• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

single disabled mom seeking custody

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

M

miami-ted

Guest
What is the name of your state? Fl
Hello all,
I am a 44 year old single, disabled mom. I am a recovering addict. I live on social security and have no money after rent and food to afford an attorney so any legal assistance would be greatly appreciatted and may God bless you. I have sought help through the various legal assistance opportunities here, but they all have a rather lengthy waiting time and some are not even taking on new cases. God has blessed me with a child, a beautiful little girl and although the circumstances of her conception are rather unflattering she is loved very much. It will surely be the only chance that God allows me to raise a child and I so want to do what is right by her. My problem is that the baby was initially taken away from me by the state at the time of her birth because I was deep in addiction. I have, however, now committed my life to God and living drug free. I have been recovering from addiction since shortly after my child was born which is now going on two years, although I did relapse three times in the beginning but only for one day and then immediately got back up and recommitted to the right way. I have now been clean for 9 months and been through and completed a complete 6 month program.
My problem now is that the state wants to give my parents, who have custody of my daughter, permanent custody. My parents are not nice people and of my 4 siblings 2 have similar problems to mine although they are not confined to a wheelchair. My father is a controller and hard task master and very cold and non-affectionate. My mother is one of those moms who hides her head in the sand and allows this tyrant free reign. She is extremely passive, submissive to the point of lying if it is what he asks of her. I now have an appearance coming up August 5, 2003 in which the state is seeking to make this final determination and I need all the help I can get. If anyone knows of an attorney in the Miami area that will work for a greatly reduced rate that I might be able to make some kind of payments on I would really like to find them. I do have a few friends that will support me and do what they can for me financially, but it would certainly be very limited. One friend just gave me out of the kindness of his heart a brand new $700.00 wheelchair and bought $300.00 worth of gifts for me to give to my daughter and I am so grateful that God has seen fit to put this man in my life. He is married and living in the Cape Coral area and how God ever was able to reach him for me I will probably never know, but He is a great God! Well, I have stated my case and I ask for help. Again may God bless you all and watch over you. Tammy
 


M

miami-ted

Guest
I will be supporting the child by an additional payment of my SSD and as to the father he is not in the picture and chooses so. Thank-you for your interest and God bless you. Tammy
 
B

Boxcarbill

Guest
miami-ted said:
I will be supporting the child by an additional payment of my SSD and as to the father he is not in the picture and chooses so. Thank-you for your interest and God bless you. Tammy
You know, I wasn't three sentences into your post before I knew that the child would receive a disability check. I wish I had a dollar for every addict that found God in jail and lost him upon leaving. You have been clean nine months and you think that by tossing around a few "Gods" that the court will be gullible enough to give you custody of a child (and the governmental check that goes with the child.) I sure as hell hope not! And based upon my legal experience I don't see this happening.
 

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
Oh lord... there's no way to say this without really sounding judgmental or bitchy, and I honestly don't mean it that way. So please, try not to take it that way.

Tammy, you say that when you pay rent and buy food, you're broke afterwards. I understand that's your child, and you want your child with you. But are you going to be financially able to take care of her? Afford to buy her clothes? Afford doctor care for her when needed? Being poor doesn't make you a bad parent... not by a long shot. But you're living on a fixed income, and are unable to work. Is that income going to be enough to make it when you add a 2 year old to that? You're looking a lot more expense when you have a child that young and her additional portion of and SSD benefits you receive might not be enough.

Trust me, I KNOW how badly you want her with you. 3 years ago I had to make the toughest decision in my life, and put what was best for my children ahead of what I wanted. That was them living with their father and not me even though he was the one that walked out. I was living in motel rooms and working as a waitress, hoping I made enough tips to be able to eat. I could not put my kids thru that as well. I made the decision for them to live with their dad because even though I wanted the 3 of them with me, I realized that there was no way in hell I'd be able to provide for them. Their father could. He's the one that had to decent job, and a roof over his head. No, money isn't everything. But when you can't even supply the basic needs for your children, then perhaps you need to consider other options.

