stay away order updat

[bray6]

What is the name of your state? CA

I was in court last Friday and the judge issued a stay away order for my daughter's mom's boyfriend. He has been physically abusing her (biting, slapping). I did not get a copy of the order so I don't know the specifics, my attorney got a copy but his office does not open until Tuesday. What do these orders usually state? Because I just found out that my daughter's mom took my daughter to the boyfriends house the day after the order was issued and had my daughter wait outside this guys residence, twice in one day.

Just got out of the mediator's office. Daughter was interviewed. Mediator says that the bite and everything else was just playing around and she did not see abuse. I told her that the boyfriend is being prosecuted for cruelty to a child. She then mentioned that she might tell the criminal court that she did not see abuse. She also stated that she wanted to have a meeting with mom, the boyfriend and my daughter to see if they could work things out and "just get along." I told her I do not give any sort of permission for that and she said she might just do it anyway. She also said that the meeting would not violate the "no contact" issued by the family court. She also tried to get me to back off the criminal charges. She said that it would put my daughter through too much. She also said that the case probably wouldn't go to trial, that it would probably be settled in a YEAR. She said she wanted me to have an open mind about it (YEAH RIGHT). I thought 3rd parties were not included unless it was an investigation. I do not know what to think right now. I'm going to file a complaint with her office and see if I can get a different mediator.What is the name of your state?

 

[escape2paradise]

What is the name of your state? CA

I was in court last Friday and the judge issued a stay away order for my daughter's mom's boyfriend. He has been physically abusing her (biting, slapping). I did not get a copy of the order so I don't know the specifics, my attorney got a copy but his office does not open until Tuesday. What do these orders usually state? Because I just found out that my daughter's mom took my daughter to the boyfriends house the day after the order was issued and had my daughter wait outside this guys residence, twice in one day.

Just got out of the mediator's office. Daughter was interviewed. Mediator says that the bite and everything else was just playing around and she did not see abuse. I told her that the boyfriend is being prosecuted for cruelty to a child. She then mentioned that she might tell the criminal court that she did not see abuse. She also stated that she wanted to have a meeting with mom, the boyfriend and my daughter to see if they could work things out and "just get along." I told her I do not give any sort of permission for that and she said she might just do it anyway. She also said that the meeting would not violate the "no contact" issued by the family court. She also tried to get me to back off the criminal charges. She said that it would put my daughter through too much. She also said that the case probably wouldn't go to trial, that it would probably be settled in a YEAR. She said she wanted me to have an open mind about it (YEAH RIGHT). I thought 3rd parties were not included unless it was an investigation. I do not know what to think right now. I'm going to file a complaint with her office and see if I can get a different mediator.What is the name of your state?

I've been keeping up with your postings. Are you even remotely open to the idea that it could very well have been an accident? I know in you last thread posters were balking at the idea. However, I know from experience that it can happen.

I have two rambunctious little boys and one bit his cousin on the back by "accident". They were playing Lions and Tigers and my son was nipping at his cousins clothing. He went for the back of his shirt and got not just shirt, but skin as well.

My husband often used to gnaw on my kids telling him he was going to eat them. He would go for their their tummies and pretend to be eating them. He never actually bit one of them, but he very well could have.

I'm not saying your wrong, but you could be. Your child wouldn't be the first to blow a situation out of proportion, look at all the attention she is getting. If she is backing down now it very well could be that she was not prepared for it to go this far. Has she been to counseling? If not, I would get her some ASAP, hopefully a therapist can get to the bottom of this for you. I would try to get her in before she has to sit face to face with mommy and the boyfriend.

 

[bray6]

A few months ago, I spoke with mom about the boyfriend touching my daughter. My daughter was complaining about him being rough. So at that time I considered the fact that my daughter could be just saying those things however, the last incident caused her leg to bruise for more than two weeks. That is not an accident.

 

[Isis1]

you know...just to put my two cents in...my husband bit his own baby boy on the thigh by accident a few months ago. he was actually more freaked out about it then our son was. he defnitely didn't do it on purpose. so it can happen.

but i still would defnitely keep my eyes open around that boyfriend. i know it maybe overdone, but i would get overprotective when an outsider plays around with my kids like that. i'd rather overdo it then underdo it.

 

[bray6]

Well, there is something more here. I mean for a mediator to inject herself into a criminal case just does not sound right. When a person is facing criminal charges, what mediator would attempt to bring them together eventhough there is a "no contact" order. She seems very adament about getting them together. I am not sure what her reasoning is, but it just does not sound right.

