Staying within legal rights.

[Caliemazuke1]

I am in the state of California. I have sole legal and physical custody of both of my daughters and have set up visitations for them to have overnight visits with her father every other weekend plus visits every Sunday. I was told that if I wanted to take vacation or have the girls during his visitation time I would need to give him two weeks notice. I messaged him yesterday telling him that I was going to keep the girls Sunday May 8th which is Mother's Day, which he didn't didn't agree with. That is giving him a month notice in advance. Am I within my legal rights to do this?

 

[Silverplum]

I am in the state of California. I have sole legal and physical custody of both of my daughters and have set up visitations for them to have overnight visits with her father every other weekend plus visits every Sunday. I was told that if I wanted to take vacation or have the girls during his visitation time I would need to give him two weeks notice. I messaged him yesterday telling him that I was going to keep the girls Sunday May 8th which is Mother's Day, which he didn't didn't agree with. That is giving him a month notice in advance. Am I within my legal rights to do this?

Depends. Do you have a court order for parenting time?

 

[Caliemazuke1]

I normally don't answer a question with a question but in order to answer your question better, is there a difference between parenting time and visitation?

 

[Caliemazuke1]

The parenting time/ visitation is listed in the court documents. When I asked the lady that typed the document out at the courthouse about me wanting to take the girls on vacation and if it fell on his time what I needed to do, she said that I have sole custody and would only need to give him two weeks notice. I just want to make sure what she said is true.

 

[Zigner]

The parenting time/ visitation is listed in the court documents. When I asked the lady that typed the document out at the courthouse about me wanting to take the girls on vacation and if it fell on his time what I needed to do, she said that I have sole custody and would only need to give him two weeks notice. I just want to make sure what she said is true.

Please type out the section of your court order that deals with visitation, word-for-word (redacting identifying information, of course.)

ETA: Yes, in this case, parenting time and visitation mean the same thing.

ETA #2: If your order doesn't specifically give you the right to preempt his scheduled visitation upon giving notice, then no, you can't do it.

 

[Caliemazuke1]

It says alternating weekends Saturday 9am to Sunday 6pm and every Sunday 9am to 6pm. It doesn't say anything else.

 

[Zigner]

It says alternating weekends Saturday 9am to Sunday 6pm and every Sunday 9am to 6pm. It doesn't say anything else.

Then you can't preempt his time simply by sending notice. You may wish to go back to court to have the visitation order modified - you will need to attend mediation, during which you can (hopefully) come up with a plan that is agreeable to both of you.

 

[Caliemazuke1]

Thank you for your time.

 

[not2cleverRed]

It says alternating weekends Saturday 9am to Sunday 6pm and every Sunday 9am to 6pm. It doesn't say anything else.

Seriously?

Yes, if you are not happy about being alone on Mother's Day, then you must get the court order modified.

Look up some standard visitation schedules. It's pretty common for Mom to get Mother's Day, Dad to get Father's Day. It's pretty common to alternate holidays that are important to both parents too. Or at least mention them.

 

[Silverplum]

I normally don't answer a question with a question but in order to answer your question better, is there a difference between parenting time and visitation?

No. 'Visitation' is a word that actually creates problems, and I don't care for it. The modern, far better word/s are 'parenting time' for both parents.

Thanks for asking a clarifying question.

 

[Silverplum]

Oh, and "the lady at the courthouse" (and there's one in every county of the USA) is not allowed to give advice. Yours was incorrect, as they usually are.

(I added a new post because I couldn't edit the first: I thought that was "fixed.")

 

[Zigner]

Oh, and "the lady at the courthouse" (and there's one in every county of the USA) is not allowed to give advice. Yours was incorrect, as they usually are.

While I agree with the not giving advice part, I think it's far more likely that the OP either asked the question differently, or didn't understand the answer she was given (or a combination of the two)

 

[Caliemazuke1]

Well it looks as though I will need to hire a lawyer for any modifications in the future to avoid any further misunderstandings due to my lack of knowledge of the court system. I was misinformed and did not make a holiday schedule because the other party did not show up to mediation or before the judge. When I asked about the holiday/vacation schedule that is when I was told I had full custody and could just give the other party two weeks notice if it was going to conflict with the schedule. Lesson learned. I knew it sounded to good to be true. Thanks again for the advice. I guess I will bite the bullet on this one and try and switch the days if he is willing, if not, we can celebrate a different day.

 

[Silverplum]

Well it looks as though I will need to hire a lawyer for any modifications in the future to avoid any further misunderstandings due to my lack of knowledge of the court system. I was misinformed and did not make a holiday schedule because the other party did not show up to mediation or before the judge. When I asked about the holiday/vacation schedule that is when I was told I had full custody and could just give the other party two weeks notice if it was going to conflict with the schedule. Lesson learned. I knew it sounded to good to be true. Thanks again for the advice. I guess I will bite the bullet on this one and try and switch the days if he is willing, if not, we can celebrate a different day.

Co-parenting is frequently about celebrating on a different day. My stepsons are in their 30s now, and we're all still sharing and splitting holidays!

Toss in your grown-child's in-laws and some grandchildren, and bring pie to Easter luncheon, which might happen twice in one day or two weekends in a row.

Your good attitude will serve you well.

Yes, do clarify your order.

 

[stealth2]

Co-parenting is frequently about celebrating on a different day. My stepsons are in their 30s now, and we're all still sharing and splitting holidays!

Toss in your grown-child's in-laws and some grandchildren, and bring pie to Easter luncheon, which might happen twice in one day or two weekends in a row.

Your good attitude will serve you well.

Yes, do clarify your order.

And being the primary parent often means bending over backwards to support the relationship between kid/s and the other parent.

And sometimes, even having the holidays specified means little. Anecdotally: We had the standard Mothers/Fathers Day allocation. Since MD was smack between my parents' 75th/76th bdays (day before/after) and "assuming" it was my day, I planned a family gathering. Yes, well..... that w/e was otherwise Dad's standard w/e, so I emailed and offered the w/e before or after (not something I was actually required to do). The response was No. His g/f's cousin's child was having her first Communion, so he would be having the children and I could pick them up at 6pm on MD (300 miles away - putting me on the road all day). When I balked, he took it to court. And the judge told me that we could celebrate the next weekend, but Dad had to transport both ways. I wasn't happy, but..... that's life.

So yes, your attitude will serve you - and the little/s - well.