School and drop offs!

[mommyto 2]

What is the name of your state?NJ
Me again, here is my question. My ex took me back to court last year to be granted several things, some he won , some I won, if that is what you consider it when it comes to children. One point he won was the ability to take the children to school. I just received an e-mail today, from, him stating that in two weeks he is going away on a business trip and will be unable to take the children to school, a direct violation of the court order and a privalage he requested. He stated in the e-mail, I would have to take them to school, or make arraingements for them to get to school. How do I reply? I need to be at work earlier then my children go to school, so therefore I will need to hire someone to take the children to school. My feeling is, you ask for it, you got it, now deal with it. Any assistance in this matter would be greatly appreciated.

 

[stealth2]

What's in the best interests of the kids?

 

[stepmom&mom]

So find someone to take them to school. You are making a big issue about nothing. Sometimes plans change and parents need to work together instead of against each other. If neither of you can be there to drop the kids off in the morning, then split the cost to hire someone to take them for the two weeks.

 

[mommyto 2]

I agree, as far as what is in the best interest of the kids--but here he took me back to court, costing me loads of money for this main issue and now he does not follow through. He always states in his e-mails regarding visitation what the court order states. I always follow the court order down to the letter. He on the other hand reads it to fit his own needs. I will find someone to take the kids to school, pay them and not get any reimbursement, when in fact it is his duty according to the court order. I am frustrated as to how to deal with someone who follows the orders when it suites him and when it does not it is up to me to pick up the loose ends.

 

[stepmom&mom]

It's not like he's saying he's never taking them to school again. He's saying he will be gone temporarily for a business trip and then will return afterwards. Are you telling me that nothing in your life ever comes up causing you to have to make arrangements or change your plans?? What would you do if you were married and he had to go on a business trip?

 

[nextwife]

What is the name of your state?NJ
Me again, here is my question. My ex took me back to court last year to be granted several things, some he won , some I won, if that is what you consider it when it comes to children. One point he won was the ability to take the children to school. I just received an e-mail today, from, him stating that in two weeks he is going away on a business trip and will be unable to take the children to school, a direct violation of the court order and a privalage he requested.

So you want him to REFUSE the trip, get fired, and not pay CS? Don't parents NORMALLY trade off taking and picking up kids, and pitching in when the other has a conflict? Most parents I know BOTH take turns taking their kids to school.

My husband has to occassionally travel on business. And sometimes, I must do an early morning presentation. Neither of us can always plan on being available a certain day of the week at a certain time.

Can't people be FLEXIBLE -THE WAY THE REST OF THE WORLD IS!!!!!!

 

[stealth2]

mommy? You're being petty. We all have things come up and have to work around them. If you want to be a stickler, then tell him it's his problem to sort out. But understand why you're doing it - because you're pissed off.

 

[mommyto 2]

I do understand what you are saying but if he wanted this so badly that he took me to court over it, is it not his problem to deal with when he goes away? I do not make plans away from my children unless I make an suitable arrangements for my children to be cared for (which has never happened due to the fact I work in a field where I do not have to travel).

 

[stealth2]

Then tell him it's not your problem. I don't know what you want us to tell you.

 

[stepmom&mom]

I do understand what you are saying but if he wanted this so badly that he took me to court over it, is it not his problem to deal with when he goes away? I do not make plans away from my children unless I make an suitable arrangements for my children to be cared for (which has never happened due to the fact I work in a field where I do not have to travel).

And imo, YOU are the one that is handling it wrong, because you should be offering him the opportunity to care for his children when you are gone before you ever call a babysitter. It's called CO-PARENTING.

 

[mommyto 2]

Thanks Stealth - I do respect your input. I hate all of this nonsense. Prior to going to court,whenever my ex had a schedule change I took care of it, no problem! Then he takes me to court, asking for this morning responsibility, gets it. When he can't do it, once again, he tells me to handle it, I will. My children come first but I would like to know if the court order is only for me to follow or both of us. For him it, appears to be when it is convient.

 

[mommyto 2]

To stepmom - I have offered him to care for the children on many occasions, for example conferences I have wanted to attend, he has refused, stating it was not in the court order. I have been more then willing to give him additonal time with the children, but he has yet to take me up on the offer. That is what I mean, it is one sided.

 

[stepmom&mom]

You can't make him offer you extra time.

He can't make you offer him extra time.

If a parent chooses to allow extra time, they should do so under the assumption that the other parent will not return the favor.

 

[mommyto 2]

I agree - but sadly that is not the case in this circumstance. That is why, now, when he states that it is up to me to find alternate means to get the children to school, it is so upsetting.

 

[Whyte Noise]

He has to work out of town on business and that's something that is beyond his control. Unless, of course, he just quit his job altogether.

You say he that he's had this arrangement since last year, but don't state that it's been a pattern of his to NOT take them to school in the mornings. This is the only instance that you have mentioned. Please, don't say it is a pattern now that I've brought that fact up.

He's giving you 2 weeks notice that he has to work out of town. What else is there for him to do, honestly? Refuse the work? Yes, you're both to follow the court order but sometimes situation DO arise that are beyond your control. You have to adapt to those.

This isn't about being "convienent" to him. This is about him having to work out of town and not being able to be there. It's not as bad as you think.