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darciemae

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? California

I have a situation that really isn't an issue where I would take my son away from his father, I just need to know what my rights are as a mother and what his rights are as a minor. My son is 12 and has had visitation with his father since he was born. There has never been an issue with the sleeping arrangements and I really didn't argue it when he lived in a 1bd and his gf lived w/them. My son would sleep on the couch and I really didn't put up a huge fight. He was only there every other w/e and my son was young enought to really not care. Well, that was close to 3+ years ago. He has since gotten a new gf, whom I really like. She has a 9 year old daughter that she has custody of. Here is my current problem. My son's father just bought a 2bdr condo and recently got engaged to his gf. In one bedroom is him and his fiance. In the other bdrm, they have it set up where my 12 year old son shares a room with her 9 year old daughter. He is there every other w/e and half of the summer and half of holiday breaks. I don't approve of my son sharing a room with a 9 yr old girl. They will both be going through very different stages in their lives and will need their own space. I don't want to take my son away from his father, but what can be done. His father just bought the condo so he can't turn around and resell it yet. I can't talk to about it because it always turns into an argument. Is there anything that CAN be done? Can I go back to the mediator?
Any real legal advice vs. opinion would be great.
Thanks
DarcieMae
 


Zephyr

Senior Member
he is only there every other weekend...is there another area of the home your son could sleep in? say a den or office? even a basement that could be finished out?
 

NotSoNew

Senior Member
there is no law that children need to have their own bedroom, you could bring it up to a judge and they might tell him he needs to try to get his son his own space but they might say its fine.
 

darciemae

Junior Member
unfortunately...no there is no other room. It is a small condo (that is how it works out here in CA....lots of money for small places..hee hee) It wouldn't be such a difficult thing if he lived in the same city because then I could change the visitation to no overnights...but even then, I don't want to take away time. I know that my son has always had a hard time having to share his time with his father and his fathers other gf's, but now he has to share him with another child and also share his space. Also, if you can answer this question for me if you know...at what age can a child say he wants to come home? There have been times that my son has called me and has wanted to come home early from his visit, but because it is his scheduled w/e w/his father, I can't let him. Also, my son misses out on hanging out with his friends and church/school events because no joke for the last 2 years, they have fallen on his dad's w/e and his dad won't give up the time for his son to go. What age can they say they want to go and have it listened to. I have tried to come up w/solutions like we can meet halfway before the event and halfway after the event to exchange and have even offered to drive all the way to pick him up and drop him off. 45 min. each way.
Am I able to go before a mediator again? Do you know?
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
I think the long summer visit is where this is going to count, these are opposite sex children entering puberty.... for weekends it's different but months on end? that could get dicey
 

NotSoNew

Senior Member
darciemae said:
unfortunately...no there is no other room. It is a small condo (that is how it works out here in CA....lots of money for small places..hee hee) It wouldn't be such a difficult thing if he lived in the same city because then I could change the visitation to no overnights...but even then, I don't want to take away time. I know that my son has always had a hard time having to share his time with his father and his fathers other gf's, but now he has to share him with another child and also share his space. Also, if you can answer this question for me if you know...at what age can a child say he wants to come home? There have been times that my son has called me and has wanted to come home early from his visit, but because it is his scheduled w/e w/his father, I can't let him. Also, my son misses out on hanging out with his friends and church/school events because no joke for the last 2 years, they have fallen on his dad's w/e and his dad won't give up the time for his son to go. What age can they say they want to go and have it listened to. I have tried to come up w/solutions like we can meet halfway before the event and halfway after the event to exchange and have even offered to drive all the way to pick him up and drop him off. 45 min. each way.
Am I able to go before a mediator again? Do you know?
not till 18 unfortantly, maybe if he spent more time with his dad he could make friends and do things there?
 

goodgrief

Member
This isn't legal advice but something I just wanted to add. In Missouri if you foster children you cannot have two children of the opposite sex over 6 years old sharing the same room. I don't know if that applies to my own children but when my caseworker did my homestudy she informed me of this.


I don't think it is right for them to share a room, especially like someone else said during the summer...longer period of time. Is there a reason your ex didn't take into consideration the age of these children and appropriate sleeping places when deciding where to live? If you ask me it's just asking for disaster.
 

