Second Hand smoke

[vampiregrrly]

What is the name of your state? Oregon
I have sole custody of my 3 year old daughter. I am a nonsmoker, but her dad and everyone else who lives in the home he lives in are smokers. I have asked over and over again that they go outside to smoke when my daughter is visiting. He says he agrees but can not control the other people in the household since he doesn't own the house. I think he smokes in the house also since everyone else does anyway.
I am very concerned of the health risks associated with second hand smoke and disagree with exposing my child to these dangers. Can I deny visitation as long as they are putting my child at risk? I am disabled and on very very limited income. I can not afford to hire a lawyer to have this subject taken care of in court.
Another issue is he has not paid child support for a whole year or covered her on insurance like he was ordered to do.
What should I do?

 

[VeronicaGia]

If you deny visitation, you will end up in court. Sometimes, if a peson does this enough, it will give good cause to the other person to file for custody.

You cannot deny visitation if he does not pay support.

He cannot stop paying support if you deny visitation.

 

[vampiregrrly]

I didn't want to deny visitation. But what can I do? If I found a way to afford a lawyer...is this something the courts can order of him not to smoke in her presence?

 

[VeronicaGia]

The court can order it but it is quite hard to enforce it. And they can order HIM not to smoke, but they cannot order everyone he knows not to smoke, especially since it's not even his house.

 

[KCMR]

I didn't want to deny visitation. But what can I do? If I found a way to afford a lawyer...is this something the courts can order of him not to smoke in her presence?

They can do this...and they have done it.

I'd start by telling him your intentions on doing this. Tell him you are going to take him back to court.

This whole topic gets my blood boiling.

 

[VeronicaGia]

It gets my blood boiling too, since she knew he smoked prior to having the child and should have thought about this sooner. Now she wants to deny the father his rights and deny the child his rights too, because she believes she's found a way to eliminate the father from the child's life.

 

[vampiregrrly]

Thanks for reading into my intentions. I actually like it when my daughter spends time with her father. I know she has a great time and I actually have a nice rest. I just want to feel as though she is "safe" when with him..that is all. I have tried talking to him and letting him know how important it is for our daughter to be given the safest environment possible to grow. And as for knowing he smokes...we both smoked, but never smoked in the house...he, back then , agreed with the fact that second hand smoke is dangerouse for children to breathe.
I don't want to deny his rights...but someone needs to protect the children! My view on this is whats best for our daughter, I have no intention of taking his rights away. I just want to stick up for the basic right my daughter has to growing up healthy. Cigarette smoke is something she doesn't NEED to be around, he can just as easily go outside to smoke as I do. By the way I am in a wheelchair and I still would go outside to smoke. I have quit now, but if still was smoking still would feel this way and did.
What gets my blood boiling is that he doesn't care enough about her to want to protect her health!

 

[haiku]

once you have a child is not the time to think about "wanting the child safe" while with him. so your explanation of your intention still likely won't hold up in court.

veronica gia is right, all of this should have been thought of BEFORE you had this child. You don't have kids with people you cannot trust to parent alone in the first place.... If you do you reap what you sow.

Now the dad has just as much right to parent as he pleases while with the child as you do when you have her.

 

[vampiregrrly]

I did think of it before I was pregnant, that is why we discussed the issue before she was even in existance. That is why we agreed we would not expose her to smoke in an enclosed space. example: house, car, restaurant.
The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency has classified environmental tobacco smoke (ETS) as a cancer causing agent, similar to asbestos or radon, with no safe level of exposure.
I myself I have lived with the side effects of growing up in a second hand smoke environment, and do not want my child to suffer the same as I did.
Smoking is not necessary to our survival. And when it effects others ESPECIALLY our children it needs to STOP! Nothing stops people from just going outside to smoke. I as an adult have the choice to not be in a second hand smoke environment, I can leave. But our children CAN NOT. We as adults and parents need to be the ones to respect our childs health enough to get off our lazy butts and go outside!
I don't care if he smokes...just don't do it so that it is something a child is harmed by. Just as I don't care if he drives his car 100 MPH, just don't do it when my kid is in that car!!!

 

[ksjane]

once you have a child is not the time to think about "wanting the child safe" while with him. so your explanation of your intention still likely won't hold up in court.

veronica gia is right, all of this should have been thought of BEFORE you had this child. You don't have kids with people you cannot trust to parent alone in the first place.... If you do you reap what you sow.