The fact that you are a recoviering addict, that had relapses recently, is not going to work in your favor. I'm not being rude, just being honest. Your child was taken from you because of your addiction. That's going to be held against you. They will work that angle in a courtroom.

I don't know of any legal advice to give you really, because I don't see this as a situation where you're going to win anything next month. No, I'm not an attorney, just someone that's been there. I can empathize with part of what you're going through. I'm sorry this had to happen to you. I can tell you're sincere in what you write, and my guess is that you were in tears as you wrote it. It's going to be a long, hard, fight for you to get your daughter back I believe.

And you know... in the year I've been here I've never had a post affect me. Until now. I feel your pain, and I'm so sorry for it.

Best of luck to you Tammy.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
Sweetie, I know how hard this must be for you, but TRULY, truly think about what is best for this child. You know that relapses occur. It's not even a year of living clean, yet. Think about what terrible consequences could occur if you relapsed with this child in your care? A little one needs constant, eagle eyed supervision to be safe. And there is that issue of providing properly for all their needs. The financial aspect IS a serious barrier.

I can't comment about your parents necessarily being the best alternative caregivers. They may or may not be. I DO believe that our system proceeds under a false assumption that every bio-family is a better placement for a child than a non-biofamily. It ain't necessarily so. There are plenty of pretty wacko, disfunctional biofamilies, and a settled, non-bio family may be a more sound environment for a child. Your dad may also have mellowed in his caregiving over the years. I know many older (we call ourselves Geezer parents) parents who feel they are far superior, calmer parents with the kids of their golden years than they were with round 1. I hope that your Dad is better able to parent now than when you were younger. Good luck to you. Remember, this is not about what you want, but about what is the best, most stable, safe environment for your child.
 
M

miami-ted

Guest
Dear Boxcarbill,
I can appreciate your position and it is obvious that you are not impressed by the social grace afforded to less able bodied. I do not believe that throwing around a 'few God's' will effect any meaningful change in the courts determination. I throw around a 'few God's' because I now know that Jesus died for my sins and that in all things we are to give thanks to him. It is my hope that everyone comes to saving knowledge of Christ whether or not I prevail in my case.


It may interest those of a compassionat heart that I was born with spina bifida and have been inclined to a wheelchair most all of my life. I have had to struggle with accessibility problems that most able bodied folks give no thought to. I was, however raised by parents who were not supportive nor encouraging and yes that has affected my entire outlook on life and I'm sure it will take many more years to overcome the constant, "You're worthless and a burden on us" comments that I have heard since my early teens. Still today when I visit my daughter instead of any supportive and affirming words from my parents, I receive hateful, vindictive treatment at their hands. I am perfectly willing to work and support myself but have honestly not had anything offered or made available mostly due to transportation issues. I pray that God will continue to bless you and that you too will realize that Jesus was speaking to all of us today when he said that what you do for the least of these you do for me. Tammy
 
M

miami-ted

Guest
Dear Missourigal,
Thank-you for your testimony. Yes, we are all sinners and there are times in many lives that we struggle with what is right and best. I would not be adverse to my parents receiving custody if I thought that they were good loving parents. However, my mother has made it quite clear to me verbally that once this issue is settled I will not be welcome in their home for visits. My father will not even talk with me and the only time I can see my daughter is the few times that my mother is grudgingly willing to have me over when he is not there or bring her to see me without him. The other day she took me out to dinner, but of course he was nowhere to be found. I know that deep down inside my mother cares about me, but she is living under the thumb of a violent man who has wailed upon her many times since I was a child. He has beaten her and ridiculed her in front of all the children and thinks nothing of threatening people. He has thrown me out and threatened to leave her if I am in their home. I stand firmly on the conviction that this man is not a nice man, but we are dealt a life and we must live it.
I thank you again for your input and yes I know that I am not necessarily the perfect mother, but I firmly believe that being poor with love is better than rich with hate. God's blessings on you also. Tammy
 

ellencee

Senior Member
miami-ted
First, call the Florida Attorney's Bar and ask for a list of family law attorneys in your area that have not completed their required pro bono work for the year. I suggested this to a poster recently and received an email from a totally unrelated poster that took my advice, called the Flordia Attorney's Bar and immediately obtained the free legal services that the person desperately needed.