NotSoNew

Senior Member
goodgrief said:
This isn't legal advice but something I just wanted to add. In Missouri if you foster children you cannot have two children of the opposite sex over 6 years old sharing the same room. I don't know if that applies to my own children but when my caseworker did my homestudy she informed me of this.


I don't think it is right for them to share a room, especially like someone else said during the summer...longer period of time. Is there a reason your ex didn't take into consideration the age of these children and appropriate sleeping places when deciding where to live? If you ask me it's just asking for disaster.

as some one else advised before (in another post) the reason why people think there are laws on this is because welfare, section 8 and such things as adopting children have these rules, but otherwise they dont apply.
 
I'm surprised the NCP's gf isn't making other arrangements for where your son can sleep!!! If I were the mother of the 9 year old girl - I wouldn't allow a 12 year old boy to sleep in her room. You say that you like the new gf - Surely she can see where you're coming from. Perhaps you can have a conversation with her.
 

darciemae

Junior Member
AmarieNorton said:
I'm surprised the NCP's gf isn't making other arrangements for where your son can sleep!!! If I were the mother of the 9 year old girl - I wouldn't allow a 12 year old boy to sleep in her room. You say that you like the new gf - Surely she can see where you're coming from. Perhaps you can have a conversation with her.
I think I may try to address the issue with his fiance. She should understand where I am coming from, like you said since she has a 9yr old.
As someone mentioned earlier, "Why didn't he think of living space before he bought the condo" and to be honest with you, I don't know. He knew he would be moving in with her and I didn't know he was buying the condo and it was only a 2bd. I would have said something then, but I didn't find out that he actually bought the place until we went back to court in Sept. to discuss child support. When he told me he was moving in with her, I assumed that the condo would accomodate everyone. But this is the issue I am battling with...always his needs before his sons and that isn't to talk bad about him, that is just how it always is.
 

darciemae

Junior Member
dynomight77 said:
not till 18 unfortantly, maybe if he spent more time with his dad he could make friends and do things there?
He is with his father every other weekend, half of summer and half of all holiday vacations. When his son is with him, they are usually doing things with family or just the 4 of them. He will usually invite cousins over to spend the night. Their w/e's however are usually filled with family events or dad's events.
 

wtk8j

Member
goodgrief said:
This isn't legal advice but something I just wanted to add. In Missouri if you foster children you cannot have two children of the opposite sex over 6 years old sharing the same room. I don't know if that applies to my own children but when my caseworker did my homestudy she informed me of this.


I don't think it is right for them to share a room, especially like someone else said during the summer...longer period of time. Is there a reason your ex didn't take into consideration the age of these children and appropriate sleeping places when deciding where to live? If you ask me it's just asking for disaster.
If i am not mistaken i believe this is a statued that stands in my state of ky ,if one applies for any type og gov.housing children of the oppisite sex over age 6 must reside in seperate rooms ,i would assume a judge would most likley feel the same!
 

haiku

Senior Member
wtk8j said:
If i am not mistaken i believe this is a statued that stands in my state of ky ,if one applies for any type og gov.housing children of the oppisite sex over age 6 must reside in seperate rooms ,i would assume a judge would most likley feel the same!
nope, again there are NO laws for situations outside of foster and adoption and section eight. As a parent you can cram as many kids as you want into your house.
 

haiku

Senior Member
darciemae said:
He is with his father every other weekend, half of summer and half of all holiday vacations. When his son is with him, they are usually doing things with family or just the 4 of them. He will usually invite cousins over to spend the night. Their w/e's however are usually filled with family events or dad's events.
honestly it does not sound to bad to me. thats pretty much what goes on in my house, and I have 4 kids total in my house when visitation occurs.. None of whom, but the one who lives here, having thier own room.

Send your son with a sleeping bag.

As far as visitation goes it is up to your ex what your son gets to participate in on his time. And it is up to your ex to deal with his relationship with his son, and your son to deal with dad etc.....
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I've got to agree. Offer to split the cost of an Aerobed with Dad and send the kiddo with a sleeping bag. He can lay it out in the LR, and voila - problem solved. I don't see this as a situation where time (or overnights) will be taken from Dad.
 

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