Now the dad has just as much right to parent as he pleases while with the child as you do when you have her.

I typically do not get involved in other people's posts unless I have helpful info, in this case, I do:

First of all, I am really getting annoyed with people bitching and moaning about what people SHOULD have done or what they SHOULD of thought about before hand! The fact of the matter is this...the child is here NOW, so SHOULD of COULD of WOULD of WHATEVER....means NOTHING now.

I agree when you say that the dad has just as much right to parent as he pleases, however, that same dad has just as much the same obligation to protect that child as does the mother.

So to the original poster, I would recommend finding a lawyer and expressing your concerns, and take it from there. My sister in law was in the same situation, and the judge did find that the smoke was harming the child and that it was NOT in the best interest of the child to be around the smoke and ordered the parent to have only "supervised visitation", until and ONLY until he got his own apartment and had daily visits to make sure there was no smoking around the child. So it can't hurt to speak with a lawyer. Best of luck to you.

 

[clewwho]

Here's a question, I just found out today that my girls stepmom is a smoker, though she does not smoke in the house doesn't mean the smoke is not there. Smoke travels and just becuz a door/wall separates the potency of the cigarette smoke doesn't mean that my kids will not be affected. If I was to look at this long term and my kids end up having some sort of ashma problems, what then? Now my kids will have to go through medication or breathing device becuz she wanted to smoke? If I brought this up to co-parent he would say its none of my business and then of course we then have to go into court just to settle this issue?

 

[karma1]

That's a lot of "what if's"?

"what if they get ashma? what if they require the use of breathing medication/treatments? what if the smoke does in fact, travel through walls and can be documented as the cause of ashma in the children?"
I'm sorry but I find this pretty amazing and quite silly. Perhaps, since there are so many environmental hazzards in our air, these children should live in a dome? Perhaps traveling by car and being stuck in traffic, with all those toxins coming from cars should be elimated, too? Perhaps living any where near a city or industrial factory should be avoided, too?
I guess if you look hard enough, you can take the other parent to court over anything~
JMO

 

[clewwho]

Yes, there is alot of what if's, but should I wait til those what if's occur? If I can prevent my child from ashma I will do whatever it takes to protect her. I'm not talking about simply walking at an outside mall and some individual is smoking, I can't prevent that but I can surely try to prevent the co-parent and his wife to avoid smoking in the presence of our children.

 

[vampiregrrly]

Why do we wear seatbelts? Because there is a what if we get into an accident we could get seriously injured flying out the windshield. I wear my seatbelt for that WHAT IF!
Why do we have children wear healmets...because...what if they fell off their bikes and hit their head?
The world is full of what if's...and when it is in our power we try to combat against those dangerous what ifs!
It is definatly in our power to combat against the second hand smoke what ifs! No one that smokes does it for their "survival". THEY are actually killing themselves, not helping themselves. I don't care if people smoke...that is their choice to kill themselves to go against those warnings and what ifs....but when they cross the line and take non smokers rights away..then it becomes a problem. When there are children in the home....smokers should go outside to smoke. I agree there are alot of dangers floating around in the air already....why do you think we have the EPA? Just because they are floating around does not make them safe...and doesn't mean we have to just live with it. People have made change to the pollutants in the air by standing up for themselves and this is just about the same type of issue. For our childrens sake...go outside to smoke! Don't add more pollutants in the air, that solves Nothing!

 

[kindnesscounts]

rules about parental smoking around a child-

"States which have rules that parental smoking around a child may be considered in custody proceedings include: California, Florida, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Missouri, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas."

Deltabravo seems geared towards fathers, but it's still a wealth of good information. The above info-and more-can be found on this page of links dealing with custody and smoking:

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/dvlinks.htm#Smoke

I understand your concern for your child. I've never smoked, but my x did. He stopped while we were married. We agreed when we began having children they shouldn't be exposed to 2nd hand smoke. He took up smoking again after the divorce. He does so directly around the children, in the house, in the car, etc. One of our children has a history of serious ear infections and another is asthmatic. Talking to him about it does no good. The kids live with him right now, and he tells me to mind my own business and points out the family member I have who smokes (never mind the fact that NO ONE is allowed to smoke in my home or vehicle AND we don't see that person on any kind of regular basis)


Best of luck to you