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  1. #16
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by tigger22472 View Post
    It wasn't Mommy friendly.. you know that...

    The poster may not be able to find Mommy friendly states but doesn't have to look far for Mommy biased posters
    I am going to add something else here....

    I find the above very offensive. If I was anti anything that wasn't "mommy friendly"...I wouldn't be 100% on the side of your husband....or 100% on the side of many of the other men who come here needing help.

    What I object to on these boards the the automatic and immediate "bash the mom"..and "bash the significant other" mentality, with a total disregard for things that really ARE serious. More so on the "bash the mom" side of things.

    This thread is a perfect example.

    I have a good feel for each and every one of the regulars on this site. I have a high level of respect for most of them. The fact that only AHA acknowledged the seriousness of ANY parent dealing with another parent with a heroin addiction is incredibly disappointing to me.

    As far as I am concerned the majority of you blew it on this one....and probably because you didn't pay attention. All you saw was mom denying dad...without paying any attention to the details...and you attacked.

    This time, the details truly mattered.

    Hell...this time, the denial of contact with his child might be enough to save this dad's life. It might be the only chance to save his life. It might be the only thing that could pull him out of the cycle he is in and gives him a chance to live. Think about that.
  2. #17
    MrsK is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    Actually...I didn't notice AHA's post amidst all of the standard "bash the mom" posts. Sorry AHA.

    Mommy friendly has nothing to do with my response. My response had everything to do with Heroin.

    You all have no concept. There is nothing worse than Heroin. There is nothing more incurrable than Heroin. There is no drug more dangerous than Heroin. There is no addict who ever truly recovers. It kills almost all of them all eventually.

    Any other drug is less dangerous...any other drug offers hope of permanent rehab and sobriety. Many drugs can be used recreationally without putting a child in danger.

    I told mom the truth. I am sorry but the rest of you spouted the standard retoric without taking into consideration, at all, the drug in question.

    The odds of this dad functioning enough to get through a custody/visitation case without serious rehab, and without a serious period of sobriety are slim to none. The odds of there being no hard evidence of dad's addiction are also slim to none.

    If you don't have direct experience with dealing with someone who is addicted to heroin...quite frankly, you have no right to even respond.

    I am sorry because I know this post will piss everyone off. But this is one of those cases where the standard retoric is irresponsible. This is one of those cases where if the mom actually listened to the majority here....a child might end up dead.

    I am not prepared to be responsible for that. Therefore I am more than willing to be unpopular.
    Where was HEROIN ever mentioned? The fact is, there are a number of drugs he could be "hooked" on, if that is the case. OP could also be blowing his "substance abuse" way out of proportion...I've also never seen OP say there is any REAL evidence of drug-abuse, only that she required him to take drug tests (that were clean, I believe she said) before letting him see the child. I think I saw something about "assault charges" but not actual arrests for drugs. Perhaps OP will fill us in...
  3. #18
    StickyFingers is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsK View Post
    Where was HEROIN ever mentioned? The fact is, there are a number of drugs he could be "hooked" on, if that is the case. OP could also be blowing his "substance abuse" way out of proportion...I've also never seen OP say there is any REAL evidence of drug-abuse, only that she required him to take drug tests (that were clean, I believe she said) before letting him see the child. I think I saw something about "assault charges" but not actual arrests for drugs. Perhaps OP will fill us in...
    Heroin was never mentioned by OP...LDIJ was the first to mention it in her first post below:

    Look....you started off on a bad note here because you wanted to shop for a jurisdiction. You cannot do that. There is also no state that favors mothers over fathers.

    However, I do understand the position that you are in, and I am going to give you more encouraging advise than you received from the others.

    If its heroin, there is almost no chance that he is ever going to go to court for visitation/custody. He won't have the money to hire an attorney, and if he tried to go it alone he won't be able to keep track of court dates or anything else. He is either going to crash and burn and end up in forced rehab, or he is going to end up dead. Heroin is that bad. There is also virtually no chance that there isn't going to be eventual hard evidence of his drug use. My ex's cousin is a heroin addict, and believe me, you have little to worry about legally.