You have little time to obtain an attorney and get to court prepared.

I suggest that instead of asking for custody, which you will probably not recieve, that you should ask for visitation as the noncustodial parent. That way, you will have court ordered visitation rights and will not be at the mercy of your parents.
Transportation to facilitate visitation may be a problem, but perhaps your parents can be required to bring the child to you.

Your daughter may be able to receive her share of your disability check now, since you are the noncustodial parent. The guidelines as posted on the SSA site state the child must live with you, but on this forum several NCPs have stated their children receive the child(ren)'s SS disabilty check without living with them. It's certainly worth checking out.

I am aware of how important it is for you to have 'found' God. Your faith is about to be severely tested and you are going to have to hang on and trust that God is in control. You can't expect God to win in court because court is of the world and not of God; heck, they won't even let Him in the courthouse. I'm afraid that if you depend on your faith in God to grant you custody of the child or even visitation, that your disappointment may throw you back into a user's way of thinking. To keep from backing up, you are going to have to trust that no matter what happens in court, God is in control and is already at work around you.

Best wishes,
EC
 

bubbly602

Member
Just a thought

I just was wondering, miamited, if you are in any sort of independent living program? All states have them, and from what I understand, FL's is quite progressive compared to most states. If you're in one, you know what I'm talking about, if you're not in one, I can maybe explain a little bit about them to you. Independent or Supported living(depending on where you live) is a program funded by your state. They have what are called Resource counselors, or Supported living coordinators. These people will help you with all aspects of your life(just about). My brother is in a program like this, and they help him in many ways. He has someone come over once a week to teach him how to cook, twice a week to help him clean his apartment. He has a job coach, who helped him find a job, and they will also help with transportation issues. Now, the little boy whose doctors said he would never even walk or talk lives on his own, has his own car(paid off) pays his own bills and is not dependent on the state for everything he needs. Like I said I don't know if you're in anything like this, but it might be a good idea to check into. You'll want to look for something called a Regional Center, or you can just call your local social services office and ask them for help in finding a program like this. I think, in your situation, it may be your best bet. You'll have constant support in getting your life straightened out, and you may be able to get your daughter back at some point in the future. It will also show the courts that you're trying to do things to better your life, and to be able to provide your daughter with a better life. I know that the group here helped one of their clients keep her children when the state wanted to take them away. Good luck, and I hope this helps, even if only in some small way

MJ
 

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
OK.... going by your name on here, "miami-ted" I'm assuming you're in the Miami/Dade County area. Here's some info for you. Try calling this place and see if they can help you:

Dade County Put Something Back Pro Bono Project
Primary Address: 123 NW 1st Ave
City: Miami
State: FL
Zip: 33128-1895
General Phone: 305-579-5733
Fax: 305-372-7693
Counties Served: Dade
Case Types: AIDS/HIV, Adoption, Bankruptcy, CED, Consumer, Custody, Dissolution of Marriage, Domestic Violence, Education, Elder Law, Employment, Health, Housing, Immigration, Individual Rights, Juvenile, Public Benefits, Real Estate, Torts, Wills and Estates

Then, as EC suggested, call the ABA there and get the names of individual attorneys that haven't met their pro bono requirements yet. The Florida Bar's attorney referral line number is:

1-800-342-8011

Hope these help get you started.
 
B

Boxcarbill

Guest
miami-ted said:
Dear Boxcarbill,
I can appreciate your position and it is obvious that you are not impressed by the social grace afforded to less able bodied. I do not believe that throwing around a 'few God's' will effect any meaningful change in the courts determination. I throw around a 'few God's' because I now know that Jesus died for my sins and that in all things we are to give thanks to him. It is my hope that everyone comes to saving knowledge of Christ whether or not I prevail in my case.