 

[HCR]

not to be the voice of dissent here...

This answer is not a legal response, but as a now grown adult that was severly abused as a child by the step father(who at the recomendation of a GAL (not thier fault!) was allowed to be adopted by the same man), please please stay your course. Absolutely get your child into therapy of some sort to determine what is really going on but do not waver unless and until you feel comfortable. It is very possible your child sees that mom is not leaving this guy and not protecting her (your child) from him (the boyfriend), but would rather back off the story so she can still have interaction and acceptance of her mom.

I know from personal experience that children will do what it takes to keep the relationship because it seems as though it is the only way to continue to feel loved. Children in two parent intact homes can so so easily feel as if any fights their parents had was thier fault and try to fix it or blame themselves deeply much less divorced parents and S/O's. Your child must feel so guilty that this happened (not her fault - but that could be how she has internalized it) and now mom is leaving her alone to go be with the guy. (from your previous post - in a car.)

PLEASE get her into some therapy and have a professional get a grasp of what is happening. It will go a long way for both of you. I am not suggesting this as a means of 'proof' against the ex's boyfriend. Whether abuse occured or not, your daughter clearly is crying out (to me) for some help.

Good luck and I commend you for being a great dad looking out for your child, it isn't easy in these cases.

HCR

 

[frylover]

but i still would defnitely keep my eyes open around that boyfriend. i know it maybe overdone, but i would get overprotective when an outsider plays around with my kids like that. i'd rather overdo it then underdo it.

More "non-legal" input here, but I thought the same thing. It just seems a little "off" to me that a grown man has his mouth near his girlfriend's child's leg in the first place.

 

[Bloopy]

Well, there is something more here. I mean for a mediator to inject herself into a criminal case just does not sound right. When a person is facing criminal charges, what mediator would attempt to bring them together eventhough there is a "no contact" order. She seems very adament about getting them together. I am not sure what her reasoning is, but it just does not sound right.

I think its off too. I can see a mediator bending over backwards to protect a parent but a boyfriend? She is crossing a line.

At what point did she step in anyway? She wasn't even around when it happened to make such an assesment. If their side to the story is so damn good, they can tell it to the judge. She shouldn't be allowed to testify on the incident.

 

[casa]

I've been keeping up with your postings. Are you even remotely open to the idea that it could very well have been an accident? I know in you last thread posters were balking at the idea. However, I know from experience that it can happen.

I have two rambunctious little boys and one bit his cousin on the back by "accident". They were playing Lions and Tigers and my son was nipping at his cousins clothing. He went for the back of his shirt and got not just shirt, but skin as well.

My husband often used to gnaw on my kids telling him he was going to eat them. He would go for their their tummies and pretend to be eating them. He never actually bit one of them, but he very well could have.

That's all understandable...but an adult male's human bite mark on the inner thigh of a girl that age? I ask you. Normally even in 'rough-housing' or 'dog-piling' that is a bit unusual area/dynamic. *IMO*

I'm not saying your wrong, but you could be. Your child wouldn't be the first to blow a situation out of proportion, look at all the attention she is getting. If she is backing down now it very well could be that she was not prepared for it to go this far. Has she been to counseling? If not, I would get her some ASAP, hopefully a therapist can get to the bottom of this for you. I would try to get her in before she has to sit face to face with mommy and the boyfriend.

What is alarming to me, is that REGARDLESS of a TRO~ the Mother continued on failing to protect. Even if she wasn't sure if it were abusive/neglectful- there is NO investigation, separation, protection, etc. The mother's actions are so contrary to her child's welfare, the entire scenario begs to question if the little girl isn't just terrified either way. Telling too much & dealing with the aftermath, or telling the truth & not being believed.

I can't put into a simple reply the reasons the case literally screams at me. I truly believe this child may be at risk.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? CA

I was in court last Friday and the judge issued a stay away order for my daughter's mom's boyfriend. He has been physically abusing her (biting, slapping). I did not get a copy of the order so I don't know the specifics, my attorney got a copy but his office does not open until Tuesday. What do these orders usually state? Because I just found out that my daughter's mom took my daughter to the boyfriends house the day after the order was issued and had my daughter wait outside this guys residence, twice in one day.

