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  1. #1
    Penelope83 is offline Junior Member
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    Unhappy Single Mom wants to Move out of State

    Kansas

    This is a long story, but I will try my best to condense it. I am 27, my daughter is 6. We live in Kansas City, KS. We are from a small town 100 miles south. Her father and I have been "broken up" since 2006. We both moved to KC in 2007 and shared responsibilities. We never had a court order on custody. He moved back to small town, got new girlfriend. Then doesn't pay anymore or speak to me. I try to go through SRS/child support enforcement. He slaps me with the court claim first to establish his parental rights. We go to court in small town (different county). The terms are: I have her Sunday evening 6pm-Friday eve. 6pm, and we meet half way every week so she can go to small town. I only get $44/week in child support.

    Now, the problem I see with this is A. I am by no means getting enough money to support her. He works for his girlfriend's dad's private business and on paper they claim he makes $10/hr (which is very untrue) Also, the small amount of child support I do get barely covers the gas to make the 200 mile trip every week. His mom is the one who meets me most of the time. If I had been able to afford a good lawyer and went to court in Kansas City (where everything is twice as expensive) I would have faired much better.

    B. I have always wanted to move away from KS. The ice, snow, lack of anything worthwhile, makes me sad. I want to raise my daughter in a beautiful warm place and go to school. I had always planned on moving back to the west coast, but having a child put a hold on everything. I at least got out of small town and into KC, which is a huge improvement.

    So, I NEED to go back to court and get things changed. They are just not fair. I'm the one who takes care of her, takes her to school, takes her to the Dr. etc...He doesn't even know where we live, and I feel it's not fair to make me stay in KS when I'm miserable. I have great opportunities in Arizona. I would let him have her every summer, break, x-mas, whatever! as long as I could go have a chance at a better life for us. I have called lawyers around here and they all want 1500 upfront at least. What do I need to do? What are my chances of being able to move out of state with her? My last resort is to beg him.

    I am struggling to make ends meet, while he drives her hummer and live in a house they just bought (or her parents bought) I'm all alone up here and take care of everything, he has grandma's, sisters, and so on that have one of the days she is there on the weekend.

    Advice?
  2. #2
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Penelope83 View Post
    Kansas

    This is a long story, but I will try my best to condense it. I am 27, my daughter is 6. We live in Kansas City, KS. We are from a small town 100 miles south. Her father and I have been "broken up" since 2006. We both moved to KC in 2007 and shared responsibilities. We never had a court order on custody. He moved back to small town, got new girlfriend. Then doesn't pay anymore or speak to me. I try to go through SRS/child support enforcement. He slaps me with the court claim first to establish his parental rights. We go to court in small town (different county). The terms are: I have her Sunday evening 6pm-Friday eve. 6pm, and we meet half way every week so she can go to small town. I only get $44/week in child support.

    Now, the problem I see with this is A. I am by no means getting enough money to support her. He works for his girlfriend's dad's private business and on paper they claim he makes $10/hr (which is very untrue) Also, the small amount of child support I do get barely covers the gas to make the 200 mile trip every week. His mom is the one who meets me most of the time. If I had been able to afford a good lawyer and went to court in Kansas City (where everything is twice as expensive) I would have faired much better.

    B. I have always wanted to move away from KS. The ice, snow, lack of anything worthwhile, makes me sad. I want to raise my daughter in a beautiful warm place and go to school. I had always planned on moving back to the west coast, but having a child put a hold on everything. I at least got out of small town and into KC, which is a huge improvement.

    So, I NEED to go back to court and get things changed. They are just not fair. I'm the one who takes care of her, takes her to school, takes her to the Dr. etc...He doesn't even know where we live, and I feel it's not fair to make me stay in KS when I'm miserable. I have great opportunities in Arizona. I would let him have her every summer, break, x-mas, whatever! as long as I could go have a chance at a better life for us. I have called lawyers around here and they all want 1500 upfront at least. What do I need to do? What are my chances of being able to move out of state with her? My last resort is to beg him.

    I am struggling to make ends meet, while he drives her hummer and live in a house they just bought (or her parents bought) I'm all alone up here and take care of everything, he has grandma's, sisters, and so on that have one of the days she is there on the weekend.

