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05-23-2006, 04:15 PM
| | Junior Member | | Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 10
| |  Single mom of 2
What is the name of your state? FL
I have two children by two different fathers. The first child's father opted to not be a part of her life and also opted to not sign the birth certificate. I haven't seen or heard from him for over 4 years (which is well over how old she is) he has never met or even called to find out her name or birthday, nothing. I do not receive child support or anything else I'm doing it on my own and I'm ok with that. Am I ok with the way we've been living or do I need to get this documented? Also he is no where to be found, last I heard he moved to London.
My youngest daughter's father signed the birth certificate (after me holding his hands) but he has done anything for her, especially financially. He's visited her 5 times in the past year and a half (3 of those times were b/c I paid) and now all of a sudden he wants her for a few months(only b/c his new girlfriend is pregnant and they want to use my little girl as their practice shot, not gonna happen) but I told him the only way that's going to happen is if he mans up and acts like her father first, haven't heard from him since I said that to him. Should I go ahead a seek legal custody of my daughter? I know I can't deny him "access" to his daughter but shouldn't she be taken cared of? Again there is no child support in this case either and even if I were to go after him for it he can't prove his income since he is an independent contractor and has no 1099's/W2's to back him up.
I don't think I'm in jeopardy of losing my kids, but I do want to do right by them. 
They are still young (both under 4) and I'm still young as well (under 25), but I think I'm doing well for someone my age in my situation (also a fulltime student and employee).
If you could help me in either one of these cases or both it would be greatly appreciated.  |
05-23-2006, 04:25 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Funkytowwwwwn
Posts: 8,857
| | | are there any court orders at all? if he does not have a court order regarding visitation, then the visitations are up to you- I would caution you to watch how heavily you play that card though |
05-24-2006, 09:25 AM
| | Junior Member | | Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 10
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by Zephyr are there any court orders at all? if he does not have a court order regarding visitation, then the visitations are up to you- I would caution you to watch how heavily you play that card though | Nope there are no court orders at all, we never had a problem he was supposedly going to move nearby but obviously that was a lie. |
05-24-2006, 09:35 AM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 43,077
| | | If you can manage without child support its probably best to leave well enough alone....where both kids are concerned. |
05-24-2006, 09:39 AM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,903
| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by singlemom82 Nope there are no court orders at all, we never had a problem he was supposedly going to move nearby but obviously that was a lie. | So why haven't you bothered filing for child support? You have as much blame to soak up as you pass around about financial responsibility. Until there's a court order, neither "dad" is obligated to give you a penny. First, paternity needs to be established that officially declares whoever they are "dad".
BTW...how about holding off on having anymore children?  |
05-24-2006, 09:50 AM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: TN
Posts: 1,553
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Originally Posted by singlemom82 What is the name of your state? FL
I have two children by two different fathers. The first child's father opted to not be a part of her life and also opted to not sign the birth certificate. I haven't seen or heard from him for over 4 years (which is well over how old she is) he has never met or even called to find out her name or birthday, nothing. I do not receive child support or anything else I'm doing it on my own and I'm ok with that. Am I ok with the way we've been living or do I need to get this documented? Also he is no where to be found, last I heard he moved to London.
My youngest daughter's father signed the birth certificate (after me holding his hands) but he has done anything for her, especially financially. He's visited her 5 times in the past year and a half (3 of those times were b/c I paid) and now all of a sudden he wants her for a few months(only b/c his new girlfriend is pregnant and they want to use my little girl as their practice shot, not gonna happen) but I told him the only way that's going to happen is if he mans up and acts like her father first, haven't heard from him since I said that to him. Should I go ahead a seek legal custody of my daughter? I know I can't deny him "access" to his daughter but shouldn't she be taken cared of? Again there is no child support in this case either and even if I were to go after him for it he can't prove his income since he is an independent contractor and has no 1099's/W2's to back him up.
I don't think I'm in jeopardy of losing my kids, but I do want to do right by them. They are still young (both under 4) and I'm still young as well (under 25), but I think I'm doing well for someone my age in my situation (also a fulltime student and employee).
If you could help me in either one of these cases or both it would be greatly appreciated. | I am a little confused about the ages based on your post but I guess that is beside the point.
If you are on any type of government assistance which I can't help but assume you are, being that you are a full time student and a mother of two small children, the state will go after them and establish paternity to get their money back. Once paternity is established both fathers will have rights to their children. |
05-24-2006, 10:02 AM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Ohio
Posts: 33,613
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Originally Posted by Neal1421 I am a little confused about the ages based on your post but I guess that is beside the point.