    Keep doing what you are doing. However, if he ever gets sober enough and does file for visitation, then its going to be up to you to prove that he has this problem (with hard evidence) so that the judge will order visitation to be supervised....and you will have no choice but to follow the court orders. Therefore if (and more likely when) he falls off the wagon, you will have to rush back to court to get the orders modified.

    Also, for his sake, you really ought to tell his family what is going on. They are the ones in the best position to get him some help. The family of my ex's cousin has managed to keep him alive, with long periods of sobriety...but its a very tough battle...and eventually its going to kill
    For someone to jump to a conclusion of such..they must have had previous exposure.

    Even if OP comes back and says that it was/is heroin...It was still an assumption to begin with.

    An assumption that should not have been voiced until OP stated it.
  4. #19
    ezmarelda is offline Member
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    OP did state heroin...pst #4 par#1 line#6 wrd #15

    I am staying out of the *personal stuff* between Sr. members here but wanted to interject my 2cents on this one


    edit to add~ I have been searching NV laws after re-reading OP's story and it sounds as though there are NO court orders in place
    If that is true and I read this correctly

    NRS 126.031 Relationship of parent and child not dependent on marriage; primary physical custody of child born out of wedlock.

    1. The parent and child relationship extends equally to every child and to every parent, regardless of the marital status of the parents.

    2. Except as otherwise provided in a court order for the custody of a child:

    (a) Except as otherwise provided in paragraph (b), the mother of a child born out of wedlock has primary physical custody of the child if:

    (1) The mother has not married the father of the child; and

    (2) A judgment or order of a court, or a judgment or order entered pursuant to an expedited process, determining the paternity of the child has not been entered.

    (b) The father of a child born out of wedlock has primary physical custody of the child if:

    (1) The mother has abandoned the child to the custody of the father; and

    (2) The father has provided sole care and custody of the child in her absence.

    3. For the purposes of this section, “abandoned” means failed, for a continuous period of not less than 6 weeks, to provide substantial personal and economic support.

    4. As used in this section, “expedited process” has the meaning ascribed to it in NRS 126.161.

    (Added to NRS by 1979, 1270; A 1993, 1425; 1997, 2303)




    OP would be free to leave with her child at this point and if Daddio is a strung out as it sounds he will be happy (or oblivious) that she has gone
    I sincerly wish the best to OP and her child they have a long hard road ahead no matter what OP decides to do
    Last edited by ezmarelda; 10-15-2006 at 12:54 AM.
  5. #20
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    At that point we separated because I gave him a sober ultimatum, and he chose to disappear for the next three months to live on the streets in Reno and panhandle to support his heroin habit, which he has said himself was new, before he'd only messed around with drinking and pills as a teen.
    Like I said...not paying attention.
  6. #21
    MrsK is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    Like I said...not paying attention.
    I did miss that, she did say heroin.

    I'm still having a hard time believing the OP, though. She stated he used to use pills & drink, and now its heroin. But how did he pass a drug test she popped on him to see the kid if he's addicted to heroin? Granted, if he's a drunk, that wont show up, but heroin stays in your system for something like 4+ days. If he's an addict, he would be going through MAJOR withdrawls, and you said it yourself, Ldij, " Heroin is that bad. There is also virtually no chance that there isn't going to be eventual hard evidence of his drug use."- so where is the hard evidence and if he's addicted, how's he passing a test? Even "pills" stay in your system about 2 days, sometimes more depending on what it is exactly...pot can stay in your system for up to 30 days if you smoke a lot, crack & cocaine are about 2 days...

    It seems like something is not adding up.
  7. #22
    demartian is offline Member
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    Any Drug

    The problem with some drug abusing fathers is that they use the child to get randsom money out of the family, either from granparents or the non-using parent. It's a horrible thing to get wrapped up in. The best thing to do is to keep notes all the time so your lawyer can get all the information s/he needs, if there is ANY violence or threats of violence, get a restraining order immediately.
  8. #23
    FireNSpice is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsK View Post
    I did miss that, she did say heroin.

