the pursuit of education and encouraged learning.
Did I infer that the principal felt intellectually inferior? That is certainly not what I intended. My guess is that he was offended by your demeanor. Most educators, in my experience, do not feel superior to parents with less education, and are exasperated by those who do.
Yes, I did speak with the teachers and a counselor. What does that mean? I am the parent, I am responsible for ensuring my son is safe in school.
Not if there is a restraining order.

I asked about speaking with the teacher because I wonder if the teacher agrees that bullying is the problem. Playing at recess often results in falls, and, yes, even pushing. I don't know how old your child is, but part of the school experience is learning how to behave appropriately with peers. Kids make mistakes. Does the teacher see this as the problem that you do?
School teachers and counselors do not replace responsible parents. With so many children to supervise, wouldn't the school staff feel relieved by an involved parent compared to a parent who leaves child rearing to the school?
Not necessarily. Some parents are 'over-involved.' Is that you? Or are you volunteering in the classroom, helping with learning centers, working individually with students or with groups of students, or otherwise helping the teacher? If so, then yes, the school staff would appreciate your involvement.

If you are there to provide 'child-rearing' to any child, then your presence is an interference of the educational process.
If I don't investigate my son's complaints, who will? By then it could be too late; and again, I believe it is my job/duty/responsibility as a parent to immediately respond to my son's repeated bullying incidents. If the school has nothing to hide, then no insecurities or problems producing the records should exist.
However, if they are under no obligation to provide them, then why should they?
"If you had this attitude with the principal, then I'm not surprised that he got nasty...In fact, your attitude seems condescending and judgmental, neither of which are good qualities in a parent."

Nor in principals nor in forum posters. I just need to know whether the principal had a legal basis for his statements, and if not how do I formally access my son's records. I will check the links below; thanks.

Regardless of how I came across in the conversation, I expected the principal to respond in a calm, professional manner that conveyed experience dealing with a common request for school records and with parents in general. The fact that the principal could not produce a written policy or cite the legal basis for his claim raises questions and doubt.
I would love to hear the principal's side of this story.
As a parent, I believe I do have complete access to my son's records because it is a parental right which has nothing to do with legal and physical custody. Furthermore, the parent with legal custody is not entitled to restrict the parental rights of the non-custodial parent, right? I will need to research the meaning of legal custody and what decisions the parent who has legal custody can make. It seems like the principal construed things.
No, generally legal custody does not restrict access to school records; however, restraining orders do.
 
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fairisfair

Senior Member
No, I can't pee farther.

Education does make better parents. Education is positively linked with decreased poverty, better healthcare, higher wages and can be passed on to my son and future generations.

Why would the Principal of the school feel intellectually inferior and/or offended? My view was that the principal upheld high educational standards, supported the pursuit of education and encouraged learning.

Yes, I did speak with the teachers and a counselor. What does that mean? I am the parent, I am responsible for ensuring my son is safe in school. School teachers and counselors do not replace responsible parents. With so many children to supervise, wouldn't the school staff feel relieved by an involved parent compared to a parent who leaves child rearing to the school? If I don't investigate my son's complaints, who will? By then it could be too late; and again, I believe it is my job/duty/responsibility as a parent to immediately respond to my son's repeated bullying incidents. If the school has nothing to hide, then no insecurities or problems producing the records should exist.

"If you had this attitude with the principal, then I'm not surprised that he got nasty...In fact, your attitude seems condescending and judgmental, neither of which are good qualities in a parent."

Nor in principals nor in forum posters. I just need to know whether the principal had a legal basis for his statements, and if not how do I formally access my son's records. I will check the links below; thanks.

Regardless of how I came across in the conversation, I expected the principal to respond in a calm, professional manner that conveyed experience dealing with a common request for school records and with parents in general. The fact that the principal could not produce a written policy or cite the legal basis for his claim raises questions and doubt.

As a parent, I believe I do have complete access to my son's records because it is a parental right which has nothing to do with legal and physical custody. Furthermore, the parent with legal custody is not entitled to restrict the parental rights of the non-custodial parent, right? I will need to research the meaning of legal custody and what decisions the parent who has legal custody can make. It seems like the principal construed things.
first thought of course, is, if you're so damned smart why are you here asking for help??