Just got out of the mediator's office. Daughter was interviewed. Mediator says that the bite and everything else was just playing around and she did not see abuse. I told her that the boyfriend is being prosecuted for cruelty to a child. She then mentioned that she might tell the criminal court that she did not see abuse. She also stated that she wanted to have a meeting with mom, the boyfriend and my daughter to see if they could work things out and "just get along." I told her I do not give any sort of permission for that and she said she might just do it anyway. She also said that the meeting would not violate the "no contact" issued by the family court. She also tried to get me to back off the criminal charges. She said that it would put my daughter through too much. She also said that the case probably wouldn't go to trial, that it would probably be settled in a YEAR. She said she wanted me to have an open mind about it (YEAH RIGHT). I thought 3rd parties were not included unless it was an investigation. I do not know what to think right now. I'm going to file a complaint with her office and see if I can get a different mediator.What is the name of your state?

Bray~ Time to go up the next rung. Contact the Office of the Ombudsmen. The only psuedo-authority that CPS answers to. Get some heat on this.

Instead of fighting w/ the Mediator (which may only entrench them & cost time/money)....I offer a different suggestion. Plea your explanation. In Court. Professionals are saying X, Y, Z...so why would the Mediator have such a blatant difference of opinion?
Them Slam them with collateral contacts. Affidavits/ Declarations from any/everyone. Teachers, Doctors, Friends, Neighbors, Family, etc.

Tired, long week, lots of computer issues....but I'll return with more as I think of it. Feel free to PM.

 

[casa]

Also~ The Stay Away order is good until the Judge/Court issues ANOTHER (different) order. Period.

 

[bray6]

I'm not sure what is going on. My daughter may have told a different story but I think she is afraid. I told the mediator that regardless of what stories are being told, he left bruises on her from a bite. That is no accident and that is why charges are being filed. This mediator is unprofessional. She's has told me to interview the boyfriend's ex girlfriend, she is telling me that she is going to interview the boyfriend and my daughter together (even with a no contact order & pending criminal charges), she is accusing me of emotional abuse because I talk to my daughter about the situation, she told me that the judge is not going to be happy with me and she is describing the boyfriend as just being playful. I am only reporting what my daughter has told me and I had the physical proof of what he has done. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. I do believe that mom has spoken to our daughter about everything and got her to change her story. At this point, it looks like my daughter will have to suffer another injury in order to get people to listen.

 

[BL]

I'm not sure what is going on. My daughter may have told a different story but I think she is afraid. I told the mediator that regardless of what stories are being told, he left bruises on her from a bite. That is no accident and that is why charges are being filed. This mediator is unprofessional. She's has told me to interview the boyfriend's ex girlfriend, she is telling me that she is going to interview the boyfriend and my daughter together (even with a no contact order & pending criminal charges), she is accusing me of emotional abuse because I talk to my daughter about the situation, she told me that the judge is not going to be happy with me and she is describing the boyfriend as just being playful. I am only reporting what my daughter has told me and I had the physical proof of what he has done. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. I do believe that mom has spoken to our daughter about everything and got her to change her story. At this point, it looks like my daughter will have to suffer another injury in order to get people to listen.

How in the he double L does a mediator come up with all this non sense ?

Go the next step beyond the mediator as was mentioned .

I've had runarounds with so called professionals , and believe me there are some less that professionals out there . Stick your ground and protect your child .

Some of these professionals think they know better than a Parent in 5 minutes time , than the parent does the child's entire life .

It was once put to me this way .

Who would know your child better that the parent that raised him/her/them ?

 

[waitinMd]

Bray~ Time to go up the next rung. Contact the Office of the Ombudsmen. The only psuedo-authority that CPS answers to. Get some heat on this.

Great advice...

CPS aren't the only ones who don't like the Ombudsmen..... I 'mentioned' it once and got results. Never even had to contact him!

 

[LdiJ]

Bray~ Time to go up the next rung. Contact the Office of the Ombudsmen. The only psuedo-authority that CPS answers to. Get some heat on this.

Instead of fighting w/ the Mediator (which may only entrench them & cost time/money)....I offer a different suggestion. Plea your explanation. In Court. Professionals are saying X, Y, Z...so why would the Mediator have such a blatant difference of opinion?
Them Slam them with collateral contacts. Affidavits/ Declarations from any/everyone. Teachers, Doctors, Friends, Neighbors, Family, etc.

Tired, long week, lots of computer issues....but I'll return with more as I think of it. Feel free to PM.

While I agree with this 100%, and I know that mediators have a lot of "clout" in court in CA, does a family law mediator really have the kind of authority in CA that this mediator seems to be taking?

Does a CA family law mediator actualy have the authority to intervene in a criminal case?

This kind of blows my mind. I would think that any reasonable family law mediator would not be willing to take any kind of strong position until a criminal case had been decided.