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States that favor mothers in custody???

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FireNSpice

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? NV

Can anyone refer me to states that typically favor mothers in custody cases, or states that are particularly difficult for substance abusing parents to get rights in?
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Having a uterus does NOT make a court favor you. As for substance abuse -- every state has dealt with this. But you have to research the laws for YOUR state. You cannot shop around for a state that you think will favor you.
 

GrowUp!

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? NV

Can anyone refer me to states that typically favor mothers in custody cases, or states that are particularly difficult for substance abusing parents to get rights in?
This is a joke, right?

Oh and let me guess...he wasn't "abusing"/using while with you. Yeah rrriiiight. :rolleyes:
 

AHA

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? NV

Can anyone refer me to states that typically favor mothers in custody cases, or states that are particularly difficult for substance abusing parents to get rights in?
Why did you decide to have a child with a substance abuser? You can't rob your child of the second parent.
 

MrsK

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? NV

Can anyone refer me to states that typically favor mothers in custody cases, or states that are particularly difficult for substance abusing parents to get rights in?
The govt should sterilize people who have this sort of attitude.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
The govt should sterilize people who have this sort of attitude.
The government has no right to sterilize people -- look at the case law. They did sterilize one person (actually more) and that person took it all the way to the US Supreme Court. You may not agree with her attitude but think of the first amendment -- you have the right to your opinion and she has the right to hers. Her opinion is NOT supported legally but then again neither is yours.
 

MrsK

Senior Member
The government has no right to sterilize people -- look at the case law. They did sterilize one person (actually more) and that person took it all the way to the US Supreme Court. You may not agree with her attitude but think of the first amendment -- you have the right to your opinion and she has the right to hers. Her opinion is NOT supported legally but then again neither is yours.
I know the govt cant sterilize ppl (although in some cases, what a shame that they cant...), just being a bit dramatic (& exasperated) about this woman who thinks she can play 'musical states' to pick the one that best serves her interests. :rolleyes:
 

FireNSpice

Junior Member
Actually, I didn't know that he had been using while I was with him, I was working two jobs until I was seven months pregnant, trying to save money for this child. It was then that I noticed his "off" behavior. When confronted with the fact that he was stealing money, he confessed that he'd gotten back into using. I'd never even known he had. He'd told me he had a rough past and that it was behind him, so in the spirit of acceptance I never questioned that until I could tell he wasn't the same person I met. At that point we separated because I gave him a sober ultimatum, and he chose to disappear for the next three months to live on the streets in Reno and panhandle to support his heroin habit, which he has said himself was new, before he'd only messed around with drinking and pills as a teen.

He showed up a month after she was born, wanting to see her, I gave him a pharmacy drug-test and he passed, so I said he could visit. Yes he is her physical father, so he does have rights, I concur. But he doesn't have the right to harm my daughter which he has threatened and attempted in front of myself and witnesses since I said he couldn't visit her until he could pass drug tests consistently again.

And no, I didn't have a clue he was using because when you don't affliate yourself in those circles, you don't know what to look for. It's not like he came home looking stoned, he was always dead-tired appearing, and losing weight slowly. I thought it was because he was working 12 hour shifts like I was, not because once he got off of work him and his friends ran to downtown Reno and picked up some drugs to do before they went home to their families. It's not like there were needle marks.

Yeah, I'm naive about drug-usage, I can think of worse things to be: like a bitter and critical lover that falsely accuses your every move of being suspect. But instead, I loved somebody, and gave them the benefit of the doubt, multiple times. Perfect trust means just that. He threw it away. I won't let him harm my child now because I was stupid enough to make those mistakes in my past though.

And as far as the "musical states" comment, yes I would pick up and go anywhere I needed to, to ensure my child's safety from this loser, which I self-admittedly fell for. Yes he does have rights, as long as he's sober and safe for her to be around. Obviously, or I wouldn't have granted him visits before. There's too much to this to even explain. So in the mean time, let's just assume that you don't know everything.

Maybe that you don't know how many chances I've given this guy that he's tossed away. That you don't know how myself and his family have begged him to go to rehab. That you don't know everything that he just tossed aside to become an addict again. That you don't know what it's like to have to deny the man that you loved seeing his daughter because he's strung-out on something, although you don't know what. That you don't know how it hurts to see someone you cared about like that threaten you, and your child together, even the home that you pulled together after he smashed your last one to pieces.

How many times have you seen a woman raise her children around an abuser and thought or said why didn't she get away sooner? Because no one supports her until the children are already scarred. I was raised in a home with an abusive parent, and I will go to any lengths to protect my child. Even change my identity and leave my life behind. Yes, I will go anywhere to do so, as long as in the end it is the best thing for my daughter. I'm sorry you can't understand that. I appreciate your legal responses, I do, but that's all I believe that I've sought here. If you have commentary on what I consider to be my options, contact me personally, or for once, recommend something helpful, instead of harping on everyone because they're already at their last thread.
 

