Single Dad Seeking advice

[tr2013]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California
Hello i am a single dad who is in California.
I raise my child full time and provide everything for her. The mother left and now lives with her new boyfriend. We tried in the beginning to have my 4 year old stay with her some days but the mother can't handle it and my daughter doesn't want to stay there. So now i have her all days and take her to day care and handle her medical needs. Her mother comes and visits her for a few hours a week. We get a long with each other pretty well.
Do I need to go through the court since my daughter is living with me for two months now and i don't need any support from the mother or is just a custody agreement giving me sole physical ok?
Can i keep it away from the courts with no problems in the future?
We were never married and I was there when my daughter was born and my name is on the birth certificate and she has my last name. Do i still need an affidavit of paternity?

 

[Zigner]

As an unmarried father, if your name is on her birth certificate, then you already filed the Acknowledgement of Paternity.

As for court order...YES. At this point, mom can pop in at any point and take her daughter. Court orders are your friend! File to establish custody, visitation and support orders - your daughter deserves no less!

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California
Hello i am a single dad who is in California.
I raise my child full time and provide everything for her. The mother left and now lives with her new boyfriend. We tried in the beginning to have my 4 year old stay with her some days but the mother can't handle it and my daughter doesn't want to stay there. So now i have her all days and take her to day care and handle her medical needs. Her mother comes and visits her for a few hours a week. We get a long with each other pretty well.
Do I need to go through the court since my daughter is living with me for two months now and i don't need any support from the mother or is just a custody agreement giving me sole physical ok?
Can i keep it away from the courts with no problems in the future?
We were never married and I was there when my daughter was born and my name is on the birth certificate and she has my last name. Do i still need an affidavit of paternity?

The minute your child has lived with you full-time for six months, RUN to court, Dad. RUN!
Court orders will protect your current arrangement: nothing else will.

 

[tr2013]

The minute your child has lived with you full-time for six months, RUN to court, Dad. RUN!
Court orders will protect your current arrangement: nothing else will.

Can i just get her to sign a notarized custody agreement and be done with it. I don't need child support from her since she doesn't make much even to support herself.

 

[Silverplum]

Can i just get her to sign a notarized custody agreement and be done with it. I don't need child support from her since she doesn't make much even to support herself.

Yes, you can get her to sign a notarized custody agreement.

No, that doesn't mean you'll be "done with it." That won't happen. She's the child's mother: she can seek various forms of custody and visitation and child support till the child is 18.

 

[Silverplum]

Adding this link: http://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-family.htm

 

[LdiJ]

Yes, you can get her to sign a notarized custody agreement.

No, that doesn't mean you'll be "done with it." That won't happen. She's the child's mother: she can seek various forms of custody and visitation and child support till the child is 18.

I am going to expand on this because honestly Silver, I think you gave him the impression that an notarized piece of paper would do him any real good.

Dad, in an unwed situation you truly don't have any enforceable rights until a court gives you those rights. So, mom could just basically decide to keep the child one day and there is little that you could do about it until you took it to court...yet, at the same time, if you attempted to withhold the child from mom it could hurt you in court.

Therefore, you really need court orders.

 

[tr2013]

I am going to expand on this because honestly Silver, I think you gave him the impression that an notarized piece of paper would do him any real good.

Dad, in an unwed situation you truly don't have any enforceable rights until a court gives you those rights. So, mom could just basically decide to keep the child one day and there is little that you could do about it until you took it to court...yet, at the same time, if you attempted to withhold the child from mom it could hurt you in court.

Therefore, you really need court orders.

What if i gave the notarized piece of paper to the court so they can approve of it? Would that work?

 

[LdiJ]

What if i gave the notarized piece of paper to the court so they can approve of it? Would that work?

Maybe...

If you submitted a properly stipulated agreement to the court, that adhered to the law, and a judge signed off on it, yes, that could work.

 

[olhobbes]

As a fellow single dad, anearthw said something yesterday in another thread that really kind of sums up our situation; https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/infant-custody-california-only-info-california-please-601442.html#post3221183

As someone who WANTS to be a father, you have no real benefit to doing anything outside a court house. That's reserved for people who want to avoid parenting. Court orders will protect you.

Were I you, knowing what I know now ( and, not to put too fine a point on it, having been through what I've been through ), I would take tomorrow off work, go down to the local court house and spend all day getting the paperwork filed to establish custody with the courts. I would beg, borrow and steal what I needed to get that paperwork filed by the end of day tomorrow.

In case it's not obvious, I made the mistake of not taking this seriously, and my daughter suffered ( and is suffering ) because of it. Don't risk your child's happiness like I foolishly risked mine.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If you choose to wait to file, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT the time spent with each parent. Status quo is part of equation but not all of it. Expect when papers are filed for mom to increase parenting time or to take the child.

 

[tr2013]

Well it has been about 10 months. I have just filed the petition this week for full physical and joint custody. She was served papers by my sister yesterday. I figured its about time since my daughter will start school in a few weeks and her mom has been battling depression lately. It has been the same this whole time. She sees our daughter once every 1-2 weeks. I dont think she will respond since after she was given the papers, she left it at my house when she dropped off our daughter to me. So what happens now if she doesn't respond within 30 days? I took all of your advice and documented everything as well as saved all her texts to me.

 

[Isis1]

Well it has been about 10 months. I have just filed the petition this week for full physical and joint custody. She was served papers by my sister yesterday. I figured its about time since my daughter will start school in a few weeks and her mom has been battling depression lately. It has been the same this whole time. She sees our daughter once every 1-2 weeks. I dont think she will respond since after she was given the papers, she left it at my house when she dropped off our daughter to me. So what happens now if she doesn't respond within 30 days? I took all of your advice and documented everything as well as saved all her texts to me.

did you include a blank response form?

if she was properly served and does not respond to the hearing OR show up at the hearing, then you can request a default ruling.

 

[tr2013]

did you include a blank response form?

if she was properly served and does not respond to the hearing OR show up at the hearing, then you can request a default ruling.

Do you mean the FL-210 ?

 

[Zigner]

Do you mean the FL-210 ?

No, it's FL-220


Here is the Orange County site with information on this process (for information). It should be the same as your county except with minor, local variations.

http://www.occourts.org/self-help/familylaw/parentage.html