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Served today with papers for a Modification of Custody?

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Dawn7998

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Idaho

I received papers today via mail for a Modification to my current Custody order I have with my ex, Our current order was issued a little over 3 years ago. The first sentence says that my ex has retained this lawyers office in order to obtain a modification of the current on-duty parenting schedule, and they are giving me 7 days to respond, They are requesting that we handle this out of court with a mediator but if I do not wish to do so I have to notify there office and let them know my attorney's information.
All of this comes as a huge shock to me, Our current custody agreement states my ex gets 1 week every 3 months and every other holiday, he has never even attempted to take my daughter the entire time we have had this order. My daughter would not even know who he was if he walked up to her in the store, I have made attempt after attempt to set up arrangements with him but he never follows through or he never gets back to me, he literally lives about 3 blocks down the street from me and had not even attempted to contact me or my daughter since December. And when he contacted me in December it was via text message stating he was gonna mail her a present. He constantly pays me late on child support and owes me over 10,000 in medical bills. I am assuming he is doing this because he just recently got remarried and has 2 other children with his new wife and I am sure he feels guilty or maybe not, But they live in a 2 bedroom house and there 2 kids already share a room so if my daughter was to go stay there where would she sleep? My daughter is 6 just started 1st grade today, and has her own room and bathroom at my house. My question is what should I do and how should I respond? I would feel just horrible if I had to drop my daughter off with him because he is a complete stranger to her.

Thank you!!
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
YOur ex has a right to one week every three months. He can file a modification if he so chooses. You need to prepare your daughter (your being PLURAL) for spending time with her father possibly. You respond with saying that you have no problem with him exercising his time via the court order though he hasn't in several months. How many times have YOU suggested that your child call her father? Visit him since he lives LITERALLY three blocks away?
 

CJane

Senior Member
Did you actually receive modification papers that have been FILED w/the court, or a letter from an attorney requesting that you attend mediation? There's a HUGE difference.

What is he asking for, time-wise?

Has he seriously not seen/visited w/her since she was 3? At all?

How long has he lived down the street?

Did he agree to the 1 week every third month? That's really non-standard.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Idaho

I received papers today via mail for a Modification to my current Custody order I have with my ex, Our current order was issued a little over 3 years ago. The first sentence says that my ex has retained this lawyers office in order to obtain a modification of the current on-duty parenting schedule, and they are giving me 7 days to respond, They are requesting that we handle this out of court with a mediator but if I do not wish to do so I have to notify there office and let them know my attorney's information.
All of this comes as a huge shock to me, Our current custody agreement states my ex gets 1 week every 3 months and every other holiday, he has never even attempted to take my daughter the entire time we have had this order. My daughter would not even know who he was if he walked up to her in the store, I have made attempt after attempt to set up arrangements with him but he never follows through or he never gets back to me, he literally lives about 3 blocks down the street from me and had not even attempted to contact me or my daughter since December. And when he contacted me in December it was via text message stating he was gonna mail her a present. He constantly pays me late on child support and owes me over 10,000 in medical bills. I am assuming he is doing this because he just recently got remarried and has 2 other children with his new wife and I am sure he feels guilty or maybe not, But they live in a 2 bedroom house and there 2 kids already share a room so if my daughter was to go stay there where would she sleep? My daughter is 6 just started 1st grade today, and has her own room and bathroom at my house. My question is what should I do and how should I respond? I would feel just horrible if I had to drop my daughter off with him because he is a complete stranger to her.

Thank you!!
Ok take a big deep breath and relax. The letter was intended to intimidate you. Do not allow it to do so. Its also possible that dad has not been honest with either his attorney or his current wife.

You have a couple of choices. You can either ignore the letter, which would be perfectly reasonable, legally, or you could respond. A good response would be something along these lines:

Dear XXX,

I was quite surprised to recieve your letter of XXX date. Your client was awarded visitation consisting of XXX on XXX date, and to date, he has not chosen to exercise a single visitation that he was awarded. In addition, he is consistantly late with his child support, and currently owes me more than 10,000 in medical bills.

The last time I heard from him was in December of 2007, and that was only a text message stating that he was going to send our child a present.

Naturally, at this point he is a total stranger to our child, and she would not recognize him if he walked up to her in a local store. I made repeated efforts to attempt to encourage him to exercise his visitation, but he declined to do so.

I agree that the court ordered visitation needs to be modified, since he is a total stranger to her at this point. If your client is willing to enter mediation with the intent to become reacquainted with our child and to move at a pace that makes sense for her, then I am also willing to attempt mediation.

___________________________

Or, in the alternative, you could go ahead and hire an attorney yourself, and let the attorney respond. However, I think that you could attempt a response yourself, first.

Do not be intimidated by the 7 day requirement for a response. That is simply BS.
 

milspecgirl

Senior Member
yep- respond but make sure the atty knows that he has not exercised the visitation he currently has
when was the last time he spoke to or saw the child?

don't even try the "he only has 2 bedrooms" theory. Heck- we used to sleep on the floor when visiting my dad- we were "camping"

you may need to put the child in counseling if you thin she is going to have issues
 

Dawn7998

Junior Member
No I have not actually received modification paperwork, Just a letter from his lawyer saying he is prepared to file the modification paperwork with the court If I choose to not go to mediation, So I have no idea what he is asking for time wise, And YES he seriously has not attempted to visit with her 2 years, and the year before that he only saw her 3 times and that was because I physically took her to his house to try and build there relationship, but I stopped taking her over there per his request because he works a job where he works from 4pm tell 3 in the morning 5-6 days a week and sleeps during the day so he really does not have time for a child. And he has lived down the street for about 6 months and before that he lived less than a mile from my house for 2 years, he actually has not even told me he moved down the street his brother told me. And to respond to the 1 week every three months no being standard, you are exactly correct, he had no options but to agree to that, the judge told him he would do nothing more than that because he just ditched town and moved across country when she was 1 then came back a year and half later for custody and the judge said the 1 week every 3 months was to try and rebuild there relationship and we could modify our support later when they were comfortable with each other, well he never, ever has abided by this custody agreement and its been in affect for over 3 years. I am a total believer in Every child should have father in there life so that is what I was hopeing would happen with the last agreement but it did not, and I do not believe parents should just be able to walk in and out of a childs life whenever it fits there lifestyle.
 

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