MrsK

Senior Member
Actually, I didn't know that he had been using while I was with him, I was working two jobs until I was seven months pregnant, trying to save money for this child. It was then that I noticed his "off" behavior. When confronted with the fact that he was stealing money, he confessed that he'd gotten back into using. I'd never even known he had. He'd told me he had a rough past and that it was behind him, so in the spirit of acceptance I never questioned that until I could tell he wasn't the same person I met. At that point we separated because I gave him a sober ultimatum, and he chose to disappear for the next three months to live on the streets in Reno and panhandle to support his heroin habit, which he has said himself was new, before he'd only messed around with drinking and pills as a teen.

He showed up a month after she was born, wanting to see her, I gave him a pharmacy drug-test and he passed, so I said he could visit. Yes he is her physical father, so he does have rights, I concur. But he doesn't have the right to harm my daughter which he has threatened and attempted in front of myself and witnesses since I said he couldn't visit her until he could pass drug tests consistently again.

And no, I didn't have a clue he was using because when you don't affliate yourself in those circles, you don't know what to look for. It's not like he came home looking stoned, he was always dead-tired appearing, and losing weight slowly. I thought it was because he was working 12 hour shifts like I was, not because once he got off of work him and his friends ran to downtown Reno and picked up some drugs to do before they went home to their families. It's not like there were needle marks.

Yeah, I'm naive about drug-usage, I can think of worse things to be: like a bitter and critical lover that falsely accuses your every move of being suspect. But instead, I loved somebody, and gave them the benefit of the doubt, multiple times. Perfect trust means just that. He threw it away. I won't let him harm my child now because I was stupid enough to make those mistakes in my past though.

And as far as the "musical states" comment, yes I would pick up and go anywhere I needed to, to ensure my child's safety from this loser, which I self-admittedly fell for. Yes he does have rights, as long as he's sober and safe for her to be around. Obviously, or I wouldn't have granted him visits before. There's too much to this to even explain. So in the mean time, let's just assume that you don't know everything.

Maybe that you don't know how many chances I've given this guy that he's tossed away. That you don't know how myself and his family have begged him to go to rehab. That you don't know everything that he just tossed aside to become an addict again. That you don't know what it's like to have to deny the man that you loved seeing his daughter because he's strung-out on something, although you don't know what. That you don't know how it hurts to see someone you cared about like that threaten you, and your child together, even the home that you pulled together after he smashed your last one to pieces.

How many times have you seen a woman raise her children around an abuser and thought or said why didn't she get away sooner? Because no one supports her until the children are already scarred. I was raised in a home with an abusive parent, and I will go to any lengths to protect my child. Even change my identity and leave my life behind. Yes, I will go anywhere to do so, as long as in the end it is the best thing for my daughter. I'm sorry you can't understand that. I appreciate your legal responses, I do, but that's all I believe that I've sought here. If you have commentary on what I consider to be my options, contact me personally, or for once, recommend something helpful, instead of harping on everyone because they're already at their last thread.

Legal advice: You dont have to let him see the child if you dont want to because there are no custody orders in place. If he files for visitation & custody, he will probably get it. You probably wont get the courts to continue this "drug testing" of him and you will have no rights to MAKE him take one to see the child once orders are in place and he will be able to take the child and do whatever he wants while he has the child. If you move to another state, chances are you wont be forced back but since you created the distance, you'll probably get to pay at least 1/2 of the expenses of the child traveling to see her father, if not all of them. See, once the courts get involved, you no longer get to have the lvl of control you have now, because the courts make the decisions, and you may not like the way things turn out.

BTW- I wont even go into the BS I had to deal with when I was with MY ex, the 4 yrs of crap I put up with b/c I was trying to do what I thought was best for my children, all of the "second chances" I gave him, until I woke up & decided the situation wasnt the best for my children and myself, that we deserved more and moved on with my life. That still doesnt change the fact that he is the father of my children and I myself can not play "musical states" or any other games to keep him away from OUR children just because I no longer want to deal with him or b/c I dont like how he lives his life. That's just the way it goes.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Yeah, I'm naive about drug-usage, I can think of worse things to be: like a bitter and critical lover that falsely accuses your every move of being suspect. But instead, I loved somebody, and gave them the benefit of the doubt, multiple times. Perfect trust means just that. He threw it away. I won't let him harm my child now because I was stupid enough to make those mistakes in my past though.

I snipped some of your emotional rant -- and yes that is what it was. here is the important part -- you chose this man as father of your child. You did this by sleeping with him and when you conceived you kept the child. hence you chose him as daddy. Your rights to dictate things go out the door when the court gets involved as MrsK stated. The court will then dictate the minimums of when dad gets to see the child, where, and how often. You will then abide by it or risk losing custody.


And as far as the "musical states" comment, yes I would pick up and go anywhere I needed to, to ensure my child's safety from this loser, which I self-admittedly fell for. Yes he does have rights, as long as he's sober and safe for her to be around.

That is where you are wrong. He as rights forever once paternity is established. YOU do not get to dictate when or where or what type of rights he has. The law does. And that means the courts. And no court favors mommy over daddy. The laws are specific that mom and dad stand in equality before the courts. To do anything else would be a violation of a parent's civil rights. So no one can tell you that this court or that court will guarantee that you get custody. Trying to find such a court will do nothing but piss off the judges that you come in contact with.

