Should I Terminate Parental Rights????

[EmailMeNowU]

I am from Illinois and my Son's Father is from Wisconsin.


I became pregnant at the age of 17 (almost 10 years ago!!). The Father decided the Army would be a great way to "escape". On one of his leaves from the Army we had to go to the courthouse and establish paternity and custody. The Father signed documents stating that he is the biological father of my child (no DNA testing needed, for he was definetly the father). At this time we were TRYING to rekindle a relationship for the sake of our new baby. I belive we signed papers for joint custody with physical placement with me thinking that this "love" would last.....WRONG!! STUPID NAIVE LITTLE GIRL I WAS!!

So, today....My Son is 9 years old. He doesn't see his father at all. Doesn't get phone calls from him.... NOTHING! About 3 years ago... he stood my son up on his birthday. They were supposed to go out together and he never showed up or called!!!

Within the last 5 years, I would say my son has seen his Dad 3 times (actually spending the day together). I do get child support from him though.. My son might see his "father" very briefly when he goes to visit his Aunt (fathers sister) but his "father" never stays long (15 mins or so according to my son). This ticks me off because when my son comes home from visiting, he ALWAYS talks about his dad and how they should to this and that more often. It tears me up inside.

About 3 years ago... The father told me he was going to relinquish his parental rights but his family talked him out of it. His Mom and Sister would call me and talk to me about it saying "Give him time, give him time" He had 6 years of "time" to realize he had a child... a awesome child in fact that he is missing out on!!

So I guess my question is.....(after that long story..sorry!)

Should I try to terminate his rights? If I should, how do I go about it? Or do I just go for Legal Custody, if infact I do have Joint Custody with him?

P.S I did want to mention that about 2 weeks or so after every visit my son has with his "father" my son gets very depressed. This is my main reason for these questions. My son has a great StepFather and I know he wants to call him Dad but he is afraid of what his "father" might think... It just breaks my heart!

Any advice would be great!

M

 

[adonahee]

Find your papers first...

You need to know exactly what they say so that you can have them modified. If it did, indeed, establish legal and physical joint custody, then yes, I'd say you should file a modification of visitation and place yourself as the custodial parent with legal custody. This would protect yourself against any unwanted hassles in the future. If he is paying you support, I do not believe you can have his rights terminated altogether. Though unfortunate, children of your son's age often have a "romaticized" type of view of their parents, so I think he will wish for things that probably won't come true for quite a few years. All you can do is be there to pick up the emotional pieces when the heartbreak comes, and it probably will. You can never be the "Dad" that your Ex wasn't, and you can't change how your child feels about being left behind - You just can't. But you can be his "rock" and provide an excellent, solid foundation just being Mom.

 

[JETX]

Should I try to terminate his rights? If I should, how do I go about it? Or do I just go for Legal Custody, if infact I do have Joint Custody with him?

*** Any decision on whether you consider terminating (very unlikely) or changing custody should ONLY be done with consideration for the best interests of the child. Your personal feelings should be the last thing considered.

I did want to mention that about 2 weeks or so after every visit my son has with his "father" my son gets very depressed.

*** Considering that your own post says that occasion (seeing his father) has only happened "Within the last 5 years, I would say my son has seen his Dad 3 times", your statement seems to imply that there are 'other' isssues here.

This is my main reason for these questions. My son has a great StepFather and I know he wants to call him Dad but he is afraid of what his "father" might think... It just breaks my heart!

*** Sorry, but YOU have no involvement in what your son might want to call his step-father..... or his father. Talk to your son and explain that any decision on what to call your husband (presumably) is up to the child. He's nine years old.... that is old enough to handle this.

 

[tigger22472]

I admit I didn't read all your post but will say that since Dad does pay Child Support (wether it's forced or not) you will not be able to TPR without his concent. Secondly, again I didn't read everything, but a lot of states require there be someone to adopt the child before TPR also.

 

[tigger2two]

it doesn't seem that the father would take you to court for custody..but i have a friend whos ex did and the judge got her pretty good for allowing her child to call the step father daddy. he said that her son wasn't old enough to make descions on his own and she should have stopped that from happening. I don't fully agree with that but just a little food for thought about the step dad situation.

 

[cookie57]

In order to terminate your ex's rights, your child must be considered abandoned. Every state is different, but mostly it is 1 year without child support and contact of ANY kind. No phone calls, visits, letters, emails, gifts, food or clothes. Even then, it will be up to a judge to determine if his rights will be terminated. He also has the right to be notified ahead of time of the court date. And, even after all that, he still has a right to contest.

In your case, you will not be able to terminate his rights based on the fact that he is paying support. I am sure it is court ordered support and he is fullfilling his legal obligation there. He can not be forced to visit his child. The visitation schedule is an outline of how much time he can spend, but he is not required to spend it at all.

This isn't about you or your ex anymore. It's about your son. Try calling or writing your ex a letter and try talking about this. Better yet, have your 9 year old son write him a letter or call him and he can explain his feelings to his dad.

There is a HUGE difference between a dead beat dad that up and abandons his child, and a man who pays support but isn't around much. Do your part to help your son communicate with his dad.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Although most of the oldtimers here know my position on TPR, some of the opinions stated do not reflect Wisconsin law.

Specifically, abandonment and it's definition under Wisconsin statute Chapter 48.415 Grounds for involuntary termination of parental rights.

48.415(1)(b)
(b) Incidental contact between parent and child shall not preclude the court from finding that the parent has failed to visit or communicate with the child under par. (a) 2. or 3. The time periods under par. (a) 2. or 3. shall not include any periods during which the parent has been prohibited by judicial order from visiting or communicating with the child.


Here is the entire text of the statute:
http://folio.legis.state.wi.us/cgi-bin/om_isapi.dll?clientID=72633&advquery=termination%20of%20parental%20rights&infobase=stats.nfo&j1=&jump=&record={8D65}&softpage=Browse_Frame_Pg

 

[cookie57]

Mother and child are in Illinois. Illinois law applies:



http://library.adoption.com/Termination-of-Parental-Rights/Grounds-for-Termination-of-Parental-Rights-Illinois/article/8489/2.html