You should know it all.:rolleyes::rolleyes:

That being said that sans a court order preventing you from your childs records you have every right to them.

find further info here. www.Deltabravo.net.

Normally I would help look it up, but I have a feeling you are a jerk and I am trying to limit my exposure these days.:cool:
 
Your biggest battle to come will not be in the area of custody nor with your child’s school. Your biggest battle will simply, or not so simply be, getting over yourself. Formal education has nothing to do with parenting. Your education, which you so brazenly flaunt, has not even afforded you the common sense to find the information you request on your own. Your post is a punch line, a written contradiction to your own claims of intelligence. Intelligence has more to do with commonsense, and reasoning, rather than ones ability to recall information.

The information you seek is out there, waiting for you to find it. I would have gotten it for you, but I’m sure you would rather obtain it from someone with more than a GED. Good luck to you.

Here’s a hint. N.J.S.A.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I have more than a GED. And I happen to live in NJ. But... since ironic is soooooo well edumacated, I see no reason to spend time to provide info she should presumably be able to find for herself.

Oh, and so you know.... my ex also pulled the "I'm more edumacated than you" card at my kids' school. It didn't go over well there, either. Somehow, acting like a "richard" doesn't make people all warm and friendly.
 

Humusluvr

Senior Member
No, I can't pee farther.
so you dribble? gross

Education does make better parents. Education is positively linked with decreased poverty, better healthcare, higher wages and can be passed on to my son and future generations.
WRONG. And a poopy attitude doesn't make you better either. It just makes you a smarter jerk.

Why would the Principal of the school feel intellectually inferior and/or offended? My view was that the principal upheld high educational standards, supported the pursuit of education and encouraged learning.
I don't feel intellectually inferior to you and neither does the principal. He actually KNOWS the school laws. You don't. Obviously.

Yes, I did speak with the teachers and a counselor. What does that mean? I am the parent, I am responsible for ensuring my son is safe in school. School teachers and counselors do not replace responsible parents. With so many children to supervise, wouldn't the school staff feel relieved by an involved parent compared to a parent who leaves child rearing to the school?
There's a difference between an involved parent and a controlling psycho... which one are you? really?

If I don't investigate my son's complaints, who will?
uhhh, the school? We do that.

Nor in principals nor in forum posters. I just need to know whether the principal had a legal basis for his statements, and if not how do I formally access my son's records.
The principal has probably consulted his lawyer**************. about you.

Regardless of how I came across in the conversation, I expected the principal to respond in a calm, professional manner that conveyed experience dealing with a common request for school records and with parents in general. The fact that the principal could not produce a written policy or cite the legal basis for his claim raises questions and doubt.
He can always defer you to his lawyer.

As a parent, I believe I do have complete access to my son's records because it is a parental right which has nothing to do with legal and physical custody.
What YOU believe means nothing. And you are wrong.
Furthermore, the parent with legal custody is not entitled to restrict the parental rights of the non-custodial parent, right?
If they have temporary custody and a restraining order YES!!!!

It seems like the principal construed things.
And IT SEEMS like you are a controlling and manipulative idiot who is trying to point fingers for their own shortcomings. Quit trying to blame the school for following the rules.
 
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Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
What YOU believe means nothing. And you are wrong.
(This was relating to NCP access to school records)

I just wanted to clarify...absent a restraining order, the NCP *IS* entitled to full access to school records.
 

Humusluvr

Senior Member
(This was relating to NCP access to school records)

I just wanted to clarify...absent a restraining order, the NCP *IS* entitled to full access to school records.
I absolutely agree, NCP is entitled to the records, normally.

But, there is a restraining order. Right? I read that there was temp custody and a restraining order. If I skimmed I apologize.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
I absolutely agree, NCP is entitled to the records, normally.

But, there is a restraining order. Right? I read that there was temp custody and a restraining order. If I skimmed I apologize.
On a thread that OP deleted she admitted to living with an abusive BF and having mental problems that were sever enough to warrant an involuntary committal...I am sure that is why there is a RO. The father righteously felt his children were in danger due to Mom exposing them to her abusive BF and her mental issues. Thank GOD dad is taking all action to keep these children safe!
 

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