single father seeking custody

[sdaddy]

What is the name of your state? Utah
I have a three month old son i am trying to get custody of. the mother/ex gf removed him from my home without my consent six weeks ago. She is in her 30's and is living with her parents home with our son and all of them have mental illness, she shares a room with our son. I have visited with him daily since he has been gone, but they are only allowing me supervised visits at her home only, he is not allowed to spend time at my home. There are no issues or concerns that she has regarding me, she admits i am great father. her only reason for not allowing me to spend time alone with our son is that was advice she received from a lawyer. Our son is bottle fed only. mother has lifelong history of alcohol and drug abuse and attempts to take her life. she has been in alccohol recovery for one year. She has only worked about one year part time in the last three and relies on state assistance and her parent to provide support to her. Anyone think chances are good in getting custody of a newborn?

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? Utah
I have a three month old son i am trying to get custody of. the mother/ex gf removed him from my home without my consent six weeks ago. She is in her 30's and is living with her parents home with our son and all of them have mental illness, she shares a room with our son. I have visited with him daily since he has been gone, but they are only allowing me supervised visits at her home only, he is not allowed to spend time at my home. There are no issues or concerns that she has regarding me, she admits i am great father. her only reason for not allowing me to spend time alone with our son is that was advice she received from a lawyer. Our son is bottle fed only. mother has lifelong history of alcohol and drug abuse and attempts to take her life. she has been in alccohol recovery for one year. She has only worked about one year part time in the last three and relies on state assistance and her parent to provide support to her. Anyone think chances are good in getting custody of a newborn?

Until there is a visitation/custody order she does not have to allow any visitation. Go and file for visitation/custody. There is nothing in your post that would indicate that mom is LEGALLY unfit and so she would remain as Primary Custodian. Most of the issues you are addressing you knew about BEFORE having a child with her and to bring them up now would be considered irrelevant in court.

 

[sdaddy]

legally unfit

what does legally unfit constitute?

 

[2Mistakes]

Have you even established paternity yet?

If not, you are not the baby's father.

 

[sdaddy]

yes, paternity is established. she is presently offering me joint physical with me having 3 days, her 4, she wants sole legal.

 

[LdiJ]

what does legally unfit constitute?

Its easier to tell you what it does NOT constitutue.

Someone who is unemployed is not legally unfit.

Someone who is sharing a home with their parents is not legally unfit.

Someone who shares a room with their infant child is not legally unfit.

Being on state assistance does not make someone legally unfit.

Someone with a mental illness is not legal unfit unless the mental illness is legally documented, is not being treated, and is also legally documented to make the person dangerous to the child.

She didn't need your consent to remove the child from your home.

 

[CJane]

yes, paternity is established. she is presently offering me joint physical with me having 3 days, her 4, she wants sole legal.

JOINT legal is what is most likely. This is joint decision-making, and if she's offering you 3 days/week, it's the only thing that makes sense.

Personally, I think if you're going to do a 3/4 schedule with an infant, it should be every other day so the child doesn't spend too much time away from either parent. As the child ages, it would make more sense to work into a schedule similar to what my ex and I have, which is MT-me WT-him FSS-me MT-me WT-him FSS-him (does that make sense?)

Out of curiosity... what are YOU looking for? Because Mom offering a 3/4 schedule seems very fair-minded for someone you're claiming is unfit and mentally ill.

 

[sdaddy]

I didn't say she was "unfit" I said she was mentally ill. Joint legal is not an option for us, she is hardnened and uncompromising, she is giving me three days because she can't handle him 24/7 by her own admission. she wants the legal but doesn't make the best choices which leaves me concerned.

 

[sdaddy]

I didn't say she was "unfit" I said she was mentally ill. Joint legal is not an option for us, she is hardnened and uncompromising, she is giving me three days because she can't handle him 24/7 by her own admission. she wants the legal but doesn't make the best choices which leaves me concerned.

the 3/4 is all that will work, for now, I have suggested and encouraged we both spend time daily with the child, regardless of whose time it is with our son.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

The courts may not give 'sole' legal as a choice, particularly if NEITHER party is unfit.

 

[CJane]

I didn't say she was "unfit" I said she was mentally ill. Joint legal is not an option for us, she is hardnened and uncompromising,

Joint legal IS an option. Even if she's uncompromising. Believe me... BTDT. And y'all likely won't have a choice. If you want even CLOSE to an equal time share, it would be the height of stupidity to NOT have joint legal. BTDT too.

she is giving me three days because she can't handle him 24/7 by her own admission.

So? Sometimes I can't handle MY Kids 24/7. That's probably WHY it takes 2 people to make a baby. They're SUPPOSED to share the burden. Or are you thinking that just because she's honest about her lack of a desire to cope w/the baby ALL THE TIME somehow makes her less of a mother?

Here's a tip... sometimes, even good mommies get really f*cking tired.

she wants the legal but doesn't make the best choices which leaves me concerned.

So, how stellar was YOUR choice of LIFETIME PARENTING PARTNER? Wanna talk poor choices?

 

[gottasmilemore]

are you trying to take the child away from the mother?? A child needs BOTH parents. Looks like you know that but do you understand that.

Oh and I am a single parent of three and we all need a break sometimes. No ONE person should have to do it 24/7. A sign of a good parent is to know their limits.

 

[sdaddy]

NO, I am not trying to take him away from his mother, it is the other way around. She doesn't include me in any decisions regarding him, the joint custody is a great idea for both to have time with him. She wants to make all the decisions legally though and i believe we should make legal decisions jointly.

 

[gottasmilemore]

Well thats nice. I would suggest joint then. Just remember she has the same rights you do.

 

[CJane]

NO, I am not trying to take him away from his mother, it is the other way around. She doesn't include me in any decisions regarding him,

Right now, she HAS sole legal and is not REQUIRED to include you in decisions.

Even WITH joint-legal, she doesn't have to include you in minor day to day decisions. Only major medical, educational and religious ones. For instance, whether or not to homeschool or whether or not to have non-emergency surgery performed. NOT whether or not to take him to the doctor for a cold, or who babysits on her time.