If you are on any type of government assistance which I can't help but assume you are, being that you are a full time student and a mother of two small children, the state will go after them and establish paternity to get their money back. Once paternity is established both fathers will have rights to their children. | If they are both under four and she hasn't seen the first father in WELL OVER four years I have to wonder if he is actually the father. If the oldest is four then four years 38 weeks is the most she could have gone without seeing him but if the oldest is closer to three then the first father may not even be a daddy. Sounds like a Maury episode. |
05-25-2006, 09:01 AM
| | Junior Member | | Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 10
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Originally Posted by GrowUp! So why haven't you bothered filing for child support? You have as much blame to soak up as you pass around about financial responsibility. Until there's a court order, neither "dad" is obligated to give you a penny. First, paternity needs to be established that officially declares whoever they are "dad".
BTW...how about holding off on having anymore children? | First and foremost, I'm doing fine financially, that's not my complaint. My issue was, like the other person stated should I just leave things be the way they are b/c they are working for me.
And BTW... I do plan on having more kids in the future.  |
05-25-2006, 09:02 AM
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Posts: 10
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Originally Posted by LdiJ If you can manage without child support its probably best to leave well enough alone....where both kids are concerned. | Well that's how I feel, I just wanted to see if I HAD to do something or if I could just leave well enough be. |
05-25-2006, 09:04 AM
| | Junior Member | | Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 10
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Originally Posted by Neal1421 I am a little confused about the ages based on your post but I guess that is beside the point.
If you are on any type of government assistance which I can't help but assume you are, being that you are a full time student and a mother of two small children, the state will go after them and establish paternity to get their money back. Once paternity is established both fathers will have rights to their children. | I'm not on any type of assistance. As I stated I'm employed full time as an accountant. But yes I am still in school and I raised my kids on my own. |
05-25-2006, 09:09 AM
| | Junior Member | | Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 10
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Originally Posted by Ohiogal If they are both under four and she hasn't seen the first father in WELL OVER four years I have to wonder if he is actually the father. If the oldest is four then four years 38 weeks is the most she could have gone without seeing him but if the oldest is closer to three then the first father may not even be a daddy. Sounds like a Maury episode. | No, the first father was told, he then tried to "explain" to me why he doesn't want to be a father and NEVER wants to be a father. I last saw him when I was 9 weeks along. Haven't seen him since, but I did hear from him a month after she was born (b/c he called to say Merry Christmas) after that NEVER heard from him again.
I do know who the father(s) of my children are, I just happen to have bad luck in picking guys (I always pick losers) |
05-25-2006, 09:36 AM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 30,013
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Originally Posted by singlemom82 I just happen to have bad luck in picking guys (I always pick losers) | Hopefully that's something you're working on to change.
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05-25-2006, 09:38 AM
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Posts: 19,651
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Originally Posted by singlemom82 No, the first father was told, he then tried to "explain" to me why he doesn't want to be a father and NEVER wants to be a father. I last saw him when I was 9 weeks along. Haven't seen him since, but I did hear from him a month after she was born (b/c he called to say Merry Christmas) after that NEVER heard from him again.
I do know who the father(s) of my children are, I just happen to have bad luck in picking guys (I always pick losers) | Hon, if you make sure you are together several years BEFORE having children together, you have a far better chance of NOT picking a loser, and getting your future kid a daddy that WANTS to be their daddy and wants to be your life partner forever. I knew my husband five years, then married him, we get pregnant two years later, adopted a year after that, and tomorrow we celebrate ten happy years of marriage TOGETHER, fifteen years since we met.
AS yes, if you and daddy decide together to be parents, and he has committed to the relationship in ways BEYOND simply sleeping with you, he is far more likely to be an ongoing presence in his child's life. Having daddy "on-board" with the idea of becoming parents together BEFORE allowing oneself to get pregnant is really important.
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05-25-2006, 10:42 AM
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Posts: 15,105
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Originally Posted by nextwife Hon, if you make sure you are together several years BEFORE having children together, you have a far better chance of NOT picking a loser, and getting your future kid a daddy that WANTS to be their daddy and wants to be your life partner forever. I knew my husband five years, then married him, we get pregnant two years later, adopted a year after that, and tomorrow we celebrate ten happy years of marriage TOGETHER, fifteen years since we met.
AS yes, if you and daddy decide together to be parents, and he has committed to the relationship in ways BEYOND simply sleeping with you, he is far more likely to be an ongoing presence in his child's life. Having daddy "on-board" with the idea of becoming parents together BEFORE allowing oneself to get pregnant is really important. | Happy anniversary (tomorrow) NW!
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