It may interest those of a compassionat heart that I was born with spina bifida and have been inclined to a wheelchair most all of my life. I have had to struggle with accessibility problems that most able bodied folks give no thought to. I was, however raised by parents who were not supportive nor encouraging and yes that has affected my entire outlook on life and I'm sure it will take many more years to overcome the constant, "You're worthless and a burden on us" comments that I have heard since my early teens. Still today when I visit my daughter instead of any supportive and affirming words from my parents, I receive hateful, vindictive treatment at their hands. I am perfectly willing to work and support myself but have honestly not had anything offered or made available mostly due to transportation issues. I pray that God will continue to bless you and that you too will realize that Jesus was speaking to all of us today when he said that what you do for the least of these you do for me. Tammy
First, of all you have absolutely zero knowledge of my physical attributes. So pull in the pity card. It won't play with me and it won't play with the court. I don't like your drug abuse. Plain and simple. And it is not your physical disabilities which got your child remove from you shortly after your daughter's birth and it is not your physical disability which will prevent the court from returning your child to you at the upcoming hearing. It is your recent history with drug abuse. And your blaming everyone for your drug abuse but yourself doesn't help your case: My parents are to blame. The devil made me do it! I'm just a poor cripple who wants my child but didn't consider what my drug abuse would do to her during my pregnancy nor did I care enough after she was removed from me to get clean and stay clean. But, hey, I've been clean for 9 months and I think that the court ought to trust me with a totally helpless child! After all if I screw up, it is only a child and children are America's most renewable resource. It isn't going to happen. Perhaps, some years down the road but not at this time. The child deserves much better.
 

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
I don't think she's going to get custody either.

However, visitation is not out of the question. Since she's having such a hard time with her parents allowing her to see her child, if she gets a court order, then she has more leverage.

Unsupervised? Highly doubtful IMO. But it could start out as supervised and she can work her way up from there. Everyone has to start from somewhere.

Contrary to popular belief, no parent is perfect. We've all made our share of mistakes. Some of them more heinous than others. I can give you a link to a news article about a woman in Canada that killed her daughter, gutted her, cooked her, and ate her as soup. Why? Because she wanted her child with her always. Clear cut case of cookoo-itis to me.

But our OP didn't do that. Yes, she messed up with the drugs. She messed up royally. Tell me one perfect person in this world that hasn't ever messed up and I'll point you in the direction of the second coming of Christ. I don't think that's happened yet.

Her addiction could be not from the run of the mill street drugs, but from spina bifida. It's quite painful, I assure you. Being addicted to narcotics doesn't automatically mean Cocaine or herion or crack. It could be anything. But just because she messed up once doesn't mean the woman should be persecuted for the rest of her life because of it.

No, I'm not some bleeding heart liberal either. I think that anyone that reads my posts can tell you I'm a cold hearted bitch at times. It's been stated on here before. But if every parent that messed up didn't deserve to be near their children, then we'd have a lot of parentless children running around in this country.

Should she have custody? Nope. Should she have visitation? Yup. Supervised visitation, random drug screenings to facilitate that visitation. Dirty urine? You lose your visitation until such time as you prove that you aren't using. Repeated violation of the drug screens should mean loss of visitation. If being in your child's life isn't enough reason to stay clean, then nothing will ever motivate you. But I don't think she should be condemned to failure based on her past actions. She's not failing now. Clean for 9 months is a good start. I don't think that it's too far-fetched to request visitation. I do think it's too far of a reach to ask for custody. Her history will not allow that I don't think. But with supervision, she could be integrated back into her child's life.
 

sbaldwin

Member
I can give you a link to a news article about a woman in Canada that killed her daughter, gutted her, cooked her, and ate her as soup. Why? Because she wanted her child with her always. Clear cut case of cookoo-itis to me.
Just the thought of reading this article truly made me ill!:(
 
M

miami-ted

Guest
Dear Boxcarbill,
You sound like a very angry man and you are absolutely right that I don't have any idea of your physical status, but God's grace is available to all. I hope that you won't continue to hold it against people that some may seek compassion. Yes, for years I have blamed my drug addiction and various other problems on others but that is not the case any longer, however, it doesn't change how I was raised and my history. So I no longer use those excuses to use, but I still stand by the proven fact that children are most often a product of their upbringing. Today God has freed me from the prison of addiction and Jesus said that if he frees us we are free indeed. God bless you always. Tammy
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top