    Advice?



    Nobody can guess your chances. You need either permission from Dad, or permission from the court.

    IF you are given permission by the court to relocate, expect to pay for ALL transportation to and from Dad's. Can you do that?

    How about letting Dad have custody so that you can move?

    The weather stuff is...well, less than irrelevant. Seriously.
  3. #3
    Penelope83 is offline Junior Member
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    re: Proserpina

    Thanks for your response. Yes, I would be willing to pay for transportation ( I have a better job opportunity where I want to go) That is my ultimate goal; to be able to support my daughter without having to rely on someone else. Right now I work, but still get food stamps, child care, and health insurance from the state.

    And the weather is relevant in my case. I do suffer from S.A.D. (seasonal affect disorder) starting in November usually, ending in April.

    I thought this was real legal advice, not just opinions on my situation?? I wouldn't judge too anyone too harshly before I knew what it was like to be in their shoes with their struggles.

    Again, my question is: How am I supposed to go about changing parenting time/child support if I do not have the funds to hire a lawyer

    Yes, I have thought about letting her stay there, but I don't think I could do it. I love her too much and we are partners. She's my mini me. You may say this is also irrelevant but said small town is a nightmare of a place. No jobs, factories, meth, no opportunity.
  4. #4
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Penelope83 View Post
    Thanks for your response. Yes, I would be willing to pay for transportation ( I have a better job opportunity where I want to go) That is my ultimate goal; to be able to support my daughter without having to rely on someone else. Right now I work, but still get food stamps, child care, and health insurance from the state.


    Do you already have that job offer?


    And the weather is relevant in my case. I do suffer from S.A.D. (seasonal affect disorder) starting in November usually, ending in April.

    SAD can be treated without relocating the child away from her other parent.

    I thought this was real legal advice, not just opinions on my situation?? I wouldn't judge too anyone too harshly before I knew what it was like to be in their shoes with their struggles.

    Wow. Really? I was nowhere near judgmental. Unless you can PROVE - and I mean with recent medical reports - that you NEED to relocate, then it really is a non-issue . And if you do have that kind of evidence...expect Dad to argue that you're too sick to be the custodial parent.


    Again, my question is: How am I supposed to go about changing parenting time/child support if I do not have the funds to hire a lawyer

    Get Dad's consent/permission and file an agreed stipulation.

    You need to prove why moving is in YOUR CHILD'S best interest. Not yours. But your child's.


    Yes, I have thought about letting her stay there, but I don't think I could do it. I love her too much and we are partners. She's my mini me. You may say this is also irrelevant but said small town is a nightmare of a place. No jobs, factories, meth, no opportunity.

    I guess Dad's feelings don't matter?

    Hon, he's a regular and consistent part of her life. The courts are NOT fond of disrupting such a relationship.
  5. #5
    Penelope83 is offline Junior Member
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    The weather stuff is...well, less than irrelevant. Seriously.[/QUOTE]


    I didn't come here to argue with someone I don't even know, I came for help. Maybe not judgmental, but I've been reading some other posts and it seems that the "seniors" can be pretty condescending at times. Really, was comment above necessary?

    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post

    Get Dad's consent/permission and file an agreed stipulation.

    You need to prove why moving is in YOUR CHILD'S best interest. Not yours. But your child's.

    THANK YOU. That is the information I needed. And trust me, I KNOW what is best for MY child. I am not being selfish because I want both of us to have better opportunities in life. If the parent isn't happy, then the child can't be happy either.



    I guess Dad's feelings don't matter?

    Hon, he's a regular and consistent part of her life. The courts are NOT fond of disrupting such a relationship.
    I didn't want to get into all the details, but now I feel like I need to because apparently I'm the bad guy for wanting to have a life. He is the one who left. We had a great relationship after the breakup and both lived in KC. We talked everyday about our daughter, grocery shopped, bought her clothes. It is when he started a relationship with the girl and moved to small town when he stopped communicating, stopped supporting her. Just because he sees her one day a week, does not mean he tries very hard to be in her life. He is addicted to Vicodin, and in the last year my daughter complains that he doesn't play with her anymore, lays on the couch, is "sick" all the time. He gets to live where he wants and doesn't have to put in any of the work, it's all blockbuster and candy there. He doesn't even let her bring home any of the nice clothes, shoes, toys they buy her even though she attends school here. Do you think $44/week is enough to support a child? I'm not trying to make him sound like a monster, but these are the facts and I think I deserve the right to make choices on what's best for ME and for my daughter. I never said I didn't want them to have a relationship, I am fully amendable to the visitation I mentioned above.