Obviously, or I wouldn't have granted him visits before. There's too much to this to even explain. So in the mean time, let's just assume that you don't know everything.

No we don't but based on your facts we know you are trying to control the situation. That is a fact. YOu are trying to control it. You have received your legal advice in the other thread and this one. You can move since paternity has not been established. Dad can then file for paternity and visitation. Once that happens it is out of your hands and the court starts making the decisions. YOu need to realize that.

Maybe that you don't know how many chances I've given this guy that he's tossed away.

Doesn't matter truthfully.

That you don't know how myself and his family have begged him to go to rehab.

That is irrelevant to the legal discussion.

That you don't know everything that he just tossed aside to become an addict again. That you don't know what it's like to have to deny the man that you loved seeing his daughter because he's strung-out on something, although you don't know what. That you don't know how it hurts to see someone you cared about like that threaten you, and your child together, even the home that you pulled together after he smashed your last one to pieces.

And if he has threatened you or the child recently with bodily harm, or he has actually hurt you or the child physically or smashed things, call the police and get a restraining order. THAT is the legal thing to do.

How many times have you seen a woman raise her children around an abuser and thought or said why didn't she get away sooner? Because no one supports her until the children are already scarred. I was raised in a home with an abusive parent, and I will go to any lengths to protect my child. Even change my identity and leave my life behind.

You can't do that without crossing the line into illegality. Seriously. And anyone can be tracked down. I have tracked down birthparents for adopted adult children or children whose parents abandoned them. It doesn't take much. It took me only a birthdate and hospital and gender of the person to find one adoptive parent and it was a closed adoption. I had NOTHING else yet I found birthdad after over 30 years. So disappearing is not easy. It is almost impossible if you have someone with a bit of money and time.
And think about what you would be putting her daughter through living on the run.


Yes, I will go anywhere to do so, as long as in the end it is the best thing for my daughter. I'm sorry you can't understand that. I appreciate your legal responses, I do, but that's all I believe that I've sought here. If you have commentary on what I consider to be my options, contact me personally, or for once, recommend something helpful, instead of harping on everyone because they're already at their last thread.
You have made bad decisions in the past. But if you continue to make decisions you will face a future where dad may be able to get custody of the child. Full custody. Residential custody.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Look....you started off on a bad note here because you wanted to shop for a jurisdiction. You cannot do that. There is also no state that favors mothers over fathers.

However, I do understand the position that you are in, and I am going to give you more encouraging advise than you received from the others.

If its heroin, there is almost no chance that he is ever going to go to court for visitation/custody. He won't have the money to hire an attorney, and if he tried to go it alone he won't be able to keep track of court dates or anything else. He is either going to crash and burn and end up in forced rehab, or he is going to end up dead. Heroin is that bad. There is also virtually no chance that there isn't going to be eventual hard evidence of his drug use. My ex's cousin is a heroin addict, and believe me, you have little to worry about legally.

Keep doing what you are doing. However, if he ever gets sober enough and does file for visitation, then its going to be up to you to prove that he has this problem (with hard evidence) so that the judge will order visitation to be supervised....and you will have no choice but to follow the court orders. Therefore if (and more likely when) he falls off the wagon, you will have to rush back to court to get the orders modified.

Also, for his sake, you really ought to tell his family what is going on. They are the ones in the best position to get him some help. The family of my ex's cousin has managed to keep him alive, with long periods of sobriety...but its a very tough battle...and eventually its going to kill him.
 

AHA

Senior Member
It wasn't Mommy friendly.. you know that...

The poster may not be able to find Mommy friendly states but doesn't have to look far for Mommy biased posters ;)

I asked the obvious question and then stated the obvious, I'm getting sick and tired of being bunched up and generalized by the same poster constantly for just asking questions that need to be asked!!!!! Enough with the sugarcoating already.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
It wasn't Mommy friendly.. you know that...

The poster may not be able to find Mommy friendly states but doesn't have to look far for Mommy biased posters ;)
Actually...I didn't notice AHA's post amidst all of the standard "bash the mom" posts. Sorry AHA.

Mommy friendly has nothing to do with my response. My response had everything to do with Heroin.

You all have no concept. There is nothing worse than Heroin. There is nothing more incurrable than Heroin. There is no drug more dangerous than Heroin. There is no addict who ever truly recovers. It kills almost all of them all eventually.

Any other drug is less dangerous...any other drug offers hope of permanent rehab and sobriety. Many drugs can be used recreationally without putting a child in danger.

I told mom the truth. I am sorry but the rest of you spouted the standard retoric without taking into consideration, at all, the drug in question.

The odds of this dad functioning enough to get through a custody/visitation case without serious rehab, and without a serious period of sobriety are slim to none. The odds of there being no hard evidence of dad's addiction are also slim to none.

If you don't have direct experience with dealing with someone who is addicted to heroin...quite frankly, you have no right to even respond.

I am sorry because I know this post will piss everyone off. But this is one of those cases where the standard retoric is irresponsible. This is one of those cases where if the mom actually listened to the majority here....a child might end up dead.

I am not prepared to be responsible for that. Therefore I am more than willing to be unpopular.
 
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