    I'm still having a hard time believing the OP, though. She stated he used to use pills & drink, and now its heroin. But how did he pass a drug test she popped on him to see the kid if he's addicted to heroin? Granted, if he's a drunk, that wont show up, but heroin stays in your system for something like 4+ days. If he's an addict, he would be going through MAJOR withdrawls, and you said it yourself, Ldij, " Heroin is that bad. There is also virtually no chance that there isn't going to be eventual hard evidence of his drug use."- so where is the hard evidence and if he's addicted, how's he passing a test? Even "pills" stay in your system about 2 days, sometimes more depending on what it is exactly...pot can stay in your system for up to 30 days if you smoke a lot, crack & cocaine are about 2 days...

    It seems like something is not adding up.
    Something not adding up is you're not reading...I said as long as he tested clean he could see our daughter. When he didn't, he even confessed to using.
  9. #24
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by FireNSpice View Post
    Something not adding up is you're not reading...I said as long as he tested clean he could see our daughter. When he didn't, he even confessed to using.
    Again, keep doing what you are doing. However I again would urge you to consider ratting him out to his family. It might save his life.
  10. #25
    StickyFingers is offline Member
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    [QUOTE=sorry...eme;1490867]OP did state heroin...pst #4 par#1 line#6 wrd #15 /QUOTE]

    Yes, you are right in post #8 the poster did state heroin.

    I apologize.
  11. #26
    FireNSpice is offline Junior Member
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    Were it not for the topic of these forums...child custody, no light matter, I would find it comical how many senior members are so quick to personally bash posters on this site. A few members in particular decided to harp on a poster who asked for help in the long shot that anyone was also familiar with Canadian law.

    How many members were quick to jump down the poster's throat about their ability to read? How many members assumed they knew what my post said, and without attention or thought to it, offered advice? I'm disappointed that people that could be so regardless when doling out advice to people desperately seeking answers, their backs obviously against the wall. I'm even more so disappointed that these people are considered senior members.

    Can these particular members, whose names are not needed to be named, not read themselves? For any literate person, one could tell this is a legal advice site, not a site where I am inquiring for personal advice. If I wanted personal advice, or more along the lines of what I received for the most part--shrewd and uneducated harping, I could have gone to many other sites. I would have logged onto message boards for Oprah or Dr. Phil.

    But no, I was merely a mother, needing someone with legal qualifications or adequate knowledge that could provide credible legal advice. All just for the purpose of protecting my child and her best interest, that's what makes me a parent--not just that I have a uterus. What idiot thinks I would knowingly conceive a child with someone with a substance abuse problem.

    What other idiot assumes they know the details of someone's life, if they don't take the time or opportunity to educate themselves. And yes, if you provoke someone personally, and with an emotional prod, they get steamed, and "rant", emotionally and rightfully so. What particular members are failing to keep in mind, is there are people here, not just posters. And these are peoples' lives that they're exposing here. So some class might be in order when approaching the subjects presented on these forums.

    As for whomever believed people should be sterilized...take a long one yourself buddy, cause you apparently don't give a damn about other people, and the human race is just as well of without you. It's doubtful that you're on these forums to help people, and I daresay just to run your mouth to feel self-important.

    When passing judgements, if you don't have a gavel, shut up and get off your soapbox--cause it's not what people come here for. Yeah, you've posted such and such, and so many more posts than I have, and have helped so many people, and I'm a newcomer and don't know what I'm talking about. Good, then you'll consider this no more than a red herring rant, and be the bigger person...I'm sure.

    If you want to help people...give it a break, step back away from the burnout and being so bitter. If not...go right on with what you're doing.

    And THANK YOU!!! by the way, to the members that did take time to read my original post, and respond with a comment that was helpful, considerate, and mature.

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