    So "lock" me, delete me, whatever you want. I'm a strong woman with goals and ambitions and I'm not going to let anyone and anything hold me back. Sorry maybe you are used to people with lower I.Q.'s with low income who don't even realize you're be condescending. (Not saying YOU personally, but from what I've seen on a few different posts, different seniors)

    But, I do understand there is two sides and he has his rights as well. I will take everything you said into consideration.
  6. #6
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Penelope83 View Post
    The weather stuff is...well, less than irrelevant. Seriously.

    I didn't come here to argue with someone I don't even know, I came for help. Maybe not judgmental, but I've been reading some other posts and it seems that the "seniors" can be pretty condescending at times. Really, was comment above necessary?

    [/quote]


    Think of us as prep for court. Cos trust me, Penelope, this forum is a BREEZE compared to what a judge is going to ask you.




    As for my comment - seriously, you need to understand what is and isn't relevant as far as custody and move-aways go.



    I didn't want to get into all the details, but now I feel like I need to because apparently I'm the bad guy for wanting to have a life. He is the one who left.

    Legally irrelevant.


    We had a great relationship after the breakup and both lived in KC. We talked everyday about our daughter, grocery shopped, bought her clothes.

    That's great! That shows that your BOTH capable of being decent parents.


    It is when he started a relationship with the girl and moved to small town when he stopped communicating, stopped supporting her.

    That often happens.

    Doesn't make him any less of a Dad, legally.


    Just because he sees her one day a week, does not mean he tries very hard to be in her life.

    He doesn't have to try too hard.

    YOU are the custodial parent. YOUR legal obligation is to facilitate THEIR relationship.


    He is addicted to Vicodin,

    Well yes, of course he is. Why didn't you mention that in your first post?

    Now unless he's actually abusing narcotics AND the narcotic abuse is directly harming your daughter...it's really not going to matter a whole heck of a lot.



    and in the last year my daughter complains that he doesn't play with her anymore, lays on the couch, is "sick" all the time. He gets to live where he wants and doesn't have to put in any of the work, it's all blockbuster and candy there. He doesn't even let her bring home any of the nice clothes, shoes, toys they buy her even though she attends school here.


    None of which is legally relevant.



    Do you think $44/week is enough to support a child?

    Not even close. But that's what the court ordered.


    I'm not trying to make him sound like a monster, but these are the facts and I think I deserve the right to make choices on what's best for ME and for my daughter.

    That's where you are flat out wrong.

    If you wanted the ability to make choices about what's best for YOU without considering Dad's feelings or wants, you should have chosen a sperm donor. This isn't about you.

    It's about the child.




    I never said I didn't want them to have a relationship, I am fully amendable to the visitation I mentioned above.

    So "lock" me, delete me, whatever you want. I'm a strong woman with goals and ambitions and I'm not going to let anyone and anything hold me back. Sorry maybe you are used to people with lower I.Q.'s with low income who don't even realize you're be condescending. (Not saying YOU personally, but from what I've seen on a few different posts, different seniors)

    But, I do understand there is two sides and he has his rights as well. I will take everything you said into consideration.


    Yeap, he has rights.


    Penelope - you're not the first single Mom to want to relocate.

    I've BTDT, worn the t-shirt till it was falling off my back and then paused for long enough to get my head of my own backside and realize what was actually best for my kid wasn't necessarily what *I* wanted.


    I think you'll have a very nasty shock coming to you though if you don't drop the "It's about ME" attitude.

    Sorry.
  7. #7
    Penelope83 is offline Junior Member
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    Well then the best I can do is ask for a real conversation with him (haven't had in 2+ years) and hope we can agree on something.

    Oh ya, it might help too if she gets pregnant
  8. #8
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Newsflash! It is NOT All About Penelope! The court doesn't really care what will make you happier. The court cares about what is best for the child. So you can drop the attitude.

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